When I was young, all my vows were so precious. This is how youth is usually lost: little by little, forgetting every word that has been imprinted on life, usually looking back with a little gratitude, and then looking up at the road facing us now. At the age of eighteen, it was also the year of the end of the college entrance examination, Yao Luoxuan was still a hopeful little girl, she was held by the person she loved for the first time, shyly followed him back to his home, ate together, listened to the boy play the guitar and sang to her, and stuffed CDs together to listen to music far away in Europe, and then nestled on the sofa and watched TV together, and then she gradually became sleepy, she snuggled on the boy's shoulder and fell asleep. Besides, before dawn came, the sky was colorless, and after a nap, I saw the boy say the old words to himself, and watched the boy slowly take off his clothes in the midst of a beautiful outlook.

Be sure to keep your emotions in check. Yao Luoxuan thought at this moment. The past is a thing of the past, and there is no way to start over. Even if I go back to the past, I don't have any regrets about everything I have done for that boy. If the boy hadn't taken off his clothes and carried himself back to his room, the world would have turned around and he would have grown older. Without deeply buried memories, it is impossible to build a foundation and build the towering edifice of life that you are now building.

Is this edifice indestructible? You can't have such a strange idea.

Yao Luoxuan returned to the bed. She knew that some inexplicable things had been going on around her lately. has touched some of her bottom lines, but she is still developing to the extent that she can contain, at least, her home has always been. No matter how fortunate the day is, no matter how inexplicable it is to suddenly provoke all kinds of strange things, in my true consciousness, nothing I am in now can shake the position of 'home'.

Yao Luoxuan looked at her sleeping husband, kissed his forehead gently, held her hand, and slowly pulled the corner of the quilt, covering her husband's body that was leaking outside. After half an hour, still not sleepy, she got out of bed again, went to the room of the children next door, checked their quilts, and carefully covered them.

I really didn't feel sleepy, but my body was very tired. Yao Luoxuan went to the kitchen, got himself a cup of instant instant white coffee, and filled three waffles in a small plate. I went to the living room, grabbed a book from the ledge, and placed it on the living room table. He took out a cigarette from his satchel, used a disposable cup with a little water as an ashtray, and took out a blanket. When everything was ready, she curled up on the couch, covered herself with a blanket, lit a cigarette, opened the book, took a shallow bite on the waffle, and then concentrated on the words. When the words came into view, she realized that something seemed to be missing. With a roll of his eyes, he took out his mobile phone, clicked on the music app, glanced at his playlist, and then whispered "Valder Fields" by Tamas Wells.

The song goes like this: "She lay down in Wald's field, and fell asleep peacefully in her fine tailor-made gown, and the man crying on the steps outside the door said that he had really loved life, and that we agreed that we should take away the key to its door, and that since he had slept in Wald's picturesque mountains for two days, let him continue to sleep." ”

This is an album that was first released in 2006, the singer sings very gently, when I first met, Yao Luoxuan went to the traffic police team, ran every night to listen to the song, and I only knew this song by chance. It's very gentle, and it's very nostalgic. Now the feeling of hearing this song has become very warm.

Raising his head, Yao Luoxuan looked left and right. Now, I am thirty-four years old, married, with a son and a daughter, and I have my own couch curled up in my home, listening to music, reading books, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, in the early hours of the morning. For now, home is the happiest.

That's all.

Early the next morning, Yao Luoxuan returned to the intersection to be on duty, and Liu Ting assisted her in issuing the ticket. Exactly forty minutes later, there were 30 electric car violations. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, it is still a normal punishment and education. After the peak ended, she drove Liu Ting back to the unit.

Everything was as usual, all the police officers of the unit had a meeting at about ten o'clock, and after a report, those who had something to do stayed and returned to their offices if they had nothing to do.

Through the computer in his office, Yao Luoxuan entered Liu Ting's information, and then said to him, you will use my computer in the future, and the amount of punishment you have received and the tasks you have completed every day must be recorded in the computer.

Liu Ting nodded, she opened her mouth when she saw a large amount of data, and she was extremely surprised.

"We have so much work!" Liu Ting said, "I thought the traffic police were so simple. ”

"What is superficial does not mean who we really are. Yao Luoxuan said.

"I thought that was the end of standing on the road. Liu Ting said.

"After all, we're still police. ”

"Hey, maybe it's more fortunate than my original criminal police team. ”

"Every place has a place of happiness and suffering, you see that our team handles illegal things, and there are hundreds of people every day. ”

"The main reason is that there are too many motorized vehicles and non-motorized vehicles now. ”

"When we were kids, we didn't have that car. Yao Luoxuan said.

Liu Ting nodded and agreed: "It's not us before, the streets are so refreshing." ”

That night, Yao Luoxuan woke up from his sleep again. There was no such illusion in the living room, but she still curled up on the sofa, grabbed a random reader's magazine and read it. The phone's music played other versions of "500 Miles," originally written by Bob Dylan and covered by many singers. But her favourite version is the one by Justin Tinmberlacke with Carey Mulligan plus Stark Sands. These are all classic English old songs. Yao Luoxuan didn't like pop songs since he was young, too much love was sandwiched between them, and he forgot the essence. is also because of this feeling, which made her incompatible with other girls when she was a student, everyone is chasing stars, only she is looking for her favorite discs in large and small record stores. When I met my first boyfriend, it was because of a foreign song Dolly Rocrer Movement "The Ecstacy Once Told". During the school's spring outing, I passed by a shop and played this song, and no one else could name it except for the two of them. Later, the two bought the record in this store, and throughout the spring outing, the two shared a portable CD player and listened to the song together.

Thinking of her first boyfriend again, Yao Luoxuan couldn't help but raise her head and look around. Reality is reality, and you can't go back to the original image. Perhaps, last night's hallucinations were just a moment of astonishment.

"Why don't you run again today? Before going to bed, Han Chen asked Yao Luoxuan like this.

"Probably too tired. ”

"That's not a good habit. ”

"It has to be changed, doesn't it?"

"I used to tell you to change. You won't say yes. ”

"Got it, I'm sorry. ”

Han Chen stopped talking, hugged Yao Luoxuan, half-lay on the bed together, and brushed the Mipad for a while. After being a little dazed, I fell asleep.

I couldn't get up in the middle of the night to read a book, but my body was still in a state of fatigue. Yao Luoxuan saw that the time had reached 2:12 in the morning, but there was no drowsiness at all.

At this point, the song switches to HIM's "Gone With The Sin". This is the 2005 work of the HIM Orchestra, and it is also one of the few European rock albums that Yao Luoxuan can buy in a record store when he was a teenager. However, the sound of this music made Yao Luoxuan even more unable to sleep.

The software that plays music is NetEase Cloud, and after the favorite songs are added, the playback mode is adjusted to the heartbeat mode, and you can play the same type of songs according to the songs you like. That's why a variety of different songs are switching. It's just that Yao Luoxuan feels why bother to let himself hear this song again.

"I love your white skin, I love your icy cold touch, and I love every tear you leave behind, and the way you go to death. "This is the translation of the prelude to this song. When at the school New Year's Eve party, the boy who listened to the song with him grabbed the microphone, played the guitar, and slowly sang this tune, the young Yao Luoxuan couldn't get rid of his tears at all. When the song fell, Yao Luoxuan rushed to the stage and kissed the boy on the lips. This impulsive behavior also shocked everyone in the school. After the school communicated with the parents, Yao Luoxuan separated from the boy's class. The two had no choice but to meet each other in secret. It's a good disguise, at least for the last part of their studies, the school and the parents on both sides thought that the two children were fine.

"Will we be together forever?" the boy asked Yao Luoxuan.

"As long as you want, I will. Yao Luoxuan replied like this.

At 4 a.m., the two of them held hands and walked through the sleeping city. Heading towards the school. At that time, the high school students all worked hard to get to school at five o'clock for the sake of their grades. It is precisely in this way that in the era when there were not so many vehicles, Yao Luoxuan and this boy walked to the class by themselves. The more than half an hour in between, these times of the day, are also the happiest times for these two people.

The short road, in the light of dawn, was gradually completed. The man and woman who are in love for the first time are holding hands like this, even if both of their hands are frozen, but at this moment, they will never be separated.

"I don't want to go to university anymore. Suddenly, one day the boy said like this, and it was fifty days before the college entrance examination.

Yao Luoxuan paused for a moment, and hurriedly said, "Didn't we say that we would go to the same university together." ”

"yes, but I still want to be a singer, you know, I play the guitar well and I have a great voice. The boy explained.

"You don't want to be with me again?" Yao Luoxuan was obviously sad when he heard such an excuse at that time.

"Or you learn to practice bass or keyboards or drums or whatever, and we'll form a band. The boy said with a serious face.

Yao Luoxuan nodded silently. She didn't say yes, just perfunctory. Yao Luoxuan has the future she wants, although her first love was so sweet, but everything around her is something she can't give up. Yao Luoxuan was silent, and couldn't help but let go of the boy's hand.

"When I write my own song, I'll be the first to sing it to you, and I'll also write the accompaniment part for you to play in. The boy was still silent in his own world.

"That's good. Yao Luoxuan's sentence was obviously flat.

"Singing my own songs and traveling the world, this is the life I want. The man said, "You should understand." ”

Yao Luoxuan nodded again, she understood, but all she needed now was the company of two people, as for what the future would be. After the frame, nothing changed, but it was not her original intention. Although Yao Luoxuan is full of hope for the future, what the boy describes is definitely not what he wants.

At that time, what did he want? At this moment, Yao Luoxuan rubbed his temples. The youth that I thought of by chance, with a lot of regrets, climbed into my heart, but I couldn't shake her now. You don't need to find a reason, everything you need in your time. Maybe I've forgotten it for a long time.

The sound of the bedroom door closing came, and with small steps, Han Chen walked into the living room in his nightgown, and he sat next to Yao Luoxuan.

"Why can't you sleep?" Han Chen asked Yao Luoxuan gently.

Yao Luoxuan shook his head, straightened his body, and continued to curl up, just leaning on Han Chen. She said: "Maybe I haven't exercised for the past two days, and my physical strength has not been exhausted, so I can't sleep." ”

"Why change yourself all of a sudden?"

Yao Luoxuan was silent for a while, and said, "I found that my habit may not be at home, how good it is to spend the time spent on exercise in front of you and your children." I know it's hard for you to push them to study every day. ”

"It's your own child, it doesn't matter. And you're my wife, it doesn't matter if I work hard. Han Chen was so stable. He picked up a cigarette from the coffee table and lit one for himself.

"Aren't you a smoker?" asked Yao Luoxuan.

"But you're smoking. Han Chen said, adding: "Sometimes you really need cigarettes to run errands. Over the years, I've discovered that sometimes things don't work well, and it's because of cigarettes. Every time you meet someone, sending a circle of cigarettes is much more useful than running for a day. I have to learn. But we can't do this in front of our children, and we don't have a good impression of them. ”

"yes, I knew I didn't learn to smoke some time ago. Yao Luoxuan said unintentionally.

"Huh?" Han Chen asked, "Haven't you smoked all the time?"

"I smoke all the time?" Yao Luoxuan asked.

"Except for the time when I was pregnant with a child, I haven't touched it, and I've been smoking it all the time. Han Chen's tone was very normal, and there was nothing unusual about it.

Have I always smoked? Yao Luoxuan thought about it, since he was discharged from the army, he had not touched a cigarette, and it was a few days ago that he picked it up again. It seems that it was only after meeting the boy named Nian Hao. Could it be that this period of memory has been changed? If Han Chen was so sure that he had been smoking, it was bound that what he was thinking was not correct.

Immediately, Yao Luoxuan shook his head and said mischievously: "Pull it casually." ”

Han Chen snuffed out the cigarette after two puffs, then squinted his eyes and shook his head, he said Yao Luoxuan hugged him and said, "I really don't know, how can you get the smoke into your lungs." It's so uncomfortable. ”

"It may be the nicotine reason, coupled with the rhythm of the abuse in my lungs. ”

Han Chen nodded, in response to Yao Luoxuan's explanation, the hand he held in his hand was slightly lifted upward, hung on Yao Luoxuan's shoulder, reached into Yao Luoxuan's clothes, and rubbed it. Yao Luoxuan just leaned on and enjoyed her husband's touch. Han Chen immediately lifted the blanket covering Yao Luoxuan's body and ripped off her blouse.

Yao Luoxuan hurriedly stopped: "Don't be here, the child is watching." ”

"What's the matter? You used to wake up in the middle of the night and you liked to be here with me. ”

Yao Luoxuan was puzzled, but still pulled out her husband's hand, put on her clothes, and said, "Really?"

Han Chen nodded.

"Let's go back to the house if you need it. ”

Han Chen said, "Maybe you're really tired, go back to the house and sleep." ”

The two cleaned up the coffee table and went back to the bedroom. But lying on the bed, Han Chen didn't make a move, he fell asleep on the pillow. Yao Luoxuan listened to Han Chen's slight snoring, but he didn't feel sleepy. Somehow in my mind, I went back to when I was young.

At the end of the third year of high school, waiting for the report card for a few days, the boy took Yao Luoxuan back to his home. The two listened to a lot of songs, watched boring TV series for a while, and then half-pushed and half-off, and the two slept in the same bed. Yao Luoxuan couldn't remember what it was like, but in the middle of the night, she also looked at the boy's sleeping back, and because of the first pain, Yao Luoxuan couldn't sleep peacefully for a long time, she raised her hand and scratched the boy's back with her nails. The original unordered strokes ended up being four English characters of Girs, and they were repeatedly scratched on the back.

"What's wrong?" Han Chen suddenly asked.

At this time, Yao Luoxuan was stunned, opened his eyes, and found that his fingers were also scratching Han Chen's back.

"What words are written on my back?" Han Chen asked without turning around, still facing away from Yao Luoxuan.

“Girs。 Yao Luoxuan replied. “G-I-R-S。 ”

Han Chen thought for a moment, and he said, "Is it the guy you used to give me who sings with a black voice?"

"Hmm. ”

"How do you put that name on my back?"

"You may suddenly want to listen to his songs. Yao Luoxuan hurriedly explained: "I still can't sleep." ”

Han Chen turned over, faced Yao Luoxuan, raised his hand, and stroked her hair on her forehead. "I don't listen to his songs much. ”

"Hmm. Yao Luoxuan agreed, but the topic changed: "This is one of my favorite songs when I was a student." ”

"You've been listening to rock and roll since you were a student, but that's something different. The one I listened to the most was Jay Chou. ”

"It's not unusual, I just feel like they're singing sincerely. ”

"Maybe, but I suddenly remembered my student days. ”

"I am on duty at the intersection next to the school every day, and I can't help but miss it when I watch the students go to and from class every day. Yao Luoxuan replied.

"It's really nostalgic for me, and the current students are even more youthful and energetic. And it's more open, not like in our time. ”

"Times are different. ”

"The times have advanced, but people's hearts are no longer ancient. Han Chen sighed.

"How?"

"So many children on the Internet are in early love, even if they are in high school, and now they are in early love in the sixth grade of primary school. Hey, this society is out of order. You're in high school, and you're sure to see a lot of kids in pairs. ”

"I don't care about that, as long as the intersection is not congested and the traffic is fine. Yao Luoxuan said.

"Looks like you've been in love in your third year of high school. Han Chen suddenly asked.

Yao Luoxuan's heart was shocked, she remembered the things of her student days. It's just that why is her husband so sudden now? Yao Luoxuan kept his composure and said, "Didn't I tell you all about it earlier?"

When he fell in love with Han Chen, Yao Luoxuan had already told Han Chen that he had a boyfriend in his junior year of high school, and like all youth novels, after the end of his junior year of high school, the relationship was separated. Of course, since he was married, Yao Luoxuan told everything, including the first time he handed over to the boy. Han Chen said that it doesn't matter, everyone will get lost in love, and eventually find a home, some things should not be minded, not to mention, Han Chen has also had several girlfriends before, and all of them have had relationships. Especially the last one, who lived with Han Chen for three years, finally broke up.

"Did you regret breaking up with that boy in the first place?" Han Chen said again.

Hearing this, Yao Luoxuan frowned and pushed Han Chen: "What's the matter? Are you sick, why are you mentioning this." ”

Han Chen smirked, said nothing, turned over, yawned, and said that he was going to sleep. When Yao Luoxuan saw Han Chen like this, the memories that had just sprung up in his heart instantly hit him at a loss. She hugged Han Chen, and her hands groped over him, down little by little. Han Chen said don't make trouble, he was tired and went to sleep.

Seeing Han Chen's appearance, Yao Luoxuan pouted and turned over. The two were back to back.

At the beginning, Yao Luoxuan got his wish and was admitted to the school he wanted. The boy failed because he handed in a blank slate. Decades of hard work have come to naught. Yao Luoxuan asked him why he was like this, he said that he knew his strength, and the two couldn't go to the same university at all, so he didn't study anymore, but he was just going to go to Yao Luoxuan's university to sing and live, maybe after Yao Luoxuan graduated from university, he signed a record and made a lot of money. After listening to the boy's explanation, Yao Luoxuan was of course moved. It's just that it backfired, Yao Luoxuan was arranged by his parents to be conscripted into the army, and he was successfully selected. Yao Luoxuan, who got the enlistment notice, showed it to the boy as soon as possible. The boy crouched on the corner and cried for a long, long time. The boy asked Yao Luoxuan if he could not go. Yao Luoxuan shook his head, no matter how impulsive his youth was, he still had to fight for everything around him. Yao Luoxuan is not an idealist, but she is by no means an indifferent person, she comforts the boy. It's just that this result is still the final separation.

When Yao Luoxuan returned to university to continue her studies after enlisting in the army for the first time and retiring from the army, she saw another girl next to the boy, a girl with extremely punk-style makeup. Snuggled up next to the boy. By this time the boy had formed a band, sang in the bar, roared from time to time, and then kissed the girl with his tongue while accompaniment. The girl was the bassist of the band. Yao Luoxuan thought that if he had insisted on her opinion at the beginning, the bass player must be her now.

It's just that there is no part of life to start over, and Yao Luoxuan doesn't like this kind of life. Although she loves these rock 'n' roll music and loves European medieval tunes, she doesn't indulge in them. A girl, from her youth to the present day, until she was thirty-four, has always known that what she needs is a harbor where she can sleep peacefully.

The boy couldn't give it. From that time when he instigated Yao Luoxuan to drop out of school, he was destined to not be able to give it.

For Yao Luoxuan, home is the happiest.