The wound gradually healed, but a new wound came, and it felt like my days never stopped.

Today is my 20th birthday, and I don't want to tell anyone, and it just so happens that today is the weekend, and I told Ya before class ends, today is my birthday, and I cook today. Ya replied, yes? You have to taste it.

I thought it was a good night, but it was the end of my first thoughts and the beginning of my nightmare.

My brother is the kind of person who doesn't go home after dark, and it's rare that he won't return home if he doesn't play until dark on the weekend, and he never thought about what his birthday was, but he just wanted to spend tonight with someone important. But creation makes people, and tonight all my dreams are shattered. The former hand of the son and the partner who grew old with the son became strangers overnight.

At first, everything was normal, Ya and I went to the vegetable market to buy groceries and carefully cooked a table of dishes. I wanted to wait for my brother to come back and eat together, but he didn't come back all night, so I simply left some dishes, and Ya and I ate first. Growing up, my family didn't have much concept of celebrating birthdays. So there is never a birthday party for anyone.

I sometimes forget what my birthday is. In my opinion, birthday parties are not so important. It doesn't matter if it's over or not.

After eating, I saw Ya watching TV on the sofa, I wanted to watch it with her, but she reacted very violently, I hugged her for the first time, she refused me fiercely, thinking that she might still be angry with me last time, so I didn't care, I sat aside and looked at my phone. After staying for a while, I felt a little cold, but I still wanted to hug it

She, she pushed me away again, and this time I held back.

I went downstairs to the shop and bought a pack of cigarettes, but I felt uncomfortable and very uncomfortable. The cigarette was in her pocket, and I knew she didn't like cigarettes, and she didn't like me to smoke. I was angry before I thought of buying a pack of cigarettes to calm down my mind, maybe it was this pack of cigarettes that caused the trouble.

Once again, she sat on the couch and looked at Ya motionlessly, but Ya looked at her phone, do I still know this girl in front of me? How is it not like the girl I met at the beginning? What made her become like this? It's just that I'm not used to being without me. Maybe you haven't found a reason to break up with me yet. The woman in front of her was strange and familiar.

Ever since I had her that night, she had nothing but hatred for me. It's no longer the big watery eyes at the beginning, and she is disgusted by everything she does. It's all consensual, why it's all up to me. I don't understand, and I don't understand. She never said what she thought in her heart, she never told me, she would only choose to be silent.

Finally I couldn't help but hug Ya, wanton aggression, and I confessed that the act was carried out with hatred. Hate why she changed like this. Suddenly, Yayi pushed me away and threw my phone on the ground, "Look at your phone! Instantly I was angry, "What do you mean? What do you have to do with me? Yah sat there motionless, not uttering a word.

"Do you know? I have done many stupid things for you, I am afraid that you and I have a distance, I fell from the fast class to the slow class, just because I am close to you, I hope we are on the same stage, for you I should have chosen science, but you chose liberal arts, I don't want to have communication barriers with you in the future, so I chose liberal arts. Do you know all of this?" I grabbed Ya's shoulders tightly with both hands, and tears flowed down my face. She was indifferent.

"What the hell have you become? You tell me, please tell me, is your heart made of stone? Can't you feel it at all? When I was hurt, my biggest fear was that I would never see you again, but what about you? I didn't even look at me, I wish you could come and see me, even a greeting, a concern can make me happy for days, why are you so hard-hearted, why? Why?" Not a word from beginning to end. It's up to me to decide everything, to be together or not to be together, and it feels like it's all my own thoughts. I cried that night, and I actually cried for a girl, not tears but crying. Release all the grievances and pains of the past year.

On the cigarette light, cigarettes filled the room, and Yayi sat motionless, like a soulless wooden man, indifferent to what I said.

The cigarettes were smoked one by one, and time seemed to stop at this moment, no longer turning. Silence is everything, and the living room is surprisingly quiet. Now I'm just beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase "it's not smoking cigarettes, it's loneliness." Deeply experience the pain brought by love. Tears are the most worthless thing, and they can't be replaced.

Why don't you let go of me if you don't love me, why are you still with me on purpose. It's because you have a bad conscience, or because you're pretending all along. These questions can only be self-answered. Finally, those two words came out of my mouth again, "Break up, I'll set you free, you're free" I said calmly and calmly, without anger, this is a cry after despair, and it is a helpless choice. I'm afraid of losing, but I have to lose, and the male and female protagonists of that year didn't end up together. I remember asking Ya at the beginning, if we are like the heroes and heroines in the movie one day. What will you choose, her answer at the time was, I won't be so stupid, I'm not stupid, no matter how I will insist on being with the male protagonist, but today, she no longer insists, but chooses the same ending as in the movie.

Ya got up and left, maybe I should have left her behind, but I didn't, and I just walked behind her in silence, I thought she would say something, but she didn't look back the whole time, and she didn't say a word. Walked downstairs, the moment she crossed the threshold of my house, she stopped for a moment, as if to say something, but still didn't say a word, and left without looking back, after she left, I slammed the door shut, but this pass has become my permanent regret, this pass has since become a stranger and forget each other.

I couldn't sleep that night, and I never slept again.

The next day was the weekend, and the whole day was closed in the room, and I tried to escape from the outside world, afraid of the dark and even of strangers, and my fear multiplied, like a frightened bird that would collapse at any moment. My brother asked me to eat, but I said no, and when I asked why, I didn't say anything. I think he understood what was going on and didn't bother me anymore.

I didn't mean to get up until I had to go back to school in the afternoon, so I washed up briefly, carried my schoolbag, and walked to school like a dead man. On the path to school, the leaves on both sides of the road had fallen and there was no life at all, and from time to time a cold wind blew, and Hessey swished at my thin body, and the branches and fallen leaves seemed to laugh at me for my incompetence, and I couldn't even keep a woman, so I suddenly raised my head, blow, blow, let the wind come more violently. I have nothing right now anyway. It never occurred to me that I would lose Ya, how would I live without her. What the Guardians left me was never considered my own. Thinking that I have nothing, I feel sad and ridiculous, I feel that without her, my world has collapsed, and it is difficult to even breathe, and I think, no! I have to disguise myself, otherwise Xiaocan will laugh at me, and life will still go on. You have to pretend that it doesn't matter, there are still a lot of good girls, why bother to fold here, be strong! I wore very little, but I didn't care, I thought I should be seriously ill, and then I would lie in bed and not care about anything, let alone go to school or university. I'm tired, I'm tired. I really want to call my parents and say Mom and Dad, can I not go to school? Keep your head up and keep walking.

When I came to school to pretend to be strong to study, I ran to the dormitory for self-study the next night, for fear that I would be exposed if I disguised myself for too long, I was actually very sad in my heart, and I buried everything in my heart, for fear that others would find out. I was tough on the surface, like nothing had happened. It's not all one person when you're not together, and you live a repetitive life at three o'clock every day, and the earth doesn't turn the same without anyone. Thinking that I still have a group of good buddies, I feel more relieved. Go back to the dormitory and go straight to bed, sometimes you don't bother to wash your feet.

After the last fight with Xiao Can, Xiao Can is much more honest, no one in the bedroom dares to talk about my business, they all know my temper, if anyone talks about it again, I will definitely him.

At night, I feel that my soul has nowhere to put it, always thinking about Ya, thinking about the past, thinking about the bits and pieces of our past, and the pictures of the past are always playing back and lingering in front of me. That's often the case, the more you want to forget, the more you have to remember. And it is the clearest. I picked up my phone and wanted to send her a message, but in the end I won over myself, why force someone who doesn't love me?

I opened the QQ space again, browsed the information, Ya posted a news, can I forget it? and put a melancholy photo, I know she must be very sad, but she can't go back.

I commented as a stranger: What's so sad that there is no one in this world who turns like the earth. Ya also replied: Yes. Finally, I couldn't suppress the grievances in my heart, and commented again: Is it good for us to see the university? Can I wait? About 20 minutes later, Ya replied to me, "Okay!" We went to college and we were together.

A heavy heart finally let go. Instantly I felt like I was alive again.

But this is the beginning of being sent to hell.

After a week like this, I heard from my classmates that Ban Xiaogou had found a beautiful girlfriend, and I joked with my classmates.

The classmate sitting behind me is a classmate from Ya Elementary School, so I like to talk to her about Ya. She was innocent, and I was afraid that someone would hurt her emotionally. I don't want her to get hurt, maybe Ya's elementary school classmates conveyed it incorrectly.

She said to Ya that I had separated from her and slandered her, so I was saddled with this black cauldron. "Ban Xiaogou has a girlfriend? I jokingly asked, yes! He looks so obscene and has a girlfriend, he is a villain type, there is no way anyone is stupid! Who is his girlfriend? Do I know him? Of course you know, don't be angry, who is it? Your ex-girlfriend Liu Yaya. I laughed dryly, "How is that possible." Suddenly I was speechless.

I couldn't have imagined that this was true, it was actually Ban Xiaogou. I can't believe it's true, and you want to get revenge on me? That's what you promised me to college?

After school downstairs at noon, I saw Ya and Ban Xiaogou, and inadvertently saw the plum blossom mark on Ya's neck. The two of them stood together. For a moment I was stupid, stunned, standing for a long time, I was really humble, and I didn't have the courage to talk to Ya anymore, maybe I saw the plum print on her neck. It dawned on me that Ya had begun to take revenge on me. She hates me, but I hurt her even more. Seeing the two of them together, their fists clenched tightly, gritting their teeth with hatred. Ban Xiaogou deliberately didn't know me, and put his hand on Ya's shoulder.

I really want to punch this dog thing in the face, as the name suggests, and I reacted in an instant, I shouldn't be angry. He smiled in his heart, pretending to be strong and watching his former beloved treat him like this. Then laugh it off. Tell yourself in my heart that I don't care, I don't care. Holding back tears to leave the person he once loved the most. Some people will ask, don't you have a big temper? Why don't you make a move? Shooting is the most humiliating thing, in this case, a person who doesn't love you will be able to bring shame on himself if he makes a move. There is still a possibility of getting her ridicule, it is better to wave your hand and leave in style. It seems even more chic and uninhibited, Lao Tzu doesn't want it, leave it to you. Play with the rest of me, what a good artifact. Lao Tzu is not uncommon.

Sitting in the classroom in the afternoon is like sitting on pins and needles. Life is like a year, why give me hope and paralyze me with lies. I really don't understand how a well-behaved, sensible and simple girl would take revenge on me in this way. Ban Xiaogou, don't let me be provoked, except for the woman, other things will provoke me, I will definitely ask you for a leg and break your dog's leg. To be honest, I really wanted to do Ban Xiaogou at that time, but in the end, reason overcame me.

What can I do if I can't manage my own woman, I can only blame myself for not being capable. A slap doesn't make a sound, Ya doesn't agree to her, can Ban Xiaogou do it? It's really cheap.

After the self-study next night, I still couldn't suppress the anger in my heart, edited the text message, and sent Ya, why are you doing this to me, why are you deceiving me. What you get is enemy ridicule and sarcasm. I distinctly remember the text message saying: You have played with so many women before, why can't I play more, why can I play if you can, I can't play. Why are you waiting, stupid. Who do you think you are? Aren't you very popular? Call someone to beat me! I'm so scared! You're so short, you're a third-degree disability. Crippled.

It was really popular at the time, so I asked your boyfriend to talk to me, bastard. I don't know if the last few items were replied by Ban Xiaogou or Ya.

This time we were completely finished, and there was no illusion of being together again. I don't blame her, maybe I still love her, but she treated me like this, and I was really heartbroken and heartbroken. I finally couldn't resist anymore. All the anger builds up in the chest. It was just a flashpoint, and if someone had me off, I thought I'd kill her.

Put on your pants and get ready to get out of the dormitory. The blind man asked me where I was going. I said I had something to go out for. You don't care.

Come to the back door of the school and easily climb through. I think I'll have to go out on the street and buy a knife and make them two dog men and women. I really can't stand it, I've never had this kind of humiliation, what a shame!

It's cold in Guizhou, and the school is about 10 kilometers away from the city. I walked to Baobao Street and entered several fruit shops, but there were no long knives. I didn't pay attention to the car when I was crossing the road, and I was hit by the car and fell to the ground with a bang. At this time, my mind suddenly cleared up, thinking that I couldn't do this, but Yaya was also a relative of our family, and she still lived under my house. I'm relieved of my hatred, what about my parents? These two families have been enemies for generations. It's stupid to do that. It's not worth it for a woman who has changed her mind. The reason for hate may be that love is at work. Where does hatred come from not love?

The driver got out of the car and asked, "Brother, are you okay?" Do you want to go to the hospital? Go to the hospital! "I limped on my feet, and finally the driver gave me 500 yuan.

I agreed. After getting the money, I didn't go to buy a knife and decided to sell drunk alone.

Alone to the bar, the neon lights flashing, this is the life that should belong to me, fuck love, all fuck me out. Drinking cup by glass, the music was deafening. I drank and vomited, vomited and drank, no matter what kind of wine, red wine, white wine was poured into my stomach, I didn't want to inform anyone, because I didn't want others to see me soft. In a daze, I felt that everything between me and Ya was like a dream, more like a game, standing on the stage and singing Wang Jie's "A Game, a Dream" The song echoed, the crazy night, the night of no return, the neon flashes to release the anger in my heart. Thinking about it, it feels like a momentary thing from acquaintance to love. I think of her for a second and I drink an extra glass of wine. Pouring all your anger on the wine glass, drunk and dreaming of death is what it feels like. Life is just a drunkenness, who would have thought that the effort to pay with heart and lungs would be such a result. If you are not careful, you will fall into the abyss.

In the early hours of the next morning, I was curled up in a corner of the bar, woken up by a wine treasure, and I didn't want to go back, when a hoarse voice asked, "It's been a long time in the evening, 19 o'clock, okay! Ok sir, please register. After registering, I went to the bathroom and vomited, washed my face and went home, turned off my phone, and slept until 18:30 in the afternoon, and came to the bar again in a daze! ”

It wasn't until the early hours of the third day that I finally collapsed and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. And it kept saying, "Why are you doing this?" Why are you doing this?

When I woke up, I wondered if I was still in the bar, and there was an old brother and a brother sitting next to the bed, "Why are you here? Look what has become of you?" "What's so sad about this, can you learn from your brother and be chic. Zhang Jian is a little bit old, this is also a rare experience, I want to open up, "I want to speak, but I can't say it." I can only nod my head, indicating that I am careless and hasty. "I asked you Sister Tao, and your Sister Tao said that she didn't know what happened to the two of you, and Liu Yaya ignored her. Depending on the situation, you're done, don't think so much, there are still a bunch of college waiting for you! Three-legged toads could not be found, and two-legged people were all over the streets. "My brother came on leave. I said in a hoarse throat, "I'm fine!" I'm embarrassed to say that the doctor said that if it is sent later, the person may be gone, and if you want to survive in the future, don't contaminate alcohol, especially liquor and high alcohol.

I feel stupid when I touch my head. The elder brother also received a call to the hospital, and the same is true for the elder brother, the contact phone number registered in the bar is the elder brother's, and the elder brother informed the elder brother so they came.

"I haven't paid for the bar yet, I have 500 yuan here, take it and pay it, come on! How much is it? It's not much, about a week's worth of me. Wow, that's expensive, there's 500 compensation to compensate you. Take it yourself. Don't give it to me, I'm short of money and want to be beautiful. Can I be discharged from the hospital in the afternoon? I should be able to, the doctor said that I will be fine when I wake up, and remember not to touch the liquor in the future. Oh!"

In the afternoon we were discharged from the hospital and went home to rest for two days before going back to class. The old brother at the school has already told the teacher, as for the excuse, I didn't ask much, and the teacher didn't say anything when I went to class.

Strange to say, since the doctor took it out after I hit my head. I can no longer see the things of my "mind" that I used to have. I seriously suspected that the Guardian had put that thing on for me to turn on rather than off, and now that I've taken it out, everything is fine.