It stands to reason that I, an old man who has been writing for more than four years, should not have this mentality.

But I'm really depressed and confused right now.

To be honest, I have certain estimates and expectations for each of my books, but not once did it live up to my expectations.

I'll admit that I'm writing a little bit niche.

But I think I've been writing it for so many years, and now this book can be regarded as a hot spot and a little bit of a doorway.

But in fact, once again hitting the street is testing the waters.

Yes, I've been testing the waters for the umpteenth time.

So I began to want to rub some heat, from the beginning of the "Life Game", then the end of the world + Zerg, and now the gimmick of Xueba + "I'm really not".

Again and again, falling.

From the beginning, it was the kind of fall that was destined to not get up.

I don't understand how the popularity of those 20,000 or 30,000 words with thousands of collections came about.

Obviously, I also have the heat, but it doesn't work.

To be honest, I still believe in my bones that perseverance will be rewarded.

Constantly hypnotize yourself and tell yourself a lie that "if there are more words, someone will read them".

So, I worked hard to code words, writing from morning to night every day, writing more than 10,000 words a day and updating more than 10,000 words.

I anesthetized myself and spent a month like this.

Before, when I was still on the signing list, I swiped more than 400 rewards, just to want that bit of traffic.

Now, full of 200,000 words, come down from above.

I was revealed.

In a day or two, the collection went up and down, and in the end it only grew by four collections.

I was confused, yes, I was confused.

Is this real?

It's really hard for me to believe that at least some of the readers who have commented on me are saying it's pretty good.

At least in my opinion, it's above the level.

But in fact, it's just that unbearable.

The data is clearly there, and I can't argue with myself, it's just so unbearable.

No matter how hard I try, how I try to create a world that looks good in the book.

It's just so unbearable.

To be honest, I'm ashamed.

I feel ashamed of those readers who support me, today a reader has time, found out that I opened a new book, and directly rewarded me with 10,000 yuan.

It made me feel even more ashamed.

Because of the current results of this book, I have almost despaired.

But they still supported me without hesitation.

Really, it makes me feel even more that I am such a person who can't be supported, and what I write is so unliked.

I felt so tired that I gave up everything with 10,000 words a day, and in the end it was like a dream, and it was empty.

In August, I was about to face the reality, and many things made me unable to update it with 10,000 words a day.

I don't have time anymore.

This is life, I chased it, but in the end I had to let go, because I never got a little closer, on the contrary, the front, it got farther and farther away.

I'm sorry, I need to vent myself.

I'm a little selfish, but that's who I am, I don't really have a place to catch my breath.

No place, catch your breath.