This is my story, the story of the first half of my life, and it's ridiculous to say that many times I don't know who the protagonist of the story is.

one's own story, the protagonist of the story should be himself, even if he tells the story of others, he will also have his own feelings and subjective consciousness.

My story has made me lose my self-judgment and can't tell who is who.

The confusion of the past confuses me, and many times, I am confused by inescapable contradictions, making it difficult for me to determine whether I am or she in the story.

Perhaps, it is precisely because I am so similar to her that I can't understand and get rid of the confusion of gain and loss, the interweaving of love and hate, and the choice between good and evil.

The people around me comforted me and said that the most beautiful thing about perfect love is not the consummation of growing old together, but the relationship that I thought I would regret for a lifetime, and finally regained it.

They may remind me that people do whatever it takes to be "perfect", and one day you will be forgiven by others, sooner or later, you don't need to worry, you just need to keep yourself perfect. Now that you've survived, you should cherish what you have now, and even if you're the one who is most tired, don't complain about anything, because you've got.

Others are always outsiders, and the perfection they see is always a perfect story, and there can only be one perfect heroine in a perfect story. They think that I am the heroine of the story, so in the eyes of others, she naturally becomes a supporting role.

The most ridiculous thing is that they can tolerate the death of the supporting character, but they can't tolerate the love of the supporting character from the male protagonist.

They always think so, is it still a perfect story for a supporting actress to get the love of the male protagonist?

I often feel bitter about other people's opinions, but I don't completely disagree.

Most of the people around me are in the company, and they deliver a lot of troubles to me every day. Everyone is afraid of trouble, and the most troublesome thing is that it is not repeated, but trouble is life, and people like me regard it as a livelihood.

I wake up early every day and work diligently every day, for myself and for the sake of others.

I got home late every day, and I was physically and mentally exhausted all day, and I couldn't talk to him for a few words, so I was so focused on getting into bed.

Call him the person next to me, rather than the person next to the pillow, so that I will be much more down-to-earth.

I often struggle with how to balance facing him next to the pillow when I work so hard in the company.

He slept later than me every day, woke up later than me in the morning, and when I woke up that morning, it was earlier than the alarm clock had set and was not in a hurry to get up. I lay on my side and looked at him on the pillow, his eyelashes were so long, and I was jealous as a woman.

I couldn't help but kiss his eyes and caress the sleeping handsome face, but he didn't react in the slightest.

Seeing him sleeping so deeply, I suddenly felt a little guilty in my heart, I should really find a time to spend with him.

After a hurried wash, I went back to my bedroom, where he was still asleep in the same position as I had left.

I glanced at the clock on the wall, it was already seven o'clock, and I didn't know what time he would be able to sleep until noon today, and maybe until noon.

In order to prevent him from doing nothing all day, I have asked him to come to the company to help me countless times, and he always said to me, "I just want to have a soft meal with you." ”

I knew in my heart that he didn't want to come to my dad's company.

I joked to him, "Okay, you take care of the children, I'll raise the family." ”

Sitting at the dresser, I glanced back at him in his sleep and remembered his answer, "Okay, when the children learn to speak, teach them to call you Daddy and me Mommy." ”

Reminiscing about his serious appearance, I couldn't help but laugh at the "self" in the mirror, "You are really wonderful, not afraid of other people's jokes." ”

He said, "I'm not afraid of other people's jokes when I eat soft rice, so it's okay for a child to call a mother." ”

I looked at "myself" in the mirror and said to her, "I am luckier than you, when I go to your world, I will never fight with you again, I will never rob you again, we are still sisters in harmony." ”

"Remember, you once told me that we had a happier childhood than others, a deeper sisterhood than others, and when we lived to gray hair, we sat on a park bench, chatting about each other's family trivialities, worrying about each other's children's marriages, we were harmonious, we were safe, we looked at the envious eyes of passers-by, what could be more content. ”

I applied makeup to my face as I continued to say to her in the mirror, "A naturally beautiful woman wants to be prettier, and the mirror is always indispensable." You know, when you first left me, there was a time when I never looked in the mirror, and I didn't even have a mirror in my house. I walked on the street in a dirty way, not daring to look at the shop windows, not daring to look at the glass doors, not daring to look into the eyes of passers-by, and finally I lost the courage to even look up...... There will never be a single thing in my real world that reflects you. ”

"The windows at home are always curtained, and my world is never outside the window...... I prefer the night because the black makes it impossible for me to see you. ”

"You may not know, my dear sister, that the first half of my life was boring in emptiness and weeping in fantasies...... I have hope, but I lack fighting spirit, I can find 10,000 reasons to die, but I can't find an excuse to live...... But I still can't make that choice. ”

"I am like a rat crossing the street, knowing that I am dirty, knowing that I have no face to see the light of day, but I am still living in this world, secretly living in a corner that I think no one knows. ”

"I thought it was my future days...... Until that day, he completely shattered the spell in my heart, he made me raise my head again, he opened the window of my heart, let me see out of the window, let me be reborn like a phoenix!"

"Yes, you're right, I'll raise him for the rest of my life!"

I finished my light makeup, and finally said to "her" in the mirror, "I admit that I am indeed lucky compared to you, but I have absolutely no luck in my heart, just pure luck...... To tell you the truth, I am also living for you now. ”

......

I suddenly got up early that day, earlier than her, I got up and looked out the window, it was slightly bright, and I wanted to go out for a walk inexplicably.

The cold air filled the morning frost, and the frost was about to condense on the tip of the nose, but it was melted by the exhaled heat.

Sanitation workers in the city sweep the streets, and morning exercisers run past me, heading to familiar roads or on their way home.

I hadn't gotten up so early in a long time, and suddenly I didn't feel like I was one of the people in the city.

Standing on the familiar streets, I found that these places were so unfamiliar. Losing the hustle and bustle of my usual days, the quiet intersection made me feel like a distant tourist, just experiencing the freshness of my first visit.

We have lived in the house nearby for a few years, and I have found the confusion of settling here, and a glimmer of anticipation at that time.

That glimmer of anticipation just wants to live with her, wherever it is, and grow old.

I looked up at the pure sky, and I asked him, "Brother, you are also with her, and you are inseparable even when you die, in that distant world, have you really found the so-called 'happiness'?"

I suddenly hated this place, it made me feel so uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that I couldn't breathe.

Looks like I need to get out of here.

Crowds of people working appeared on the streets, converging from all directions and pouring into the metro station ahead.

Compared to them, I am like an aimless ghost, wandering lazily and soullessly, wandering wherever there is excitement.

They don't seem to see me, and they don't seem to care why someone who gets up earlier than them is willing to be overtaken. In their eyes, there is only the pace of faster people. Each of them is catching up with others, overtaking time, catching up with a train that doesn't know when to enter the station.

When I entered the tunnel, I was also led into a tense rhythm by them.

Men and women, young and old, were sprinting in the same direction in the narrow and crowded tunnels, and no one could step on anyone or stumble over them.

I don't quite understand that they don't know each other, but they are like a well-trained army, so tacitly compatible.

I followed the crowd to the polling gate, put my hands in my trouser pockets, and found that I had lived in this city for many years, but I didn't even have a bus card in this city.

There was no change in my pocket, only a few red tickets, and I didn't bother to change it, so I asked a girl who looked like a college student next to me for help, "Excuse me, can I trouble you with something?"

The girl's eyes looked ahead and she nodded coldly.

I took out a red ticket and handed it to her, "I don't have a bus card and I don't have change, can you help me swipe it?"

She glanced at the red ticket in my hand, glared at me and asked, "Where are you getting off?"

"I ...... I don't know. ”

"You don't know where to get off the train and take the subway?"

I looked at her disdainful back, stunned.

I was pushed to the corner by the crowd who were anxious to swipe the card behind, I really couldn't hold back the unwillingness and impulse in my heart, and shouted at the girl's disappearing back, "Which law says that you can't take the subway if you don't know where to go?

The people in the subway station looked at me as if they were mentally ill, and I was stunned for a second, and then yelled at everyone, "What are you looking at? You are insane! It seems that this place is really not for me, I have to escape from here!"

At the base of the wall sat an old man in ragged clothes, and he said to me, "Don't be angry with them, young man, for you are better than the walking dead." I've been crouching here for years, and I know them too well, and they are nothing more than a bunch of zombies in my eyes. ”

"What do you mean by that?"

Looking at them carefully, the same expression is written on different faces, it seems that everyone knows their own destination, their own path, but they still shuttle the same road day after day, forgetting their own stories bit by bit, and their true selves are fading layer by layer, until nothing can awaken the fire in their hearts. Their numb hearts were filled with desire, and their indifferent eyes indifferent to each other, and finally to themselves...... Before they knew it, they were the walking dead. ”

The old man glanced at the red ticket in my hand, and then said, "You are the opposite, you can never forget the story in your heart, and the fetters generated by the story ...... If you want to get rid of it, but you don't want to get rid of it, it's hard for you to choose. ”

I was a little impressed by the ragged old man, "How did you know that?"

"You want to go a different way, an unprecedented path, but you don't know where to go, so you have to wander here, so I know that you are different from them. "When the old man spoke, his eyes were always fixed on the red ticket in my hand.

I looked at the empty white teapot in the old man's hand and joked, "You can't have woken up so early and no one has opened for you to say this." After saying that, I put the red ticket in my hand.

The old man smiled lightly, "From a certain point of view, we are also the same kind of people, let me send you another sentence, the bond is the center of the circle, it pulls you tightly, no matter where you want to escape, always draw a circle around the center of the circle." ”

I sat next to the old man, "I want to keep my true self, I don't know why it's so difficult, why everyone rejects me, I always feel like I'm wishful thinking? Is it that others can't tolerate me, or I can't tolerate others, what am I doing wrong? If I don't sell myself, what's wrong?"

The old man stroked his white hair and long hair, "Is it because you are idle? Is it because they are working hard? People follow others on the same path, not necessarily their own way, at least they will not be wrong." When someone agrees with someone else and says the same thing, it doesn't have to be in their hearts, at least no one refutes you. If everyone walks the same path as others, then there is only one way to go in this world! You can modify yourself over and over again, you can't do it again and again to echo others, even if your road is bumpy, you will still keep going. ”

I smiled at the old man and said, "You're right, from a certain point of view, we are indeed the same kind of people, sometimes people who desire the perfection of the story, see everything is round, hesitate to step in the circle they draw, never get out, can only be restrained." You are guarding this fallen corner, guarding your fallen self, guarding every fallen person who passes by here, and finally, you are guarding this fallen city. This city is the boundary of your circle, and you are trapped in this city...... And I, I want to get out of it, so you understand the difference between the two of us?"

The old man admired, "Young man, you have a strange hat on your head, as if the top of your head is shrouded in these circles, but your feet are square. ”

......

Time flies, years later.

It was a sunny afternoon, and he was standing with her on the beach of the villa, she snuggled up to his chest, and he put his arm around her shoulder.

They looked out at the light blue sea, the light breeze blowing his white shirt and the hem of her white skirt, and the gentle tide gently caressing the instep of their feet.

He said to her slowly, "That's your father's life's work, are you willing to do it?"

She replied gently, "There are still some feelings. ”

"You've been in business for so many years, and it's just when the tide is rising, but you sold it!"

"Do you remember a word you ever said to me on this beach? ”

"What?"

"When you finish this life with kindness and meet her again in heaven, you are not ashamed to raise your head and say to her, your sister and I, I have made up for the second half of your regretful life...... I'm sure she would have done the same if it were me. ”

"Daddy agrees with your decision?"

"When he handed over the company to me, he said to me: 'I always thought that I had worked hard all my life for your sisters, and your sister left, and she didn't even say hello to me, and she didn't even give a white-haired person a chance to send a black-haired person. I didn't take good care of you sisters, I didn't protect you, she was so broken. Xiaoyu, you must keep in mind that money can be earned when it is gone, and when people are gone, it will be gone forever. Cherish the people around you and don't repeat my mistakes'. ”

She took a deep breath, "You should understand that it is not his company that he entrusted me, but his regrets. ”

Speaking of this, she hugged him tightly, "In the days to come, I will accompany you well, and I will not let you bear the pain of the past alone." You have insomnia, I accompany you insomnia, you like rain, I accompany you to watch the rain, you don't like noise, I accompany you to spend your life here. ”

He kissed her on the forehead, then looked up into the sea and saw two dolphins leaping from the surface.

He turned his head to look at the beach in the distance, and when he saw two children chasing each other on the beach, he smiled, "It's a good vacation here, if you spend your whole life, you won't feel the beauty of this place." ”

"You're right, good things are beautiful because they are scarce. ”

His gaze turned to the junction of the sea and the sky, "The things that are nostalgic are nostalgic because they are lost...... I was standing in this place, and I was looking at the sea, and I hated them in my heart, I hated their fragility, hated them for despising life, hated them for being irresponsible to their relatives in the world...... Now that I think about it, I miss them. ”

"There is so much misery in this world, and when tragic things happen to others, we only care about it in words...... If it happens to us, we become restless and don't know how to deal with it. ”

"It happened to me, and no one can face it alone...... Facing it alone, the only thing you can face is how to give up. ”

"Yes, giving up does not mean giving up pain, it can only be said that you are crushed by pain. Fortunately, you saved me, so that I now have you and a happy family. But what about them, when they are vulnerable, when they need our company, where are we, and who can save them?"

He buried his head, "We always complain that they don't say goodbye to us, and we don't even want to see each other for the last time, isn't it because of our coldness that they feel that this world is cold." ”

She squeezed his hand, "Husband, I know you haven't forgotten the past, don't you still have that hat?" Now that I have sold the company, I will be by your side for the rest of my life and take good care of you and the children." ”

He rubbed her head, "Actually, it's good that the company is sold, I can see you more every day, talk to you more, and it won't be so empty." ”

He thought of something again, "Otherwise, you can use this money to do something that you don't have to get up early and stay up late like in the past, something you can do." ”

She looked up at him, "You don't think you're going to be with me!"

"Tell me, maybe we really thought of it together. ”

"I want to be a rehabilitation institution for immunodeficiency syndrome, there are too many people in this society who have suffered a great amount of torture both physically and mentally like Xiaoxue, they can't bear the strange eyes of others, they give up treatment, and finally give up life. It's not their vulnerability, it's that we're too sensitive and end up alienating them. The hat of closing ourselves off is not something they put on themselves, but something we do for them. ”

He cupped her face, "So, we have to be a positive propaganda agency." ”

She held his hand, "So, you'll do it with me too." ”

He nodded, and the couple hugged each other again.

Behind them, the childish call of the little girl suddenly sounded, "Daddy, Daddy, look at it, look at it!"

The couple turned to look at their daughter, "What's wrong?"

"My brother picked up a hat, and it looks like Dad's hat!"

The husband and wife looked at each other in amazement, unable to say a word for a moment.

She gently pushed the girl away, "Chen Yixue, call your brother quickly!"

Not long after, the little girl came with a boy of the same age as her.

She commanded the boy, "Show your dad the hat you picked up!"

He took the boy's hat and looked at it for a moment, he was stunned.

She couldn't wait to ask, "Husband, is it his hat?"

"It's just that after the vicissitudes of time, there is not much difference between the silhouette and the material. ”

She wondered, "How is that possible?"

"Let me ask you, do you think it's possible that someone else dropped a hat in this sea many years ago, and it was a rare hat that was exactly the same, and how many years later it happened to be picked up by our son?"

She nodded, "You say, the year the four of us met, were we the same age as these two children?"

"Same age, same height, similar appearance. ”

She trembled and said, "How could such a strange thing happen!"

She looked at the sea in the distance, "Could it be...... Could it be that he's back?"

He knelt down on one knee in front of the boy and said solemnly to the boy, "Chen Yishan, since you have discovered it, it belongs to you, and you must take good care of it." ”

The boy took the hat from his hand.

He took the boy's hands in his broad hand and said solemnly, "Listen, everyone has such a hat in their heart, and you have to understand when to put it on and when to put it down." It is a sharp sword in your hand, the blade on the front can clear all demons for you, and the blade on the back can hurt yourself. It can strengthen your heart, and it can pierce your heart, you have to harness it well, and you must not be harnessed by it. ”

The boy nodded emphatically.

The family of four left the beach hand in hand, and the boy with the hat in his hand turned to look back, and he smiled charmingly and brightly towards the light blue sea.

"We are a family after all......"