As mentioned earlier, the influence of parents on children in the family is very huge and far-reaching.

In a harmonious and happy family, children grow up to be positive, sunny, lively, outgoing, and have good communication and expression skills...... Although these phenomena do not encompass all the families in the world, they are sufficient to illustrate some common phenomena in general.

It is often said that home is a haven from the wind and a comfort for the soul. If you are injured and wronged outside, your home is a place for healing and recovery, but what if you encounter "a storm outside your home, and ice and snow in your home"?

So, where is the place to go, and where can we live?

Some people may say that the above arguments are inevitably a bit extreme, at least more than 99% of families are normal, right?

Yes, no matter how big the proportion is, at least we were the remaining one percent at that time, and "home", what a warm and beautiful word, for me, for my sister, it was very disgusting.

As I grew older, I gradually began to learn to read my father's moods from his expressions, tone, words and deeds, and even his eyes, so as to prepare for countermeasures in advance.

Against this backdrop, whenever you step through the door, you can feel an incomparable amount of depression and tension rushing over you, and then your calves begin to tremble slightly. The process of entering step by step is the process of entering the dark cloud gathering area, seeing the dark clouds in the center of the sky constantly squeezing and converging, sometimes I can't help but wonder, why abandon the sunshine and run to the center of the storm?

At the same time, there are one after another quarrelling, violent, and vicious "war pictures" flashing in the brain, and the negative emotions start a single cycle from the process of entering the door to the home, similar to the process of honing the mind and fighting against the inner demons in fantasy novels, and the process is extremely dangerous.

Enter the house.

My parents didn't say a word, and so did I.

I don't take the initiative to find things that I don't feel comfortable doing, and I start writing homework in a depressing atmosphere

Then my father chatted with my mother without saying a word. said that it was a chat, but in fact, the father kept saying that the mother was just "um, ah" in response, because the mother didn't know which words would cause the father's anger and suffer from unwarranted disasters, so this was the only way to chat at home.

"Why is there only one bundle left of the two bundles of green onions I bought a few days ago?" the father seemed to be a little dissatisfied with the way his mother replied that she did not have a word to cope with the errand.

"Yesterday, the child's grandfather came, and when he saw that our onions were very good, I brought him a bundle. "Mother has a bad heart, yesterday patronized to give a big green onion, forgot to divide the rest into two parts to deal with, so only to explain: "The old man finally came to a trip, when we chatted he said that he wanted to buy some green onions, just we have it at home, I took some, save him extra money to buy." ”

"Lao Tzu's family is all let you be poor, today this one will give a little, tomorrow that one will come to the next point, what cats and dogs will come to my house to eat and drink, eat and drink and then take it, you tell Lao Tzu when is the head? I said that you are a loser old lady, why do you eat so much inside and out? I want to give everything to others, just give Lao Tzu to others. The father kept provoking, and the louder he roared higher and higher, and at the end, the roar was amplified to "more than fifty times" the normal volume, and his face was red and his neck was thick.

When my father asked, my mother realized that "there is such a catastrophe", and she didn't care about learning from her father and learning from her father, and raised her decibels confidently and shouted, "I gave birth to me and raised me so big, give him some green onions, I have a clear conscience!" I earn all the money in the family, and I am happy to give it if I want to ......give it."

"It's getting noisy again......"

"Hey......"

Although this situation is repeated every day at home, the protagonists, characters, and images have never changed, and the main contradictions and conflicts in the entire series are the old things of "Chen Sesame and Rotten Grain" in family life, or the trivial things of "firewood, rice, oil and salt", and even the lines are those suns, Animals and other clichés, but for me, it is also very helpless, I can neither solve the root cause of the problem, nor can I escape to other places, I can only silently watch them play out the family war drama day after day, year after year.

At that time, I had a time of extreme inferiority, I didn't dare to meet people, I didn't want to go to class, I refused all communication and exchanges, and I hated everything and people...... I always feel that as long as I die, I can solve all my troubles, which may be a manifestation of what I call depression now, but now in retrospect, I feel that my childhood thoughts were always so naïve, innocent and naïve.

To put it more bluntly, naïve is stupid, simple is stupid, naïve is stupid, and in summary, it is a combination of stupidity, stupidity, and stupidity.

Suicide is the most negative and cowardly solution to the temporary powerlessness of the current encounter.

At this time, the family had already bought a black and white TV set that I don't know how many hands it had, about 32 inches. The TV has a total of one button and three knobs, and it also comes with an antenna that can be forked.

Turn the knob to tune the channel, a total of 9 channels can be changed, the second smaller knob adjusts the volume, the third knob adjusts the clarity, and the only button is the switch. It is said that it can adjust 9 channels, but in fact, the knob can only be paused 9 times a week, and only 4 to 5 TV programs can be received.

Having said that, the number of TV programs received depends entirely on the direction of the antenna and the angle of the bifurcation, so if you want to watch a good TV, you must swing the direction with your hand at all times.

When I was eight or nine years old, a plot of suicide by taking medicine was deduced in the TV series.

There is nowhere to find the iron shoes, and it takes no effort to get them.

It was precisely remembered by me deeply, and I stupidly paid for it.

Just kidding! Who do you look down on? Who doesn't have some medicine at home?

Once, while my family was away, I secretly took a dozen yellow pills whose names I didn't know.

I always thought that if I ate it, I would be unconscious like what I played on TV, and finally die, but all the pain was gone.

As a result, a child is a child after all, and he will not know the consequences of taking medicine indiscriminately, let alone know that the drug will have side effects.

Not all pills will die as soon as you take them!

It didn't take long for my stomach to ache and I was dying, and I was rolling around in pain.

This time, my father and mother rarely agreed and sent me to the largest hospital in Qi County.

After the doctor's diagnosis and various index examinations, it was shown that some indicators were high, and the doctor thought that it might be "eating a bad stomach", and after a series of treatments such as infusion injections, the "condition" gradually improved after three days.

However, for me, one of the biggest surprises was that my parents didn't have a fight in three days!

In the past three days, the parents have not communicated with each other, but they have reached a tacit consensus - no more quarrels. Working together for the sole purpose of curing my "disease" and allowing me to recover as soon as possible.

During this period, the two of them were busy and kept taking care of me, discussing and not complaining. One took care of me in the ward, the other went to fetch water and food, one stared at the infusion bottle and the other hurried to call the doctor when the dressing was changed, and at night, one sat on the edge of the bed with me, and the other lay down to rest......

Scenes of harmony and love come to life.

This feeling is deeply engraved in my heart.

Once upon a time, the warm picture of harmony, beauty and longing buried deep in the heart was suddenly excavated from the deepest part of the memory at this serendipitous moment, how similar it is to the current moment:

It was on the roof of a building a few years ago, my mother was wearing a hospital gown after surgery, on crutches, my father and I were by her side, the family was harmonious, quiet, carefree, no quarrels, no war, no violence, no fear of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing and being beaten and scolded, helping each other, respecting and loving each other, caring for each other, carefree.

That's the life I want!

This is a great discovery!

After I fully recovered, I continued to "draw scoops by the gourd" and began to look for medicine at home.

But the failure of the first suicide incident of taking medicine made me learn a profound lesson - medicine, you can't eat it indiscriminately! Even if you are a suicide, you must read the instructions and expiration date clearly!

I still remember it vividly. Although I don't know what kind of medicine I was taking at that time, the painful process always makes people retain a trace of reverence for life.

Mu Yi felt very sorry for me, and never let me go to the childbirth experience device to feel the pain of women in the process of childbirth, but I want to say that it is very likely to experience it when taking medicine indiscriminately......

After fully absorbing the experience, in order to continue to enjoy the warmth of that moment, a week later, I "selectively" reduced the dosage and took three more of the unknown yellow pills.

Now there must be some good guys who want to ask: You are stupid, why don't you try another medicine, or maybe take a few more pills, maybe it will be more effective.

I will only explain once and will not accept refutations!

On the one hand, the purpose of taking medicine for the second time or even for the umpteenth time is completely different from the first time, the first time is to want to commit suicide, but it is unsuccessful, and the pain is miserable, so I don't want to mention it again! The second time and countless times I want to seek the warmth and harmony of the family, the purpose is different, so it is natural for the behavior to change! On the other hand, I have taken this medicine before, and I know that it will definitely have the effect of stomach pain, and if I take a few fewer pills, it will not hurt too much, and I am mentally prepared! If I change to another one now, who knows if I will finish eating?" Idealized death"? So strangle in the cradle all unknown and prescient harmful behaviors!

Sure enough, the effectiveness of the three pills was much worse, and although there was some faint pain in the stomach, it was obviously a lot less than before. After reporting to the parents, it is inevitable to go through the procedures of the hospital examination.

Naturally, my parents' focus shifted to me during this period.

Actually, what I want is very simple, a family without war, which is really good.