Chapter 55: Conscience

"I have something to do today, so I'll hang up the phone first. ”

The mobile phone screen was already black, but Zhou Linlang, who was caught in Ning Yuan's words, couldn't come back to his senses for a long time.

Ask herself, does she really hate acting, or does she hate the life in her previous life when she was used as a money-making machine and had no freedom all the time.

Zhou Linlang couldn't help but think of the time when she had just entered the circle in her previous life. At that time, she was just a trick, and the first scene was a maid. Dressed in tattered costumes, with his hair combed up haphazardly, the director points to wherever he stands, and one station is a day, which is completely a background. Because it's ugly, it's not even a vase. At that time, what I thought about the most was what kind of dish was the lunch box at noon today, and I had to grab a few boxes to eat it for a while. As for whether acting requires familiarity with the script and whether it needs to be emotionally invested, what it is, she doesn't think about it at all.

I finally got the money from the head, but I was still exploited a quarter. Even so, I don't dare to dislike it, and I have to carefully calculate how to spend it on the next job, who knows when the next job will come. I stayed in the film and television city for a few years, lived in the worst basement, ate the worst meals, and didn't even get enough to eat, except for the clothes of the two people, and didn't buy anything for myself, in order to survive the city.

Sometimes, she will also daydream, thinking about which big director she will be favored by one day, and then suddenly she will become a phoenix. It's a pity that it's just the dream of all the group performances in the film and television city, it's a dream, and there is always a time to wake up. The days of doing group performances in those years were too hard, so that when she knew that she could sign a contract with the company, she would work hard, thinking that it would never be worse than the current situation, and she never thought that people would have new ideas when they were full.

When a person puts herself low enough, she has already lost herself, as she did in her previous life.

There are quite a few young people like her. They are like the products produced by the company, showing their functions to customers according to the company's requirements, and then bringing a lot of revenue to the company. For the goods, the company must maintain it in addition to the packaging, but what the goods are thinking, the manufacturer will not and disdain to care. Someone doesn't want to make a product without a mind, and leaves the company at a loss. She also thought about leaving, but she didn't have the capital. She doesn't know anything, she has no money, and if she strips off the coat of "commodity", she can only starve to death.

In her previous life, of course, she also thought about change, and even wanted to be the gold master, although she was disgusted. Have you ever thought about improving yourself? Zhou Linlang forgot, maybe he thought about it. When she played a role with a name and lines for the first time, when she saw her character on TV for the first time, when she was praised by the director for her aura, when she heard the audience praise her for the first time, and when she had fans who really liked her, her heart was very excited. She also once thought about improving her acting skills, running her own business, and standing on the podium in the future to announce to everyone in the world that she is no worse than anyone else.

It's a pity that she can't decide what kind of drama she can take, which crew she can appear in, and she can't decide whether she wants to sign this contract. Too many bad movies, too many shoddy productions disappointed her, and also disappointed those who praised her. People are herd, and when you are surrounded by colleagues who are unlearned, perfunctory, and only know how to make quick money, no one believes that you just want to "get out of the mud without being stained". What's more, she has always been poor, she has never had the courage to go against the world, and knowing the times has always been her advantage. Gradually, she lost her dreams.

Isn't work just to make money, she is short of money in her life, and the so-called dream is nothing compared to money.

I persuaded myself to give up, but I dreamed back at midnight, and I still felt empty in my heart. Therefore, she will squeeze out the time she can squeeze out to polish her acting skills when she is making money. Although no one will see her efforts, she is still very happy every time she sees her own progress in her work. This may be the little happiness she could have in her last life.

Thinking of the fool in his previous life, Zhou Linlang couldn't help but smile bitterly. The only relaxation after work in my previous life was when I polished my acting skills. I was in a state of confusion all my life, but at that time, my heart was peaceful, homeless, and secure. I've been doing it all over again in this life, and I've always said that I don't want to think hard about it, and I want to be a salted fish for a lifetime, but I think about it carefully, but it's still muddy and I don't know what to do. Whether it is reading or learning music, you are always pushed forward by your parents, and the only difference between being pushed forward by the company in your previous life is that your parents will first ask you if you like it or not, and they hope that you will have a good future without asking for anything in return. In this way, the spiritual life of a lifetime is not as fulfilling as the previous life.

Zhou Linlang understood that Ning Yuan was right, he had been living a chaotic life, and he had not thought about the future at all. And the people around her, Ning Yuan has had a strict plan for herself since she was a child, and she knows what she wants. Wei Yi is trying to learn the violin and wants to be admitted to the university of his choice. Zhang Qianqian also often helps in the family store on weekdays, and is ready to inherit the family store and become her own boss in the future. There are also students in the class, they are all studying hard, and their goal at this stage is to be admitted to their ideal university.

But myself. I used to think about getting by, but now I am working hard because I am only aroused by Ning Yuan's competitiveness, and I don't really know what I want. Compared to my friends, I am really far behind.

So what can you do?

Zhou Linlang threw herself on the bed and closed her eyes with this question. In a daze, Zhou Linlang seemed to see herself in her previous life. At that time, I had just come out of a small mountain village to work, and I just wanted to earn money to support myself. Later, when I grew up, I signed a contract and became a trainee of the company. What were I thinking about at that time? How to stand out among the trainees, how to be favored by the company, and how to become famous. Then, she met the only director who had ever praised her aura. What was she thinking at the time? For the first time, she had the ambition to become an artist that others admired and go down in history. She told her only friend about her dream, and then everyone knew, and she was ridiculed for being incompetent and whimsical.

And then ...... Later, she became an old fritter, with fame, money, endless work and an empty heart. There were countless people around her who scolded her, and no one dared to laugh at her when she said what she said back then. But at that time, she no longer talked about the luxury of dreams, and the most she thought about was to have a vacation all year round. Maybe at some point she would think of her original dream, but this beautiful bubble soon disappeared in the endless work. In fact, if she hadn't died of overwork, she would have been depressed, after all, her mental condition was not very good.

In the haze, before she died in her previous life, she stood in front of Zhou Linlang in this life. She looked at Zhou Linlang and asked with a smile: "Realize our dreams, don't let us leave regrets forever." ”

"Ahh

"What's wrong, Linlang, are you okay?" Wei Yi was awakened by Zhou Linlang's shouts, propped himself up, rubbed his eyes and asked worriedly.

"What's the matter, get nervous, don't let people sleep at night! I was woken up just after falling asleep, everyone has to go to class tomorrow, do you have a sense of public morality!" Xu Hong scolded with a dark face. She just finished reading a chapter of notes and finally fell asleep, she was so sleepy, she was frightened by Zhou Linlang, and she didn't sleep at all in the middle of the night, she was really angry.

"Zhou Linlang, are you having a nightmare? Do you want to drink some honey water, I have it on the table. My mom said honey water helps you sleep, you can try it. Zheng Xuedi asked with concern. She was still reading a book, and she hadn't really fallen asleep, so she wasn't awakened.

Zhou Linlang felt very sorry for waking up everyone in the dormitory, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just had a nightmare and disturbed you." Zheng Xuedi, thank you, but it's too late, I still don't drink water, otherwise my eyes will be swollen tomorrow morning. You'd better go to sleep, it's all one o'clock, and we have classes tomorrow. ”

"Oh, then I'll sleep. Wei Yi fell asleep at the end, she was really sleepy.

Although Xu Hong was unhappy, Zhou Linlang's nightmare was not intentional, and she couldn't say anything, lest others think she was stingy. Xu Hong muttered a few words in his mouth, turned over and fell asleep. The rest of Zheng Xuedi cared about Zhou Linlang for a few words, confirmed that she was really fine, and didn't say anything more, closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Seeing that everyone in the dormitory slept quietly, Zhou Linlang couldn't sleep. The dream just now was too real, as if I was really talking to my "self" in my previous life. Therefore, the "person" just now is the self in the previous life, or the subconscious of the self in this life. Now she is reincarnated as "herself" in her previous life, or does she just have a memory that belongs to "others". Who is herself, the unlucky female artist who died of overwork in her last life, or Zhou Linlang who lives happily in this life. Or neither, or both are themselves......

Zhou Linlang felt that he had fallen into the whirlpool of philosophy and could not extricate himself, just like Zhuang Zhou Mengdie.

"The former Zhuang Zhou Dream is Hu Die, lifelike Hu Die, self-metaphor Shizhi and I don't know Zhou Ye. Oh Ran Jue, then Yu Ran Zhou also. I don't know that Zhou's dream is Hu Die, and Hu Die's dream is Zhou and Hu Die, then there must be a difference. (Zhuangzi: The Theory of Things)

So, is she Zhuang Zhou or a butterfly?

The butterflies in Zhou Linlang's dream were dispelled by the morning exercise bell. She sat on the bed, and there was a moment of stupor for a moment.

"Linlang, are you going to get up?" Wei Yi said vaguely, "You have to go to the classroom to study so early, you don't have to get up early to go out for exercises on a Sunday, and you don't sleep for a while." ”