Childhood.

Xu Yu looked at the dandelion and was envious, and then a dandelion was blown into the distance, and the place where the falling dandelion fell heard people say, that is home, where it is home.

When I grow up.

Xu Yu looked at the dandelion, falling with the wind, and being trampled on, but the dandelion that struggled to get up could only wait for the wind to come again and rise tenaciously.

Looking at the dandelion hanging on the ground, still breathing, Xu Yu realized that he was actually not a dandelion.

It's just that how long do you have to hibernate before you have a rise from the beginning, can everything start again?

Is it late?

Where is the starting line?

There is no way to come and go, how to get out of your own way.

This is a question that Xu Yu has been thinking about all his life, "dormant" and "rising".

......

......

On April 4, 2016, Xu Yu gave incense to her grandmother and went to the grave.

Choked for a long time, Xu Yu said slowly: "Grandma, I came to see you, I think you also know the news, not long ago, my mother also left, saying that it was an accident to fall ...... the building."

Xu Yu wanted to speak and stopped, she felt that the cause of her mother's death was strange.

Xu Yu remembered that eight years ago, tears fell like beads, and chattered:

"What if...... Can you do it all over again...... The exam eight years ago...... I won't let myself fall off the list if I die......"

......

......

Eight years ago:

2008.4.4。

Jiangbei City.

A café.

Xu Yu slowly stirred the coffee in the cup, but his thoughts drifted away.

"Xu Haowen has withdrawn from the marriage, divorced, you are a great shame for my family, now your grandma is also killed by you, how many people do you want to harm, now your brother Xu Lei also failed the exam, in the future, will we all be killed in the future, broom star, you broom star, the Xu family should not have you as a person......"

Xu Yu unconsciously touched both arms, as if the pain of the day was like a soldering iron of memory, branded on Xu Yu's arms, shoulders, body, and heart!

Xu Yu couldn't stop crying, and didn't notice that her best friend Han Ziyan, who was two meters away, had been standing for a long time.

Xu Yu wiped away her tears and tried to calm down.

"Are you alright!?" Han Ziyan patted Xu Yu on the shoulder, signaling her to calm down.

Xu Yu wiped her tears with her sleeves and palms, sniffed, looked out the window, choked up and said, "No, it's okay!"

"Actually...... If you want to open a little, your grandma will bless you, you want to repeat your studies, in fact, you can study on your own or save up tuition while working......"

"Heh" Xu Yu looked at it, Han Ziyan in front of her, Han Ziyan was still beautiful and moving, her big wavy curly hair fell down her shoulders a little, the original single eyelid had become a double eyelid, and her eyes looked a lot bigger, with a tall nose bridge, a cherry mouth, with light red lipstick and fat powder, the whole person looked more bright and moving.

"I didn't expect that the line of your eyelid cut is now gone, money is really a good thing, this, it is still a bone loss, and the chin is also a lot sharper, will there be sequelae or ......?"

Han Ziyan took out the mirror with the cross-body bag, "That expert has nothing to say, but it looks like there is no trace, this ......"

Han Ziyan, who was originally shining in the mirror, suddenly stopped.

"Actually, I never thought about self-taught anything...... Don't talk about this, what about your husband, how is it?"

"It's like that, the occasional little surprise or something, huh? You'll have it later!"

Xu Yu smiled bitterly, "Maybe!"

"When are you going to go?" Han Ziyan took a sip of coffee.

Xu Yu found that there was no trace of lipstick in the coffee mouth, and looked out the window without secretly sighing, "Wait, this rain stops or will you go again?"

Actually, the rain outside the window didn't know when it was already dense with small raindrops, Han Ziyan was about to say something, but "Oh!" and didn't speak.

After a long time, Xu Yu touched a fruit knife in his bag, but his eyes looked out firmly, as if he had decided to do something?

Bumpy all the way to Xujiawan in Deyang Town.

When the car began to deviate more and more from Jiangbei City, Xu Yu's heart became more and more calm and indifferent.

"What is the purpose of living?" Xu Yu felt that not only his life, his family, and even everything had deceived him, and he had no way to escape.

But remembering one thing, Xu Yu's heart moved again, a month ago, Xu Tianming, who received Xu Yu's payment, replied coldly: "I'll tell you the truth, don't think about repeating anymore, now your brother Xu Lei needs money every month to study in a technical school, living expenses, study expenses, I and your mother need money, you said to support us, and he is your brother, you have to help, just get out......"

Xu Tianming on the other end of the phone continued to chatter, but Xu Yu ran away to the side, looking at the river, she really wanted to plunge into it.

The memory seems to be frozen in that day again.

2007.12.16。

Xu Yu timidly pushed open the door, but before he could speak, his mother Zhao Xiaohui chirped and said, "How about the exam? ”

Xu Yu had no intention of responding to Zhao Xiaohui's words, and watched Zhao Xiaohui steal the dishes in the bowl from time to time.

Holding the ribs in his hand, blowing and blowing from time to time, changing hands to take, eating quickly, sneakily looking at the state of the handle in the kitchen, there is no left to blow the falling ribs, wash and wash with spit, spit and vomit, and then swallow the appearance of dates, and from time to time his hands rub the pajamas and pajamas that were already red and white, as if he couldn't see the white place, and the yellowed and black clothes added oil stains.

When Dad Xu Tianming turned around, he decisively swallowed the ribs, and disguised himself to touch his sleeves everywhere to see what he looked like.

If Zhao Xiaohui's life is pitiful and hateful, it is more appropriate to say that she lives her life like a clown jumping beam, but she always gives people inadvertent fun, but she is very contented.

Of course, except for being beaten to the death, the rest of the time is a leisurely life.

"Get out of the way, you dung maker, do you know how to write the word 'ugly', how to write the word 'dung'? I think you are a rice field gong, still alive and wasting air, strange why are you not seriously ill, and throw it into life when you are sick!"

Xu Tianming scolded Zhao Xiaohui viciously, extinguished the fire in the pot, and poured the vegetables into the basin.

"Of course, God will not let us who create karma die, God has eyes. Zhao Xiaohui smiled unabashedly and covered her laughter again, but the sudden laughter felt a little scary.

Zhao Xiaohui's life seems to have slowed down her psychological growth for several beats......

"Don't come over to order food yet, this ghost!" Xu Tianming said viciously after wiping the oil stains that were still a little on the outside of the plate.

"Oh, here, here. Zhao Xiaohui happily went to the kitchen, she knew that she would have something to eat soon, she was very happy, happy from the bottom of her heart.

"Hurry up and eat, by the way, your mother just said about the exam, you haven't answered yet, you ......"

The originally smiling face stopped at the moment he saw Xu Yu, "Why are you so unsmiling, where are you studying, you have been studying hard a few times before, and you are acting for us a few times, and you are acting to show us, the family life is not rich, this living expenses, the rent was collected two days ago, and there is water and electricity, your brother is studying, ......"

Xu Tianming was stunned by the words, Xu Yu was stunned, and tears kept falling.

"Forget it, did you really not get in?...... First, let's eat first, this dish is going to be cold. Mom, Zhao Xiaohui said softly and nervously.

"What to eat? Eat and feed the dogs, it's all useless. ”，

With a "snap", Xu Tianming buzzed the cabinet on the side.

Suddenly, there was a "whoop".

Zhao Xiaohui fell, and the meatballs rolled to the ground.

"You, you say you, what's the use, hygiene, sanitation doesn't do, money, money doesn't make money, you, what use do you say? ”

"It's okay, pick it up, you don't eat it, I'll eat it. Zhao Xiaohui couldn't hide a smile from the corner of his eyes: "What you don't eat is mine." ”

"Oh, I know how to eat, other people's monkeys, Mr. Zhang or something, come to the house, all day long and say what others have eaten and drunk, a little thing, you, how long will it hurt me, like you, no friends, you know that you are crooked with your sister, useless things, what others eat like digging ancestral graves! Tell you to eat, you eat?"

"Ahh......h

Xu Tianming followed closely, and the speed hit Zhao Xiaohui, but he couldn't get angry with the slippers on his feet, and the bench hit Zhao Xiaohui together.

"Did I kill someone in my last life, or did I set fire, you all came to harm me, what are you......" Xu Tianming kept scolding.

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Sogou