Busy work sometimes makes Kaneko feel very tired, in addition to this, Kaneko found that her pants are actually getting thinner and thinner, or maybe she has eaten more punctually for the last three meals, and she is blessed, Kaneko thought to herself. Most of the colleagues have given birth, and they gossip and say to Jinzi: "You have just finished the wedding, and you are busy with decoration, be careful that it is easy to get pregnant at this time!"

Neither of them had much experience, Jin Zi went to the convenience store and bought a pregnancy test stick, and after carefully reading the instructions, he started like a chemical experiment, and his heart fluttered while waiting for the results, and soon two bars appeared on the pregnancy test stick, one deep and one shallow, Zhang Shi suddenly spoke incoherently nervously, "This, is this pregnant?" Jin Zi steadied himself and said, "Don't tell my family yet, I'll go to the hospital tomorrow to have a blood draw." ”

During the lunch break the next day, Jin Zi went to the hospital to have a blood draw, and also made an appointment for a B ultrasound, and the blood draw results showed that she was pregnant, but the HCG value was very low, and the B ultrasound did not show anything, and the doctor said that the number of months is still small, and there is basically nothing to see, and Jin Zi is not so nervous, and he also confirmed the news of pregnancy with Zhang Shi.

When I got home in the evening, Zhang Shi's whole family was very happy, my parents-in-law also came to make a big table of dishes, and my sister Huizi also contracted all the housework, even the socks were not washed with gold, Jin Zi was very happy, she hoped to have a small life with Zhang Shi, so that Zhang Shi could experience another life, and he would definitely be a responsible good father.

After eating, everyone discussed whether to give birth to a boy or a girl, and Zhang Shi said that she must be a cute little princess, the same as gold. Jin Zi knows that Zhang Shi likes his daughter, every time he meets a little girl on the side of the road playing, he can play with others for a long time naively, his father-in-law wants a boy, after all, they are still more patriarchal, Jin Zi also wants a boy, because she thinks that boys are more solid, and if there are two children, it is best to be a brother and a sister, so Mr. boy.

Jin Zi entered the preparatory process of preparing to be a mother, changed all her original cosmetics, bought a whole set of special cosmetics for pregnant women, even changed the shampoo and shower gel, and bought a lot of books, and asked Zhang Shi to read them together. It is customary here that pregnant women will put pins on their stomachs when they go out to prevent them from rushing to the fetus, and Kaneko has also bought a lot of beautiful pins on the Internet. But Jin Zi only felt that something was not right, she never hurt her mouth, and she didn't feel uncomfortable, she was a little uneasy, because she was vomiting wow-wow, but she could still eat and drink. My mother-in-law and sister both persuaded Jinzi, and there were also people who had children and didn't react, so they told Jinzi not to worry too much.

Kaneko loved grapes very much at that time, and he could eat a large bunch of grapes at work every day, and some colleagues who had a good relationship knew that Kaneko was pregnant, so they also bought grapes for Kaneko to wash and put on the table. The caravan tour organized by the company can't go to Jinzi, because it's not yet three months, so Jinzi can only make excuses that he is uncomfortable and inconvenient to go, and colleagues who know the situation also help to play a round, which makes sense.

It happened one day after work, Jin Zi always felt a little pain in his stomach, according to the time, it should have been more than two months pregnant, his mother-in-law and Zhang Shi were not very relieved, and took Jin Zi to the hospital at night to hang up the emergency department. The results of the blood draw are not very good, the HCG value of gold is only more than 900, and the normal number of months is at least more than 10,000, and the B ultrasound still can't see anything, so Jin and Zhang Shi are panicked. Because it is an emergency and the treatment conditions are limited, Kaneko plans to go to a specialized maternity hospital for a good examination the next day. Because Zhang Shi was going to Hangzhou to participate in the regional sales competition the next day, Jin Zi also advised him not to worry, and he would be notified of any results.

Kaneko went to the hospital early in the morning for an examination, and the result given by the hospital was a suspected biochemical pregnancy, and Kaneko heard this term for the first time, and it sounded quite like "Resident Evil". The doctor explained that this is because the fertilized egg did not develop well in the process of developing into an embryo, so it flowed away without implantation, and it would be like a big aunt, belonging to nature's survival of the fittest. Jin Zi walked out of the hospital in a trance, and called Zhang Shi, after the phone was connected, Jin Zi didn't speak for a long time, Zhang Shi asked anxiously: "What's wrong, what's wrong?" Jin Zi said slowly: "It's okay, the doctor said it's okay, and I'll see the results in a few days." Then he hung up. When she got home, she didn't speak, she lay on the bed in a daze and fell asleep, and she had a dream, she dreamed of a little girl with a ponytail, and said to her in a crisp voice: "Mom, let's see you next time!" Jin Zi woke up suddenly, felt a pain in the lower abdomen, went to the toilet and found that it was already bleeding, and hurriedly asked someone to drive to the hospital, and the reply was that the doctor said that there was no need to protect the fetus, and it would naturally flow down in two days.

Jin Zi can only go home and wait, she lies helplessly on the bed, her stomach hurts like menstrual cramps when she first comes to menstruation, Jin Zi remembered the second day of the new year, when she was still at her aunt's house, she was at a loss when she saw red blood on her underwear, so she asked her aunt to call her mother, and her mother came to the county from home the next day to see her, and took her to the supermarket and bought a lot of sanitary napkins. After her mother left, Jin Zi hid these sanitary napkins under the bed, because Jin Zi no longer lived in the living room, she and another girl who was a little older than her lived in a single room in the front room, and the other larger room next door was occupied by boys, and Xiaobai also lived next door. When Jin Zi returned to the room after lunch, she found that her door was open, and the sanitary napkin under the bed did not know who had messed up, at this time she heard the sound of someone knocking on the glass at the door next door, and came out to see Xiaobai and many boys through the door glass, and opened the sanitary napkin in front of her, Jin Zi's face turned red, both angry and helpless, this picture was like a brand in Jin Zi's mind. At this moment, Jin Zi was pulled back to reality by a rush of footsteps, and the door opened with a bang, Jin Zi saw Zhang Shi's sweaty face, and the two looked at each other silently, Zhang Shi said to his mother and sister, "You all go out first." When they went out and closed the door, Zhang Shi and Jin Zi hugged each other and cried.

After calming down, Jin Zi asked Zhang Shi, "Why did you come back?" Zhang Shi replied: "I felt that something was wrong when I heard your voice on the phone, and I hurriedly bought a ticket back after saying hello to the leaders and retiring from the game." Jin Zi said regretfully: "You have worked so hard for this competition, and every day when you go home to memorize manuscripts and professional knowledge, it is a pity to give up." Zhang Shi persuaded Jin Zi: "It's okay, don't think about me, you take care of your body first, I must come back, you must need me very much at this time." Jin Zi didn't know, Zhang Shi cried all the way on the high-speed train that came back, and he also whimpered when he sent a message to the leaders, and the leaders were shocked. There is a real one, and Jin Zi's heart is much more steady, and the two of them snuggle up and fall asleep like this.

Later, the two of them went to the hospital to do a lot of examinations, and the pathological test was embryonic villous edema, there was no particularly clear reason, and the doctor also comforted the two people that this was a small probability event, just like walking on the road and being hit by a car, Jin Zi and Zhang Shi also prescribed a lot of traditional Chinese medicine conditioning, the bitter gold was distorted every time she drank it, and Jin Zi gritted her teeth, in order to be able to regulate her body, she must persevere.

When she was packing up her things, she sometimes saw the pins and books she had bought, and the superstitious peace charms that she had gone to the temple to ask for, and the abbot had spoken a long number of scriptures in front of her, and sprinkled some water on her with willow leaves before leaving. Kaneko smiled helplessly, and arranged all these things to the deepest part of the drawer.

Xiaoyu took advantage of the May Day holiday to find gold to play, and brought her boyfriend to Jinzi to take a look, it just so happened that the house had been renovated, and Jin Zi cleaned up and prepared to move, by the way, this time there can be Xiaoyu to warm the house. Xiaoyu played happily here for three days, Jin Zi felt that Xiaoyu's boyfriend was good, but he was a little too short, but he could talk to the two of them very well, Jin Zi didn't say too much to Xiaoyu, and felt that Xiaoyu was happy, after all, in the kind of city in Shenzhen, girls are too hard to work alone, Xiaoyu works overtime until eleven o'clock is commonplace, even the May Day holiday, every time I play a day back home is very tired, Jin Zi can also see Xiaoyu The two of them took out the computer and started to work overtime, Jin Zi felt sorry for Xiaoyu, Xiaoyu also comforted Jin Zi and said that she was used to it, and she felt uncomfortable if she didn't work overtime every day, Who calls youth is capital, Jin Zi sneered and said: "We will be thirty years old in a few years, young, still young." Xiao Yu raised his head and pondered for a while, and said, "Yes, I don't think if you don't say it, we are almost thirty years old, it's terrible." Xiao Yu likes Jinzi's nest very much, although it is small but it makes people feel very warm, Jin Zi said to Xiao Yu: "Warm is right, I basically spent all the money given by my parents." Xiaoyu also determined and set a goal for himself: "I must work hard in the future and have my own house!"

After Xiaoyu left, Jin continued to work on the move, but he was able to settle down for a while after this move, Jin Zi thought to himself. I remembered that my aunt once said to Jin Zi that they had moved seven times in this city, but they were really scared. My aunt's cousin also bought a house in this city before Jin Zizi bought a house, and after spending most of the family's life savings, he was finally able to settle down, and the whole family continued to live together, still noisy every day.

After moving, almost half a year later, Jinzi, who has always had a very accurate menstruation, found that her menstruation was a few days late, and she had a hunch that she couldn't sleep in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom with a pregnancy test stick, and sure enough, it was two bars. Jin Zi went back to the bedroom and woke Zhang Shi up, and said excitedly, "Husband, I'm pregnant." Zhang Shi replied in a daze: "Ah, I'm pregnant." Then he was clever, "Ahh On the way home, Kaneko looked at the sky full of dark clouds, and the thick branches of the trees on the ground that had been broken by the wind, and the ground was full of messes.

The next day, everyone was nervously waiting for the results, as expected, the value dropped, everyone was silent and did not speak, and Granny Kaneko also followed Kaneko back to Aunt Kaneko's house and accompanied Kaneko to rest for a few days.

Granny Kaneko changed to a job in a bank canteen before, and everyone was a turnip and a pit, and she couldn't take a day off. So Kaneko's father sent Kaneko's mother from his hometown to take care of Kaneko for a month, and by the way, thoroughly check what caused this situation.

Jinzi's mother accompanied Jinzi to many hospitals, Shanghai also went, every day to see Jinzi had to draw a lot of blood on an empty stomach, the husband and wife were also screened for genes, there was no problem in the report, Jinzi went to the hospital every day, you could see a long queue at the door of the clinic, all kinds of people came to treat fertility problems, some did three IVF failures, some were halfway pregnant, and a pregnant woman had a big belly and was pushed by a wheelchair to find a doctor to protect the fetus. Every time Kaneko could see an older woman, she was always very tired and squatting in the team, Kaneko would sometimes persuade her to sit for a while, and help her take her place, she thanked her repeatedly, and then sat down on the chair at the door with a pale face. From the chat, Jin Zi learned that she had been following this doctor for several years, and had failed to do IVF several times before, she asked Jin Zi how many times she had done a test, and Jin Zi replied twice, she thought about it and said: "Then you have to do another test, this doctor generally prescribes all the test items three times, and then looks at the most stable value, and then gives you a treatment plan." Jin Zi felt that this road was as difficult as learning from the scriptures, there were many men at the door of the clinic, one day there was a man who came to see the doctor for his wife, all the examination reports were sorted out in an orderly manner, saying that the condition was more detailed than many women, Jin Zi couldn't help but admire it secretly from the heart, Zhang Shi except for his own need to check the items but never accompanied Jin Zi once, he couldn't get around the hospital, he felt that the hospital was like a maze. Jinzi's mother sometimes tells Jinzi in private that Zhang Shi is indeed a little bad at taking care of people, so that Jinzi usually doesn't do anything, and also lets Zhang Shi exercise by himself, Jinzi also nodded in agreement, and comforted his mother Zhang Shi is such a straight man who can't turn around, but people are not bad. Kaneko's mother's health is not very good, and it is time to go home after staying for almost a month, and when she gets home, she is seriously ill, but fortunately, it is found that gastritis and cholecystitis have recurred, and some medicine is prescribed to recuperate, and Kaneko also advised her not to worry too much.

In fact, Jin Zi herself doesn't know, at this time she already has a tendency to be depressed, every night she will hide in the quilt and cry after everyone falls asleep, tears are like a faucet that can't be turned on and off, she can lose sleep until two or three o'clock in the morning every day, and during the day she has to go to check as usual, and wait for Zhang Shi to come back from work to eat. Zhang Shi also noticed the abnormality of Jinzi, so he could only comforted Jinzi awkwardly, patted Jinzi on the shoulder and coaxed her to sleep, and then slept more soundly than Jinzi every time.

After returning to work, Jin Zi was also in a bad state, a lot of pills every day overwhelmed her stomach, so she left her job and returned home after communicating with the leader and the boss in detail, Jin Zi didn't want to think about anything, but she was still tortured by emotions every day, and finally a month later, Jin Zi came to the local specialized psychiatric hospital, and the registration examination and prescription medicine were done in less than an hour, after getting the case list of diagnosed depression, Jin Zi felt suddenly very relaxed in her heart, she was not moaning without illness, nor was she pretentious, it was depression that made her like this。

In fact, Jin Zi slowly learned that many people who are sick are not understood, and the most affected are mental and emotional diseases, and some people will advise you: "Look away, this kind of thing is not a big deal." "Be strong, be sunny. "Don't think about those who are unhappy, don't be sad. These seemingly comforting words are like a knife to your heart, and they are also in response to that sentence, do not persuade others to be kind without going through others. When you encounter something sad, why don't you be sad, when you meet someone who cries, why should you let him stop crying, depressed patients have been running away from emotions for too long, and they will lose the ability to inhibit their brains, so don't run away, if you are sad, if you are sad, if you are sad, if you are sad, you will cry, if you are happy, you will laugh, and when you meet someone who makes you angry, you will scold, it's no big deal, what do others say.

Jin Zi told a few people close to her about her illness, because she was afraid that her mother would worry, so she only told her father, and her father was not as panicked as Jin Zi imagined, and he still calmly told Jin Zi to be sunny and strong, Jin Zi was tired of hearing these words, and could only echo back a smiling expression. She wrote a suicide note and sent it to Xiaoyu and Orange, so that when she died in a panic, everyone didn't know the reason, Jin didn't know how long she could last, and the book said that if she had this disease, she should be prepared to take medicine for the rest of her life, but fortunately, the medicine was not very expensive, so that Jin Zi was a little unprepared.

When Kaneko is out of control, she sometimes thinks of the secret that has been buried in her heart for a long time, and it is the last thing she wants to recall, because this secret is related to Cher.

That Christmas that year, that snowy night, was the most irretrievable thing for gold, and it was also the night that made gold guilty for a lifetime.

That afternoon, Jin Zi had just finished a very important exam, she didn't play well, and her heart was in turmoil, when her mobile phone rang, it was a text message from Cher, asking Jin what she was doing, and she hadn't come to her recently. After a while, she received a reply from Cher: What's wrong with the gold, did you send it wrong? Kaneko replied angrily again: "I didn't send it wrong, it was sent to you!" and then she didn't receive a reply from Cher. After calming down, Kaneko felt that she shouldn't have such a big temper with Cher, and she must go to see Cher after school and apologize to her in person. Unexpectedly, after school, Jinzi's mother came to pick up Jinzi, saying that she would not eat at home at night, and her father's friend invited her to eat, and after eating, she would send Jinzi to school. Jin Zi absentmindedly finished eating, and then hurried to go to the evening self-study, thinking that she could only go to find Xue'er after the evening self-study was over.

Everything happened so suddenly, but it was like an arrangement, Jin Zi should have thought that Cher had lost her love, lost her family, and only her friendship was left, how could she cut off Cher's last life-saving straw. Xue'er didn't leave a word for anyone, did she hate their ruthlessness, or was she extremely disappointed in their indifference.

Jin Zi remembered that when she and Zhang Shi went back to their hometown to hold a homecoming banquet, there was a big snow in the month when it shouldn't have snowed, Zhang Shi had never seen such a big snow, rolling in the snow like a husky, Jin Zi looked at Zhang Shi and smiled, looked up and looked at the snow in the sky silently, she didn't know if it was Xue'er's blessing or her crying.

Jin Zi always felt that she owed Xue'er a life, so she couldn't have her own child, she remembered the dream she had had before, there was a grandmother and grandfather, in the dream, the grandparents couldn't find the paper with her name written on it, and there was another name, Jin Zi thought that it must be everything in the dark, no matter what kind of punishment, she accepted it.

The withered red roses are like mosquito blood drying up on the wall, all of which are the incompleteness of the beauty in the heart, and the indelible marks.

Today's dream: Jin Zi dreamed that he had become a chivalrous man with a spear in his hand, and there was an opponent standing opposite him who was dressed in black and had a black cloth around his face, only to see the gold spear flicked, the other party turned sideways and flexibly dodged, Jin Zi slashed down with both guns in his hand, and the opponent immediately stood up easily with two backflips, Jin Zi then stabbed the opponent's feet with the head of the spear, and the opponent retreated again and again, and Jin Zi picked up the spear and crossed off the black cloth on the opponent's face. Jin Zi turned around and calmed down, the scene in front of her surprised her, under the black cloth was a face exactly the same as her, Jin Zi was stunned, and the other party also sneered at her, and then left with a wall. Is the enemy myself after all, Jin Zi is stuck in a labyrinth that he can't get out of.