29#

He Yang didn't expect that he would see Mu Zihan again so soon.

In fact, he just had nothing to do after eating, and wanted to buy two books to go back to pass the time, who would have thought that this world was such a coincidence, he casually picked a bookstore and met Mu Zihan. The little girl stood in place holding the book, showing a worried look for some reason. He Yang stretched out his hand and shook it in front of her, she shrank back as if startled, and looked at him with her eyes slightly wide.

"Again, I ran into it again...... "she smiled stiffly, "are you going to buy books too?"

"yes, what about you?

"It's not. She whispered, "I'm going to buy two extracurricular books." ”

He Yang looked down at the books she had bought—"Desire for Life" and "My Dear Theo." So he silently rolled up the gossip magazines in his hand.

…… I suddenly felt like I was losing to a junior high school girl.

"Looks like you like Van Gogh a lot. ”

He understood. "Desire to Life" is a biography of Van Gogh written by Irving Stone, while "My Dear Theo" is a collection of letters written by Van Gogh to his brother. Buying both copies at the same time, it seems that she really likes Van Gogh.

"Hmm. Mu Zihan hugged the book to his chest and lowered his eyes slightly, "I like him and his brother very much...... Feelings of mutual support. I think it's very enviable that no matter like Van Gogh, there is someone who believes in him and supports him in the worst possible time. On the other hand, like Theo, no matter how miserable the other party is, he believes that he will eventually become a great painter, and it is also enviable to have someone who can trust him so much. ”

"Are you actually envious of this?" He Yang was a little surprised, "I thought you would say that you envy Van Gogh's genius...... Many people profess to like Van Gogh and think that he has that kind of talent is amazing. ”

"People who can say such things don't know Van Gogh at all. Mu Zihan hugged the book in his hand tightly, "His achievements are obtained by hard work and perseverance, before he went to Paris, he studied painting for a long time, and worked a lot hard, and after going to Paris, he also befriended the Impressionist painters at that time, and specially went to learn their painting skills." If you look at his early sketches, you can see that his basic skills are very solid. I hate this statement that he owes all his achievements to talent, which is the greatest disrespect to Van Gogh. ”

"That's true. He Yang smiled, "It seems that you really like Van Gogh." ”

Mu Zihan was stunned for a moment, and subconsciously looked away.

“…… Do you like Van Gogh too?"

"How can I say it......" He Yang raised his head and thought about it, "if he hadn't committed suicide in the end...... I probably would have liked him better. ”

He added: "I don't think Theo should have died like that, even for his sake. Regardless, those who are left behind are the most painful. ”

Hearing this, Mu Zihan's shoulders trembled. The right hand pressed against the heart, so hard that the joints were slightly white, and the finger bones could clearly feel the touch of the surgical scar on the heart under the thin cloth.

"That's right. She muttered, "It's painful for those who are left behind. ”

He Yang sensed that something was wrong from her expression, and hurriedly reached out to support her shoulder.

"What's the matter?

Mu Zihan shook his head in a panic, he didn't know if it was He Yang's illusion, he felt that her eyes seemed to glow with a slight water. She blinked her eyes vigorously several times before she raised her head and pulled out a forced smile at He Yang. Whisper to him not to worry.

"I'm fine. ”

"I apologize to you if I just said the wrong thing. He Yang slowly let go of the hand holding her, "However, don't you really need to take a break......?" What did the doctor say, is it really okay?"

"I'm really fine. ”

Mu Zihan smiled again, although this time it was much more natural than the last time, but it was still difficult to hide his sadness. Her voice was soft, as if she had no strength.

"I just...... I think you're right. ”

“……”

"Regardless of the reason for the suicide, the first thing that is felt by those who stay is ...... Abandoned. Because I wasn't important enough, she would leave me to die. ”

Although she was smiling, she bit her lip so tightly that she almost bit blood. The long eyelashes couldn't help trembling, wet with tears, Mu Zihan hurriedly wiped away his tears, turned his back and said sorry.

He Yang didn't know what to say for a while, so he could only hand her a tissue from behind his back.

"I don't know what happened to you...... he felt his comfort pale, "but maybe the person who committed suicide just ...... It's too painful. It's not that they don't want you, they may just not think about it for a while......"

Mu Zihan's trembling suddenly calmed down. She covered her face with a tissue, and lowered her head with her back to him, so He Yang didn't know what kind of expression she was showing at the moment.

He heard only her voice, suppressed to the extreme calm, like the sky before a storm.

"You're right, she's just in too much pain. ”

Mu Zihan's voice became softer, almost to himself.

"I don't blame her. ”

Mu Zihan slowly turned around and showed a small smile to He Yang. The corners of her eyes were still red, but there were no more tears. The black and white eyes looked at him, and the look in his eyes was so calm.

"Thank you. ”

She thanked him softly.

"Although we've only known each other for a short time, you might think it's a bit presumptuous when I say that......" He Yang bent down slightly and looked her in the eyes, "If there is anything upset, it's better to say it." Find a sunny day and have a good chat with your parents or friends. Remember to find a quiet place where no one is around, cry well, and vent your feelings, so that your heart will be much more comfortable. ”

He smiled at her.

"Children still don't want to hold everything in their hearts, they won't grow tall. ”

Mu Zihan was stunned, slowly lowered his eyes, and said "um" softly.

"Okay, it's all at this point, you're still a junior high school student, if you don't go home so late, your family will be worried. He Yang reached out and patted her shoulder, "Go settle the account and go home early." ”

The little girl nodded slightly. After taking the first step, he suddenly stopped.

“…… My friend died. ”

She didn't look at him, her voice so soft that it was almost erratic.

"The police said she committed suicide. ”

“……”

"We grew up and played together since kindergarten. I had a heart condition, and I was often hospitalized since I was a child, but when I got worse in junior high school, I rarely went to class. At first, a lot of people came to see me, but then she was the only one who came. My parents are very busy at work, and after I hired a nurse, they didn't come often. She was the only one who insisted on bringing me notes and papers, and she also used the New Year's money to buy a voice recorder and record the teacher's lessons for me. ”

“……”

"Actually, when you think about it, she was already very wrong during that time. It's just that I didn't notice...... No, I should say I noticed, but I didn't care. I would only ask her if she was too tired, had something wrong, or had something unhappy to tell me...... I would only be nice and obedient to her, but I never thought about how to help her solve the problem. No, I don't even know what happened to her. ”

Mu Zihan choked as he spoke. He Yang patted her shoulder wordlessly, not knowing how to comfort her.

Then she committed suicide. ”

She turned her face slightly, half of her face in the shadows, and she couldn't tell the difference. He Yang didn't know what to say to her, so he could only hold her shoulder in silence,

"If only I had asked her more. Mu Zihan slowly bit his lip, "I always can't help but think, if I ask her more...... If only I cared more about her...... Isn't she going to die......"

A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and landed on He Yang's finger. Warm.

"Why didn't I notice it at the time? Why didn't I think about it more? Even if I made a few more phone calls and asked my classmates......" She wiped the tears from her face, her voice trembling slightly, "She was so wrong, why did I believe her that she was fine?...... Why didn't I think about it, why am I so stupid?"

He Yang finally interrupted her.

"I don't know what happened, or what your friend was thinking. So I won't tell you either, it's not your fault. ”

Most of the time, suicide is just an escape.

Escape from pain, escape from fear, escape from the future, escape from reality, escape from guilt.

Sometimes, it's revenge.

What kind of friend Mu Zihan is, He Yang doesn't know her, and he can't make a presumptuous assertion.

All he knew about that friend came from Mu Zihan's words, and he didn't even know whether it was a man or a woman.

And he doesn't know Mu Zihan, she is just a junior high school girl who has met three times by chance. His impression of her was limited to her poor health, heart exchange surgery, sickness, low speech, and his love for Van Gogh...... Nope.

He didn't know exactly what kind of story had happened between these two men, so at this moment, the only thing he could say to this girl was-

"She's your friend, right? Do you really think she's going to blame you? What do you think she'd say to you if she appeared in front of you right now?"

Mu Zihan's trembling suddenly calmed down.

She slowly raised her head and looked at He Yang's eyes, for a long time, and suddenly smiled slightly.

“…… I understand. ”

She lowered her eyes, and the curvature of her mouth slowly increased.

"What she'll say, I know. ”

- What she really wants, I know.