It was stopped for more than a week.

At 15:25 on June 18, 2019, my father was in a car accident, riding an electric car and was hit by a dirt truck, his skull was comminuted, five ribs were broken, and his hip and leg bones were broken, and it was already 14 o'clock in the afternoon of the 19th when he received the news and rushed home.

In the hospital, I saw that he had a ventilator on his body, a tube on his head, his whole face was wrapped in gauze, and he was swollen all over, and he couldn't hold on anymore and collapsed on the spot.

The next day, I contacted the experts in Jinan, saying that I had the opportunity to take an ambulance over and prepare for surgery, but as a result, the electrolytes in the body were unbalanced, and the sodium and potassium ions were too high and too low, and I was not qualified for surgery. After a night of treatment, instead of getting better, it became more and more serious, and more than half of the cerebral infarctions occurred, and the overall score was only 3, which is the lowest score.

The doctor said there was no hope.

Mother said that you can't be outside, according to the customs of your hometown, even if you die, you can't go home, go home.

I arrived home at 15 pm on the 21st and stopped breathing.

That's when I realized that life is short.

These days, I feel like I'm dreaming, I want to wake up and find out that everything is fake, he still sleeps in the room, he still calls me by my name, and he still asks me how I'm doing...... It's a pity that these have become "ifs".

My father is a teacher, more than 30 years of education, countless peach and plum, and has never done anything that violates morality and conscience, but God can't let him stay for a while, go so fast, so decisive, not even a word left, not even a voice, from the car accident to death, his eyes have not opened once.

I have been writing for more than ten years, and I have written countless lives and deaths, and I don't feel sad, but when I experience it myself, I feel so painful, so helpless, like the whole world has abandoned me. I know that from now on, my father's face and voice can only appear in memories, and I will never be seen again, and I have completely lost him and become a fatherless child.

After graduating from university, I worked in Qinghai, and later started a family and stayed in the local area, not returning to my hometown in Shandong, and spent less time with my parents for more than ten years.

It's not that I don't want them, but I feel that there is enough time, as long as I am given a little more time, I can have my own business, I can become a god, I can be platinum, I can live a good life, I can take them over, or go back to my hometown...... He worked hard for more than ten years, and just when he was about to do this and fulfill his filial piety, he left.

I've been thinking these days, why don't you give me some time? I really can, even if I give me a little more, let me serve well, it's not for nothing that I gave birth to this son.

But that's what happened so suddenly......

Over the years, going to work and writing books, I can't stop changing, the whole person is spinning, I have almost no time of my own, I have to be careful in everything I do, I don't dare to waste a little, I just want to give them a better life, but with this condition, he can't enjoy it.

I heard my brother say that when I went to Shanghai last month, he kept complaining, since he was here, why didn't he go home?

I know, he misses me.

I didn't reply, and I didn't see the last one.

I always thought that there was time, but now I understand that it is completely gone.

My father was a native of the countryside, he was frugal all his life, he lost his mother when he was six years old, and his father died in his twenties, and he lived alone until he married my mother. gave birth to three sons, from a private teacher, to the present, and has never had a good life.

In 2017, my daughter-in-law was pregnant, so I asked him and my mother to come and take care of him, which meant that he wanted to stay with us for a while longer, but the place where I was was more than 3,000 meters above sea level, and after less than four months, I lost more than 20 pounds, I couldn't walk, and my grandson was born eight days ago, and I went back.

Before leaving to clean up the room, I found that there was an extra screw and screw cap of a mineral water bottle, which was usually picked up by walking, in case it was useful, even if it was useless, iron, it could also be sold for money. Sent to the plane, the security check could not pass, and when I checked, I found that there were broken corner pliers, a screwdriver without a handle, and a waste compass in the bag...... I asked what I was doing with this, and he said that he had picked it up and could still use it when he went back, and I smiled and said, "What do you mean, I can't even afford this thing?" He said, what can you use, what to buy? Don't waste it!

When I got home, I called and was very happy, saying that I still couldn't understand why such a big piece of iron could fly into the sky and fly so high. Being able to fly in the village is very powerful, everyone envies it, and many people still don't believe it.

My father likes to learn new knowledge, when I was a child, almost all the books at home were "100,000 Whys", "The Mystery of the Moon" and the like, using a mobile phone, more proficient than me, I have been thinking about when to learn a computer, I said go back and help you buy one, there will be, and then help you buy a better mobile phone...... But this "turning back" can no longer be realized.

He can be a carpenter, and he makes a lot of stools at home. When he can repair electronic products, black and white TVs, he is a famous electrician in Sixiang and eight villages, and basically someone sends electrical appliances to repair them every day. After repairing, at most he collected money for accessories, did not make a living from it, and did not make money from it, but only fell into the reputation of a "good person".

I always wanted a house for the elderly, I said to buy it in the county, said that I was not used to living in the city, I wanted to live in the countryside, I said then to build, at the beginning of this year to give money, in my hometown to build a set. For months, I spent all kinds of time buying materials, finding people, living there every night, watching brick by brick being built, smoking cigarettes with a satisfied face. At the beginning of the month, it was finally built, the furniture was bought, and I was happy to say that I finally had my own nest, and I was about to move in, but the people were gone, and the brand new house was not lived in for a day.

I like to read some miscellaneous books, and I am very yearning for all kinds of mysterious events, I said get a passport, and take you to places like the pyramids to go around and appreciate the wonders of the world. He was very happy, insisted on exercising every day, and said that when he went abroad in the future, he would not be left behind and could keep up with us, but now, his passport is also useless.

I don't like to owe money, even if it's my son, my mobile phone records every expense I spent when I bought him a ticket and took him out, train tickets, bus tickets, plane tickets, and prices are all recorded together, and I plan to save enough money and pay me back. I still think that I will save more money over the years, and when I have saved enough money for the house, I will pay it back......

I didn't intend to let him return it, but now I think about how nice it would be to be able to return it, at least to show that he is still alive.

On the way back from Jinan, watching his vital signs decrease little by little, and eventually tend to nothing, I felt like my brain was about to explode. I have been creating the world all these years, and I have always felt that I can do anything, that I can't help anything, but there is no use at all in front of reality.

I fantasize that if there is a medical qi, it is a soul master, and if it has the qi of the heavenly dao, it can summon Zhang Xuan...... In this way, he can not leave, but he can't do it!

I used to think that as long as I could make more money, life would be better, many things could be avoided, and I could live happily, but now I find that many times, money is useless.

I once narrowly thought about why it was you, not someone else.

I want to keep you, but I can't keep you.

I want to go back to a few days ago and stop you from going out, and this kind of tragedy won't happen, but I'm not the protagonist, time can't be turned back, and regret can't be made up.

I'm just a mortal.

A useless mortal.

Waste that can't do anything.

In the face of leaving, I can only watch and there is nothing I can do.

Emotionally confused, not knowing what to say.

My father's funeral has been completed, and I am buried in the ground, and I will deal with it in the next two days, and the responsibility for traffic accidents will be restored in a few days.

Sweep the world

June 26, 2019