Goodbye My First Love (Short Story) Zhang Baotong

Since then, I haven't seen the saffron in full swing. But I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I really want to see that beautiful red color again, because it is the feeling and feelings of my first girl's first love. For many years, its color and brightness have been impregnating my sad and nostalgic soul. I think as long as I'm not dead and alive, I'll definitely come back to visit it.

Without flowers and boys, the lake seems silent and deserted, the afternoon sun is very bleak, the microwave rippling lake, blurry, dreamlike, only a wild duck in the shaking waves swim at will. Leaving the lakeshore, the cold sun shone on the path, the sky was bright, the air was fresh, and the mountain path was silent, but the thoughts were still heavy.

When I was young, I didn't know how to remember when I was old, and the most beautiful thing in life was my youth.

My girlhood seemed to be very short, as short as my first love. In fact, my girlhood was gone with the abrupt end of my girly love. Because in the future, I no longer have the innocence and carefree of a girl. Leaving my hometown, I was plagued and depressed by extreme longing and longing all day long, and I often cried secretly, boundless sadness, lonely and unrelated. Since then, I have suddenly grown up, learned how to struggle, learned to be angry, and looked forward to growing up quickly, because only in this way can I not be dominated by others.

This experience changed not only my destiny, but also my personality. I became sad, sensitive, introverted, and self-reliant. From high school to college, I don't know how many boys have offered me love, but my heart is like water, and I am unmoved, because my heart has too many tragic colors and sad moods. I will never forget the boy who rescued me from the surging river and gave me so much joy and love. I have always believed that his tragedy was caused by mine, and that the fate of the two of us is inseparable and inseparable. Although he has been lying in the cold graveyard. But I can't forget him, I pity him. I don't want to abandon someone because I love him, forget him, and make him even more lonely and pitiful.

I stayed in school until after I graduated with my master's degree. At this time, I was old, and I felt that I was about to finish junior high school and go to high school, so I started to fall in love and get married. However, my love and marriage with my lover are very plain and natural, and there is no romance and passion like ordinary people. I know it's the result of my fate and the pathos in my personality. Sometimes I think that I can change my life environment through hard work and struggle, but I can't change my destiny and personality. It has left a deep imprint on my soul.

Because of this departure, I don't know when I will be able to come back. Therefore, my mother regarded the time she spent with me very precious, guarding me during the day and holding me at night, for fear that once she left me, she would never find me again. My mother and I had endless things to talk about all day long, as if we didn't say it now, and we wouldn't have a chance again. I was the same with her, and I said everything I could to my mother.

That night, I said to my mother, "Mom, I want to go to the grave for the New Year." My mother nodded unexpectedly, and silently prepared incense, firecrackers, burning paper, and coins for me, and put them in a plastic bag, and put the apples, pomegranates, cakes, and dates I had brought from Xi'an in another bag, and then said to me, "You go early tomorrow morning, there is no one on the mountain." ”

The morning in the south was very early, it was only six o'clock, and the sky was already bright. I didn't eat breakfast, so I followed my father to Beishan. Kitayama is a mountain range overgrown with masson pines. On the slope of the mountain stand several mounds. My father took me to the innermost grave.

The grave was overgrown with weeds, and it was desolate. The stone plaques were also dusty and dilapidated. But inside is buried my first love, my benefactor. For many years, I have always wanted to be close to him, comfort him, burn paper and incense for him, but I can't, because I am not his relative, and I don't have a valid reason. I can only bury him silently in my heart and not let anyone know. Now that I'm finally with him, I can talk to him to my heart's content. However, after 20 years, I don't know if he can still hear my voice and hear my heart.

I wiped the words on the stele with a tissue, and the words "Tomb of the Yellow New Year" were clearly revealed. I couldn't help but feel sad for a while, thinking how long has it been since no one looked at you, you are so lonely, so pitiful!

My father used a kitchen knife to cut down all the weeds on and around the grave, and added some new soil to the top of the grave with a shovel, so that the head and side of the grave were no longer so desolate and messy. Then my father tore the firecrackers apart, lined them up in a long line, and lit them with a lighter. After the firecrackers began to crackle, he left with a shovel and kitchen knife.

I am very grateful to my father for doing this. In the past, I have repeatedly asked to visit the New Year's grave. My father stopped me very seriously, fearing that it would be bad for others to see me. Today, however, he brought me over and helped me.

After my father left, I lit the incense I had brought, put food and fruits on a small plate, and placed them in front of the monument. I spread a plastic sheet on the damp ground, and while crying, I knelt on the ground and bowed three times in succession. Then, he began to burn burning paper and coins, and said to the grave, "New Year, I'm sorry that I hurt you." If I hadn't gone to Xi'an, you wouldn't have died like that. However, I can't resist my parents' wishes, so please forgive me. I hope that in the next life, I will definitely accompany you tightly and never be separated for a moment. New Year, I love you, New Year, you rest in peace. ”

Watching the paper burn in the wind, and remembering my short and tragic first love, I burst into tears. When the ashes of the burning paper were gone, I wiped away my tears, got up from the stele, looked at the rising sun in the east, left the bottom of the slope, and walked towards the frost-paved path. As soon as I got out of the woods, I saw my father squatting on the side of the road smoking a cigarette and waiting for me. Seeing that my eyes were full of tears, my father lowered his head and led me back without saying a word.