Some people say that reading certain novels is to make money and kill people, which is unrealistic and illusory. I only take care of the author's own interests, but waste the reader's time, there are too many things I want to say to the reader, but the words are tasteless, but everyone does not want to live in the novel, to live the life that they like to be bold and doting, from birth to old age, we have been thinking about a question when we are alone, what do we live for.

What is the meaning of being alive, everyone goes through despair, being reborn, falling into the abyss, living, working, thinking carefully about what we really need, what we have missed in a lifetime.

The lights are bright, the paper is drunk, we are lost, what are we going to do as human beings.

Narrative. The name of the protagonist of the novel is Ah Fei, because he got his name from a song by a certain singer that he had heard before.

Ah Fei is not very impressed by the life when he was a child, just like each of us, probably only remember things after the age of 7 or 8, Ah Fei's only memory when he was a child is that he often listened to the older generation talk about learning to walk, about 1 year old one day, Ah Fei was playing table tennis, playing with the ball and slipped out, Ah Fei looked at the ball and crawled over, slowly stood up, like a bear, swayed left and right and walked slowly, maybe the boy walked a little later than the girl, otherwise he would not blame the ball that let him learn to walk in advance, as for growing up, he often felt that his legs were sore, no less than others。

Ah Fei's memory from learning to walk to his trip to the province, the middle period is very vague, can no longer remember, the childhood left behind is living with the older generation, and like those children in remote places, both longing for the big city, but afraid of contact.

When he was nine years old, because Ah Fei's father worked, Ah Fei finally went to the province with his mother, it was Ah Fei's first time to do a green train, and the train ticket that had been tangled for a long time finally got on the train, and I didn't know this regulation, children over 1.4 had to buy a full ticket, Ah Fei's mother repeatedly told him to measure his height and legs slightly bent, so that Ah Fei was awkward to measure his height under the attention of many people, and after discussing for a long time, the conductor finally gave a half-price ticket, on the grounds that the child was more well-behaved.

The train traveled for a day and a night, stopping and stopping like a worm, and the train was mixed with all kinds of unpleasant smells, smoke, sauerkraut, urine, and feet.

Finally, when he was about to arrive at the platform, Ah Fei couldn't help it, and spit out the middle-aged man who was sitting with them, and the man who was still taking off his shoes and sleeping soundly would definitely scold after waking up, squirting out unpleasant words from his mouth, and at that time, Ah Fei and his mother had already silently got off the train with two bags of luggage, and disappeared into the platform with the sea of people.

People often grow up inadvertently, and the time of youth is so pleasant, so that when you grow up, every time you think about it, there are always some things worth thinking about and recalling, maybe you and Ergou stole the family's money to go to the amusement hall to shake the handle, maybe it was with a girl who was deceived in the melon field under the moon, maybe it was with the same table and skipped class and lay on the playground to fantasize about the future, maybe you have never been close to death, but there is such a person in your life suddenly disappeared, as if no one in this world has ever been except for memory and value。

It's like that abyss, staring at each other, and you don't know what else will happen in the future, which will make you restless and suffer from gains and losses.

Ah Fei and his mother went out of the station, and the first one ushered in was not Ah Fei's father, but a middle-aged man, wearing a motorcycle red head bank, a magical Jialing 125, the front bumper was covered with several pieces of plastic paper of different colors, the station gate was their people, there were all kinds of motorcycles, and there were also various helmets, that era seemed to be green was not anyone's exclusive property, just for a livelihood to support the family, they gathered about a dozen people, the middle-aged man said in a grand local dialect; 。

The skinny Ah Fei was blocked by his mother, and the two bags of luggage were also put down, and Ah Fei's mother replied to go to a certain factory.

Before the words fell, the luggage was then put on the shoulders of the man, and after a while, the three of them rode and began the journey.

Half an hour's drive, no mountain road, no rugged, the open asphalt road is so gentle, the car drove to the factory, gave the man 15 yuan, the man took the money, showed his smoky yellow teeth, and said thank you, big sister.

This smile and the face full of potholes are so happy. I turned around and unloaded all my luggage again, and helped carry it to the side.

Ah Fei's mother came to the gate of the factory, gave the security guard at the door an address, and asked if it was here, the fat security guard cut a small flat head, and wore this uniform in his twenties, looked at it carefully, and replied that it was here, which one are you looking for.

Ah Fei's mother reported Ah Fei's father's name, the other party returned to wait a while, and then the security room dialed the landline, laughed a few words on the phone, and hung up the phone, he immediately came out sister-in-law, you come in first to sit down, I will help you move the luggage in, Ah Fei and his mother politely entered the security room, Ah Fei in the security room for a long time on the equipment carefully studied, for some seem to often be seen on TV, but for some of them do not know what to do at all, always want to use their hands to fiddle, out of timidity and dare not reach out, can only look blankly, curiosity is the nature of every child, with great creativity, and often pushes people to the edge of the cliff.

Ah Fei's yearning for his father stayed in his previous cognition, because his father always gathers less and leaves more, and they meet only a few times a year, and they may not be able to see their father for a year or two, and they don't know where he is, but this man always sends money to the family every month or quarter, so that Ah Fei and his mother can maintain their daily expenses, in the childhood life of most people, they may remember their loved ones like this, at that time, the young head felt that life should not be like this, why is it different from those children on TV, there is no children's palace, no football, no learning machines and extracurricular activitiesMore often than not, in a corner of the village or town, with a few male friends, spend a few cents to buy flower pieces (a kind of small paper card with cartoon characters) on the ground, smoke and dust, tireless, dark night.

When I grew up, sometimes I became as calm and honest as my parents, going out to work to make money, gathering less and leaving more.

The next generation of children begins to think about the same question, and the cycle repeats.