Lovers (novella) Zhang Baotong

I have a kind of sadness and helplessness about the end of the hero and the emptiness of everything. The future can see the end at a glance, but the divorce is far away. My wife refuses to divorce, but I have long lost my love and feelings for her. We haven't lived together for almost a decade, not even holding hands and kissing, like two mutually exclusive magnets. I wanted to end this loveless, only resentful marriage, but she refused to let go like a man in the water clinging to a piece of wood. I also know that if I were still that ordinary middle school teacher, she would have divorced me a long time ago, but now that I am the deputy secretary of the neighborhood office, and I am also a government official, if I divorce me again, not to mention that their family will scold her, even others will say that she is a fool. If I want to force action, I have to do it, and it will easily lead to a lose-lose result.

When I was working in the district party committee office, there was a deputy director of the people's congress who got along with a female secretary in her thirties of the trade union. In order to achieve the goal of the two getting married and starting a family, both parties have to divorce their spouses, especially the deputy director in order to divorce his wife, fought a civil war for many years, and made a bad reputation. In addition, when I was working in the Party Office of the Education Bureau, the head of the personnel section and a female teacher and researcher in the teaching and research department had a very close relationship, and the head of the personnel section also wanted to divorce his wife and wanted to live with this female teacher and researcher. For this reason, the section chief's wife went to the education bureau to make a big fuss, publicized the scandal of the two of them everywhere, and finally rushed into the teaching and research room to dig out the face of the female teacher and researcher.

Although there is no such mess between us, it will make me feel very embarrassed if she comes to our unit and says that I dislike her and abandon her because she is sick. But the most important thing is that I think she is very unlucky and very pitiful in this life, she has been fighting against the disease, and if I forcibly abandon her, it will be very embarrassing and embarrassing for her and their family, and it will not be good for the children. Therefore, I still hope that she can agree to divorce me in order to achieve a good ending. That may not have happened, but she assured me again that she would give me back my freedom when my child went to college, because she was not in good health and could not give me what a man needed.

It is very painful and painful for a man to get what he needs and not get it. This confusion has plagued me for many years. If it weren't for this, I wouldn't have been in a hurry to divorce her. I'm no longer young, and there's not much fun in living in this world as a man anymore. So, it gives me a sense of panic and urgency that people are getting old and that time is running out. As a man, no matter how great my achievements are, if I don't get enough pleasure emotionally, it will be the biggest failure of my life, and this failure will make me hate it for the rest of my life. Because all these years I have been spent in extreme emotional anxiety.

I don't know how to explain how important and indispensable feelings are for men. I can only tell you one thing that I was very confused about when I was a child. At that time, my family lived in a bungalow in the family area of the Nanping Railway in Fujian, and next door to our family lived a newly married couple. Men work as repairmen in repair shops, while women have no jobs for their families. The two are usually together, always pulling and pulling and making love. But at night, when we all fell asleep, they fought, and the men threw and scolded, and scolded the women. The woman cried and shouted like a pig, causing trouble in the neighborhood. So, my mother and other neighbors often knocked on their doors, pulled them up, and persuaded them. After a long time, I heard the adults say that it was because the man wanted to do that kind of thing, but the woman didn't let the man do it. The man attacked hard, but the woman insisted, so the two fought. I was quite puzzled about this at the time, thinking that women would not do it if they were not allowed to do it, why should they fight and make a fuss that made people embarrassed and uneasy. Later, when I grew up, I realized that men are married for this purpose. If they could not do such things, men would probably not choose to get married.

I knew that my wife's promises and assurances were meaningless, because then she would certainly find another excuse to refuse the divorce, and even Balzac said that women were the greatest realists. They themselves are born for self-interest, and for a little self-interest, they can quarrel with you, cry, or even hang themselves, not to mention such a major event in life as divorce! Therefore, there is no bright sign in my immediate future, and there is no comforting hope. That's why I'm sad and helpless.

However, at the age of 45, I met a woman. Her appearance was quite accidental, but I have always regarded her as an angel and lover sent to me by God, just like at the moment of crisis when I fell into the Luohe River, God would send Lin Yuqing to rescue me from the river, and God also took pity on me for the emotional suffering and suffering I had suffered for many years, and sent her to me again.

Her name is Huang Wenying, she doesn't look beautiful at all, and her clothes are very ordinary, just like any thirty-five or sixteen-year-old rural woman in the flow of people in an urban village or labor market. She is from Danfeng, southern Shaanxi, and was introduced by a friend who asked me to help her find a job. She told me that her family borrowed more than 100,000 yuan to buy a truck, and pulled dirt for others on the construction site on the edge of the county seat, and lived a good life, but her husband did not keep his duty and got along with a cousin of a distant relative, and often took his cousin to drive around. However, not long ago, my husband drank some wine and drove his cousin for a ride on the way to Shangzhou, but the car overturned in a ditch on the side of the road. Not only did he break the car, but he also injured his cousin. So, in a fit of rage, she ran out of her hometown. Because of this incident, it cost 40,000 or 50,000 yuan to repair the car, pay a fine and see a doctor for my cousin, but they borrowed money and loaned more than 100,000 yuan and didn't pay it back. Therefore, she wanted to come out to work to earn money so that she could pay off her debts and prepare to divorce her husband.

I asked her what she could do, and she told me she could do anything. So, I called the owner of a bathing center and asked him to help arrange someone in his shop. Because she graduated from high school and was in my relationship, Boss Lin arranged for her to be cashier at the bar in the bathing center. She was so happy that she immediately called me to thank me and said she was going to invite me to dinner. Originally, I thought this was the end of the matter, but I didn't expect that a few days later, at noon, she would really invite me to dinner. So, we went into a small restaurant and asked for a braised san fresh, a braised eggplant, a braised hairtail and two Lulu. We talked and laughed together and had a good feeling for each other. She is very sincere and intelligent, very good at dealing with people, and her tone of voice is very soft and magnetic, which makes me feel very kind and pleasant, so I have a very good impression of her.

After eating, she had to pay the bill, but I had already paid the bill, because I didn't think it was easy for rural women to come out to earn money, unlike us who could easily get three or four thousand yuan a month sitting in the office. When she saw that I had paid the money, she looked unhappy and said that I should have asked you, but you asked me to do so. I said okay, it's not easy for you to make money.

Since it was very hot, I offered to find an air-conditioned room so that we could stay together and talk a little longer. She agreed. So, I spent 20 yuan to find an hourly room with an electric fan. When I entered the house and turned on the fan, I felt much cooler. We sat next to each other, very close together. At this point, I smiled at her, and she smiled at me slightly. So, I grabbed her hand and looked at her palmistry. After reading the palmistry, I didn't let go of her hand, but held her hand hard and watched her reaction. She didn't take her hand away from mine, but smiled at me with that knowing look. Of course I knew what she meant, so I took her in my arms.