10 ways to get your marriage back on track Zhang Baotong compiled 2018.6.20

First talk about love, then talk about marriage, when it comes to love, we have to talk about marriage, and then happiness and joy. In this case, is the story coming to an end? In fact, although the couple thinks they are married, in fact, if something goes wrong with their fairy tale, they may feel sorry. Because many people will think that marriage is about marrying the right person, and when there is a problem in the marriage, they will think that they are marrying the wrong person or marrying the wrong person.

Aliser Brownman, author of Forever Happiness, said, "While you do want to marry someone you feel is more or less compatible with love, there are many marriages that are not really married or the right person to marry." And the marriage relationship is a continuous process, in order to maintain a happy relationship, you must constantly enrich and improve the state of the marriage, for this, you can try to use these 10 tips to restore and maintain your romantic mood. ”

1. Enrich yourself. Marriage is a way to give, but don't make too many mistakes about giving. "To have a good marriage, you need to be a good example. Learn how to prioritize and draw the necessary boundaries throughout the whole, healthy and beneficial activities of rest, relaxation, fitness, and spending time with friends. In other words, when you schedule your day, you don't think too much about yourself, but more about others. This is very necessary and very important, it will strengthen your relationships with others and will make them feel convinced of you.

2. Define the problems of each other. Take some time to review your relationship and find out where you are in common and where things are going wrong. Boothman suggests taking some time to imagine the best day you ever had with each other. What would happen in that way? How would you and your partner work together? And then create a plan of how you're going to go from point A of the current reality to point B of the perfect day. If necessary, write down the plan and then break it down into small and scattered problems.

3. Develop a financial plan together. Money is the most problematic part of a marriage. Couples often have worries and arguments about expenses and expenses. If you start to get entangled with each other on issues of principle. This cannot but draw our attention. We all feel guilty about what some economists call "reactive decision-making," in which decisions are always in someone else's hands. This is in fact a simple breach of contract. Gianni Anderson, co-author of the study of spouses, said, "Use economics to control love, marriage, and dirty dishes." Couples need to have an active plan to manage their money, whether to manage it together, or separately, or to create a joint account and remain independent, and both of them must be involved in the decision, regardless of the decision.

Fourth, use three rules. When you need to ask your partner something that might be misinterpreted as nagging, make the most of these three requests. "The art of being confident and not offending lies in being concise, using a warm tone of voice and body language," Brownman said. Because when you limit your request to three or fewer words, it's almost impossible for you to be blamed, and it's also more likely that you'll understand your point without losing your spouse's attention. Show your request with a smile, be sincere, and give encouragement. You can even put your hands on your thighs and like you say, "Honey, it's a mess at home, I'm exhausted." Can you help me clean up this place? I really need your help. ”

5. Avoid conflict and confrontation. Don't mess things up on the spur of the moment. On the contrary, think twice before you act, calm down, and think for a moment. "There's a concept in economics called the 'loss scare' that shows that no one wants to lose. When we feel like we're about to lose something, we feel extremely flustered and hopeless. "This often happens when couples talk about hot issues like sex, housework, money or children. If one of the spouses feels that he or she is losing what he or she wants, the stakes are raised and the matter is escalated. So, the next time you watch your spouse arguing about going to a not-so-happy place, you should take a break and revisit the topic before both of you are overwhelmed by it.

6. Do what you want. Yes, this "doing" is making love. Intimacy is an important part of an important relationship, and that's where the most pain can be felt if something goes wrong with the relationship. But sexual harmony is also the fastest and most direct way for you to become intimate with your spouse and rekindle the fire of your relationship. A smile, a kiss, a touch sex in a room between couples has the potential to be our favorite and most powerful physical experience. Co-author of the book "Sex" Jerry J. Dr. D. Black said, "There are 15 ways to save your relationship...... without leaving your bedroom. This is especially important if performance leads to emotional satisfaction, better communication, a sense of security, and peace of mind. ”

7. Quench your resentment. It's time to burn your bad memories. Sometimes things that are always on the mind, such as, "Do you remember what you did or that?" are the things that can lead to the destruction of the relationship. Rather than dwelling on it forever, it is better to burn these resentments to the ground. Holding on to these resentments can only be detrimental, and dwelling on them can only make you feel miserable, so you should burn them down and let them cease to exist.

8. Don't be overconfident. Overconfidence can lead to complacency, which is not good for any relationship. According to a survey by Jolin published in the journal Law and Human Conduct in August 1993, couples who had recently applied for marriage were asked to estimate the divorce rate. They accurately predicted that the divorce rate was about 50 percent. They were then asked to estimate the likelihood of divorce, and their answer was zero. This statistical result shows that if there is no perceived risk of marital failure, there will be no precautions and mental preparation, so when a marriage suddenly faces faltering, it will feel caught off guard. Don't try to hide small signs. Don't forget to try to keep your romantic life alive. Don't wait until a lot of problems have piled up before you start working on them, because by then it may be too late.

9. Write a eulogy for your spouse. It's actually not as scary as it sounds. It's more of an appreciative exercise. Brownman suggests that this allows you to focus on the good in your spouse (because it will make you praise him as much as possible instead of blaming him). "Think back to all the years you've known this person. When did he make you laugh, when did he make you cry with joy, when did he surprise you, when did he feed the cat, because the smell of cat food makes you vomit. Bumman said that by putting these in the eulogy, the funeral fantasy will help you appreciate your spouse. ”

10. Remind yourself that there is a chance to keep your marriage alive. Many people are in trouble with their marriage because they think they have no choice but to divorce. "They are in a marital crisis and blame their spouses for that. But it's not your spouse's fault, it's your own. In fact, "you're not stuck in a rut, you still have a choice." There are three situations you can choose from: doing nothing and being upset, trying to save your marriage, or asking for a divorce. "You can make a decision about these choices when you wake up every morning. The surest path to happiness is to know that you are not a helpless distressed teenage girl, but a woman who can make her own decisions. You can choose to live happily ever after.