She glanced at Shi Jing, who lowered her eyebrows and lowered her eyes, as if the four were empty, and pushed open the door next to her, and the result was still the same, the same painting was hung in the four rooms on the third floor, but looking at the traces of ink and paper, it should have been painted in different periods.

All the paintings are hung together, and the depression and loneliness in the paintings simply increase exponentially, and if you look at it for a long time, you will feel depressed, and if you stay for a long time, you will also have the illusion of being infected by darkness.

"When did you start painting this?" Si Qi couldn't help but ask.

Shi Jing twisted his fingers lightly and whispered, "Thirteen years ago." ”

He was twenty-two years old at the time, and he should have graduated from college.

"When I feel like I can't stand the pain, I paint this picture, and it's much better when it's done. Shi Jing stared at the ground, his face was crystal white under the light, his eyelashes trembled slowly, and there was an indescribable pleasing to the eye, "I can't draw anything else, I can only draw it." ”

Si Qi can understand very well: "When a person's survival is threatened, survival becomes the first need. ”

At that time, the emotional catharsis in this painting was probably the only motivation for him to live!

So he named the painting "To Live", which is his longing and solace.

She sighed secretly, and was about to turn away, when her eyes inadvertently turned from Shi Jing's face, but it was as if she was burned, and she froze - he saw Shi Jing's eyes red.

"I have been fighting against fate all these years, I don't want to lose, I think to live is the biggest ridicule and rebellion against fate, after graduating from college, although I opened a company, but still live in the villa, can not maintain normal communication with people, at that time my parents rented nearby, every week to buy daily necessities for me, responsible for my company's external affairs, I had three years did not walk out of the villa door. Shi Jing rarely speaks in large paragraphs, silence is his usual style, and now he suddenly throws off a long list, which seems to be incoherent.

"I've been sponsoring some people through Mo Wenlan, and I've bought a lot of paintings that are not accepted by the mainstream, and then Mo Wenlan probably wanted me to try to go out, and kept suggesting that I hold an exhibition so that those paintings could have a chance to appear in front of the public, and later, I chose a remote abandoned garbage dump as the exhibition site. Shi Jing didn't have any expression on his face, but his eyes were very agitated, "I've been painting the same painting all these years, probably because I have painted too much, and I seem to have become the person in the painting, Mo Wenlan said that since I can't go out, it's better to let this painting go out instead of me." ”

Si Qi muttered, "It's because you participated in the exhibition, so you chose the abandoned garbage factory as the exhibition venue?"

Shi Jing was silent for a while: "I don't know." ”

Since the age of seventeen, he has been stumbling forward in struggle and self-rejection, he doesn't know where he will go, and now looking back, he can't express the complex and changeable mood in words, he wants to live, and he also wants to die in silence.

Si Qi didn't ask any more questions, just looked at him sideways, watching the emotions in his eyes gradually invaded by the darkness, almost indulging people in it, the shadow of darkness was like a bloodthirsty monster, constantly devouring all his hopes, light and efforts, and there was no reason to drag him into it, and he kept twisting his pants with both hands until his fingertips turned white, as if he was constantly accumulating strength through this action.

For more than ten years, he lived here alone and silently, closed all the doors to the outside world, surrounded only by darkness, and only darkness accompanied him, in this never-ending darkness, he spent all day in front of these thick and colorful paintings, pushing open the door, it was the depression, suffocation, coldness and darkness that came to his face, in it, even if it was a person with excellent psychological quality, he would feel uncomfortable, but he lived for more than ten years.

In an instant, Si Qi seemed to be bewitched, she suddenly stretched out her hand, picked up her heels, and gently touched his eyes that were haunted by darkness.

It was very cold, the biting coolness soon spread along the arm to the bottom of her heart, pulling out a thick sadness and pity, this strange feeling was like a lit fire, burning her gradually eroded reason, making her fascinated into a mess of threads, in the chaos, she actually grabbed Shi Jing's shoulder, gently patted his stiff and tense back, and almost wanted to take him into her arms.

Soon, Si Qi felt that she was imprisoned by a pair of powerful hands, she was tightly held in her arms, Shi Jing's chin was close to her neck, she could feel his violently beating chest, boiling blood, and then, she felt the hot water droplets dripping down her neck, so dense, so hot, the thick water vapor diffused in her ears, she struggled slightly, and wanted to raise her head, but Shi Jing tightened her arms tightly, and her whole body was trembling.

I don't know how long it took, about half an hour, or even longer, and after Si Qi's collar was wet for a long time, Shi Jing's arm had the intention of loosening.

Si Qi wanted to look up at him, but heard someone on his shoulder say sullenly, "Don't look." ”

“......”

Oh, some people cry, but they still want to save face.

She had to continue to stiffen, her hands hung in the air without embarrassment, almost stiffened into a stone, and the cold sweat on her forehead was about to come out.

After being silent for a long time, her soul that had just been bewitched and ran away gradually returned to its place, and she suddenly remembered that she seemed to touch the person's face first, and she also used her hands and feet to hug the person, and then others fought back, so that it became the current situation.

It's really—it's hard to look back on.

"Can you forget about today?" Shi Jing's voice was still muffled.

Inexplicably feeling a certain shyness and shame from this sentence, Si Qi laughed and couldn't help but tease: "Do you want me to forget this painting, or do you want me to forget to hug you?"

Shi Jing froze.

Si Qi said: "But I don't want to forget, what should I do? After all, I just finished eating the whole table, and the taste lingers in my mind for a long time, how can I be willing to forget, besides, I have finally found the painting that I have thought about for so many years, and I have to take it back and hang it in front of the bed, so that I can worship in the morning and evening, how can I forget?"

Without waiting for someone to say anything, she added another sentence: "Besides, I finally hugged the beautiful man back, and I forgot how wasteful it was?"

Shi Jing: "......"

Probably because he was still holding her, otherwise he would have found a hole in the ground and got in.

Si Qi patted him lightly on the back, trying to break free from the beautiful man's embrace, and said easily: "Actually, today is worth celebrating, why don't we go have a drink?"

Shi Jing blinked his eyes vigorously, blinked back the water droplets that were unconsciously overflowing his eyes, and he hugged Si Qi harder and harder: "Thank you." ”

"Thanks for what. Si Qi moved a little uncomfortably, and said casually: "You bought me so many beautiful clothes, good cosmetics, and bought me a new car, and fed me with good food and drink all day long, and I can't do without you when it comes to raising my son, and I should thank you when it comes to thanks." ”

"Don't move, stay with me for a while. Shi Jing took advantage of the fact that the person was still in his arms, and refused to let go first, this petite and emaciated body with a fiery temperature and reassuring warmth, made him unwilling to let go.

If his life ends one day, how good it would be to stay in this moment.

But he was even more greedy and delusional, it would be better if this could last forever.

Eighteen years ago, he watched himself sink deeper and deeper into the dark quagmire, he tried, struggled, but all failed, many times he told himself that he should give up, but he was not reconciled, he was trapped in the villa for many years, he imagined countless ways to get out, but none of them were implemented, until this moment, he really understood.

It turned out that in the depths of his own soul, which he did not know very well, he had been faintly expecting such a person, a person who understood him and understood him, who would not be afraid of his past, who would not be afraid of his future, who would be gentle and firm in his arms, who would give him the thoughtfulness and tolerance that he had never felt before, who knew him at his worst, who had seen his most panicked expression, and who reached out to hug him in his darkest and most desperate moments.

It turned out that all these years, he had been waiting, waiting for such a person to appear and give him the strength and courage to be able to watch him from the side.

Shi Jing heard the deepest desire in his heart, he wanted to be with Si Qi forever, no matter what way it was.

Si Qi stiffened at the moment when Shi Jing's words fell, and slowly relaxed, and let him hold him for two minutes, before she said helplessly: "But it's very tiring to stand, don't you think? We have a sofa, why can't we sit down and have a drink?"

After being silent for a long time, President Shi finally let go.

Si Qi's stiff neck was active, although she was embarrassed in her heart, but if she showed embarrassment at this time, then the president of Shida would probably fly on the spot, or find a place to hide for another three or five months, after thinking about it, this faceless role can only be played by her, so she tirelessly asked: "Do you drink red wine, or white wine, or beer?"

Shi Jing lowered his eyes, his hands drooped, as if he was unconsciously twisting his pants, his pale cheeks were red to the root of his ears, and even his neck was flushed.

Si Qi looked at him stunned, and an idiom couldn't help but come to mind: "It's beautiful and delicious." ”

When she realized what she was thinking, she quickly looked away, almost in a hurry, fled the room, and staggered down the stairs, and after a long time, her voice came from outside: "I think it's better to drink beer! ”

Shi Jing poked in place for a while, the corners of his mouth couldn't help but smile, he stared at the painting on the easel, stretched out his hand and touched the familiar and unfamiliar eyebrows, over and over again.

After a while, he suddenly picked up a paintbrush and wrote two words next to it: "Hope." ”

The heart of eternal emptiness, silence, loneliness, and despair was suddenly filled on this night.

His fortunes, after years of hovering at the bottom, finally began to pick up.

Downstairs, Si Qi really took out a few cans of beer, and put a plate of capers in the kitchen as an appetizer, she sat cross-legged on the sofa, and waved to Shi Jing with a smile.

Shi Jing looked at her, lowered his eyes quickly, and the tips of his ears were a little red.

Si Qi patted the place next to her and said, "You sit here." ”

Shi Jing secretly swallowed his saliva, leaned over very carefully, and sat next to her upright, and could hear her soft breathing from a close distance, but he didn't even dare to look at her.