From the moment he entered the gate to the present, he didn't dare to talk to Si Qi alone, let alone look into her eyes, but at this moment, there were only the two of them left in this villa, he was like a prisoner sitting on the judgment table, waiting for the final verdict of the presiding judge, even if he suppressed more desires and expectations in his heart, it was useless, he had no power, let alone qualifications, he could only sit quietly, he thought about it for a night, Si Qi's reaction was really as he expected, extremely calm, even calmer than him, he couldn't guess what was hidden under this calm.

The silence became more and more unbearable in the deliberately suppressed tension, giving him the illusion of suffocation, and his entire chest was stabbing and full, as if it would explode at the slightest exertion.

Si Qimo held the teacup, his fingers felt the hot temperature, his eyes swept over Shi Jing's fair forehead and fluttering eyes, and suddenly asked, "Why are you looking for someone to cooperate?"

Shi Jing: "......"

It was like dropping a bomb in the stillest air.

His heart jumped, and he hurriedly looked up at Si Qi, but the latter didn't even raise his eyelids and stared at his teacup, as if a gold ingot had fallen from it, this question seemed to be just a casual question, which made his shocked heart stabilize slightly, and his brain was running rapidly, he couldn't figure out the meaning of Si Qi's question, according to the original statement, both of them would choose to find someone to act in order to reassure their families.

Now that she suddenly asked like this, she naturally didn't want to hear what they both knew - nonsense.

He had imagined a lot of questions that Si Qi might ask, but he didn't expect her to ask them.

But how could he answer to satisfy her?

He is up and down here, and Si Qi over there is actually extremely contradictory, some kind of indescribable entanglement and regret are intertwined into a net, which makes her want to travel through time, swallow back the sentence just now, and by the way, close the tongue that is always self-assertive for a few years, that question is too arrogant, Shi Jing just has social phobia, not a problem with IQ, he must understand it, so how will he answer?

It's probably some kind of broken jar mentality, and if she speaks, she can't swallow it back, so she slowly raised some kind of expectation, wondering what kind of answer Shi Jing would give her?

Shi Jing's heavy gaze was firmly fixed on the face that was close at hand, his gaze moved down slightly, and he suddenly found that her fingers were unconsciously twisting the teacup, and the action was exactly the same as his, as if he was accumulating strength and courage for himself through this action, his rapidly beating heart seemed to be soaked in sour water, and for a while there were thousands of clues, like smoke, the past blocked his throat, so that he didn't know where to start.

"I..." He just tried to start, and found that the person opposite had raised his gaze, staring at each other, so that his words behind him slipped back into his stomach and swallowed back into his stomach, and he was stunned like a painting on the wall, and the courage he desperately gathered was like a balloon that had been punctured, and he split with a "bang" and four sounds, and he desperately twisted his pants, trying to find some courage to come out and support him in a corner to continue walking.

However, from head to toe, from the inside out, nothing was found, and this result soon turned into a great despair, slowly enveloping him.

He thought in despair that he might have messed everything up.

"It's okay, actually, I just asked casually. Si Qi, who never made him embarrassed and at a loss, refilled a cup of tea for him with a smile, her smile was very light and shallow, but it made people see an unusual tenderness, like a handful of warm warm water, overflowing his flesh and heart that was gradually frozen by despair, he couldn't help but relax the heartstrings that collapsed instantly, holding the cup of tea she had renewed, and the temperature of the tea swirled up with his fingers.

Si Qi took a sip of tea and said, "You don't have to answer that question, in fact, I sometimes can't figure it out myself." ”

Shi Jing vaguely felt what she was going to say, looked at her in a daze, his newly relaxed heart was crumpled again, and then rushed down the blood to his throat, holding his breath and waiting, waiting for whether to fly to the Nine Heavens or fall into the eighteenth layer of hell.

Si Qi didn't let him wait too long, and after about two seconds, he heard her say very slowly: "We all said that it was because we didn't want to worry our parents and family, and we didn't want to become an outlier in society, but in fact, this is just an excuse." ”

After speaking, she took a deep breath, feeling that the next words were a little difficult to say, like trying to stretch her heart out in the sun, for her who has experienced the upside down of the world, it really takes great courage, but after all, she can't live with a mask forever, and she can never give people those hypocritical appearances, after a long silence, she finally mustered up the courage and said: "I am because I am a ......"

"I just want to live. ”

Shi Jing didn't know why, this sentence almost blurted out and rushed out, and even interrupted her words a little eagerly, the words had already come out, he came back to his senses, and looked at Si Qi, who was also shocked, his soul seemed to have soared into outer space in an instant, probably the worst thing had happened, and the most unspeakable words were spoken, but he subconsciously breathed a sigh of relief, and the cold sweat on his whole body slowly condensed into courage.

He was very scared, afraid that she would say the sentence "I don't want to believe in love anymore because I was desperate for love or I had a failed relationship", he knew that if this was said, it meant that she had made up her mind, she really would not accept love again, it was impossible in any form.

He didn't want to give her that chance.

"All these years I was stuck in the villa and couldn't get out. Shi Jing glanced at her, and suddenly spoke: "My parents have very low requirements for me, as long as I can live, they are already satisfied, after I was admitted to college at the age of 19, I bought this villa with the income from selling software and all the savings of my parents, I have a psychiatrist's diagnosis, so I don't need to go to school, all courses are through online learning." ”

Si Qi half-opened his mouth, had to recycle the words behind him, and then looked at him in a daze, feeling that the other party seemed to have misunderstood something, looking at Shi Jing's pale face that turned from pale to pale, and his eyes that couldn't suppress anxiety, the whole person suddenly fell from mid-air like a tightrope, slammed on the ground, opened her mouth to explain something, but couldn't find a suitable explanation for a while, her calm indifference seemed to turn into light smoke.

She wanted to say: I didn't mean that, I didn't mean to push you away, I just wanted to tell you.....

Pity...

"The company I opened was also remotely controlled by others, because I was afraid that I would fall deeper and deeper in the dark and eventually rot, and it was very difficult in the first two years, we could only write software to maintain operations, in fact, it was no different from not opening it, until I reunited with Mo Wenlan 11 years ago, and then he transferred his consulting room to someone else, and came to Senmu to be my agent, just to help me. Shi Jing didn't dare to look at her, her floating gaze was helpless and dazed.

"I have lived in the dark for more than ten years, I will never be able to get out of this villa, the whole person is like being in a dark quagmire, pulled down by an invisible force, Mo Wenlan tried his best to help me but could not improve, until two years ago my father was seriously ill, he used my father to see me in love as an excuse, proposed to find someone to cooperate, I spent two years to do psychological construction for myself, at the beginning of this year I reluctantly agreed. ”

Si Qi couldn't help but hold the teacup and listened in a daze.

After Shi Jing finished speaking, he was silent for a long time, and then said with some difficulty: "Actually, I agreed with his proposal, just because I wanted to live, not purely because my parents and family, probably because I stayed in the dark for too long, I was extremely eager for light, but I was not qualified to enjoy the light, so I could only sink in the dark, when he proposed to cooperate, I was very opposed on the surface, but in private I couldn't help but look forward to it, because I wanted to live." ”

"Later, Mo Wenlan told me about your situation, I read your information, and hesitated for a month before agreeing to that meeting, but then you gave me a very... It makes me feel that being around strangers is not so scary. He swallowed, clutching his fingers, "I... I cherish this collaboration because I want to live... You... Very good... It's good...", the voice grew lower and lower, until it was completely silent.

He said upside down, almost incoherently, but Si Qi understood strangely, his social phobia, I'm afraid there is also a reason, it is precisely because of this reason that he has been autistic for more than ten years, and at the same time tortures and punishes himself in autism, this other building is like a dark cage, he lives in the dark, watching himself sink in the dark little by little, he is not not eager for light.

He wants to live!

And their cooperation, or rather she, gave him the life to live.

This is probably the subtext he didn't dare to say, for fear of giving her an unbearable burden.

Si Qi's heart couldn't help but get complicated, but her brain continued to boil and stir, and these two diametrically opposed emotions tore at her person, which simply made her breathless.

Shi Jing seemed to have done something wrong, sitting on the sofa stiffly, lowering his eyebrows and lowering his eyes, holding the teacup with both hands, the water in the cup trembled slightly and invisibly, as if the person holding the teacup was trembling, but he was desperately restrained, so that people couldn't see it without being careful, he was like a fish on a chopping board, cutting open the flesh and blood by himself, and he couldn't wait to even spread out his heart for others to look at.

Si Qi completely threw what he wanted to say into the depths of his mind, and at this moment he probably wouldn't be interested in her past.

Or rather, it's not the right time to tear off the mask.

In the past few months, for the so-called happy cooperation, she has put Shi Jing first in everything, almost to spoil him, and can't wait to hold him in the palm of her hand, for fear that he will be a little uncomfortable, it can be said that she has never been so attentive to Si Xiaojun, and now that people have torn off the scars and spread everything out in front of her eyes for her to choose freely, she really can't open her mouth at this time and tell him the real reason.

Because that's too much of an excuse to back off.

In fact, she was just afraid that she didn't have what he wanted, which would give him hope, and she no longer had the confidence and courage to move forward and get up again after falling.