"I thought about it, to be a patient, you have to have the consciousness of being a patient. If I eat and drink like this, I guess my doctor will rush over and beat me. So I decided, and next, I will follow the recommended recipe to adjust my diet and try to get the best treatment results. Xue Mianmian said.

Qin Li was so surprised that he rushed over and wanted to hug Xue Mianmian.

Xue Mianmian pushed him away with a smile, "I'm going to the bathroom." ”

Qin Li nodded in great joy.

Lu Weibei saw that Xue Mianmian was walking a little staggering, and hesitated for a moment and said, "I'll go to the bathroom too." Then he followed.

Huo Yi also saw that Xue Mianmian was not quite right, sighed, and said to Qin Li, "You pay more attention to this time, the side effects of Mianmian's chemotherapy drugs may come up." ”

Qin Li's smile was fixed on his face, and his emotions fell back to the lowest point, and his whole person was like a deflated ball.

"Don't be too upset, chemotherapy drugs have big side effects, we all know it. This is also the way to go, and it does not mean that her condition has deteriorated or that there are other problems. The more you get to this point, the more you have to hold on. Huo Yi persuaded, "You are a doctor, if you panic, Mianmian can't help but think more about whether her condition has deteriorated, but you didn't tell her." What's more, she is already under a lot of pressure now, you have to find a way to help her relieve it, and don't let her take care of you in turn. ”

"I know all this......" Qin Li grabbed his hair, "but I ......"

But I can't.

Huo Yi patted Qin Li's shoulder hard, "There are many things, and I can't help you." No matter what others say, you have to figure it out for yourself. But if there is a need, at any time, if you have any bitter water that you want to pour or vent, you can come to me and unload your emotions with me. In this case, maybe when you go home, you will still have the strength to put on a smiling face. ”

Qin Li poured more than half a glass of wine, took a sip, and sat there grinning with his teeth for a long time before nodding.

After a while, he began to babble again, talking about how bad he was at taking care of people, how sorry he was, how scared he was, and how guilty he was.

Huo Yi listened patiently to what he said and persuaded, "These things are really not your fault. Sometimes, none of us can do anything about it. You don't know that pancreatic cancer is a disease that can be detected at an early stage? Otherwise, when Mianmian is at home one day, she faints with low blood sugar, and no one will know where she is. Or after two years, the course of the disease has progressed to the point where there is really no way but palliative care, and isn't it more difficult then than now?"

"Do you think I don't know what you're talking about? I know that the probability of missing a test for her disease is not small, and I also know that the prognosis of her disease is not good. I know everything. I've studied statistics, I know everything fuckingly!" Qin Li's voice was hoarse, "Yes, those people have missed the test, but do they have a doctor as a husband? They don't! Mianmian is different from them, Mianmian has me! But what about me? I am very wrong! If I hadn't ignored her state, if I hadn't been vigilant enough, Mianmian wouldn't be like this now! I get along with her day and night, I'm a doctor! How could I not notice these things! If it weren't for my negligence, how could Mianmian suffer this crime? Why did she suffer this crime!"

Someone must have done something wrong.

If no one does anything wrong, we will still suffer disasters, so what is our life?

Is it a small boat crumbling in the wind and waves, or an unworthy ant under the eyes of fate?

If everything is made up, if no matter how hard you try and how much you guard against it, you can't change the occurrence of disasters, then what's the point of effort?

Huo Yi closed his eyes.

Hearing this, Huo Yi's eyes were like the faces of his family, and at the last moment, their pale faces and blood all over their bodies.

He wanted to persuade Qin Li, but he had nothing to say. Because even he didn't understand these things.

He hated Fu Yin. hated her for killing all his relatives, hated her for making him alone.

But he slowly felt Fu Yin's pain, felt her dilemma, and he found that this hatred seemed to be a little untenable.

But that's about it.

He couldn't figure it out, and he didn't want to think about what was behind the hatred.

He closed his eyes.

If you can't figure it out, just let it go.

Xue Mianmian was vomiting in the toilet, and Lu Wei stayed behind her and helped her carry her back.

Xue Mianmian vomited while taking time out of his busy schedule to ask, "Qin Li didn't see it, did he?"

Lu Weibei's eyes turned red, "When is it, you still have time to worry about this." Don't worry, your stupid husband happily doesn't have time to pay attention to this. You take good care of yourself first. ”

“...... That's good. Only then did Xue Mianmian settle down, turn around and continue to retch.

At the dinner table, the more Qin Li thought about it, the more uncomfortable he felt in his heart, and shouted, "Fuck the creation and make people! Fuck the statistics! Fuck the birth, old age, sickness and death! Fuck the fuck helpless! Fuck me out! Get out!"

Fortunately, it was already afternoon, and there was only one table left in the store, and the boss and the proprietress knew about Xue Mianmian's illness, so they didn't come up to stop Qin Li.

After Qin Li made a fire himself, he seemed to have completely lost his strength, and sat there decadently chewing peanuts.

He actually wanted to drink, but his experience told him that he wasn't far from getting drunk.

He didn't want to be driven to Huo Yi by his wife because he was drunk at this time.

He let out a long sigh, "Huo Yi, I'm a coward. Isn't it?"

Huo Yi didn't know how to answer.

Qin Li actually knew the answer for a long time, "I really am." Actually, I don't need to be so busy right now, do I?"

Huo Yi didn't dare to look at Qin Li, turned his head sideways and exhaled.

"You didn't say it, you didn't say it, you didn't say it, but I know that I shouldn't be so busy right now. Qin Li picked up the wine glass and shook it in his hand, his eyes staring at the swirling liquid surface, "Mianmian has already started chemotherapy, she has been gone for so long now, she must be vomiting." What a strong person she is, she has decided to control her diet, I can't imagine how many times she has experienced such vomiting before this. She carried these by herself. What about me? I'm working overtime. ”

Qin Li's eyes were scarlet as blood, "How good is my reason, I have to save up for a vacation, so that I can have time to accompany her in the future." But I know that I am afraid, afraid that if I rest, if I see her so weak with my own eyes, then her illness will become real. ”

"Qin Li, you ......"

Qin Li waved his hand, "You don't have to speak for me, I have nothing to defend, really." I don't know? But I don't have the courage to accompany her through the hurdles. I just hope that Mianmian can carry it alone, carry the adjuvant treatment, carry the operation, I can accompany her to recover after surgery, accompany her to get better day by day, and accompany her to say goodbye to cancer completely. So I avoided her by saving up my vacation, and when I couldn't see her, I pretended that the catastrophe that the disease had brought to my family did not exist...... What do I have to explain? I'm not a thing!"

Huo Yi drank all the wine in his hand.

Huo Yi actually knew all along, and he knew that Qin Li had always known that Xue Mianmian's life was in the hands of God, not in the hands of any of them.

But they never discussed the topic, as if those risks wouldn't exist if they hadn't discussed them.

It seems that if these things are not discussed, Xue Mianmian will listen to the treatment smoothly and move towards recovery.

Qin Li wiped his eyes, "I'm a coward, a coward through and through, a coward......"

"You're not. Huo Yi pinched Qin Li's shoulder hard to show comfort, "This is human nature. ”

In a desperate situation, people will always turn a blind eye to future risks and disasters. Before utter despair, they are always stirred up with an excess of desire to win and an unfounded sense of faith.

Then follow these neglects and beliefs and stride towards the endless abyss.

This may be the remaining mechanism of human evolution, protecting people in desperate situations as they struggle to survive in order to pass on their DNA. As far as DNA is concerned, as long as the ontology survives with a positive mindset for one more day, it has a higher probability of being passed on to the next generation.

It's a pity that this mechanism only considers whether the race can reproduce and whether DNA can be transmitted, but rarely considers whether the person who is struggling to survive really wants to do this?

When you don't have high expectations for the future, rationally analyze your current situation, how many people will choose to fight to the death, and how many people will choose to let go of themselves?

"But I should have done better. Qin Li said in a hoarse voice.

"You've done a great job. Huo Yi comforted, "Besides, who knows if Mianmian will survive to the end? Maybe this hope is real, maybe Mianmian will really survive, right?"

Qin Li endured it, but he couldn't hold back, but he still picked up the cup and drank it all.

"Damn! You're right! I still don't believe it! How can we be really unlucky and not even survive an operation?" Qin Li wiped his mouth and said proudly.

As he spoke, he poured another glass of wine and drank it all to boost his morale.

Huo Yi couldn't grab the wine glass, so he could only watch Qin Li burp and bury his face in a pile of peanut shells with a stagger.

Over there, Xue Mianmian finally stopped vomiting, and returned to the dining table accompanied by Lu Weibie, and when she looked at her, she was greeted by her drunk and unconscious husband.

She immediately laughed angrily, "Doctor Huo, I'm not in good health, this drunken pig still has to trouble you to take care of it." ”

Huo Yi had a headache, and after a while, he said, "Go and sit with me for a while." If this guy wakes up and finds that his wife is angry and leaves, he will probably have to make a fuss with me. It just so happens that I have a deck of poker there, so let's play for a while?"

Lu Weibei silently objected in her heart, she still wanted to see Zhong Fangyuan in the afternoon.

"Doctor Huo, poker is brain-saving, I don't have that strength. Besides, if this young man is a drunkard or something, don't you still have to take care of it? Xue Mianmian thanked Bumin.

Huo Yi resigned to his fate, "Otherwise, you two will go to watch TV for a while? It just so happens that Qin Li bought a VIP account at my house last month when he was drunk, didn't you say that you wanted to watch that movie two days ago, and Qin Li didn't accompany you to watch it? It just so happens that you watched it on my TV at home." ”

Xue Mianmian reluctantly agreed.

Lu Weibei also had to accept his fate and obediently follow.

Qin Li's wine was barely good, except for being so drunk that he completely lost his ability to exercise as if he was unconscious, and occasionally howled in his throat like a nightmare, he didn't cause much trouble. However, it was still a little difficult for Huo Yi to support him alone.

When helping Qin Li into the guest room, Qin Li suddenly tilted to the side, Huo Yi couldn't use his hand at that angle, and seeing that the back of Qin Li's head was about to hit the bedside table, Lu Wei hurriedly grabbed it and helped him.

Qin Li unconsciously grabbed Lu Wei's bag, unfastened the buckle with a skillful effort, and threw the contents to the ground.

Xue Mianmian really couldn't stand it, and said coolly, "Qin Li, if you don't know what honesty is now, don't go home this week, live outside!"

His wife's cold voice was not a good sign, even if Qin Li was drunk, his subconscious knew that he had to be a little more restrained, so he hurriedly lay down on the bed and hid in the quilt.

Huo Yi sighed, "Mianmian, you are really eccentric, I was tossed all the way, you don't know how to say a word, you just suffered a crime, you are distressed?"

As he spoke, he walked over to Lu Weibie's side and helped her clean up the things that had fallen.

Xue Mianmian said angrily, "Why do I feel sorry for you? Who did he drink like this when he was together?"

"I want to stop him, can I stop him? If you don't want him to drink, just don't order so much wine......" Huo Yi was not to be outdone, but his attention became more and more deviated.

His gaze was fixed on the materials scattered on the ground.

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