When it was time for dinner, I made some side dishes, and the millet porridge was also boiled and burst into flowers, just looking like it was full of appetite, and if you put some sugar, it can be called the best in the world, Zhao Yilun made trouble behind his back, and put the small jar of sugar in a place that I couldn't reach, I shouted in disgust: "You are not naïve, put it down, the glass will be broken for a while!"

"Can you not put sugar, I don't like it. ”

"Then don't you say it, why do you still want to get started?" I took the opportunity to grab the jar, and skillfully put half a spoonful in my porridge, and he pulled me like Grandma Liu into the Grand View Garden and asked what kind of spice this was, what kind of rice was it........

I patted my head with a headache, "You haven't been in the kitchen, have you?"

"Mm-hmm" he nodded solemnly, and instead raised a shovel excitedly, "When will you teach me to cook, I want to learn too." ”

I felt that my heart was itching with a smile, did Lu Xiangnan eat him some big meal just now, and the guy seemed to be jealous.

He didn't know where to rub a few streaks of ash on his face, and the shovel in his hand was the one I had used for stir-frying, and it was still draining oil.

I snatched the shovel over, "Haven't you been staying here all the time, I just can't teach if I want to, don't you have to go home?"

"Running away from home!"

"Huh?"

He fiddled with the dishes and chopsticks, and we served the rice together and opened a bottle of soju. He was clumsily serving the meal, and I was confused about what he had just said, and when I helped him add food, I asked in passing, "Is it really okay if you don't go back?"

After all, it's only been a few days since his treatment, so staying here is a physical burden for him.

"I'm going to go crazy if I stay at home all the time. ”

"But, isn't it the same here as at home," I hastily stopped, almost saying that I could only come out at night. It's like taking a knife and slashing a piece of flesh off his wound.

He ate calmly, and suddenly exclaimed as if he had won an easter egg: "This dish is good! Your cooking skills can be promoted to the level of a chef!"

"Yes, yes" It was the first time to be praised like this, and of course, it was the first time to cook for someone other than my family, and I happily picked up a piece of meat and chewed it in my mouth, "It's me." ”

Zhao Yilun leaned over and teased me, "Hey—when did you become so narcissistic?"

"But when did you start cooking so well?"

I scooped up a spoonful of porridge, yes, when did I learn to cook, I carefully recalled the fragments of my life from childhood to adulthood........ No matter how hard I tried to recall, I still didn't remember it at all.

Zhao Yilun waved his hand in front of my eyes, "What do you think, how do you get into your mind?"

"Cooking, didn't you ask when you learned to cook, I can't remember. I sighed, "Anyway, when I was very young, my brother was in boarding high school, and my dad posted a search notice to find my mother every day, so I don't know how to learn it." ”

During that time, it was really hard, and I didn't feel anything when I experienced it, but now that I think about it, life at that time was a little too harsh for my young self at that time. But man is a strange animal, and the next time something worse than this happens to him, the little judgment he has left will be useless, and the psychological defense line will only become more and more fragile and unbearable each time.

I was scared, afraid that I didn't deserve everything I had now, and I didn't dare to approach or be approached, and in the end, I still resisted everything that seemed beautiful because of my lack of security from the bottom of my heart.

Inexplicably, I realized that I was the kind of pessimist who emotionally pursued the values that I would definitely lose, so I didn't dare to accept Zhao Yilun's, and I was afraid of being abandoned for no reason.

A hand suddenly fell from the top of my head, and I was stunned, staring at Zhao Yilun at a loss, his eyes overflowing with tenderness.

"I find out I have one more reason to like you?"

"What?"

"Be strong. He paused, "It's on those days, after all. ”

I don't have to guess, I know my face is already flushed.

Zhao Yilun, do you know that after talking too much about this, I will really like you. The feeling of liking you is getting worse, and the panic inside me is growing exponentially.

I put down my chopsticks and watched him eat quietly, confiding my truest thoughts without feeling it. In the short twenty years of my life, I have lost so much because of cowardice.

"Zhao Yilun, I understand that liking is to do my best to only like one person for the rest of my life. ”

He choked and coughed when he heard this, and I even forgot to hand him a piece of paper in the dim light.

Once you identify people and things, because you are too afraid of losing, so, when I like you, I hope you don't regret it.

He straightened up, and the gaze he looked at me contained too many complex emotions, too many things that I couldn't understand.

A voice crept out from the bottom of my heart, from the beginning to the end, even if it was wrong, it didn't matter?

After staring at the small lamp on the ceiling for a long time, my eyes were filled with a blurry phantom of red and green, which was really dazzling......

By the time my eyes were level with him again, I already had the answer in my heart, even if it was wrong, it didn't matter, it was my last courage to deal with feelings, look, when did I become so fragile...... But I've always been so vulnerable.

Probably the wine was coming up, consciousness hovering on the edge of blur and lucidity, and I knew what I was saying, though the words were too formal for an ordinary dinner.

"My dad also said that I am dead brains about everything, so I will always like you until the day you don't like me anymore, but do you think there will really be that day?" Dizzy for a while, I fell off the stool, followed by Zhao Yilun's voice mixed with the clanging of the dishes and chopsticks falling to the ground and slammed heavily on my heart, and later, what did he say, I swore that in the chaotic consciousness, I really tried to find Zhao Yilun's voice from the pile of noisy voices, but I, I didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything clearly.

The night was unexpectedly quiet, and at the same time there was an unchanging dreary atmosphere in the air.

I had a dream, which happened when I was a child, and the dream was extremely real, and the face that I thought about day and night was so real in my hand.

Yes...... I remember that it was when I was five years old, and my parents were always arguing and arguing over little things that were childish in the eyes of children. For the first time, my mother took me, and my unmarried aunt, out of that deep, boundless alley, under the guise of running away from home.

On the hunger side, we still have to bow to life after all. A plate of rice noodles for three yuan is the longing for food after three people have been tired for a day. They didn't eat a bite, especially my mother, who looked at me and smiled, her eyes curled into two charming moons, and she didn't eat a bite, even though her stomach kept prompting......

Later, I saw Zhao Yilun again, and saw his gaze that I didn't understand.

I turned to the side, my cheeks wet and sticky, and when I opened my eyes, there was a pillow wet with tears.

Zhao Yilun was lying on his side opposite me, he was still asleep, and our right hands were tightly clasped together.

Is this the answer he gave?

I held out my other hand and couldn't help but touch the tear mole in the corner of his eye.

It's Osca ringing in my ears

Wu

de

In this night-like early morning, we hugged each other and fell asleep.