Fairytale lover Zhang Baotong 2018.10.31

Many people may think that love for the opposite sex only began after the teens. However, in my mind, I already had this feeling when I began to have memories. It's just that people don't call this feeling a romance, but call it a good feeling. Actually, it's a kind of love affair in my heart. So, I wrote about this feeling in my novella "Lovers". It has become the love of my life, and I will always remember a kind of nostalgia and yearning.

When I was four years old, I began to wake up from my childhood ignorance, and it was also the beginning of my impression and memory of the world. Before that, I was like a sleeping baby, I didn't know anything, I didn't remember, I didn't even have the slightest impression of what I had dreamed or whether I had opened my eyes or not.

I don't know what day it was, but I opened my eyes like a sleeping baby, and what appeared in front of me was a clear and quiet world, and there was a meandering river between the heavens and the earth. The river stretches and flows briskly, and on both sides of the valley is the high slope of loess, the high slope of loess is vast and smooth, and the earth is as deep and desolate as the old earth, and the sound of the wind sweeps through the sunlit farmland and wheat fields like a baby's groan, and blows continuously towards the river, and there is no figure to be seen for many miles. It's a bit like the eternal wilderness when the heavens opened the world.

At that time, my family lived in a cave on the north bank of the Luo River on the border between Bocheng and Dali in Shaanxi. Beneath the cave is a river about 50 meters wide, with several newly built reinforced concrete piers lining up from one side of the river to the other. Next to the piers, there is a small wooden bridge made of improvised wooden planks for the bridge builders to walk back and forth.

In the first memories of my life, apart from the workers who spent the day working on the piers and the wooden bridges, I was only with my mother and sister, and my brother. Because he went to school far away and got up early and returned late, I had a very vague impression of him. My father had gone to work in Xi'an, so when I woke up from my ignorance, he was not with me, so I never saw him in my life.

I only remember that there was a wild silence between the valley where the sun shone brightly, and under the vast sky, there was no end to the river, no end to the barren hills, and I was the only one playing by the river under the whole sky. Because my mother was busy making ends meet all day, and my sister often helped her, no one cared about me at all. So, I play every day from morning to evening, not knowing that there will be other children in this world.

That day, I saw that there was no one on the construction site. So, I boldly came to the small wooden bridge. The wooden bridge was very easy to build and very unsafe, and no one was allowed to go on the bridge except for the construction crew. However, on this day, the workers were on holiday, and the entire construction site was empty. So, I ran around on the small wooden bridge, and then, lying on the fence of the wooden bridge, watched the river flow in the distance. Because of the torrential rain for the past two days, the river rose a lot overnight, and the yellow muddy water rushed from the river with branches and debris.

Suddenly the fence of the wooden bridge collapsed, because the fence was nailed with very narrow sticks, and it did not have much bearing at all. I fell into the river all at once. I was up and down in the river, and I was terrified. The river was fast, but luckily there were piers in my way so that I would not be swept away by the water. I've been floating between wooden bridges and piers. I tried my best to reach the wooden bridge with my hands, and as long as I reached the wooden bridge, I could hold on to the wooden bridge tightly without being swept away by the river and not sinking in the river. In fact, people are not drowned as soon as they fall into the water, water is buoyant, it will sink your whole body into the water, and when you struggle in the water, the water will float your head to the surface. Although the time it takes to float is very short, about a second, it is this second that can make you breathe out. This ability to fight death is not taught to you, but it is an innate ability. At that time, I was only four years old, and I was terrible to sink and float in the river. Whenever I floated up from the water, I tried my best to grab the wooden bridge, and as long as I grabbed the wooden bridge, I would be saved.

But the wooden bridge was more than a meter above the water, and I couldn't reach it. Every time I pounced to catch it, the person would sink into the water again. I was flapping in the water, and my head was coming out of the water again. To this day, I am amazed that I did not choke on the river. If I choke on the river, I might panic even more.

I couldn't get to the wooden bridge several times, but I couldn't give up, and the result of giving up was to be swept away by the flood or drowned in the river. After about three or four minutes, I still didn't reach the wooden bridge, and I was terrified, because on this wild construction site, except for the workers who built the bridge, I didn't see a single person walking through it for many days, but the workers were already on vacation. I want to cry, but I don't want to cry at this time of life and death.

At this moment, a little girl came from the other side of the bridge. The little girl was wearing a red blouse, like a bright red glow flashing in front of my eyes, which gave me hope for life. I gave up reaching for the wooden bridge, and instead stretched one arm high so she could see me. The little girl came over and watched me struggle in the water, calmly skimming a thin wooden stick about a meter long from the collapsed fence, and then stretched it out to me, and I grabbed it. She dragged me to the bridge with a stick, knelt on the deck with both legs, and pulled me to the bridge with her hands.

At this time, I saw that this girl was about the same age as me, neatly dressed, and her body was spotlessly clean, especially since she was really good-looking. The girl pulled me to the bridge, got up from it, threw away the stick, patted the dust on her pants with her hand, looked at me, and then, without saying a word, walked towards the bridge.

Many years later, when I look back on these scenes, I feel like they were the prelude to my whole life. And there are only two characters in this prologue, not Adam and Eve, of course, but me and the girl in red.

Since then, I have begun to have a kind of loneliness in my heart, a kind of lovesickness, and I always hope that someone will accompany me. I used to sit on the bank of the bridge and keep my eyes fixed on the other side of the bridge, waiting for the girl in red to reappear like a fairy. Actually, I really think of her as a fairy sent by God to save me. In my memories when I first woke up when I was four years old, this beautiful girl in bright red clothes was the most unforgettable person who magically appeared in my life memory. So, throughout my life, her figure has always stood like a tall goddess in my heart.

In those days, I was looking forward to seeing her again, but the girl never showed up again. On the contrary, what I waited for was the bad news that my father had suffered a work accident. When my mother took my sister and me to Xi'an for the funeral, my sister died of a high fever on the edge of the Wei River. During that time, our family was devastated, and my mother cried all day long. Although I am not very sensible yet, I know that our family is collapsed and there is no way out. Because our family can no longer live in the hole on the construction site, because my father has left the engineering team. From my mother's crying, I knew we had to leave here and go back to our rural hometown in Anhui. However, I didn't want to leave here, not because our hometown was poor, but because I wanted to see the girl in red again.

However, we left the cave on the edge of the Luo River, but instead of going back to our rural hometown, we followed our stepfather to the family home of the Railway Engineering Office, which was more than ten miles away from the construction site. Since then, I haven't been able to see the girl in red. However, she has always been in my heart, and I can't let go. For many years, she has illuminated my heart like a brilliant red light, dissolved the tenderness in my heart, and filled my heart with sunshine of gratitude and yearning.

Sometimes, I see her in my dreams, and sometimes, I miss her in the dark. I often think that I can make myself better and better, to get ahead, so that one day I can revisit the same place, find that beautiful and lovely girl, and marry her. However, I just thought so, but I never returned to the Luohe Bridge that haunted me.

But I'm sure I've always loved her.

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