I don't have the habit of looking at the calendar, and in the last few days of the World Cup, I suddenly found out that this year's Father's Day and the young master's birthday were actually the same day.

Four years ago today, the young master was born in the steel mill hospital on our side.

After that, everyone knows, all kinds of illnesses came suddenly, like raindrops, fell on my body, every time I think of the young master was taken out of the delivery room by the nurse to show me, I dislike him is not what he was like when he was not a daughter, I feel that I am really sorry for him.

Son, I'm sorry, Dad is also a first-time father, and he has no experience.

In this world, the sad thing that is more sad than sadness is probably empty joy.

In the past four years, our family has gone through the process from disappointment to hope, from hope to despair, and then to calm, and I myself have gradually understood that there are some things that cannot be forced.

In the morning, the young master woke up crying again, a four-year-old child, can't speak, can't walk, intellectual development, probably the situation of a one-year-old child, sometimes even I am very depressed, perhaps, this is fate.

When I left the cerebral palsy hospital in Jiamusi and the train passed through the tunnel, I suddenly felt as if time was falling off in my mind, and the mottled world was unified and monotonous. I looked out the window, and the kind light hit the tail of a city. At the thought of it, some shadows flickered in my heart, and at this moment, what I felt was a silent response to the withdrawal of all life.

Fate, perhaps the moment his son was born, chose to abandon him.

Everything after that was just my unwillingness.

Son, I'm really sorry, Dad is a first-time father, I don't know what to prepare in advance, and I don't know how painful it is when you are in Mom's belly, I'm really sorry.

It's ridiculous to say that by now, my wife and I have given up on the treatment of our son's malformations, whether it is cryptorchidism, urethral valve diverticulum, or cleft palate, etc., and we have not continued to seek medical treatment.

On the one hand, because of the limited economic conditions, the past three years have basically dragged us down, and on the other hand, because in the face of the problem of cerebral palsy, those deformities are not important.

True, it's ridiculous to say, but it really doesn't matter anymore.

Because we don't know how long this child will last, and we don't know if my wife and I will be able to have another child, after all, according to the results of genetic testing, unless we adopt or divorce, it is difficult for us to have healthy children.

My wife sometimes jokes, saying that I don't have to worry about it in the future, it's a big deal, when we die, take the young master with us.

To be honest, I don't think about the future anymore, it's not that I don't want to think about it, but I don't dare to think about it.

I've never been a strong person, and even though I try to pretend I can carry everything in front of my family, sometimes I'm sad and want to cry.

In the past few years, I haven't been to the salon party of the website once, sometimes because the young master is sick, and most of the time, it is because I am distressed, after all, it costs a lot of money every time I go out.

Life, no matter how you imagine it, you have to return to reality in the end.

It's as if disappointment is useful, then all hope will be meaningless.

Son, if you could learn to speak, if you could grow up, how nice it would be.

I'm sorry Dad didn't protect you.

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Life is a process of constant acceptance, accepting that we are an ordinary person, accepting that the world is more cruel than we think, accepting that unfair things are always in the way, accepting that our efforts are often higher than what we get, and accepting that we may never be able to achieve our dreams.

But acceptance is not a compromise, but an acknowledgment of what the reality of one's life looks like.

Son, although Dad is a first-time father, thank you for choosing me, thank you for being alive, and hope that you will still be by my side on the day that Father's Day coincides with your birthday.