(xxiii)

Then my father was willing to confess that he was frustrated, and he met strangers without words

Before the Spring Festival in '97, my father fell ill. Although my father has stage III silicosis, he is no different from ordinary people who are busy selling popsicles with his mother on weekdays. This time, it may have been a complication, and the condition was seriously bedridden.

Ling Feng looked at his father lying on the kang, and felt very guilty in his heart, feeling that he owed his parents a lot. Looking back on myself, I wanted to be self-reliant when I graduated from high school, but I let my parents support me for three years because of the university, and I spent a lot of money on tuition. I thought that I would get better when I worked, but I never thought that the factory would lose money and be in arrears of wages. Now that my father is sick, I can't get back the money to buy nutritional products for my father, so I can only accompany my father as much as possible, what a shame!

Lying on the kang, my father talked to Ling Feng about work and study in that fiery era, and occasionally talked about his wishes. Ling Feng could hear that the traditional father hoped that the family would have a male to inherit the incense, and the eldest brother's child was a girl, and his wish could only fall on his head.

Last year, the poetry that was far away in Chongqing made Ling Feng's heart have expectations, looking forward to being like a colorful and dazzling bubble, as the Spring Festival approached, it became more and more beautiful and bigger, and finally the bubble burst with a "pop", and the beauty was no longer there, and I was confused. During the Spring Festival of ninety-seven years, Shiyun did not come back, and Aunt Wang came to the house and said that her daughter was afraid that the winter of Mudanjiang would not come back. Ling Feng could only smile when he heard this, what else could he say? Half a year's waiting was in vain, and half a year's thoughts were in vain.

Ling Feng still remembers that after graduating from high school, neighbors and classmates would often laugh and ask, "Ling Feng, when are you going to get married?" Ling Feng would always say "ninety-seven years" without thinking. The day of the ** return was so far away, but now the ninety-seventh year has really arrived, let alone getting married, and even having a girlfriend yet. The loneliness in his heart made Ling Feng long, and his father's wish made Ling Feng anxious.

"Oh my God, can you give me a chance, I will give it sincerely and take care of this feeling, and I will never betray it. Ling Feng often thought helplessly, thought about it, and suddenly changed his thoughts: "Why don't you give yourself a chance? Give yourself a chance and give the other party a chance." Ling Feng meditated on high school life, trying to restart that self-confidence, but the self-confidence of shielding materials in high school could never be found again, and if there was no self-confidence, he fantasized that the girls were looking forward to confessing to themselves. So who to confess to? Ling Feng thought of Rui Ying.

Ruiying was in the same class as Ling Feng when she was training organized by the gas company, and she was delicate and gentle under her extroverted personality. After entering the factory and being assigned to a workshop, Ling Feng felt that Rui Ying was getting more and more beautiful and temperamental, was it related to her dress? Ling Feng was at a low point of emotion at this time, thinking that Rui Ying seemed to see hope again, and he couldn't wait to stand in front of Rui Ying and complain about it.

It was time to go to work, Ling Feng went to the workshop shift dormitory for a while, and found out that Rui Ying was on the evening shift today.

At half past four in the afternoon, the factory car had already been dispatched, and Ling Feng went to the shift dormitory to find Rui Ying to the workshop basketball court.

"Fourth brother, what do you call me?" Rui Ying was a little confused.

"Ruiying, do you have a boyfriend now?" Ling Feng first had to find out the situation.

"No, the fourth brother wants to introduce me to one?" Rui Ying is very straightforward.

"Do you think I can do it?" Ling Feng bravely confided in his heart.

"This one by one. Rui Ying was speechless in surprise.

"Ruiying, if it's okay, just say it, I can stand it. Ling Feng looked strong.

"Fourth brother, I don't want to hurt you, but my mother really won't let me find our unit. Rui Ying's expression was extremely embarrassed.

"Understood, Ruiying, thank you. After Ling Feng finished speaking, he left lonely.

Rui Ying's refusal didn't deal too much of a blow to Ling Feng, but it only deepened the inferiority complex in Ling Feng's heart, did he still take the initiative to attack? Ling Feng retreated in his heart.

On July 1, 1997, ** returned to the motherland, which was a moment that attracted worldwide attention, and in the days before and after the return, Ling Feng paid more attention to his father. My father was bedridden for half a year, and he didn't get better after taking a lot of medicine, so he couldn't be admitted to the First People's Hospital of Mudanjiang City. During my father's hospitalization, relatives, friends, neighbors, and old colleagues from his former unit all came to visit him in the hospital. Ling Feng deeply felt his father's good reputation in the welcome and send-off, as a son, he could not fulfill his filial piety materially, so he could only take leave to go to the hospital every day to accompany his father, pinch his father's feet, beat his back, and accompany his father to chat and take a walk. Other than that, Ling Feng really didn't know what else he could do.

The First People's Hospital of Mudanjiang City is located in a not bustling street in the north of Qiaobei in Mudanjiang City, a stream flows quietly in front of the hospital, this hospital belongs to a comprehensive hospital, a newly built seven-story inpatient building, accepting patients from the city and other counties. In the middle of the inpatient building, there is a 200-square-meter hall that runs through the second floor, and a corridor runs through the hall. On the left side of the entrance to the hall is an information desk, on the right side is an elevator and stairs, and in front of the tall floor-to-ceiling windows on the opposite side there is a row of chairs for patients and families to rest. Every afternoon, when his father was asleep, Ling Feng would walk out of the ward and come to the hall, and then find a corner to read, and seize all the time for the transfer exam.

That afternoon, my father fell asleep again. Ling Feng came to the hall again as usual, found a chair and began to study. About half an hour later, Ling Feng saw a familiar figure when he looked up by chance. At that time, the figure was turning from the corridor to the hall, a blue dress with sleeves wrapped around a delicate figure, with round shoulders, white arms, plump calves swinging rhythmically, and the straight hair fluttering forward tremblingly. That back, that posture, could it be her, a long-lost name appeared in Ling Feng's mind, but then Ling Feng had doubts about his feelings, whether it was a hallucination caused by long-term loneliness in his mind.

At around four o'clock, his mother brought food, and Ling Feng said goodbye to his parents and went home for dinner. As soon as he walked out of the hospital gate, Ling Feng saw the girl in the blue dress from a distance, she was standing on the sidewalk facing the stream, not knowing if she was waiting for someone or contemplating. When Ling Feng passed behind her, he couldn't help but turn his head to look again, although he only saw half of his face, he was sure that it was Ruolan. If there is still half a doubt, it is the eyes of the girl in the blue dress.

In Ling Feng's heart, Ruolan's big bright and clear eyes had already taken root, while the low-hanging eyes of the girl in the blue dress were slightly hazy and no longer shining. "What's the matter? Why are the beautiful eyes so melancholy? Ling Feng wanted to look back again, but his sick father, the loss-making unit, and the meager salary...... Ling Feng restrained himself and walked forward step by step. The beauty of the past, one by one, appeared in front of me again, followed by inexplicable sourness and inferiority.

After many years, what will happen if we meet again? What should I say? It is better to face each other awkwardly than to be strangers, so let that beautiful memory be hidden in the bottom of my heart forever!