If I could live again, Zhang Baotong 2018.11.3

People often say, "No regrets in life" or "No regrets in life", but I don't believe it. I often look back on the past and look back on my life, and I always feel that there are too many regrets and regrets in my heart. If I could live again, I would definitely make a big difference in my life.

If I could live again, I would choose to fall in love and marry my first love girl. She is two years younger than me, she is my neighbor, and we grew up together. Her mom liked me very much, and my mom liked her very much. She is handsome, but not coquettish, intelligent and dexterous, but not proud. She loved me from the bottom of her heart, and when I left home in the countryside, she cried for three days.

I would be in love and married to her, but I wouldn't live with her all day. We are going to live in two homes twenty or thirty kilometers apart. Every other week, she would come back from there, spend a weekend or two with me or a holiday, and then go back to where she lived. This way, I can concentrate on my writing, and she can work and live freely, or focus on taking care of her children.

I'm not just thinking about myself, I'm going to do this, I'm going to keep our love in love all the time. Because two couples who are together every day are prone to emotional disgust and fatigue. However, two couples who get along in a different distance will make their relationship last for a long time because they often miss each other, and they will always love each other. Although the two of us are husband and wife, I would prefer that we are lovers forever. In this life, the most important thing is to find someone you love and someone who loves you. As long as you love each other, you are better than anything in the world.

If I could live again, I would spend more time studying than playing ball, fishing, playing marble, or wrestling all day. Looking back at my student days, I used to play almost all day and didn't study very well. When I was in the third grade, when the Cultural Revolution began, the school was closed to make a revolution, so I was promoted to the first year of junior high school without going to the fourth or fifth grade, and then went to the first and second years of junior high school and the first and second years of high school, so I went to the mountains and went to the countryside, and then joined the work. Therefore, I only took a junior college entrance examination later. I went on to study at the undergraduate level.

If I had spent all my time playing and fishing studying, it wouldn't be the way it is now. I will easily get into a Chinese undergraduate and then go to graduate school. At the same time, I practice writing in my spare time. I think with my understanding and talent for literature, it would be easy to become a writer or a literary editor. In this way, I will not be assigned to teach in secondary school, but will become an editor and part-time writer for a literary magazine. My whole fate will be very different from what it is now.

If I could live again, I wouldn't let my father leave us. It was because he had a work injury after leaving us and going to Xi'an Station, which made us lose our father and mother lose our lover, and on the way to the funeral, my sister died of high fever on the edge of the Wei River. My father's death became a tragedy for our family's life. What a happy family it would have been if my father had been alive, my mother, my brother, my sister, and I, and even my dead sister. However, the death of my father made our family collapse suddenly, and imprinted eternal sadness on our hearts, making our character lonely, weak, sensitive and inferior, and also changing our destiny from then on.

If I could live again, I would make myself a little more optimistic and cheerful. I don't like my personality, weak, introverted, worried, pessimistic. This is the tragic character left to me by my father's early death. It makes me persistent, persistent, and struggled, but I rarely feel happy. I often wake up in a moment's time, or in an inexplicable daze, and suddenly become sad. Sometimes, we don't even know why we're grieving. I went to Xi'an Station with my mother to mourn, and the scene of digging up my father's bones with my brother often appeared in front of my eyes. This kind of scene naturally brews a feeling of pessimism and sadness in my heart. This kind of personality makes me sensitive and thoughtful, not good at talking, and my expression is stern and I rarely smile. Therefore, whenever I see the optimistic and cheerful confidence and laughter of others, I am very envious in my heart, but I can't get it and can't do it.

If I could live again, I would spend more time and investment in my child's education and send him to the best elementary, middle and high schools so that he can be successfully admitted to college. We will let our children have lofty goals from an early age, not only to learn their own homework, but also to let them learn Olympiad, mathematics, English, play the piano, and learn to draw. I will let my lover and I educate the children in unison, instead of each blowing his own trumpet and playing his own tune. As long as a child goes to primary school, middle school and university, then he will have a better future and development in life. The child is our future, and only when everything is good with him can we feel at ease and at ease.

If I could live again, I would be more active in dealing with the world, instead of just pulling a cart and not knowing how to look up at the road. I will devote 70 to 80 percent of my energy to my work and 20 to 30 percent to my interpersonal interactions. Usually, if a colleague or friend is sick or has something at home, you should lose no time in visiting and paying attention to it. When it comes to the New Year's holidays, you should bring cigarettes, alcohol or gifts to visit the leader's home. In this way, you will be able to raise any difficulties and demands to the leaders, and you will not even be at a loss as to what kind of views and mentality the leaders have about you, and when it comes time to readjust the cadres, they will simply leave you aside. No matter how well you work, if the leader doesn't approve of it, you still won't get anything.

If I could live again, I would spend more of my money on ourselves instead of saving it all for my children. I would buy myself some decent clothes to make myself more hearty and tasty in terms of eating. I will go with my wife to Inner Mongolia, Tibet, Jiuzhaigou, Zhangjiajie, Xishuangbanna and Shangri-La, Maldives, Machu Picchu, Saipan and Jimbaran Beach. I will also buy us a big house that is spacious and comfortable. Instead of accumulating money as a desire to make a child's life better. Because whether a child can live well or not depends not on his father's money, but on his own efforts. Parents' money can sometimes make children give up the will to struggle and develop the habit of squandering lavishly. We would pay a sky-high price to a small merchant for a cheap piece of clothing, while they could go into a high-end shopping mall and buy a shirt for thousands of yuan. We would be in a hurry to get home and cook in a hurry, thinking about whether to take the bus or walk, but they would have to spend 10,000 or 20,000 yuan to take a wedding photo. We originally wanted to use our hard-earned money to help them, but it fueled their bad habit of ruining their fortunes.

If I could live again, I wouldn't be working and living thousands of miles away from home. I can't forget the loneliness and hardship of those years when I left home at the age of sixteen or seventeen. I lived with three other people in a tiny dormitory, and I ate pasta and corn all day for more than a decade, and I hadn't eaten rice and fresh fish in years. It was the era of green cars, and every time I went home during the Spring Festival, buying a ticket became a very headache, and I had to take a twenty or thirty hour train to get home, and I had to change trains halfway. Especially on the return trip, I often squeezed into the bus from Miluo, and then stood all the way to Zhengzhou, and then stood all the way from Zhengzhou to Xi'an. When I returned home, I arrived in a blink of an eye in a hurry for more than ten days, and I felt that I had not had enough, so I had to go back. Leaving home since I was a child has given me enough of loneliness and helplessness, and I have also lost my first love. Let me suffer all my life and have little happiness.

If I could live again, I would change in many ways, and if I don't say I would have "no regrets", at least it wouldn't make me feel worried and sad. However, how can there be regret medicine in life? Therefore, these thoughts that I want to "live again" for myself can only be a fool's dream and a fantasy. In fact, there is no "no regret" in life? God gives you some of what you want, and then you lose some of what you don't expect. This is the lost east corner, the harvest of mulberry elm, the gain of the east mountain, the loss of the west sky. If you truly understand the truth that "I am fortunate to have lost my life", perhaps you will truly feel "no regrets" when you look back on the past and look back on your life.