Unmarried cohabitation Zhang Baotong 2016.10.16

Unmarried cohabitation is when two people temporarily live together for some purpose. If www.biquge.info more broadly referred to it, it is that two people do not necessarily spend time in the same room in the morning and twilight, but maintain a certain degree of sexual relationship for a period of time. There is a conceptual difference between cohabitation and trial marriage, cohabitation with the aim of future marriage can be called trial marriage, while those cohabitation that does not point to marriage cannot be called trial marriage.

In 1991, the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences conducted a "Survey of Chinese Marriage and Family Researchers", and the results showed that because the premarital lifestyle introduced from the West quickly spread in major cities in China, it changed the ideological concept that Chinese attach great importance to "virginity" and "chastity", and swept away thousands of years of feudal bad habits. The phenomenon of illegal cohabitation, trial marriage, and extramarital sex before marriage has increased significantly, which is the general trend of the development of marriage and family in China in the 90s of the 20th century.

According to the survey statistics conducted by the relevant departments on 35% of married people and 65% of single people, 30% of people believe that the concept of cohabitation means that boyfriend and girlfriend live together in purity, 43% think that cohabitation means that boyfriend and girlfriend live together and have a relationship, and 27% think that cohabitation means that a man and a woman live together because of a certain relationship (such as sharing a house). On the question of who is more harmed by cohabitation, 53.1% of people said that it was a woman, 35.8% said that there was no problem, and only 11.1% said that a man would be harmed. As for whether parents will know about this situation, 45% of people think it should be natural, 35.2% think it doesn't matter if parents know, and 19.8% choose not to let parents know. As for the question of whether they will get married after cohabitation, 63.3% of people think that it is not necessarily, and the future is uncertain, 32.7% of people think that they will get married after cohabitation, and only 3.7% think that they will not get married after cohabitation.

Many questionnaires and respondents have confirmed that the phenomenon of "unmarried cohabitation" is quite common in society. Moreover, the questionnaire shows that boys generally approve of unmarried cohabitation, believing that it is an inevitability of social development. And the girls unanimously believe that this is a reason and excuse provided by men for their own flowers.

People who agree with unmarried cohabitation believe that premarital cohabitation is beneficial, because falling in love is just talking, and both parties are putting themselves together

Show the good side to the other person to make the best impression on the other person. Over time, lovers fall in love under a mask. Once the two live together, their true faces will not be hidden. The way you sleep, the way you wake up, bad habits and bad problems will be exposed. After living together, the two got to know each other better. If it's really suitable, it's good to get married. It's better than finding out the other party's flaws and faults after getting married and being unbearable or even divorced.

But there are also those who think that living together unmarried is insecure. Anyone who is a college freshman or a prisoner can live together unmarried, because cohabitation does not require emotional rituals and vows. There is no guarantee of being in the same boat in times of adversity. Mr. Rulin is married, but he used to live with his ex-girlfriend for 3 years. After getting married, I really felt that the original funny contract really meant a lot. Without it, you're playing at home, and everything is not guaranteed, especially for girls, which hurts the most, so don't try. Some people always say that marriage is the grave of love, but without marriage, love will die and have no place to bury!

In a set of survey data, we can see that the majority of men approve of unmarried cohabitation, but they value the virginity of their legal spouse very much. In response to the question "Would you still marry your lover if she loses her virginity?" 53.4% of male college students chose "no". At the same time, 76.6% of unmarried women who live together believe that cohabitation has a serious impact on their bodies, and 62.4% of women regret their cohabitation behavior.

Regardless of whether it is a man or a woman, the views on unmarried cohabitation will gradually converge according to age, and young people in their eighteen and nineteen years old will be more in favor of this phenomenon, while young people in their twenties will consider this issue more comprehensively and cautiously, and will not choose to live together rashly because of curiosity or other reasons. The uncles and aunts in the sixties and seventies we surveyed clearly expressed their understanding and opposition to this issue. And they also understand that unmarried cohabitation is legally illegal.

In the investigation of unmarried cohabitation, a kind of confusion in the morality of the present society was also discovered. And the more educated people are, the more likely they are to cohabit unmarried, regardless of age. This may be because the higher the level of education, the higher the pursuit of marriage, and the less likely it is to join the ranks of marriage, which makes the phenomenon of unmarried cohabitation increasing. It can be said that the trend of unmarried cohabitation was first formed and spread from colleges and universities. And the trial marriage that is now appearing is even more justified in unmarried cohabitation.

In Chinese society, most of the unmarried cohabitants are marriage-oriented, which is actually a trial marriage. As the name suggests, trial marriage is an experimental marriage, it is not a formal marriage, but an experiment before the man and woman officially enter the marriage hall. In Chinese Confucian culture, trial marriage is condemned as breaking the seriousness of marriage and abandoning the monogamous marriage system practiced in many ancient and modern countries, that is, the form of marriage in which cohabitation is followed by marriage. Because it is an unmarried cohabitation, it is also considered illegal by law. However, the introduction of Western sexual culture has not only brought about the renewal of traditional concepts, but also brought about the diversity of changes in married life. The biggest change is that trial marriages, characterized by non-marital sex, have become a trend of our time. Although trial marriage has not yet been recognized in our country, it has been quietly practiced, but its name is more often referred to as unmarried cohabitation.

No authoritative person or institution will make a positive conclusion about whether a trial marriage is good or bad. But many people believe that love at first sight is always fake, and the important thing is to see whether each other's lives are more harmonious, happier and happy. Living together can not only make the two people adapt to each other's living habits, accept the long-term living together, but also include a deeper understanding of each other. Living together, in which the cohabiting man and woman completely expose themselves, show everything unreservedly and inevitably in front of each other. Living together can make you love each other more deeply, and eventually move towards the palace of marriage. Because of the understanding before marriage, I am more confident about the future marriage, and I do not need to experience the "half-life of love" after marriage, and I don't even need to run in to achieve the realm of water and milk.

A girlfriend complained to her best friend that her husband's sexual ability was too weak, only twice a month. Then persuade her best friend to try marriage too, otherwise it will be miserable to marry a YW man.

Lynn, an American expert on marriage, had a conversation with her son that could be used as an example. Lynn said a week ago her 19-year-old son, Trey, told her that he was planning to marry his girlfriend, Donna. So, she asked her son how long he had been with Donna and how much he knew about her. Or are you ready to take on the responsibilities of your husband? As a result, he didn't know the girl at all, and they had only been in contact for 3 months, and they had seen each other about 3 times a week. The mother believes that the son is not going to get married, but to get divorced. However, all the son asks of his mother is, "Mom, we love each other. When the mother heard this, she said, "I would like to suggest that if you are mad in love, it is better to live together for a while to get to know each other better." And then get married. "Mom, how do you guys come up with such a?" and Lynn felt her son's words stunned her for a moment, for she thought she might have surprised herself as much as Trey. If it had been two years ago, she would have considered unmarried cohabitation to be the behavior of those who were not decent. But now she had considered whether her marriage was moral, and she had no idea of her sexual state or her spouse's sexual status or anything else, and she thought him handsome as long as he wore a navy uniform. For this, they suffered 17 years of discordant married life.

But there are also many people who take a negative attitude towards cohabitation, believing that cohabitants will pay the price of social pressure, especially women, who will bear more social pressure than men. It is common to accuse the cohabiting woman of being depraved or unclean and losing her virginity. And once the two people who live together part ways one day, the psychological burden and guilt that women carry will be heavier. Then there is the fact that cohabitation can have a detrimental effect on a woman's health. When a woman and a man live together, they tend to become extremely sensitive and neurotic, especially in the case of an uncertain future, and every move of the cohabiting man will affect the woman's fragile nerves. As a result, women become suspicious, more sensitive and suspicious, and this feeling of being unable to control their own destiny is a major cause of mental stress. Stress, in turn, can damage a woman's immune system. In addition, cohabitation can also bring some negative effects, such as the woman's accidental pregnancy, the man beats the other party when there is a quarrel, because of the benefits of cohabitation, the man is reluctant to fulfill the promise to enter the marriage, and even breeds boredom, and finally the woman is still hurt.

Rujie's case illustrates that cohabitation is a trap, and she says we should call it cohabitation transition. One person thinks that he will be content as long as two people live together, while the other thinks about getting married. Cohabitation can be a compromise, but it can get harder and harder. Your boyfriend will be surprised why a marriage contract is so important to you. And you are used to living with him, and the breakup itself seems more difficult than cohabitation. When Jie learns that his live-in boyfriend is sleeping with her best friend, she is horrified to find that she can't leave because of a series of problems such as rent. Jie had to live with her boyfriend until the end of the house, and they drew a line in the middle of the house, separated by a curtain wall, and each lived on their own side. Jie said: "I am wasting my youth by living with a man who does not want to marry me. It's over between us, but I'm really annoyed that I have to live with him because of the house.

In addition, many things that are already in the marriage of the family of both men and women have been discussed and arranged. However, the girlfriend is pregnant in cohabitation, and her belly is getting bigger day by day, and she asks to get married soon, but the man deliberately delays because of lack of money or poor preparation, forcing the woman's family to make concessions, so that the man's family can handle the marriage from a simple one, saving a lot of money and trouble.

Cui and Ran were introduced to each other and got engaged on April 11, 2011 according to local rural customs. When he got engaged, Cui gave Ran a bride price of 30,000 yuan, and also gave 2 sets of clothes, 1 mobile phone and 400 yuan in red envelopes. After getting engaged, the two parties agreed to go to Chongqing on May 18 to work and live together. During the period of cohabitation, Cui caused Ran to become pregnant 3 times and had 3 miscarriages. In July 2013, Cui proposed to break up on the grounds of emotional discord and asked Ran to return all the bride price. The payment of a bride price by one party to the other for the purpose of entering into a marriage relationship is not prohibited by law, although it is not encouraged by law. Ran's claim that the bride price had been fully spent during the period of cohabitation was not supported without sufficient evidence to prove it. However, considering the principle of taking care of women's physical and mental health, the court determined that Ran must return 50% of the bride price, that is, 15,000 yuan.

Mr. Zhang and Ms. Wang met and fell in love in 2008 and began living together in July 2011. In February 2014, Ms. Wang (Party A) and Mr. Zhang (Party B) signed a final break-up agreement, which stated that: after negotiation between Party A and Party B, Party A requested Party B to finally pay a break-up fee of RMB 120,000 again, and Party A believed that this was the last time, and after receiving Party B's payment on the same day, it would no longer interfere with Party B's life, and Party A and Party B would no longer communicate with each other. After signing the agreement, Mr. Zhang failed to perform the above obligations, so Ms. Wang sued Mr. Zhang to the court and demanded that Mr. Zhang pay the above break-up fee in accordance with the agreement. After the trial, the court held that Ms. Wang and Mr. Zhang fell in love freely after their divorce and established a normal romantic relationship, and it was excusable for them to choose to live together without registering their marriage, but the law did not protect such illegal cohabitation. In this case, according to the facts and reasons of the lawsuit stated by Ms. Wang, her claim that the break-up fee of 120,000 yuan was caused by the dissolution of the illegal cohabitation relationship between the two parties, and the law did not support this. In the end, the court rejected Ms. Wang's claim.

Cohabitation is seen as a clever way to test whether the parties are fit to marry, and the results are often not ideal. Because both parties know that this is the experimental stage, for example, "he" and "her" money are often strictly separated, or "keep a hand", rather than buying a house and having children together like a real couple. There is no obligation on the part of the parties to resolve the issue. Therefore, for some women with mixed feelings, cohabitation is a double-edged sword, it has the potential to hurt themselves as well as to fulfill themselves.

Perhaps cohabitation is more beneficial to men, so most of the people who propose cohabitation are also men. They usually don't think about the difficulties they might face in the future, as women do. For them, a comfortable **** is what they dream of. What's more, cohabitation means freedom, no commitment, no need to buy a house, no need to raise a family, you can easily enjoy the essence and sweetness of marriage in advance. A study of 2,150 men in the United States showed that only one-third of the men who had cohabited with a woman later married the woman, that is, two-thirds of the cohabitation relationship did not lead to marriage. They also found that the best period of cohabitation was generally only nine and a half months.

In most state of love, the man is usually in the driver's seat. It is the man who invites you to watch the movie first, and it is the man who proposes to fall in love with you, and then it is logical that the man will take off his clothes for you and carry you to bed. However, cohabitation will only bring two people closer and closer, and the result is often that habit replaces ambition, compromise, and a hasty end, and finally loses both.

No matter how high-sounding a man's reasons may be when he proposes to live together, after living together, they will definitely see the needle and act on the camera, turning irregular sex life into regular lovemaking. Whether men admit it or not, sex is the main factor in their proposal for cohabitation. Women live together mostly for love. For women, it seems absurd to live together at the beginning of love, and it seems redundant to live together after a long time of love, because they think that the love of two people will definitely stand the test. But authoritarians advocate that if a man really loves him, even if he is separated, he will take himself to heart. A good man will not be verified by cohabitation, and if love can't stand the wear, marriage can't trap a man. Most men who have not experienced sex are not mature. Because they can't feel how a woman should be caressed by a man from some details of feelings and exchanges, this kind of caress is something to do and something not to do, debauchery and patience, gentleness and barbarism. (To be continued.) )