Nightmarish early love (painful memories) translated by Zhang Bao

Whenever I think back to the past, I am really afraid that it will happen again. Pen, fun, pavilion www. biquge。 info: I really don't know how to forget my horrible relationship with him. I wouldn't see it as an infatuation (maybe people will think so because I'm too young to bear the burden that this relationship throws at me). Yes, I see it as the biggest setback I've ever experienced in my life, and it has cost me at least three to four years of my youth.

I was 13 at the time, he was only 15, and we started dating (although we were still very young). I met him in October 2010 on the Aokute website. I was only 13 years old at the time, and I loved listening to music, talking and laughing, and playing around. All of this happened so quickly because I was so proficient in using the Aokute network. I fell madly in love with him. He's only 15 years old, he can drive and can be arguably the best driver. He can play basketball, and he plays basketball very well, and he should be a "hot guy". And he's also very good at pleasing girls. He wrote me touching love notes, dedicated songs to me, and sang my favorite songs. I was the envy of all the girls around him.

This good time lasted for about nine to ten months. But then things started to change. His sense of control and behavior began to catch my attention, and I gradually felt that our relationship was starting to get worse and worse. I couldn't even look at any of the boys around me, even if they were walking down the road and didn't talk to me. Otherwise, he'll yell at me, calling me that horrible name, and I'm not going to write it out. And, he's always done that.

He never cared about my studies, my exams, my hobbies, or anything else about me. In order to keep me from socializing with other boys, he would call me 18 hours a day, and I would spend 6 hours a day at school. It kept me from resting, sleeping, or taking a nap. If I didn't hear his phone call at night because I was sleeping, he would yell at me angrily, suspecting and suspecting that I must be busy talking to other boys.

Plus, he gave me a new nickname every day. He would call me Toot Toot Sweet Sweet, Sweet, Sweet, Candy and many lovely names. As time went on, he started calling me by that kind of insulting name, which made me feel severe depression and anxiety, and even that very unconfident panic.

I have always been actively involved in competitions and debates at school, and I have been learning on my educational journey at school. There are nine levels of the educational journey, and I was always sure to get a first, second or third place in each level of the exam. Only once did he take a fourth place in the semi-annual examination of the Standard Level 6. In conclusion, I excelled in both academics and extracurricular activities. But when he came into contact with my life, he didn't allow me to participate in any cultural activities at school. He began to feel very upset about all this, saying that it was because of his alleged love and possessiveness for me.

Even if my mom asked me to go shopping, he wanted me to get his permission first. When I asked him where I was going, he always waited for me to finish his sentence and said impatiently, "No, you can't go anywhere." If I had to insist, he would either say "I'm going to break up" or he would go with me. I've never complained about that, because I always thought we had always loved each other so much. Whenever he called me and I picked up the phone for more than 3 seconds, he would yell at me because I was too slow to answer the phone, saying, "Are you busy calling someone?"

One day, he said to me, "No one will marry a girl like you, and you should be grateful to me, because I am the only one who can maintain such a relationship with you." He would follow me to school every day and then leave to see if I had another boyfriend and say, "I don't believe you." "I can only cry silently. My friends kept telling me that it was wrong to do so. But it was my friend who left, not him. (I'm sorry, thank God my friend didn't leave me).

However, one day he asked me if I was paid to be with another man. I think I should leave him. All this is enough. I tolerated all this humiliation, but it should all be over. That day, I realized that without trust, how can there be love? I broke up my conversation with him and broke up with him immediately. But he warned that if I were going to break up with him, he would stop me on the road and poison me. I was too scared to tell anyone about it. I fell into a trap that I couldn't get out of. I wanted to break up and get rid of him because I had had enough of him. But he said he was going to kill himself. I was so stupid to think he would do it. One day, I begged him to say I really couldn't go on like this. He began to apologize to me, and listening to his apology, my heart melted again. He begged me to let me give him one last chance. He said, "We had a video call together, and I wanted to say I'm sorry, and I wanted to tell you how much I love you." "It was the first time I had spoken to him on a video call.

I forgot everything in a second and seemed excited. But then the worst happened. When I was talking to him on a video call, he had a blade in his hand and threatened me that if I were to leave him, he would cut his wrist with the blade. I was so frightened that I immediately closed my laptop and started crying. Because I was afraid, I had to continue that relationship with him against my will. I continued my so-called relationship with him in silence, and this relationship made me feel painful.

It made me feel very unsafe to be around him. I'm just an idiot. Every time he told me that as long as I left him, he would kill himself. Every time he humiliated me, he said he would never do it again, and I believed him every time. But he humiliated me again and again.

He wouldn't let me talk to my friends, girlfriend of course, because I didn't have a boyfriend at school, even on Facebook and in my neighborhood. I had a very good friend at school named Econo who also never talked to me. But he reads all my messages on Facebook and he's the only boy I've added online.

I tried to make him better. I kept forgiving him or his every mistake, thinking he wouldn't repeat it. What drove me almost crazy was that he had never changed in any way. I really don't know the reason for his inner violence, and why he wants to humiliate me or yell at me. Not only to me, but also to his mother.

I finally left him on 12 February 2013, mainly because I was sitting for the Level 10 Foundation Standard exam. He wouldn't let me study and prepare for exams. The day before, on February 11, 2013, something came to my mind: "If he doesn't care about me today, can I expect him to be nice to me tomorrow?" I don't think an educated or broad-minded person would do that.

I always give him a second chance, maybe because I want him to change. But on February 12th, I decided to leave him in order to have a better future and further study. Every time I want to break up with him, he calls and says I'm sorry and I forgive him. But that day, I deactivated all my accounts, switched my phone, changed my SIM card, and ignored him every time I met him on the road.

I really don't know if he's going to kill me, but if I'm going to continue that relationship with him, I'm killing myself. It's been a year and a half since I broke up with the boy called "Mr. Abuse," and I sometimes wonder if I'll ever bounce back from that trauma. Even though I've been working hard, I've been concentrating on my studies, and I've been learning well. But I'll never forget the mean things he said to me.

I was very angry and haunted by my past and what he had done to me. I don't know why he chose me to deceive. Do I deserve it? If so, why? I have no answers to these questions. But I really want to thank God for the friends who helped me overcome all my fears and gave me such support.