Growing up, I was a good kid in the eyes of others.

Even if I didn't study well, they couldn't deny that I was a good boy.

When I was a child, the family conditions were very bad, and my parents didn't have the energy to raise three children, so they sent me to my grandmother's house in the countryside. It is said that when I was sent away, my mother cried miserably, and my brother and sister were also very uncomfortable. But I accepted this arrangement very calmly, did not cry, and was as sensible as a little adult.

Of course, I don't remember any of this, it was all told to me by adults.

I grew up in my grandmother's house, and my grandmother and uncle loved me very much. My aunt was also a gentle and virtuous woman, and she loved me like her own child. Therefore, for me in my childhood, Da Lijia Village has more warmth of home than Hong Kong City.

Especially my uncle, when I was in kindergarten, I couldn't learn addition and subtraction within ten, and the teacher gave up, but my uncle taught me. Not only that, but he also taught me all the ancient poems in elementary school with great patience, and taught me to know the plants in the fields and woods. When I was a child, I always regarded my uncle as my father and relied on him a lot.

Therefore, even though I live in my grandmother and uncle's house like Lin Daiyu, I have never felt a trace of desolation, but I am like a fish in water, and I am reluctant to part with them for a moment.

Impressions of my dad? I'm sorry, it's really rare.

In the vague impression that he was a tall man, he walked with a wind, not as he is now, his waist was bent, and he walked without momentum, his hair was thick and luxuriant, and he did not grow as early as he is now, and he did not like to shave much, and often picked me up and pricked my face with his beard.

He came to Da Lijia Village about once a month or two, sometimes with his older brothers and sisters, sometimes on his own. Every time he came to see me, he brought me a lot of candy and pulled me to talk a lot. But when I was a child, I was a leather monkey, I didn't have the patience to tell him too much, all I saw was the candy he bought, and I broke free from his arms at every opportunity, and went to play with my friends with the candy.

Occasionally, I have the idea that it is better to bring my brothers and sisters with me when I come with others. At least I was able to hang out with my brother and sister, which was much more fun than if he were talking to me dryly.

Dad usually arrives on the same day and leaves that evening. During the busy farming season, such as the wheat harvest, autumn harvest, and wheat planting, he would stay at his grandmother's house for one night and leave the next night.

During the busy farming season, most of the weather is suitable, neither hot nor cold. One early summer, after a day of wheat harvesting, my father took my brother and me to lie down on the bungalow (a wide platform connected to the roof where the grain is dried in the countryside), and blinked at the stars in the sky, and he told me many interesting stories, and I would be closer to him.

"Stars are like eyes, blinking and blinking. I said with a grin.

"Well, the stars are not only like eyes, but also like the lights of the enemy camp. ”

"What is the enemy camp?" I asked curiously.

“……”

Dad was speechless for a moment, then smiled and said, "The enemy camp is where the bad guys live." We are on one side of the sea, they are on the other side of the sea. When I stood guard at night, I saw their lights flickering and flashing, like stars on the sea. When you see those lights, you get nervous!"

"What is standing guard?" There were many things my father said that I couldn't understand, so I had to ask questions one after another.

“…… To stand guard is to protect the land under our feet and protect the families behind us. If the enemy dares to come, the one standing guard will be the first to spot them. ”

"So powerful?" I suddenly fell in adoration for my dad and leaned closer to him.

Dad took me in his arms and proudly said, "The sea is dark at night, and you can't see anything." At this time, you can see the sea falling together, and that thing is getting closer and closer to you, getting closer and closer......"

I couldn't hold back my curiosity and asked eagerly, "Is it a giant turtle?"

Dad laughed: "What a big turtle? It's an armed swimming enemy!"

"What is an armed swimmer?"

“……”

Obviously, Dad was easily overwhelmed by my questions, but he was not irritable and patiently explained the problems one by one. My brother and I lay down next to him, and he put his arms around us and told us stories about the army until we both fell asleep. I dreamed of the sea that my father talked about, and there were stars on the sea, but what about my brother? He must have dreamed of the green barracks, right?

For the first time, I felt very reluctant to part, and even shed tears. Dad was also very uncomfortable, he squatted down and hugged me, and said, "Wait for two weeks, Dad will come back to see you, okay?"

"Pull the hook!"

After I hooked my dad and saw him off with tears in my eyes. Then he tore up the calendar one by one and waited for Dad to come back.

There was no phone at that time, and I didn't know what time my father would come. I didn't take a nap that day, I waited with a blank eye. When the sun was not so poisonous, I ran to the entrance of the village to play, and every bus that stopped would make me look forward to it, but I was disappointed again and again, because my father never came back.

My grandmother told me to go home for dinner, but I still refused to leave, until the sun went down and my stomach was rumbling with hunger, and I turned around and set foot on the way home.

At this moment, a bus stopped next to the village monument, and a loud "Linlin" made me quickly turn around.

At a glance, I saw my father, who had messy hair and was covered in sweat, but he smiled very brightly.

"Daddy!"

I shouted, and a gust of wind rushed over, holding him tightly. At a young age, I realized for the first time what it means to be "reunited after a long absence".

I was five years old.

Dad said that the scene where I screamed "Daddy" and ran to him as fast as I could have was one of the warmest memories of his life.

I was born in December and started elementary school at the age of seven. When I got back to town, my dad enrolled me in a dance class. Mom said that he spent money indiscriminately, and he said that the children around him were all studying, and my daughter could not be left behind.

I am very grateful to my dad for letting me learn dance, if it wasn't for dance, how much fun would I have lacked in my ordinary life!

As I got older, I learned about my father's past. Learn how he went from being an excellent scout platoon commander to a port-city chemical factory, and how he became a cook. These seemingly unrelated life trajectories are different life paths that Dad has taken in several periods.

To put it mildly, he went from a promising combat hero to a mediocre cook, from a superhero to the most ordinary people.

And what made him make trade-offs again and again was only two words - family.

Grandma always told me that no matter what time it was, Dad was a man who stood up to the sky and the earth, and he was an out-and-out superman.

I am convinced of this.

Many people say that Dad's life is full of regrets. But I never heard him complain about the injustice of fate, and he never imposed his unfulfilled dreams on our three children, and we were free to choose what we wanted to do. Now that I think about it, how rare this "freedom" is!

The children of the poor are in charge of the family at an early age, and I learn from my older brothers and sisters to learn to be sensible as much as possible. Especially after knowing my father's past, I feel sorry for him and always want to share something for him. But I'm still in high school, and I can only try my best to get a good score to make him smile more. I know that when the three of us brothers and sisters go back to get the certificate, it is when he is the happiest.

To be honest, among the three siblings, my father loves me the most, and I also want to be his little padded jacket. But I never expected that I would become the one who hurt him the most.

Because of my shameful vanity, I have become a vanity of the alien.

I threw the contact lenses he gave me and yelled at him to leave, just because he was haggling in front of my classmates, which made me feel very shameless.

I thought my dad was going to beat me, but I saw his anger, hesitation, and finally powerlessness. He didn't say anything, just picked up my discarded glasses and slowly disappeared into the crowd.

To be honest, I've never seen my dad walk so slowly, maybe he's really tired, he's no longer the big hero I remember.

During the battle, he was nearly crippled when shrapnel from the enemy blew up his right ankle, when he worked in a fertilizer factory, he was almost cut off by a machine, and when he opened a wonton restaurant, his family was surrounded by walls and debts. He used up almost all his efforts to keep this family up to now.

His life to the present is a history of blood and tears of a middle-aged man, and all the pain has left traces on him. And I know that what hurts him the most is the hurt that my "little padded jacket" gave him.

I wanted to rush up and say "I'm sorry" to him, but I didn't have the courage.

That night, I couldn't read a word, and I couldn't help myself when I thought of my father.

For the first time, I skipped my self-study and slipped to the edge of the playground alone. In the dark, I magically dialed my brother's phone number. Unexpectedly, my brother quickly picked it up.

"What's wrong?" my brother asked nervously when he heard my sobs.

I cried and told me what I had done, and my brother on the other end of the line was silent. After I finished speaking, he said: "At the age of sixteen or seventeen, it is a very rebellious time, and I can understand your current mood. I didn't talk to my parents all day, why, because I gradually saw their shortcomings, and I had a lot of resentment with them. But as children, the best way not to blame them is to be silent. ”

The elder brother said: "Now that I think about it, I realize how naïve and ridiculous my ideas were at that time. Actually, it's not that I'm tolerating my parents' shortcomings, it's that they're putting up with me. You're a lot better than I am, at least you know you're wrong now, and I didn't realize until I got to college. ”

I said, "But you didn't contradict my parents, if I did, I would be a bad boy in the future! God will abandon me and never give me good luck again!"

Hearing my words, my brother laughed out loud and said, "Where can people not make mistakes? If you know that you are wrong, you can apologize to your father, and don't make him sad again." ”

Before I could say yes, there seemed to be some alarm on my brother's side, and he hung up the phone in a hurry, and there was no more sound over there.

I held the phone, remembering what my brother had just said, and suddenly understood something.

When we were young, we would often say angrily - my parents don't understand me! What they said was so sad that I really wanted to run away from home and didn't want them to be my parents!

But in fact, we often say more hurtful things to irritate our parents. How many people can understand the sadness and despair of their parents, and how many people can sincerely apologize to their parents?

Dad didn't beat me, tolerated my adolescent perversity and rebellion, and he was still the calm and powerful superman.

I owe my dad an apology for the shameful vanity of my youth that made me an alien vanity.