Finally ushered in the summer vacation, other people's summer vacation is all about playing, to the last three days of homework copying, and I was the last three days of copying classmates. Every summer vacation, my cousin would come to the house to play and then stay for a few days, and I thought this summer vacation would be no exception.

My cousin is five years older than me, born in the countryside, I don't know if he does farm work all the year round or inherits his uncle, so he has dark skin, in fact, I think he inherited his uncle, because the farm work seems to have been done by his own sister, my cousin.

Every year I have the third day of the holiday, and this year is no exception, so my cousin will come to the house two or three days in advance to play with me, but this year he just played, not lived, maybe because he was more mature, and I was not so fun with books. A few days after my birthday, I forgot how many days it was, it was his birthday, and every time his birthday was spent at my house, and this year he said that his father gave him some money, saying that he wanted to invite his classmates to dinner together, and my mother, who has always been strict with me, finally let me go out today, and come back later, and believed that I would not lose the key, and gave me the key. Of course, half a day of nagging is indispensable.

All kinds of energetic music sounded in my ears, I walked into KTV for the first time in my life, through the small window I saw everyone twisting their bodies, and some men and women hugged each other, these are things I have never seen before, after all, every time I watch TV, I am very conscious of drinking water, reading books, and doing homework. My cousin took me into a room, they said it was called a box, and there were a lot of big sisters and big brothers in bright clothes, and when they saw my cousin walk in, they took the microphone and twisted their bodies to the music: "Yo! Welcome to our big birthday today." Then my brother shook after them, and I sat down in a corner that I thought was quiet, and I didn't feel uncomfortable, on the contrary, my eyes lit up, and I could feel it. A few of my brothers and sisters, who didn't look like bad people, brought me some fruit, greeted me like elders, and then shook it with my brother and them. Maybe they were tired, and then people started singing, and my brother sat down next to me and handed me a beer: "Drink?" "I refused at the time, in fact, I really wanted to taste the taste of this yellow liquid that bubbles like sprite, and when I refused, my brother put the beer on the table in front of me and sang with them, and my world seemed to be quiet in an instant, with longing in my eyes, staring at the beer that my brother put in front of me, how tempting it was, I knew that it might be a gift from Zeus to mankind. Maybe singing can't satisfy their catharsis, they turn the lights up again flickering, I see their flesh fit together and twist each person with a bottle or a glass of liquid I crave in their hands, at this moment my mind is full of their toasts and drinks, the flesh fits the writhing, and the ears are all the crisp echoes of their bottles and cups, my eyes are full of surprise and longing, I am surprised that there are more than books in this world, I long to explore this world, not only in books, not only in this small room, not only in the world that I have seen and heard but have never seen but is not unknownI know what kind of desire this bottle of sinful liquid in front of me gives me, and I know what kind of world it will present to me, I think, I want to, I want to be as fearless and bound as them, yes, bondage, I finally know what has been bothering me, it is bondage, it is the so-called great future, it is the so-called good life, it is all the beautiful pictures that others have laid out for me. No, my mother said that drinking is not a good child, drinking is not good for the body, and drinking will cause mistakes. There was a symbolic battle in my heart, and of course, I knew it was symbolic, for nothing could have tempted me more than the new world. The demon in my ear kept saying, "Drink, drink, drink it and you will be born again." ”。 In the end, I don't remember what I was thinking, I don't remember what I did, but I thought about it, I must have drunk a lot, a lot, and to be honest, I forgot the taste in an instant.

After that night, I became a good student in the eyes of my parents and teachers, a good boy, of course, I know that I can only get more freedom back when I am a good child, only when I have my own time, even if it is a minute, a second, my mind has never stopped longing and yearning for a strange world, although I am still a stupid child who can only read. But throughout the summer vacation, I was the only time I came into contact with the world that I never knew, I was reminiscing and pondering every day, no mobile phone, no computer, not so many resources to obtain information, I don't know how I could indulge again, I longed, I was extremely longing, I didn't know why I was so longing, just because it was a new world, many years later, I thought about this problem clearly, it was probably because of the sense of freshness and excitement that I had never had, in that kind of breaking away from the shackles, like the little chick that had just broken out of the shell, meaninglessly exploring the unknown world, it was that feeling of freedom and indulgence, because I never realized how happy I was, because at that moment, I knew what I really wanted, that glass of beer, that music that broke my eardrums again and again, that time to really satisfy myself, I never cared how many points I scored, either a perfect score or infinitely close to a full score, and I didn't care how many places I could take, anyway, I was always in the first and second, and no matter how many points I scored, how many people I tested, I could still only live the boring life of school and home, and live the kind of life that was very fulfilling, but I was at a loss, and lived like a puppet-like walking corpseIt was a word that I learned much later to describe why I was so longing, and that was "desire." It was also a long, long time later that I realized that at that moment, I was dominated by desire.

People have never really been their own masters, and no matter how hard they try, they are still slaves to their desires. The moment a person is born, the moment he cries, it is desire, breathing is to live, it is desire, it is the desire to live, all instincts are desires, it is a person who will have desires, want to live, and strive to live to make oneself live better, it is also desire. And all we can do is dominate our desires, or be dominated by them.

"Isn't your name Li Li?" asked Luo Luo as he lay in my arms. I nodded, "yes, that was later." She was still looking at me, as if waiting for me to say what was going to happen, and I poked the fire with a branch: "Because I don't like Li Yang." ”

I turned around and went into the tent and took out two cans of beer, handed one to Rollo, who still took it with a sweet smile, and I sat next to her with a smile, and we opened the beer, and she looked at the fire waiting for me, and I sat down and opened the beer and told her about my past.

I was looking forward to the second summer, my second cousin's birthday, when I was about to be in sixth grade, and I was older, at least, in my fifth grade.

When I was in fifth grade, I began to learn to make friends and to blend in with the most active part of the class, and coincidentally, they were classified as bad students by the teacher. In a normal class, the general students will be divided into three categories: the first is a good student like me, everyone thinks that we are high, we are lucky darlings, we have the right to change seats at will, we have the right to make mistakes and the teacher will also tolerate, we have all the awards and praises; the second is the unknown classmates in the class, they may be in groups of threes and twos, do not like to be in groups, bad grades, not bad, names that will never appear in the parent-teacher meeting. The third type is the kind of bad students in the eyes of teachers, they are playful, have bad grades, do not hand in homework, occasionally a few can barely see it, like to form groups, gangs, and often appear on the list of mistakes, so that the teacher can't raise his head in front of other teachers. In fact, the word-stirring stick is not an exaggeration at all, and it is not my original to make the teacher unable to raise his head in front of other teachers, because the teacher himself said so, in fact, I didn't feel anything wrong, after all, my parents said that what the teacher said was right, and I had to listen to the teacher at school. To be honest, since joining their small group, my grades have not dropped in the slightest, reading books, winning awards, maybe the only difference is that the teacher always looks down on me in the eyes, not that I am sensitive, but that kind of look, which really makes me feel that I am quite different, and the difference may be that I have learned two skills, helping them cheat, and teaching them to cheat.

I don't know when I stopped distinguishing people by right and wrong and good and bad, only those who were good to me and those who were bad to me, those who made me happy and those who made me unhappy. Gradually, I hovered between good students and bad students, but it was not the second, I became the fourth, both good and bad.

In this kind of bad and bad student life, I found that I didn't like the praise of my parents and teachers so much, at least I wouldn't be so sad when I didn't have it, instead of wanting all the thumbs up and missing one thumbs even if it was because of the progress of a bad classmate, I would have a little bit of jealousy and envy, I began to ignore the praise and criticism of me, at least these things are not boring for me, at least I won't be greedy anymore.

Finally, the summer vacation I had been looking forward to was coming again, and I thought that my fifth grade would end in such a happy time, and since there was a small group in one class, there would definitely be another class as well.

As the final exams approached, I don't know why those teachers were so generous to give up PE classes, and coincidentally, the next class also had PE classes. Since joining the small group, I have participated in a lot of games that I have only seen and never played before, catching people with one foot, throwing sandbags and so on, I don't know why, children always have so much energy to run in the hot summer sun but still tireless, when they are sleepy, they take a shade in the shade of the tree next to them, and when they are thirsty, they go to drink the well water from the faucet, and the teacher is very opposed to us drinking because she says there are parasites in it. We drank as always, because we were not used to carrying cups and bottles, and always lowered our heads directly, like a cow constantly opening and closing our mouths full of water, because it was the well water received by the doorman himself, so there was only one faucet, and we all had a tacit understanding that we would line up.