Time kept passing, knowing that they couldn't be together, but they stayed alone in the corner and looked at him from afar.

It's already the third year of high school, and the head teacher won't tell everyone that the one is gone in a timely manner, and he won't tell everyone that the one is coming. Everyone was dazed and immersed in the sea of questions, and no one cared who came and who went. A few students from Li Huatong's class left, and a few came.

One day in a certain year and month, suddenly a tall and handsome figure came in at the door of the first class of the 18th high school, Li Huatong raised his head, his eyes were so bright and clear! He looked straight ahead, took vigorous steps, and strode to the back of the classroom. At just one glance, Li Huatong suddenly fell.

The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west, and Li Huatong is no longer the optimistic Li Huatong he used to be. Suddenly a big sun appeared in front of her, shining so brightly that she was dizzy and in a trance, and the sun was so hot that she couldn't breathe. Who was he, where did he come from, why did he come to the Eighteenth Middle School? There were so many questions she wanted to know the answers to.

Secretly and quietly inquired in many ways, and soon there was information about the sun. He is also a local, he studied in other high schools in the county before, and he didn't take the exam for the first time, so he came to the 18th middle school to repeat the class. In addition, Sun has a superior family background, is handsome, well-dressed, undresses with meat, is cheerful and generous, and is a god who focuses on his studies and wants to be admitted to university. It seems that this is a senior and a male god.

Faced with the dazzling bright light, Li Huatong had to withdraw his eyes from the sun and began to examine himself. Who is Li Huatong? What kind of woman is Li Huatong? Can Li Huatong be worthy of such a radiant sun male god?

Perhaps examining oneself is a necessary path for everyone to mature. Eighteen-year-old Li Huatong felt that this road was too difficult. For the first time, Li Huatong found that he was really not very good? I don't know how his parents were born, he was short and not tall enough, he ate too much and was a little fat, and he had a round face, and the adults in the village always said that it looked like an apple, but was it really good? Li Huatong was very strange, there was a mirror at home, why didn't he usually take a lot of photos? Now standing in front of the mirror, how can he feel that he is not good anywhere? How can this match him who is so radiant? Li Huatong was very annoyed in his heart, but he had nowhere to tell, so he could only lie on the desk in a daze and agony, why didn't his parents give him a good skin? Why did he grow like this? Since he was already disabled and could not match, why didn't that sun male god come here thousands of miles away? Li Huatong understood a truth for the first time, it turns out that people in this world are different, some people are good-looking, and everyone likes them. Some people are average-looking, even ugly, and everyone doesn't want to see them. But this can't be relied on by him! This world, it turned out to be unfair in the first place. For the first time, Li Huatong deeply understood the connotation of the word inferiority.

What should I do? The heart is already uncontrollable, when I see him, I will beat wildly inexplicably, I will blush inexplicably when I think of him, I have no appetite for eating, I am lazy in class, and I can't lift my spirits on the court, Li Huatong feels that he has become a walking corpse, without a soul, probably almost over!

Li Huatong, who has low self-esteem, lives in chagrin every day, and even forgets that he is a senior in high school, wandering around the school like sleepwalking every day. However, the gravitational pull of that sun was too great, and Li Huatong was often attracted to it, and he couldn't help but do something inexplicable. He plays table tennis very well, and there is always an afternoon every week where you can see him on the table tennis court. He is always in good spirits, pushing and blocking, full of fighting spirit, and the PK is very intense. The onlookers were shocked, and the atmosphere was particularly warm. Li Huatong will secretly look at it, look at it, and always move to the front unconsciously, nervous, about to jump out. I saw him, it was another murderous smash, the other party didn't catch it, the ping pong ball fell to the ground, and rolled all the way to Li Huatong's feet. She bent down, picked it up with trembling hands, and trotted all the way to him, handed him both hands, and without daring to look at him, she turned her head and ran away.

After all, there are not many such opportunities, and most of the time Li Huatong can only look at him from afar.

The first love was so bitter, Li Huatong really didn't expect it. Regarding love, Li Huatong has his own superficial views. Love should be the most beautiful thing in the world, and the love of a prince and princess in fairy tales always has to go through some hardships and hardships before they can finally live happily together. Therefore, it should not be easy to get love. The many novels I have read before also seem to tell Li Huatong that although love is beautiful, it can sometimes be very sad and even painful. For example, Lian Nishang in Liang Yusheng's "The Legend of the White-Haired Witch", she fell into an extremely miserable situation because she liked Zhuo Yihang, and overnight, Qingsi turned gray. Especially in the novel, it is written that Lian Nishang couldn't find Zhuo Yihang everywhere, and shouted Zhuo Yihang's name one after another, and the miserable voice seemed to be in his ears. What is love? Li Huatong was confused.

In literary works, there are not many famous love stories, but Li Huatong found that the more famous and the deeper the love, the more bad the result. For example, Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, Zhu Yingtai's family dislikes the poor and loves the rich, Liang Shanbo died of lovesickness, Zhu Yingtai swore to marry him, and he could only become two butterflies and fly. Another example is Romeo and Juliet, the two of them are also dead and alive in love, but they make mistakes, and in the end they cause a tragedy that cannot be recovered. There are also Lin Daiyu and Jia Baoyu, a pair of golden boys and girls, with a heart and soulmate, and finally ended up with Daiyu dying of illness and Baoyu becoming a monk. Alas, why did the literati write these tragic love stories!

A novel is a novel, and a literary work is a literary work after all. Li Huatong lived in a rural town in China in the eighties of the twentieth century, and when she met him with radiance, she didn't care about comparing herself with Lin Daiyu, she needed to calm down and seriously examine herself. As a result of self-examination, Li Huatong was put on such a picture in front of his eyes, and under the dazzling sun, Li Huatong turned into the most insignificant dust in the world, and how could Li Huatong be embarrassed? In the situation of taking the college entrance examination in the third year of high school, Li Huatong completely fell into a pessimistic situation! This is the rhythm of God trying to destroy her!

Time passed day by day, and before I knew it, a small tree slowly grew in my heart, and by the time Li Huatong found it, it was already too late. She fell into the swamp of longing and couldn't extricate herself, love, what is it? Some people say that if you love, you should be lonely, and if you love, you should suffer.

Thoughts, thoughts that have nowhere to put them, thoughts that flood into rivers, thoughts that are full of sadness, always invade Xiaotong. Why put himself in such an embarrassing situation of being passive and involuntarily, Xiaotong really doesn't know. All she knew was that she couldn't do things, she couldn't think, she couldn't be at peace, she couldn't go here, she couldn't go anywhere. I want to cry, I want to hit a tree, I want to jump into a river, I want to escape the chase of my thoughts, I want to drink some sleeping tablets and fall asleep, and never wake up again. Is there really such maddening love in this world? Yes, God, there really is. You should know. The mind no longer belongs to oneself, the body is no longer under one's control, and is always doing things that are so boring that they are disgusted. Blame yourself, repent silently, God, help me calm this stormy nuclear wave, please take me out of the swamp of longing, it is dark all around, there is no light. With a thud, he fell into the swamp, his body was trapped by death, his hands and feet couldn't move, did he really want to be drowned by those black sticky cold sludge? Xiao Tong breathed desperately, stretched out his hand to grab something, and shouted loudly: Help me, save me, save me!

woke up suddenly, Xiao Tong was sweating. It was dark all around, and only the dreams of her clinical classmates made her understand that it was the middle of the night, and that she was having a nightmare.

Recently, Xiaotong often dreams and can't sleep well at night. She had nothing to do but sigh softly. With such an age, such a situation, and such feelings, there is no way out. So, it's better to be smart and die for yourself. Xiaotong knew that this had nothing to do with others, it was completely her own problem and her own fault. She has consciously renamed the journal as a reflection book, and the weekend as a reflection day. She has to reflect on herself, and she should reflect on herself. She didn't like herself like this, her nerve collapsed very tightly at every turn, her heart was pinched, her hands were clenched into fists, and she refused to relax. If she goes on like this, she'll die. Untimely feelings, like a ferocious tiger, roar in the cage of the heart every day, and want to rush out to go wild all the time. Xiao Tong clung to the cage and must not let it rush out, otherwise, it would kill two people, maybe more than two people. The depressed Xiaotong really wants to go to the sea to shout, I want to go to the road to run wildly, I want to jump into the cliff that I can't see, and I have been a hundred since then.

Without love, she has nothing. Loneliness, helplessness, sadness, despair, these devils came again, and once again tightly wrapped around Xiaotong, making her unable to breathe and leaving her to struggle. Xiaotong hugged her arms and curled up in the quilt, endless sadness welled up from the bottom of her heart, tears, cold tears flowed down her cheeks, she bit her lip to prevent herself from whimpering. Born as a human being, what did she do in her last life to make her so miserable? Xiaotong really resented God.

Is it true that a woman's name is weak? Do you want her to accept her fate? Do you want her to give in? Do you want her to endure forever? The empty world, no one answers, only the endless darkness fills the air, and it seems that there is no end to it、、、、、、

Got up, got up, got up, suddenly the alarm clock went off, and it was dawn.

What's even more terrifying is that this secret matter naturally can't be told to parents, and even if they do, they won't understand, but will be severely criticized. There is no way to tell his friends that the great Li Huatong fell in love with a boy who had no possibility at all, if everyone knew, Li Huatong could not afford to lose this person. I'd rather die than be discovered. Li Huatong felt that he was strangled by a rope and couldn't breathe. The heart seemed to be pressed by a heavy stone, sullen, and the whole person was at a loss and at a loss. Looking at the textbook, I don't know what's on it, eating the food, there is no taste at all. The friends around him coped with it lightly, insensitively, slept at night, opened his eyes, and played Li Huatong's 10,000 ways to confess like a movie, but there was only one ending, and he was ruthlessly rejected. Insomnia all night, absent-minded and listless like frosty eggplant during the day. Life went by like this, and Li Huatong felt that she really couldn't live.

One afternoon, Li Huatong accidentally fell and injured his ankle and bled a lot. She frowned and gritted her teeth and didn't go to the hospital, thinking to herself that she would fend for herself, anyway, she had nothing to love. The two best friends dragged her to death and dragged her to the clinic on a bicycle to heal her injuries. The doctor is very proficient in business, while nagging, while cleaning the wound with numbness, dressing the medicine and finally collecting the money, the two friends are one pushing the bicycle, and the other is carefully supporting Li Huatong, all the way back to school. She is at their mercy and takes care of her in every detail. They beat the food, brought it back to the dormitory to feed her, and helped her to the classroom toilet after class. Change the dressing, it's still the same bike, and the camel goes and camels back. During the time when Li Huatong was injured, the Three Musketeers were inseparable, just like one person. However, Li Huatong knew that the person they bothered to take care of was a walking corpse. At the end of the day, when the night comes, and the lights finally go out in the bedroom, Li Huatong will lie quietly on the bed and let his tears flow for a while. Yes, there is no sun at night, through the glass window, you can only see the moon hanging in the treetops, round, or crooked, not noisy, not speechless, quiet, as if gently telling Li Huatong, quiet your heart, let go!

The two friends tried their best, and even hid from their worried mother, and their ankles got better day by day, Li Huatong regained his freedom of movement, but his heart was still firmly imprisoned, and the pain flared up from time to time, and no one could heal him.

Maybe it was temporary, maybe it had been planned for a long time, one spring afternoon, the painful Li Huatong quietly bought a bottle of medicine, the name of the medicine is Valium. I heard that it can treat insomnia and help people sleep well. I also heard that if you eat more, you can sleep for a long time. During the day, Li Huatong hid the medicine in his school bag. When I went back to the dormitory at night, I secretly stuffed it under the futon. She felt that she had always been a dispensable person, and no one cared that her heart was tormenting and bleeding, and no one was bothering to keep an eye on her whereabouts. It was late at night, the moonlight outside the window was in, and the others had gradually entered into dreams, and occasionally some people muttered a few dream words that no one could understand. Li Huatong was lying on the bed, holding the white medicine bottle tightly in his hand, and his heart was very calm. Would he have fallen asleep in the middle of the night? Would he have a trace of sadness if she left this world? If there was an afterlife, would he ever see him again? Thinking about it, I couldn't help myself, tears slowly flowed out, flowing down his cheeks, wetting the pillow. The deep sadness made Li Huatong can't help but sob. Suddenly, a hand groped from behind, grabbed Li Huatong's hand, grabbed the medicine bottle, and without any resistance, the bottle of medicine was easily taken away. Immediately afterwards, one arm was gently stretched out, and the warm body slowly came over, gently hugging Li Huatong, and a soft voice came from his ear, "Sleep obediently"! The night was quiet, and the moon hid in the clouds. Suddenly, a strong sense of sleepiness hit, and Li Huatong, who was extremely tired physically and mentally, relaxed, dreamless all night, and slept soundly until dawn.

still didn't escape, approaching the college entrance examination, Li Huatong had a serious illness, and soon after she recovered, she transferred to another school. A bitter first love that never started ended without a problem.