Everyone's childhood will have a key word.

For example, the keyword of Crayon Shin-chan is Sao, the keyword of Cherry Maruko is pure, Nobita's keyword is annoying, and the keyword of Conan is ...... Miserable.

But Suya's entire childhood was spent in hunger and restlessness.

She had only a vague impression of her father, a pair of warm hands and a worn, mud-stained trouser leg. It can't be helped, after all, she was too young when her father left, and that time has almost disappeared with the wear and tear of childhood memories.

Since then, there has been a long, almost endless hunger and restlessness.

Hunger is fine.

Although my stomach is always empty, my mother will always find a way to find something to eat. But...... is always a kind mother on weekdays, and her inexplicable hysteria has left a deep shadow in Su Ya's childhood.

In Su Ya's impression, the source of memories in those shadows comes from a graffiti she once was five or six years old.

I remember that it was a summer evening, and she found pencils and a large pile of red, green and green notebooks in the cupboard. Although I was not yet old enough to go to school, I had a yearning for reading and writing at that time.

Holding a pencil, little Suya drew flowers, trees, and butterflies on those notebooks. The small house that does not leak in the heavy rain, the chicken legs that Director Zhang's children often hold in the front yard, as well as the mother, younger brother, and myself, after thinking about it, I added the father who must exist in my memory, but I don't know what I look like.

After completing the "painting" that she thought was a collection of all the good things, Su Ya waited at the gate with her sleeping brother in her arms.

She waited until it was very late, until the stars in the sky blinked, and she heard the familiar heavy steps of walking with a shovel.

She took the painting to her mother.

The expected praise did not arrive, but in exchange for a hard slap and angry resentment. The mother's hysteria was followed by endless crying and tears.

Su Ya, who covered her face and trembled in her mother's arms, the scene she couldn't forget the most at that time was the little butterfly that was trampled on the corner of the red book thrown on the ground by her mother.

Childhood memories were skimmed in Su Ya's mind.

Looking at the butterfly in her hand, which had faded on the yellowed piece of paper, her hand couldn't help but tremble slightly.

She didn't understand why this thing was here.

Just as she wanted to take the piece of paper to find Li Xian, she accidentally saw the handwriting behind it.

Xia Guangyuan.

At the age of five or six, she was illiterate.

Now, seeing these three words, it was like a thunderbolt in the clear sky, and Su Ya's whole person was fixed there.

This name is not unfamiliar to her.

Slowly, the uncle who has been smiling and looking at himself recently, and the warm big hands in his childhood memories and the owner who is always stained with muddy water pants coincide!

Covering her mouth, she sat on the ground weakly, and looked at the signature for a long time, before Su Ya finally wiped away her tears and her eyes became firm.

She's going to find him.

She wanted to ask.

She needed an explanation.

One answer!

……

In Xia Guangyuan's guest house.

"In 71, when the educated youth began to return to the city, I had already married Su Mei and gave birth to Su Ya. My parents died during the Wenge period, and I was left alone in the capital. Su Mei is a good woman, and I thought it would be good to live my life in the Forestry Bureau. But then you know. ”

Xia Guangyuan's eyes were blurred, thinking of that time, even if he tried his best to be indifferent, he still couldn't suppress the pain on his face.

"The conditions were so difficult. Li Xian, you know that for a man, hard life is not terrible. The scary thing is that in the face of suffering, you can never see the end of it, and no matter how hard you try, you can't see the hope of change. So what really made me decide that I couldn't go on like this was not the dinner that I had eaten up by myself. It's the pain and self-blame of being a man who can't feed his wife and children. ”

"So, you abandoned them?" Li Xian frowned, looking at Xia Guangyuan's gaze colder than the temperature outside.

The pain on Xia Guangyuan's face stopped, and a wry smile floated up, and he didn't answer Li Xian's question. Instead, he said what happened next: "Before I went to the countryside, I had an object in the university. At that time, our fathers were being criticized together. She went to the countryside to Jiangxi, but the communication between the two of us was never broken. In 72, she wrote to say that her father had been rehabilitated and wanted me to go back, but I didn't agree because of the relationship between Su Mei and Xiaoya. Later, Su Mei became pregnant with Xiaohui, and this idea became even weaker. Until...... Later that pot of rice porridge. ”

Xia Guangyuan looked at Li Xian, "After hiding in the haystack for two days, I ran from the Forestry Bureau to the county, borrowed the phone number of the Educated Youth Office at that time, and called me...... My current wife, Xinlan. She didn't know that I was married, and after returning to the capital, my father-in-law arranged for me to be assigned to the Economic and Trade Commission, which was called the coal department under the State Economic Office at that time...... What that means. ”

"Of course I do. That means losing your future, your ambitions, the envy of others, the respect and all that you want in life. It means that you will return to the place where you will wake up from your dreams, and live a miserable life that you think will never end. Therefore, for the sake of your own selfish desires, you completely abandoned Aunt Su, Su Hui and Su Ya. ”

Li Xian did not have any feelings, and stated the facts that Xia Guangyuan did not say, or that he himself was unwilling to say.

Although so much time has passed, when Li Xian ruthlessly stated this fact, Xia Guangyuan's face was still pale.

After the paleness, a hint of anger appeared on his face. But in the face of Li Xian's cold eyes, the anger disappeared in an instant.

He clenched the white enamel jar in his hand, as if the steaming water could bring him warmth and relief.

"Li Xian, life is like this sometimes, there are gains and losses. Licking his lips, he said.

"Hah..."

Li Xian snorted and was noncommittal.

He already knows all the old things.

A cliché, but perhaps not uncommon story in the social context of the time.

Just as he didn't know why he had returned to this era, these things had become established facts, and he didn't care about them, and he didn't want to dwell on the deeper reasons.

That doesn't make sense.

He cares only later!

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