Chapter 231: The Perception of Life and Death (First Update!Ask for Subscription!Ask for a Monthly Pass!)
Three blue brick houses, somewhat old. It is surrounded by two-story buildings or bungalows, and the three old tiled houses are a bit eye-catching. More than 20 years ago, three tiled houses were rarer in the village than the current buildings.
It's just that after the death of his father, the burden of the family fell on the shoulders of his mother, and the tiled house was repaired and still able to live.
There are two sycamores planted in the yard, and the leaves on the trees have just fallen after a cold rain.
In the wheelchair, Zhang Daoran's cheeks were even thinner, leaving only a layer of skin wrapped around his face, and his eyes were blank. In the yard, her mother Hao Guiqin was cooking, and she glanced at Zhang Daoran worriedly from time to time, her face full of vicissitudes of life, a little worried and a little complicated.
In the blink of an eye, three months have expired, and several of Zhang Daoran's fractures have healed. It's just that the condition is getting worse and worse, and now I can still do some simple movements, and it is difficult to stand up and walk.
When the meal was cooked, the mother took the rice and carefully fed Zhang Daoran to eat. Zhang Daoran's heart was shocked, as if he had returned to his childhood, when his mother fed him. The mother's face was calm, and there was a kind of pity in her eyes that was somewhat complicated. Zhang Daoran knew that his mother must be very uncomfortable and even desperate at this time.
It's just a trace of reluctance in my mother's eyes, what does it mean?
Zhang Daoran was silent, and now Zhang Daoran is equivalent to a waste person, a baby in his twenties, and a parasite. I feel guilty in my heart, unwilling in my heart, but I can't do anything about it. I didn't want to affect my mother, but my bones healed two days ago, and after the stitches were removed and the plaster cast was removed, the muscles all over my body had atrophied, and Zhang Daoran couldn't commit suicide if he wanted to.
The two sisters haven't come these days, the eldest sister married to a province thousands of miles away, the second sister has just gotten married, and the child is only a few months old, fortunately, the two sisters know that their mother is hard, and they are not diligent, and they will give their mother a few hundred yuan a month for living expenses.
Zhang Daoran's money for going to college was saved by his two sisters.
Professor Liao came once two days ago and comforted Zhang Daoran with a few words to leave. His most proud protégé fell into this situation, and before Professor Liao left, his gloomy eyes were undisguised.
Winter goes to spring, time flies, and nearly two years have passed in a blink of an eye. Three months ago, his mother passed away, and Zhang Daoran learned that his mother had diabetes, and his numb mind felt difficult to breathe for the first time, almost exploding.
Zhang Daoran was not humanoid at this time, only skin and bones remained. Unable to move and difficult to take care of herself, the second sister simply took Zhang Daoran to her home to facilitate her care.
"Xiao Ran, do you want to go outside?"
Help Zhang Daoran take a warm bath, massage all over his body, and the second brother-in-law, who has never disliked it, can understand Zhang Daoran's eyes or subtle movements at this time. Zhang Daoran's muscles atrophied, his face was paralyzed, and his speech function was affected, and he didn't say a word in the past two years.
Zhang Daoran kept looking out the window, his eyes never left, and the second brother-in-law instantly understood Zhang Daoran's thoughts.
"Spring is coming, you should also go outside to see the spring scenery, Xiao Ran, I'll take you there"
The second brother-in-law is a rural teacher, kind-hearted and upright. This is Zhang Daoran's most assured thing, after he leaves, his sister can be happy. The eldest sister is different, life is full of misfortunes. Her husband often drinks heavily and beats people, Zhang Daoran is full of sympathy for her eldest sister, and she is also the most worried.
Zhang Daoran's figure is not very tall, but he also has a certain deterrent power. In the past, when the eldest sister was wronged, she would call Zhang Daoran, and Zhang Daoran would go to the eldest brother-in-law to chat. Now the person who may be able to support the eldest sister has become a wasted person, and the eldest brother-in-law is even more unscrupulous.
The house that the second sister's family bought in a small town is only a ten-minute walk to the field. It is said to be a field, surrounded by villages. To the north of the town, the surrounding villages are surrounded by hundreds of acres of fields. There is a small forest on the east side of the field, which is not large, but it is a place for the old people to enjoy the shade in summer.
"Leaving the grass on the plain, one year old and one withered. Wildfires burn inexhaustibly, and spring breezes blow and regenerate. Xiao Ran, weeds still have a tenacious will, take root and sprout every spring, and never say die. As intelligent beings and human beings, we should understand this truth even more. Although it is impossible for man to overcome all difficulties, we must not be depressed and bow to life and fate. The second brother-in-law looked up at the field and pointed to the fluttering butterfly, "It's like a butterfly, before it turns into a butterfly, it's just an ugly silkworm chrysalis." When it breaks out of its cocoon and becomes a butterfly, it flies into the sky and shows its beauty."
"Fate is not fair, and we cannot expect fate to be fair. And we are arranged by fate, if we want to be free, we need to struggle, we need to break the shackles of fate. And all this requires a strong heart. It is said that my fate is up to me, and people are determined to win the sky, I didn't believe it before, but now I believe that Xiao Ran can do it!"
The second brother-in-law chattered and kept saying words of encouragement.
Zhang Daoran's empty eyes slowly became a little smart, looking at the frozen earth, full of spring colors, and the trees began to grow tender green. A swarm of ants, climbing up trees, surrounds a bug. Life is threatened, and the green worm writhes
This is a link in the biological chain, ants are called ants, it can be said that life is fragile, but through the power of unity, hunting, survival. The life of the green insect is threatened, and writhing the body is a struggle for life and a desire for life
"Dead wood can be spring, ants steal life, life is to fight against disasters, diseases, injustice, and finally victory is success, is the true meaning of life. ”
The second brother-in-law himself also felt a little, "My family was originally poor, I am unwilling, I want to get ahead." I studied hard and finally went to university and became a teacher. Not to mention how rich life is, but to be able to live well"
Zhang Daoran heard it in his ears, and his heart trembled slightly: "I fought against fate, but unfortunately I failed"
In my mind, I recalled that I followed Professor Liao to archaeology, fell into the grave, and woke up and was reborn in Sanqingguan. The path of cultivation is smooth, the realm is improved, the Taoist spells evolve, and finally the fire goes crazy.
It doesn't matter if it's a dream or not, it's something I've experienced.
"Which old Taoist in Wudang Mountain is right, my Tao is my Tao. "Once, I subconsciously thought that the existence of the Heavenly Dao was supreme, insurmountable, and irresistible, and that we needed to find balance and obey.
"Cultivate my way, cultivate my way"
Zhang Daoran had some feelings at this moment, and this trace of understanding passed away in an instant.
"I'm just a dying man, and monasticism is too far away for me. Now I'm just waiting to die"
I experienced death once, and I didn't feel it that time. At this time, the disease is riddled with diseases, life passes through the body every day, and death approaches every day. Zhang Daoran encounters with death face to face every day, and Zhang Daoran has some insights into life.
"Birth, old age, sickness and death are the laws of life development. If you can't fight, you can't defeat the arrangement of fate, you can only wait quietly for death!"
Death, is it terrible?
Death is terrible, and everyone wants to live.
Zhang Daoran hopes that his death is a relief for himself, and it is also a relief for his sister's family.
"The meaning of survival lies in struggle. The meaning of death lies in liberation?"
Zhang Daoran was a little stunned, and a smile appeared in his eyes, "It turns out that life is like this"
"It's time to go back"
After standing here for a long time, the spring breeze was slightly cold, and the second brother-in-law smiled and said, "Tomorrow is Sunday, I'll bring you again"
When he returned home, the second brother-in-law hadn't noticed it, but the second sister stretched out her hand tremblingly, probed under Zhang Daoran's nose with her eyes closed, and instantly sat down on the ground. The second brother-in-law came back to his senses at this time, stretched out his head to look at Zhang Daoran with his eyes closed, and tears dripped down "Xiao Ran is gone"
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