Shen Xiao, who has never only studied the psychological problems of teenagers, but rarely touched on the details of love, felt at a loss for the first time in his life.

Although it is not visible on the surface.

But her palms were full of sweat, and she had already panicked.

Chu Yunji sat at the desk by the bay window, looking at the sunset outside the window, and didn't move for a long time.

Shen Xiao stood silently in this silence, neither approaching nor leaving.

He didn't even dare to make any sound, lest he wake up Chu Yunji, who was immersed in his thoughts.

After waiting for a long time and not hearing the sound of leaving, Chu Yunji couldn't help but turn his face sideways and asked softly, "Do you still have something to say?"

Shen Xiao stepped on the thick carpet and took two steps forward: "No." ”

"Then why don't you go?"

"I'm worried about you. Shen Xiao replied frankly.

Chu Yun laughed, and he immediately turned his head back to prevent Shen Xiao from seeing that he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

"You are very gentle, Shen Xiao. ”

Chu Yunji turned his back to her, and his voice was low and hoarse: "However, extreme gentleness is a kind of cruelty. ”

"Scold me green tea, I don't care. Shen Xiao said honestly: "It's in the notebook now, I don't know if the notebook will do something unexpected to you when you lose control of your emotions." So I've got to watch here, I can't wait until you're gone, and I don't know where you've gone. ”

“…… Whatever you want. ”

Chu Yunjian looked at the scenery outside the window and said weakly.

So Shen Xiao sat down on the edge of the bed and silently accompanied him to watch the sunset.

——

I don't know how long I sat in the room, until the room was completely dark, and Shen Xiao wanted to turn on the light in the room, only to hear Chu Yunji speak again:

"Why don't you want to be in a relationship?"

Suddenly hit in the face by this question in the dark, Shen Xiao paused, and sat back on the bed with half of his body.

"I don't trust people, especially men. ”

Unlike in the past, this time, Shen Xiao answered honestly.

Chu Yun was noncommittal, and continued to ask: "Why is this happening? Is it because you have encountered something bad before?"

"Didn't encounter the bad things you imagined. Shen Xiao said softly: "I killed my father psychologically, do you understand?"

Chu Yunji was speechless.

After a moment, he said in a dry voice, "I don't understand, I want to hear you explain—in a language I can understand." ”

Shen Xiao sighed heavily.

"My father wiped out all my expectations of men. He made it impossible for me to trust men. ”

"Every man is different. Chu Yunzhi interjected.

"I know. Shen Xiao replied quickly: "But trust is an emotion in the final analysis, and it cannot be changed by logic." I can't put my emotions in the hands of another man, because my father told me with his actions: no matter how much a man likes you, should he cheat or cheat, divorce or divorce. The old love is no match for the new love. ”

Chu Yunji listened quietly and did not intervene again.

Shen Xiao continued: "At the beginning, my father also liked my mother very much, and every one of his vows came from the heart. But so what? He can only guarantee that he is sincere at that moment, but he cannot guarantee that he will be sincere in the future. ”

"Besides, my father was a rotten man. He went to the PC whenever he could, and he passed on the dirty disease to my mother. He also has domestic violence. Thankfully, he was abusing me, not my mother, because my mother was the family business, and if something happened to her, my father would have to beg for food on the street. So, he took all the unsatisfactory out on me. ”

"I also have a younger brother, you know? But my dad never beat my brother, he only beat me. In the middle of the night, he dragged me out of bed, dragged me to the living room, and whipped me with a stick, right in front of my brother. After the fight, he told me to go back to my room and go to sleep. The next day, he sent my brother to school as if nothing had happened, and I, I had to go to school in the hot summer, wearing long sleeves and long pants. ”

"My father was neither single-minded nor gentle. Impatient with children, often beating, scolding, belittling and insulting. I'm at the bottom of the food chain in the family, his punching bag, you say, can I have a crush on him?"

"Fathers are often a child's cognitive model for all men in the world, and for a daughter, a good father will make her more tolerant of men in the world. However, a bad father will only let his daughter run away from men. I'm the kid who fled. For me, every man has a terrible face behind him, just like my father did when he beat me, a horrible, hideous, twisted face. ”

"So, Chu Yunji, it's not that you're not good enough, it's not that I don't want to accept you, it's that I can't...... I really don't dare. ”

The voice gradually fell.

There was no more sound in the darkness.

Chu Yunji took advantage of the faint light outside the window, walked to the bedside, groped, and found Shen Xiao.

He sat down beside her, and raised his hand to touch her hair, her ears, her soft cheeks, and cold tears.

Chu Yunjian held Shen Xiao's face and wiped the tears that kept flowing for her with his thumb.

"Shen Xiao, I'm not him. Chu Yunji said softly.

Shen Xiao's choked voice came from the darkness: "I know." I know better than anyone else. ”

"But you're still scared. ”

"Yes. ”

"Who is better, me or your father?" he asked in a low voice.

Shen Xiao was silent for two seconds, and said in a thick nasal voice, "...... I look like my father, what do you say?"

Chu Yunji: "......"

He should not bring shame upon himself.

But this easy little question successfully made Shen Xiao burst into tears and laughed.

Hearing Shen Xiao laugh softly, Chu Yunji approached her face and whispered, "You are so coaxing." ”

“……”

In the dark, no one answered him.

But he could imagine Shen Xiao's sullen appearance.

He came closer again, and his voice was soft, even a little demagogic—

"Shen Xiao, I want to kiss you. ”

"No, I can't. ”

The rejection with a nasal voice loses the strength of the previous toughness.

He held Shen Xiao's face, forehead to forehead with hers, and rubbed the tip of his nose against the tip of his nose.

"Just once. ”

In the darkness, the man's voice became deeper and more hoarse, and the sweet smell of the breath blended with each other made people confused.

This time, Shen Xiao never refused.

Maybe it was to open his heart to him and turn out his worst past for him to see.

Maybe it was the darkness that made her lose the strength to hold on.

Or maybe it's just ...... The moonlight tonight is so beautiful.

Chu Yunji's kiss fell on her forehead and the bridge of her nose like a feather, and finally, the hot lip flap imprinted on her slightly cool lips.