Everyone has a different understanding of how camaraderie in prison should be viewed. Xiangbei has always had an intuition that only when he is with Li Weizhen can he unload the burden in his heart and listen to the other party tell his own story and his own experience.

It's really strange that men and men also have this subtle feeling, is it because he hasn't met the right man before? Xiangbei feels that this feeling comes inexplicably.

In fact, the answer is very simple: fate made the two meet and summarize their lives in this almost spiritual way.

Xiangbei has an intuition, every time he sees Li Weizhen, it is like looking in a mirror, how he views Li Weizhen's words, deeds, and style, and how others also view him Xiangbei. There is such a miraculous thing and such a miraculous experience in the world.

This is where the subtle feeling between the two comes from – they mirror each other, and when they look at each other, they are actually looking at themselves. Only when you look at it in this way will you see yourself more clearly and thoroughly.

In the vast world, all living beings, such a mirror image is really hard to find.

However, even if the two mirror each other, there is a difference in time and space, after all, there are elders and youngers, and there are orders in prison. To be more precise, Li Weizhen saw his past from Xiang Bei, and Xiang Bei saw his future from Li Weizhen.

After two suicides, Xiangbei's determination to die is no longer so strong. Of course, the desire to think is fading, but the thought of finding life has not yet appeared. He couldn't find a reason to continue living. Even the last conversation with Luo Fangyi had gone deep into his soul, but it didn't make him feel how beautiful life would be.

Thinking of Luo Fangyi, he thought of many things again.

The conversation with Luo Fangyi impressed him the most, not only that she re-followed her own path and entered the Beijiang Evening News Office, but also that his wife Zhou Xuecen still clung to the materials in her hands to defend herself before she died, and Luo Fangyi's last sentence: "You are my first teacher in society." I've always been proud of you. If all the reasons can't change your decision, then you should think it is for my sake and don't give up, okay?"

There was a question mark in the sentence, and it was clear that she wanted to hear Xiangbei's answer. However, when Xiangbei heard this, he had already turned around to leave, and in an instant, he stopped again, his whole body shook slightly, and he left the reception room without looking back.

As for what exactly this sentence is said, Xiangbei has no deep impression. However, in the past two days, this sentence has been playing in his head non-stop, bringing him new thoughts, perhaps, one day when he looks at the outside world, his thoughts will change in a new way.

Without the errand of working in the factory and editing and typesetting the prison newspaper, Xiangbei suddenly felt bored, and the only thing he could do was to read some books in his room, which were full of positive energy, which made Xiangbei really difficult to digest. Fortunately, Song Qingzheng understood Xiangbei's temper, and specially arranged for Li Weizhen to stop what he was doing and accompany Xiangbei in the bedroom during the day.

"I see you've looked a lot better in the past two days. Li Weizhen poured a glass of water and placed it next to the bed to the north.

All the inmates went out to work, and the two of them were the only ones left in the room.

Xiang Bei stood up respectfully and took the cup with both hands. After all, Li Weizhen is older than himself, and everyone is a scholar, so at least politeness and respect must be there.

Gently turning the wrist to the north, the laceration will still be a little painful, but it is no longer a major problem.

"This hand is far less flexible than before, and I guess I won't be able to do heavy work in the future. ”

"You don't have to rely on physical work to eat, you are a literate person, even if you go out and don't do your old job, you won't starve to death or get tired. Li Weizhen said. In this dormitory, Xiang Bei is the only person he respects, so when he talks to Xiang Bei, it always seems like a conversation between gentlemen. This reminded Xiangbei of the pictures of Confucius in the textbooks when he was a child, and Zi said, there must be my teacher in the threesome......

"I can't do my old job, that's sad. To be honest, I was confused about the future. ”

Li Weizhen looked at him with a smile on his face, it was better to be confused than to have no future. It seems that this person's mentality has improved a lot, and his company in the past few days has not been in vain.

"You've got a year or two to get out, right? You're so young, you still have a long way to go. You see, I've been in prison for so many years, and I still want to get out one day, even though I'm afraid I won't be able to adapt to life outside. Li Weizhen said.

"I don't have the same good mentality as you, I don't have anything left, and I don't have any expectations for the outside. ”

"You know, seeing you like this now reminds me of my former self. ”

"Why do you say that? You used to be like that?"

"Because I've thought about suicide more than once. Li Weizhen said, "Three years ago, my boy fell off the scaffolding while working on the construction site and was in a coma for more than half a year. The family had no money to see a doctor, so they took him back to the family to raise him. Afterward...... Then the kid was gone. After my wife came to the prison to tell me the news, I scolded her. And then ...... She committed suicide by drinking medicine. ”

It was the first time Xiang Bei had heard Li Weizhen talk about these things, but he didn't expect that his experience was so similar to his own. This middle-aged man who looks at his heart like water and can't make waves on weekdays has actually had such an experience, middle-aged loss of a child, broken family, is there anything more distressing than this?

Li Weizhen: "The pesticide my wife drinks is called paraquat, and that kind of medicine is very powerful, but if you drink it in your stomach, even if Hua Tuo is reincarnated, she can't save it, so she can only wait for death." ”

"Paraquat? I've heard of this medicine. Xiang Bei once learned about this pesticide in an interview, and it is known as the "water of death", which is a biocidal herbicide. After drinking it, it will be very painful, and it will not die immediately, but it will not be able to save it. Many people jokingly say that this medicine gives you time to regret it, but it does not give you a chance to live.

Li Weizhen: "I scolded my wife at the time, you incapable old lady, our kid was delayed by you." Why don't you die? You give me back my baby! And then I heard her crying all the time, covering her face and crying. I didn't feel happy enough to scold her, knocking on the glass and scolding her, even the prison guards couldn't pull it away. Later, when she died, I felt that this thing was not done well, that I was too animalistic. Can she not love her children? But if there is a little way, will she delay the child's treatment? They all say that the wife and children are hot on the kang, and they are the only motivation for me to stay up here until now. As a result, the motivation is gone. ”

Xiang Bei: "Well, I understand you. I've experienced this feeling before. However, you should not scold her, she is your relative, and when your child dies, you are her only support. As a result, if you scold her like this, she will definitely not be able to stand it. ”

Li Weizhen: "What you said is reasonable. I was carried away by the demon in my heart to do that stupid thing. You know, since I went to prison, I hardly have a day of steadyness. Even when I wake up every day and see this miserable white wall, the only thought in my heart is to die. I know that after so many years in prison, I have become a waste and a burden. Even if I get out of prison, I can't do anything. Moreover, the children are gone, the wife is gone, what is the point of my life? So, during that time, I tried to commit suicide several times. ”

"Perhaps, it is better to live than to die to be liberated. Xiang Bei was deeply touched and sighed, "How many times have you died?"

"Three times," Li Weizhen smiled, "one more time than you." One time I stole a piece of metal from the factory, and I used that to cut my wrists. Don't tell me, it's so good, it's a little blunt than a razor blade, and it makes it a little stronger, but it can still be cut. Another time, I hit my head against the wall, and my head was covered with circles, and I couldn't die. I was annoyed in my heart, God was really unfair, and even death did not go my way. What a failure I've lived in my life. ”

"I thought so too. Now I feel that God does not accept us, and naturally there is a reason for us to live. "Sigh to the north.

"I've always felt that life was too unfair to me and put all the tragedy on me. But then it dawned on me – I want to live!"

"I don't have your courage, I'm afraid to live, I'm too tired to live. ”

"I used to think so, too. Once, my mom came to visit and talked to me. He said that after my wife died, the family packed up her belongings and inadvertently turned out 481 yuan and 5 cents under her pillow. I remember this number very well, and I'm afraid I will never forget it in my life. It was she who had been picking up waste for a month to save up in order to treat her child. Until she died, the money was neatly folded, wrapped in paper and placed under the pillow. She has never been willing to spend it. My mom gave me the money. More than 400 yuan, it's really a lot in your hand, a thick pile. One hair, two hairs, one piece, five pieces, and a lot of steel hammers. This old lady has been this stinky problem all her life: she loves to save money. I am reluctant to eat and wear, I am not willing to wear, I am left with my children," said this, the seemingly strong man shed tears, "At that moment, I was full of remorse. I know that they live a hard and tiring life, and that this responsibility should be on my shoulders. I owe them so much during my years in prison. I didn't expect that there were so many unfinished things for my wife and children before they were born, and they still had unfulfilled wishes and unfulfilled worries in this world. So, I can't just die, I want to get out of here alive and fulfill those wishes for them. ”

Hearing Li Weizhen say these words, Xiangbei's heart trembled. He suddenly remembered the look in Nuoyi's eyes looking at him in the hospital, and he always felt a kind of regret in those eyes. He remembered the last time Zhou Xuecen saw him in prison, and although her life was so unbearable, she still wanted to win the lawsuit. He also remembered that Zhou Xuecen was running around to save himself before he died. These people did not give up their relatives and their desire for life until they died. Why is that?

Xiangbei has not been able to understand. Now he understands, for love.

Xiangbei didn't expect that his experience would be so similar to this originally strange man. What is Nuoyi's wish? What is Zhou Xuecen's wish? Xiangbei was silent and pondering.

Perhaps, living by themselves is their unfulfilled wish.

"When I heard my mother's words, I felt like I woke up all of a sudden. For so many years, I have been in a state of confusion, life is worse than death, but these words are like a life-saving medicine to save me," Li Weizhen quietly wiped away tears, "This is the first time I have shed tears in so many years." From the moment I was born again, I told myself that I couldn't be a weak person. In my world, there is only room for strength and bravery, not for tears, not even for sighs. Because for a person like me, it is too easy to die, and the difficult thing is how to keep myself alive, so I must have a heart that is a hundred times stronger than others!"

Li Weizhen's words shocked Xiangbei. He didn't expect that this bookish and angry man would be able to say such firm words. His experience is not much better than his own, but he has not fallen in the face of the heavy blows of life.

"I'm sure you'll get what they want, keep going. Xiang Bei said.

"Hold on? I don't know how long I'll last. Li Weizhen smiled bitterly, "I am 50 years old this year, I'm afraid I will stay here for 4 years, and when I go out, half of my body will be buried in the soil." When people live here, they often think about the people and things that are alive. When my wife and children die, I hope that my mother can live well, survive until I go out, and give him a pension. I just don't know if I can get to that day. ”

"4 years, fast and fast, passed in a flash. Xiang Bei comforted him.

"Actually...... Another reason why I want to get out alive is to choose a cemetery for their mother and build a tombstone. No way, the family is too poor. They were not blessed in life, and they cannot be allowed to suffer again after death. ”

Li Weizhen's words pierced Xiangbei's confused heart. He thought of Zhou Xuecen and Nuo Yi who were still in the columbarium of the funeral home, and felt that they were like two lonely ghosts, with no home and no home.

Li Weizhen's words kept rolling in Xiangbei's mind, keeping him awake all night.

When a person has the determination to face death, but still survives in the world, he is no longer born for himself, but for the love that cannot be parted...... This was the case for Zhou Xuecen at that time, and the same is true for Xiangbei now.

Legend has it that the phoenix is the messenger of happiness in the world, and every 500 years, it will carry all the unhappiness accumulated in the world, throw itself into the raging fire, and exchange the end of life and beauty for the peace and happiness of the world. It is only after the physical body has undergone great suffering and reincarnation that they can have a better body and be reborn.

This catastrophe is like a phoenix nirvana for the north, reborn from the fire.