Forty-five years ago, when I was in the second grade of junior high school, I wrote my first short story in composition class. This novel study of about 3,000 words is the first literary creation and no longer belongs to the meaning of the previous essay. That's how my interest in literature sparked. This interest lasted for forty-five years. It's still fresh and respectful. Even when "**" swept away all works and writers, this interest still did not shift or die, and turned into a kind of covert reading. I have said that the blessings and misfortunes of my life began with the writing of my first novel on the text, and it was this purely hobby writing that laid the foundation for literature in the course of my life.

In recent years, a variety of media and reporters have almost all asked me about my life and literary creation. Almost without exception, I explained to them first that I don't use words like enlightenment and enlightenment, and I like enlightenment. That is, the enlightenment obtained in the course of life, the enlightenment of thought and art in literary creation. It is these revelations that have enhanced my ability to penetrate the thoughts of history and reality, as well as my experience of the true nature of literature and art, and to create ideals again and again. In this long process of artistic exploration and life, two self-grasps and two introspections have become key choices and turning points.

One time was at the beginning of 1978, when the spring tide of Chinese literary revival was surging, and I was serving as the deputy commander-in-chief of the Bahe water conservancy site. I left after completing this project in my hometown and transferred to the cultural center. At that time, I was convinced that the era had finally come when literary creation could be done as a career. The second grasp was in 1982. This year I went from amateur writing to professional writing. I once wrote in an article about the immediate and only feeling at that time, which was to enter the best state of my life. Almost as soon as I got the conditions to create professionally, I decided to return to my hometown. The first is to quietly chew back and forth for 20 years of rural work and life to enter writing, and the second is to estimate the incompleteness of one's own knowledge, which requires extensive reading, enrichment, and constant updating, which requires a quiet environment that can avoid distractions. I chose my hometown in the countryside. Until the completion of "White Deer Plain", it was exactly ten years. These two grasps, one is the transformation of the trajectory of life, and the other is a choice that purely belongs to one's own living environment.

Two introspections. Once in the fall of 1978. When the new era of literature sprung up from the thawing literary world, I was encouraged and calm. Calmness is based on judgment of one's own specific situation. I think it is not difficult to eliminate the ultra-"left" ideas in "**", but it is not easy to get rid of the ultra-"left" non-literary ideas that I have accepted since I had the ability to read. I chose to read books, borrowed some classic works from classic writers in the world, and used real literature to get rid of non-literary concepts in my thinking and consciousness, with only one purpose, to enter the true nature of literature. This introspection lasted about four months, and by the spring of 1979 I had gained a strong desire for literary creation and artistic expression. My journey to pursue literature as a career began.

The second introspection occurred in the mid-to-late 80s, in the preparation stage for the writing of "White Deer Plain". My mind was the most active at that time. In particular, the theory of the psychological structure of characters in the theory of literary creation has triggered my subversion of my previous creations. Self-dissatisfaction and self-denial are pregnant with a new ideal of artistic creation. This painful introspection is entirely spontaneous. What happened during the preparation of "White Deer Plain" and the whole writing process later was a key one for me.

Looking back today, many years later, I have grasped myself at two important stages of my life, mainly based on the choices I made based on my own reality. In the long process of artistic pursuit, two introspections in two important stages of creation were really crucial for me to continue to enter the essence of literature. If there are two important breakthroughs in creation, the first is through introspection. It can be said that the realization of my creative progress has gained strength from the almost brutal self-denial and self-reflection at a critical stage. I later referred to this process as the detachment of the mind and the artistic experience. There are no secrets, no myths, the ideals of creation and the power of creation are acquired and completed through self-reflection.

Just one morning half a month ago, I finished a 5,000-word essay, and I was excited to be alone in my hometown. Only ten days ago, one night, I finished reading a monograph on cultural and literary criticism by Professor Chang Guangyuan, and I entered a most gratifying pleasure. That afternoon four days ago, I was thrilled to finish writing a short story of more than 10,000 words. Two evenings ago, at the venue where Yang Ling participated in the establishment of the Yangling Federation of Literary and Art Circles, I met the disabled writer He Xulin, and heard that one of his 300,000-word novels was about to be published by the People's Literature Publishing House. In this way, I have repeatedly verified myself for decades, and literary creation is the best aura for my survival.

It wasn't until I walked into this solemn and welcoming occasion created by my friends that I still couldn't really understand the special meaning of the age of sixty, but sixty years old is one of the most important age segments in life. According to the meaning of our traditional culture and traditional customs, it is the ear shun, the understanding, the enlightenment, and the age of reminiscence. This may be the regular characteristic of life itself that has been inducted by predecessors. I can't disobey the laws of life. But what I am most clear about now is to refrain from the things in these traditions and practices that can lead to banality and even negativity. More strongly and more clearly aware than any other age group, I am interested in the pursuit of new knowledge, of the movement of life that is taking place. This is not only the meaning of life as a writer, but also the most likely thing for me, a specific writer, to trigger the fluttering of the sensitive nerve in my heart.

The only thing I plead with God, give me a clear mind. And all my friends and my relatives who came to the meeting today have come to shake my hand with God's will.

Originally hereunder, 31 July 2002