The woman pulled out the silk threads from the liquid, and then slowly knitted something that I don't know:

"Pain is the eternal theme of my life, and what I have done wrong in the end is that I just don't like to fight with the bastards in the streets, I love love more often than knights, and I like dolls that can be dressed up than shining swords.

"Am I at fault?

"Of course not.

Now I can give this answer categorically, but it's too late, am I wrong? This question has been with me for 30 years.

"Until that wet night.

"I had just finished working in the steel mill and was away from a bunch of stinking men, you know? In order to get this job, I had to pretend to be a man, hook up with them, make yellow jokes, I know it wasn't their fault, but this life is ......

"Makes me gag.

"I staggered out of the factory, and I met someone I never wanted to see in my life.

"My childhood playmate, Adam.

"We were always good friends when we were kids, until one time I told my parents that I didn't want to be boys, and everything slowly changed.

"First my parents scolded, then they were name-calling, then the two of them started arguing, blaming each other, and then they were going to take me to the hospital.

"I didn't know what was waiting for me there at first.

"The doctors asked me a lot of questions, and in the end they had to wait for a conclusion: I had a problem.

"They tell me, day in and day out, I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy......

Although the woman's expression was calm as she spoke, her voice trembled slightly every time she said I was a boy.

"If I said I was a girl, they would beat me, and I couldn't think about how much I was hurt, and even a second of memory was enough to destroy everything about me. ”

"All I know is that the doctor promised my parents before that they would give them back a normal boy.

"As I said, I'm not telling you this to gain sympathy, I just need you to know.

"Haura, you're luckier than me.

"But I'm not stupid, and while I'll never change my gender, I at least know how to disguise

"I lied to the doctors, so I told everyone that I was a boy.

"I was discharged from the hospital, no more confinement, no more verbal abuse, no more beatings, no more untold fear and pain, no more hiding in the corner, shivering, licking my wounds.

"I was back in the sun and was able to breathe freely.

"The first person I was looking for was my best friend, Adam.

"I made only one mistake, and that was to confide my pain in him.

"I got two things, horrified looks......

"And a one-way ticket to the hospital.

"I went back there.

"Hell. ”

The woman stopped knitting and began to gently caress the surface of the liquid, letting the magic flow gently through it.

"The second time I met him was on that day.

It was a damp and sticky night.

Adam stopped me, who deliberately didn't look at him.

I hesitated for a long time, but eventually I stopped.

Guess what he did? He stepped forward and put his arm around my shoulders as if nothing had happened, and said:

'Isn't this my brother Phoenix?' Let's go have a drink together. ’

Of course I couldn't say no.

I followed him to a small bar, and I just kept my pretense as I was in the factory, and talked to him about what he had and what was going on this year, until he seemed to have drunk a little.

He said to me, 'Do you remember when we used to play together when we were kids?'

'Hmm,'

'Do you remember......

'Adam, drink bar. ’

'Do you remember that?'

Adam just turned his head to look at me, and then his expression of guilt and pain appeared.

'Phoenix, I did something, a very bad, terrible thing, right. ’

I was silent because I did not dare to speak, and if I did, I would not know what terrible words I would say.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry. ’

He kept repeating those three words.

'You're drunk. ’

'No, Phoenix, I'm a traitor, I told the secret, but I never imagined that I would find out like that, you, you......

'Can you forgive me?'

'I'm you,' I said without much hesitation.

Then he lay on my stomach and cried like a child who had not grown up.

And so he was saved.

Then as we dragged our tired bodies out of the bar, he extended an invitation to me:

'I'm going to have a party at home the day after tomorrow, would you like to come along?'

Of course, I immediately refused him, but after repeated invitations, I still couldn't refuse him.

I can't.

I came as promised.

There were several other people in his house, all of them young men in their twenties, none of them married, the kind of people who would spend every night in the bar, enjoying the uninhibited feeling of having fun, and seeing it as their own life.

Adam looked delighted, then led me to the middle of the room, looked at his friends, and said in a loud voice:

I'm going to introduce you to someone, and that's the Phoenix I was talking about. ’

He blinked.

But the situation was unexpected, and there was no obvious reaction from everyone present.

Adam added:

'Phoenix?' the one I mentioned to you, Phoenix?'

I looked into his face and I saw anticipation.

I know what he's expecting.

Laugh.

A young girl says:

'Adam, that's not good. ’

Adam looked at them with a left eye:

'What's wrong?

'Hahahahaha ’

No one laughed.

Except for me.

At that moment, I understood four things.

First of all, it was because I liked Adam that I was so desperate to find the person I loved the most to confide in my pain and longing for comfort.

He also knew, and this ......

Make him gag.

I don't blame him, it's not his fault, but he shouldn't have done it today.

I understand the second thing.

I'm not wrong, I'm not a boy.

I'm a woman, all the time.

I understood the third thing.

That's when I should pick up the chair.

Then once, twice, three times......

Knock on Adam's head.

First screams, then begs for mercy, preferably the sound of hurried footsteps.

Even though blood and brains were pouring out of my watermelon-like head, I couldn't stop my movements, four, five, six......

I understood the fourth thing.

That hospital, no, that prison, there's no hell there.

Because hell is in me. ”