It's late at night.

It's late autumn.

Now, 30 years after my life.

Many years ago, I also had this exclamation.

At that time, I was obsessed with fantasies, like all adolescent boys and girls, indulging in a self-made utopia and refusing to come out. So, for a long time I got loneliness, at that time based on my idea of not getting something for nothing.

Speaking of getting something for nothing, it is regarded as a manifestation of laziness and lack of progress by teachers who are exemplary teachers, and they will encourage others to be afraid of difficulties, have the courage to climb, create brilliance, and regard this attitude towards life as a positive and optimistic life and spread widely, but who would have thought that most people would bury success here in this way, they have empty fighting spirit, will not think about change, and the days will polish their persistence into numbness, and they themselves are stuck in the deep pit of stagnation; The invisible drive to achieve one's desires is one that I see as a fundamental factor that can help me achieve my goals, rather than more wealth.

At that time, I did not know that a person's thoughts and emotions in a certain period flowed into the circle of life in the same period.

At that time, I had a lot of fragments of the days that I could not forget, and those incomplete memories made me wonder about my current life, why did my life become more and more boring? Everything is not like that anymore, slowly I became really lost, I became greedy, but the more greedy I was, the more I got nothing, so I became a bad person, I felt my disgust, I felt their schadenfreude, they were even more shameful than me, here they lied to deceive the public to get money behind their backs to become corrupt, and there were shameless standing on the stage pretending to be high, I really wanted to die with them, so as to give the proletariat a new hope.

Now I am no longer the innocent teenager who accidentally glued the % essence * night to my hands, and I understand that the world cannot be better because of my innocence; in the past few years, I have thought a lot, and there are many things that I can't figure out, which is related to my knowledge and ability; I have limited ability, I don't have the capital to talk nonsense, I just complain from time to time, which makes me feel my own clumsiness!

Despite my reluctance to admit it, I still like to watch romance dramas and romance novels, and the storylines of all romance novels are mostly divided into three categories: a man and a few women, a woman and a few men, or a few men and a few women's lewd history, which makes me throw myself into it, confused and overwhelmed. A few days ago, I rewatched a romance drama from a few years ago, but my eyes were red for several hours, and I couldn't slow down! My friend said that I have a lot of feelings, I think it's about the same, feelings are something I have always relied on, if one day my feelings are gone, it means that I have died.

Confused, this is all my helpless injuries over the years, my life is a mess! I don't want others to take care of my own bad world in a small space, I want to blend in with the crowd, into the excitement of the public, but I can't do it, see them, see me, so pitiful, in the face of life so meaninglessly rolling around, my heart hurts, and over time it evolves into a kind of sadness, sad for me and the group of people I can't fit in, I have no tears, I can't prove to others that I'm crying, I have any fucking arrogant capital, no! It's because they don't play with me, I can only play by myself, what to play, play with heartbreak, play with self, play with ignorance, play with inevitability, play with lonely sadness, play with the helplessness of waiting, play with the life of a person! Fortunately, I have found so many people like me, who are waiting to be fed and waiting for an opportunity to perish......

I felt lonely, I wanted to break out of the darkness, before the daylight came, I dreamed of walking to the end of the world, without worry, only forward...

As I said, I have been living in fragments of my days, my life is the result of the orderly weaving of time, and I am a simple world of beings, whose purpose is to fill up and have no other value in existence. That's all there is to it, and there is only that.

What's important to the world, what's important to life? Is this something we're going to talk about? In school, the teacher often taught that life is colorful, but I found that life is not according to our mentality and become better or worse, we have been deceived by life since birth, as the days increase, we grow up little by little, we are not easy to promise anything, we become numb, ignore the deception of life, and even begin to deceive and deceive others, understand that the theory in school is only suitable for spreading pure, and when we step into the society, we become muddy, at this time, the economic source has become the meaning of life。 People try their best to get the value of life from society, and no one is willing to give up worldly enjoyment; those who succeed sit back and enjoy their success, those who strive to catch up, those who prepare are ready to go, and the remaining low-level people who are interested in it often engage in self-struggle in order to "live a decent life", but no matter how hard I try, I can't make myself live a decent life. I don't know exactly how successful it is, you can't say that a poor man arguing with someone for five cents is useless......

Am I getting mature or am I getting old all of a sudden? I'm just a little clumsy!

Memories are a very beautiful thing! This night, I was so depressed, and everything around me always kept me uplifted. I have too much time to reminisce about the past, and I am even more sad about my present life, and I am living in a daze and at a loss! I have done something, in fact I have done nothing, just like that, consuming my time and energy that is not enough on the ticks, without a decent job, without friends with whom I have been drunk and dreaming of death, without money, without character, without happiness...... Now I have nothing, just like an ignorant beggar, along the path of those predecessors who begged for steamed buns, difficult to move, fortunate to meet good people to let me have a full meal, but most of the time I wait, waiting for happiness or waiting for death, this is reality, is the embodiment of my life now, everything is terrible, everything is unbearable! So, the past is a big thing for me! I can look back, I can only look back, I no longer think about what it means, even I don't know what to do It will be more meaningful! Sometimes I always think about another life, and of course, the result is worthless! Why there are so many problems in the world, I guess it is all the more and more doubts that arise from those who are bored and think too much about the answer to the original question. And what is my tragedy? Rethink, maybe I yearn for a sad life.

I think that those who have been born from accidents are very important to life, and they appreciate the benefits of being alive the most!

I don't want to say too much if I'm too discouraged, it's useless to say more, but it can show my loss more, everything I can only maintain; what I'm most afraid of is that people's feelings about things are getting worse and worse, their real feelings are slowly fading, and everything doesn't happen according to common sense... The reason for saying this is that I feel like I'm sinking, so I'm always trying to find something to hold me in order to prevent falling into the abyss, but most of the things are unreliable, so I have a state of confusion: sometimes confident, sometimes inferior, sometimes happy, sometimes lost, sometimes passionate, sometimes confused, sometimes patient, sometimes extreme, I want to find the thing that can keep me going!

Years ago, it was '07, my senior year of high school, and it gave me a lot of memories and kept me entertained, but at that time, it was really the most memorable years for me.

In my later life, I often think of my friends who were drunk and dreaming together all day long, I think of the hot pot restaurants that often go to eat blindly, I think of every alley I walked through in the dark, and I also think of Guan Wenbin.