The sound of gasping came to Xin Xiran's ears like a rapid drumbeat, and he trembled all over, and the pain, chagrin, and joy in his eyes were intertwined, so that he bit his lip and his sleeves were pulled, but he did not dare to look back at all.

He was afraid, he thought, he remorseed, he wanted to go crazy, but he was even more afraid.

He was afraid to see Yao Shi, but he missed her so much, thinking that he would face Yao Shi again in the future, his heart was like being Ling Chi, and it was really painful to breathe.

He hates it even more, he is even more impulsive and does not consider the consequences, he hates himself for failing to take responsibility after the incident, he hates himself for knowing the truth of the matter too late, he hates himself for being powerless, and he hates the culprit of all this, his father.

But after all, it was his father, he couldn't get rid of the identity of the son of the Taiwei, just like he knew that he couldn't get rid of Qiu Zhan's soul.

He didn't dare to face the stupid Qiu Zhan who called his second brother in his dreams every day, so that he hadn't slept for several nights, he didn't dare to sleep, as long as he closed his eyes, Qiu Zhan would appear in his dream with a smile, every time he saw that smile, he would be shocked into a cold sweat, but he couldn't wake up.

Only when the wine is good, when he is drunk, his brain is in chaos, he doesn't dream, only when he is awake from time to time, he can remember a little, but even if it is just a little, he doesn't dare to breathe, he can only use wine to numb himself.

He was scared and didn't know what to do, he couldn't stay in Xinfu any longer, he couldn't see his father's casual face, he buried his friend's life, and he even killed Yao Xian.

These emotions no longer torture him all the time, and torture him to an inhuman form.

Yao Yan gasped for a moment, and finally relieved, she pulled Xin Xiran's sleeve and didn't let go, and after a long while, she calmly shouted: "Xi Dye -----"

Xin Xi trembled even more, and his head hurt for a while, but these couldn't withstand the pain in his heart.

"Xi Dye -----" Yao Yan's nose was sour, tears were falling down, she tried a few times before she choked up and said: "Under Qiu Zhan Jiuquan, I will definitely be sad to see you ruining yourself like this." ”

"Don't say it, don't say it----" Xin Xiran covered his face and knelt on the ground, shouting in pain: "Don't say it----"

Yao Zhan's tears flowed even more fiercely, Qiu Zhan's death, she has been burying the grief deep in her heart, she is not not painless, but the pain has been engraved into the bone marrow, she can dream of Qiu Zhan laughing at night, she has been blaming herself, Qiu Zhan's death is her own fault.

Self-blame is like a sharp sword, once you have your sins in your heart, you can't forgive them, but you still have to live, that self-blame can kill people invisibly, that is the crushing of conscience, more cruel than any external pain.

She hadn't thought about it before, and she didn't dare to think about it, how to face Xin Xiran, she didn't mean to blame, but it was inevitable that she didn't have a grudge against Xin Zhongqiao in her heart, Qiu Zhan was killed by him.

But she can't hate Xin Xiran, so she doesn't know how to face it, sometimes human nature is like this, once the problem can't be solved, she wants to subconsciously escape.

She admits that her approach is very shameless, she knows that if Xin Xiran knows the truth of the matter, she will blame herself to death, but she couldn't solve it earlier, if it wasn't for today's accident, she was afraid that she would have to wait for a while, until she met the foal.

But she didn't expect that Xin Xiran was even more painful than she thought, and his self-blame was about to drive him crazy. Yes, he is kind by nature, even if he has the temper of the eldest young master from time to time, but he is a kind person, and a kind person can't withstand the torment in his heart.

She stepped forward and gently hugged Xin Xiran from behind, hugging the person who was trembling and wailing in pain, although choked, but gentle, "Xi Ran, it's not your fault, but it's all fate, you and I are both human pawns, and Qiu Zhan is the same, but you were protected by your father, I escaped, but Qiu Zhan lost his life."

All this happened because we have no ability to resist, in this capital, in the court, the struggle for power is not something we can be spared if we stay out of the matter, to put it bluntly, you and I are just victims of their power struggle. ”

Yao Xian's eyes were sharp and cold, yes, from the time she knew that the Xiong family was destroyed, she knew that several of her people, including Xin Xiran, were just pawns used by that person, and even among them, Xin Xiran was the most thoroughly used.

Yao Xian hated these so-called power struggles, what did they have to do with her? But she wanted to involve her in, her previous idea was very simple, she had no ambition, she just wanted to be a private school teacher after three years of study in Yangshan Academy, or take a fame test, so that she would even be more noble with the identity of her father.

Because of the new reading decree of the first emperor, the merit or private school Mr. and the woman can also participate, and in the past, she only thought that as long as she overcame all the difficulties, she would eventually be able to get to that point.

But now, she realizes that her situation is already dangerous.

She was recommended by Shoufu to enter Yangshan Academy, but there have been accidents one after another, can Shoufu let herself go?

She was used by Zhuang Yan openly and justifiably, how many times can she escape death?

The righteous brother and the court are mortal enemies, she is in the middle, how can she get out of the way?

Impossible, after this time, she also clearly realized that reading is just the purest idea, and she will never only read anymore.

She still has to save her life, she still has to keep her family from being implicated, and she has to protect herself in more power struggles in the future.

Xin Xiran felt the warmth of his back, a cold heart, gradually became less stinging, Yao Xi's voice, like the sun hanging above his head at this moment, was very warm, it moved him, and like the sea, it contained everything about him, making him feel a little less guilty and blame himself.

This was the hug he had been looking forward to for a long time, he had dreamed of it in countless dreams, but he didn't expect it to be in such a situation, which made him embarrassed and surprised.

Yao Yan saw that his emotions had finally calmed down and let go of his hand.

In an instant, the warmth was far away, Xin Xi was in a hurry, and quickly turned around, a little panicked, scared, and looked at Yao Xi.

Yao Yan wiped the tears on his face with the back of his hand, and said with a slight smile: "In the future, I will tell you." But now, you have to take care of yourself, Qiu Zhan is not a person who will hold grudges, he must hope that we are all well. ”

Only if she is good can she seek justice for Qiu Zhan.

In the end, in the face of the person he dreamed of, even if he didn't dare to imagine it, but once he saw it, his heart was inevitably happy, and only then did he notice his image.

Xin Xiran hung his head in shame, his face was red to the root of his ears, his current appearance must be crazy, ugly and dirty.

Yao Xian pretended not to know, and comforted him: "Look at you like this, you haven't been back to the house for a few days." Don't torture yourself, what happened has happened, since it can't be saved, just look ahead, there is still a lot we can do for Qiuzhan. ”

Xin Xiran couldn't help but blush, he had indeed not been back to the house for half a month, and these days, he was really uncomfortable staying in the house, so he secretly ran out.

After coming out, he was alone, he felt even more sad, and he became more and more depressed, until he was like this, I am afraid that if he didn't meet Yao Xi today, he would definitely get drunk or freeze to death in any corner of the street.

"Wanton -----" Xin Xiran no longer calls him Sister Yao, who is like a carefree son, calling out to the girl he likes, but now, he can't be carefree.

"Are you tired of me?" he looked at Yao Shi with dark eyes, tentative, expectant, and afraid.

Yao Yan patted him on the shoulder, "How can I say that I am disgusted, since you and I have known each other, I have never hated you, not for a moment." ”

Hearing this, Xin Xiran seemed to have taken a reassuring pill, happily stretched out his hand to hug Yao Shi, and saw that he was dirty, quickly withdrew his hand, and finally smiled: "I'll go back to the house to clean up, where do you live now?" I'll go to see you as soon as I finish cleaning up." ”