Suffocation, Lan Li just felt a dull feeling of suffocation in his chest, breathing in the moist and cold air in a big gulp, and a slight tingling sensation could be clearly felt in his entire lungs, but he still felt breathless, as if a boulder was pressing heavily on his chest, just pounding his heart like this, stuffy and uncomfortable.

Lying on the bed/, the suffocating feeling of sinking to the bottom of the lake swarmed from all directions, the dark blue lake water drilled into the body along the pores, cold and biting, air bubbles overflowed from the corners of the mouth one after another, and the dullness and depression of the oxygen disappeared made the chest almost burst, trying to struggle, but the limbs could not exert any strength, so they could only wave in vain.

Suffocation, just suffocation.

So, he left the room, left the crowd, left the photography base, quietly disappeared into the night, he needed a little fresh air, a little bit of personal space, a little bit of silence......

Honestly, he didn't know what he needed, and honestly, he missed Heather Cross a little bit, Matthew Dunlop a little bit, maybe Paul Walker and Ryan Gosling, and he kind of missed the friends who were by his side. Like Ryan Stone of "gravity", he began to miss the bonds of life and the reality that gravity brings.

Lan Li still clearly remembers that after the filming of "Love is Crazy", he fell seriously ill, groggy and couldn't get rid of the story of Jacob and Anna, as if he had just finished a crazy relationship, his heart hurt so much that he couldn't breathe, and the dull feeling of suffocation always lingered, but it couldn't be relieved.

Today, he feels it again. But it's different.

He can't describe it, and he can't express it.

Perhaps, simply because he has not been in a crazy and passionate relationship like Jacob, but he really feels the struggle on the death line like Ryan Stone, the empathy resonance is still different after all, and perhaps, because in this character, he projects so many stories of himself and Heather that it confuses the boundaries between character and reality.

Maybe it's all, maybe it's neither, the chaotic thoughts in my mind have countless threads, one on the left and one on the right, one thought has just come out, one thought has just come out, and one thought has been truncated, and the whole brain begins to swell, and I feel a dull pain, and I can't calm down and think about it at all.

This immersion was more turbulent and real than any previous work, and at the same time more clear, and his brain was incredibly aware of the whole process and all the details, magnifying the pain and still helpless.

On the positive side, it's a step up in terms of performance control, and on the negative side, it's ...... The torture and torment became even more unbearable. However, if he had to do it all over again, he would still choose this path without hesitation.

Perhaps, he was indeed a madman, and even if he wasn't, it wasn't far off.

After the pain broke through a limit, it gradually began to become accustomed to it, and his thoughts were still scattered, but it seemed that the pain had also begun to shift, and he looked down at the guitar in his arms, and couldn't help but laugh dumbly.

To tell the truth, Lan Li himself doesn't know why he brought the guitar out, in the past few hours, there have been many blank fragments of memory in the brain, on the set, shooting, and acting, the memory began to become fragmented, one by one, even the timeline was disrupted, and there was no clue.

It was the same just now. I didn't even realize that I had a guitar in my mind, and when I realized it, the guitar was already in my arms, and the clogged and crowded brain really couldn't sort out my thoughts, and the fragments of musical notes flowed out meaninglessly under the fingertips, not into chapters, nor in accordance with music theory, just simple fragments.

However, the clear and clean strings of the guitar brought a hint of coldness and coldness, flowing slowly under the moonlight, like a babbling stream, passing around the bluestones, tree roots, aquatic plants and fish, and even the dense fog and fireflies in the night began to dance with the notes, and before you knew it, the burning and dullness in the chest were slightly relieved.

This reminded Lan Li of the years when the crew of the "Pacific War" worked, a group of people gathered around the campfire, playing guitars, singing loudly, and relieving the pressure of filming. This is one of the few ways they have fun.

The touch of the fingertips and the strings, you can clearly feel the force of the strings pressing on the fingertips, and then with a slight hook, the boulder squeezed on the chest seems to be a little easier, and the simple chords are pieced together and collided, some are harmonious, some are not, but gradually begin to converge.

Like a babbling stream, it weaved through the sharpness and bumpy, rushing towards the far end, and finally merging into a deep blue lake—or the sea, which could not be distinguished in the night, except for a sparkling water, cold and calm, beckoning him to leap into it, to throw off all restraints, to break free from all shackles, and to become one with the current.

"Don't, don't punish me for feeling in your heart, don't, don't punish me for tormenting my soul. ”

Naturally, the song flowed out along the melody, humming softly, the bitterness and loneliness under the eyes were revealed in this way, mixed with the musical notes, the feeling of suffocation surged in an instant, the fingertips couldn't help but straighten, and the strings were tightly buckled, the muscles of the whole body were tensed to the extreme, and the pain and sadness seemed to begin to swell, on the verge of explosion.

The emotion came so violently that it was caught off guard and helpless, but then it disappeared in an instant, disappeared without a trace, and couldn't help but close his eyes, let out a long, long breath, and the whole person slowly fell silent.

I didn't open my eyes, I just simply enjoyed the tidal feeling brought by the boundless darkness, as if only the lake water could keep my mood calm, and the tranquility to the extreme made my muscles soothe little by little, and my fingertips began to outline again along the flow of thoughts.

"Tired of curling up in the streets late at night, working at the bus stop until early in the morning, exhausted waiting for the first rays of the morning light, when it falls, the direction of the footsteps is still dark. ”

Lan Li seems to be walking in the desert and Gobi of Highway 66, walking along the highway all the way, physically and mentally exhausted, faltering, that long road has no end in sight, just step by step continues to advance, over time, this gradually becomes a habit.

The sun rises behind him, but the footsteps of the sun to dispel the darkness and envelop the earth are really too slow, and the direction of progress is still dark, boundless darkness, covering the whole world tightly, and there is no end in sight, no end in sight, no end in sight, and not even tomorrow.

There is no future and no hope. As I walked, my steps became heavier and heavier, and I almost couldn't take a step.

"Don't, don't punish me for feeling in your heart, don't, don't punish me for tormenting my soul. ”

Before the note fell, his voice began to tremble slightly, and the intense feeling of suffocation was scorching his body and soul, and the raging flames were becoming more and more ferocious, almost turning him to ashes, "So, I crawled out the back door, broke free from the camouflage of these suffocations, and leapt into the water, and I jumped into the water, a pool of deep water (The-ater). ”

With his eyes closed, Lan Li seemed to be able to hear the sound of the fierce wind in his ears, he ran, ran wildly, and after running to the extreme, it seemed that even the wind was surging under his feet, and then the whole person jumped lightly-

Soaring into the air, soaring in the wind, flying freely above the sky with open arms, the whole vast sky was his territory, and gliding to the end, he plunged headlong into the heartbreaking blue, and the gentle water seemed to open its arms and envelop him tightly, cold but warm.

At this moment, he was finally relieved.

"The devil roared on the TV, so I sold it on 16th Street, but I still heard the noise of drones, and now I'm ready to skip tonight's night shift, do you think I can meet a hitchhiker? I don't care where the road lies ahead. ”

Fleeing, he just wanted to run wildly, turn away from the muddy swamp of pain and struggle, find a ray of light in the endless darkness, no direction, no goal, no future, just a faint ray of hope is enough, but in sight, everything is darkness, he is struggling, resisting, but to no avail.

What's even more terrifying is that he is alone.

"Don't, don't punish me for feeling in your heart, don't, don't punish me for tormenting my soul. So, I crawled out the back door, broke free of these suffocating disguises, and leaped into the water. ”

The fingertips paused, trembling slightly, the rolling night was everywhere, grabbing his ankles, the bloody breath was licking his skin, he struggled, desperately escaping, his fingertips outlined again, the mixed and deep emotions vented along the song, "So I crawled and escaped the back door, breaking free from these suffocating disguises, I jumped into the water, a pool of deep water. ”

The world was quiet, all the noise was gone, only the sound of bubbling water was surging in his ears, and following the guidance of that sound, he slapped his legs vigorously, looking for the other side of hope, and also looking for the habitat of the soul.

"My face is numb, my lungs are suffocating, but I am still kicking and beating my legs until I reach the other side, I am still sleeping on your porch, I am still afraid to break the shackles of your door. ”

Singing and singing, the tight lines of the shoulders stretched little by little, the restrained oppression of the chest opened little by little, and the voice full of embarrassment and loneliness ignited a smile, which was gently and carefully outlined at the corners of the mouth, bitter but bright,

So, I crawled out the back door, broke free from these suffocating disguises, and leaped into the water, which I jumped into, a pool of deep water. ”

The moment he jumped into the water, he was free.

Note: Deep Water (ater - Ra-Ra-Riot)