Little by little, the tears flowed out, blurring the vision and burning the eyelids, and the city outside the window gradually evolved into a familiar scene of London, where the streets, the rivers, and the buildings interlaced into a black-and-white chessboard, and finally transformed into a colorless cage, imprisoning the wings of the yearning for freedom.

Then, all emotions disappear like this, no anger, no loss, no chagrin, no confusion, just a simple feeling of sadness.

He was like a lost child. Standing at the crossroads, looking up helplessly and blankly, not knowing how to ask for help, not knowing where to go, it seems that the whole world has abandoned itself in the same place, and can no longer find a place to rely on, nor can it find a home, and I can't help but cry sadly.

He stubbornly gritted his teeth, refusing to let the sound leak out of his teeth, all of which were stuffed in his chest, but the sadness in the depths of his eyes flickered and surged in the crystal clear teardrops, and the whole world was falling apart little by little, and the muffled cry burst out with a heart-rending pain and bitterness, which made people feel sad, trying to comfort and comfort, but they didn't know what to do.

Philip slowly parked the car on the side of the road, quietly watched Lan Li in the back seat through the rearview mirror, and let all the sadness be released, as if he had unloaded all his defenses, even Philip's nose couldn't help but be slightly sour, and the night in his mind resurfaced in his memory.

It was the winter of 1993, when Lan Li was only four years old, and it was a very ordinary night, with no strong winds, no goose feathers and snow, just scattered and drizzling rain, like countless cold London winter nights, everything was perfectly normal.

In the wee hours of the morning, Philip checked all the doors, windows, and gas, and was about to finish the day's work and go back to his bedroom to rest, only to find Lan Li in the corridor on the second floor:

He left the room barefoot in his pajamas and pajamas, and sat in the corner of the hallway, clasping his knees in his hands, burying his whole head between his knees, and sitting quietly, just like that, as if the whole person was blended into the thick of the night, and almost did not feel the sense of existence.

"Young Master Lan Li. Philip was a little surprised, because nothing special had happened that night, and he couldn't imagine Lan Li doing such an unusual act:

George stayed at the club for socializing and did not return, Elizabeth left for Manchester after dinner and did not return for the evening, Elph stayed in the school library and would not return to the main house, and Edith and Arthur stayed in the school dormitory and did not return home.

As for Lan Li, after dinner, he was still flipping through some books in the study, and when he brought the refreshments in, he briefly exchanged for a while, Lan Li seemed to be flipping through the medical books and asked him some questions, this is the whole situation, everything is normal.

But the accident happened.

When Philip called, Lan Li did not look up, and the low, muffled cry came from between his knees, echoing faintly in the corridor, not howling or crying, but he could feel the heartfelt sadness in the broken voice.

Lan Li cried quietly and quietly for a long time, and Philip did not leave, just waited quietly aside.

The passage of time lost its meaning, I don't know how long it took, and then Lan Li's immature voice came from between his knees with a thick nasal voice, and said something that he still can't forget, "Philip, is it just me from now on?"

Philip is always different from Lan Li, in this child, he sees more things, unlike the other three children of the Hall family, his eyes always can't help but stay on Lan Li's body, curious about what will happen in the future, just like caring for his own child.

He knew it wasn't right. He is just a housekeeper, this is just a job, he is closely related to the fate of the Hall family, but he must also remain objective and independent, and must not have too many entanglements, otherwise his job will be dereliction of duty, which is not the emotion that a professional housekeeper should have.

But after all, it's different.

After that, Philip never saw such a blue ceremony, such a lonely, so helpless, so dazed.

Until today.

Sullen and heavy, Lan Li's voice came hoarse and hard, revealing a moment of vulnerability, and then, he asked the same question.

Just like twenty-one years ago.

He remembers, he remembers.

Philip opened his mouth slightly, but he couldn't make a sound at all, looking at Lan Li's appearance through the rearview mirror, his eyes were full of sadness and weakness, as if he had a ball of cotton stuffed in his chest, dull and uncomfortable, he wanted to vent but couldn't find an outlet, and he didn't know what to do.

Lan Li raised his head, met Philip's gaze through hazy tears, and said word by word, "Answer me." Lan Li, who is always calm and self-controlled, always smart and wise, is like a child begging for a lollipop at this time, saying his request unreasonably, and then stubbornly persevering.

Lan Li looked at Philip with sadness, the stubbornness and fragility in his eyes existed at the same time, and the contradictions kept rolling in the tears harmoniously, "Answer me!"

But Philip couldn't speak, and all the words were stuck in his throat, clumsy as never before.

He wanted to stay, but alas, he couldn't.

George forces Philip to come and convince Lan Li. George is a baron, the head of the Hall family, and Philip's boss, as a housekeeper, Philip has little room to resist, he can refuse, and he has the right to refuse, but the initiative is always firmly in George's hands.

It's like using Denise Stevens to pinn down Edith.

Philip knew that George would not give up, even if he did not agree, George and they could coerce Lan Li through different methods, the methods and ways may be different, but the result is the same, unless Philip takes the initiative to leave, he will always be Lan Li's weakness.

Philip also has his own insistence, he refuses to hurt his family for fame and fortune, he refuses to discredit others for himself, he refuses to abandon dignity in order to survive, he refuses to forget pride for the sake of glory...... It is like the old and rigid hereditary aristocracy, clinging to those stupid, useless, crazy, old-fashioned, absurd rules, and then just withdrawing from the stage of history in the natural law of survival of the fittest.

If "evolution" means giving up his persistence, then he would rather be eliminated than abandon his former self for the sake of "survival of the fittest".

Stupid, right?

Philip knew it was stupid, but he was willing to stick with it. What's more, he is already an old guy who has half his body into the dirt, and sooner or later he will be eliminated, so it is better to hold on to the last bit of pride, at least when death comes, he can be worthy of his heart.

It's as if Lan Li also has Lan Li's insistence.

So, Philip chose to resign on his own initiative, bid farewell to the post he had held all his life, and chose to return to his hometown. Perhaps, just like that, it was eliminated by the times.

It's just that...... He had no way to protect Lan Li anymore.

The fool who chased his dreams like a fool, the fool who rushed forward and crashed himself all over his body, the idiot who seemed to win the whole world as long as he could sleep well, the idiot who walked alone for fear of injury, the child who ran out barefoot on a rainy day and got a fever...... He thought he would protect him to the end of his life, but now that promise could not be fulfilled.

Twenty-one years ago, Philip replied, "Master Lanli, here I am", but twenty-one years later, Philip could no longer say it.

Lan Li stared at Philip, but he didn't wait for a response, and then his heart was broken little by little, and that anger slowly seeped out from the depths of his soul, and finally he couldn't stay calm anymore.

"What do they want?"

"What the hell do they want?"

"I've never targeted them, I don't care, I don't care......! Just let me go alone as I used to, that's it! That's all I want! They can enjoy everything in London, and I don't care about all of them! Take it! Take it all! Just pretend that they don't exist with each other, and live like this, isn't that what they're best at?"

"Why? Why do they always want to get an inch, why do they always want to have everything? That's all I want to have...... It's just a little bit of freedom and warmth, why do they take it away, why can't they let me go?"

"They hurt Arthur and Edith, they hurt Elph, but no one blames them, why? Because they gave us life, they can do whatever they want? Because they raised us with money, they can trade us like tools? Because they carry the title of father and mother, they can manipulate our lives as they want without being responsible?"

"Why?"

"Why!"

"I can't even call their place 'home' now, and then they will erase even your existence! Why? Doesn't my existence even have the slightest weight? Doesn't your life's dedication even have the slightest meaning? Don't they even feel the slightest warmth? Don't they have no heart anymore?"

"What are they holding onto, and what am I holding onto? Who can tell me? Philip, answer me, God, I need you to answer me! I'm tired, I'm really, really tired, why are they always so greedy, why are their desires never satisfied, why do they always want to control the world, why is there no end in sight to their madness?"

"Why?"