The first year of Gu Pan's death was the most painful and difficult time for Hua Shaoli. Watermark Ad Test Watermark Ad Test

He had experienced the pain of losing it twice.

The first paragraph is very long, and the pain at the beginning is unbearable, but now I can't remember the appearance of my first love gradually.

So, after the extreme pain, he began to tell himself.

The same pain and the same pain at the beginning can gradually dissipate now, so this time, it can also be.

yes, what is there that time can't grind?

If it doesn't work in one year, then two years, if it doesn't work in two years, then three years?? Decade.

One day, the name Gu Pan will no longer wrench his heart.

Hua Shaoli told himself like this, and he comforted himself like this, nothing is unpassable.

One day, he could let go again.

But intellectually matters, fragile nerves don't take it seriously.

He was suffering from insomnia, insomnia all night long, even if he was barely asleep with the help of drugs. After lying in bed, he would seem to be able to smell the strong smell of blood in the middle of the night, and then suddenly wake up from his sleep.

He looked at the place beside him in a hurry, it was obviously a white sheet, but no matter how he looked at it, it looked like it was dyed red.

Hua Shaoli fell out of bed in embarrassment, and then couldn't fall asleep for a long time.

He looked at the position on the bed attentively, obviously it was not the same room, not the same bed, but why could he still feel the strong smell of blood?

is like a shadow, as if he can't break free in this life. Can't get rid of it.

"Gu Pan, is this how you retaliated against me?" he asked a little stupidly.

How could a living person die on his pillow in such a tragic way with blood flowing out, how could he still sleep peacefully?

The lack of sleep for a long time made Hua Shaoli lose weight, and the sleeping pills didn't work, so he could only go to the doctor, and the doctor gave him advice after understanding the cause of his illness: "?? This is your case. It's not a physical problem, if you have a serious mental illness and want to sleep, you should go to a psychiatrist. “

Hua Shaoli could only return in vain, and ordinary psychiatrists were of no use to him in this situation.

So he spent a lot of money and asked domestic psychological experts for help.

After hearing about his experience, the expert was silent for a long time, and after several days of treatment had failed, he said: "?? There is also a way to solve it, the reason why you can't sleep is because of the death of your lover, your guilt and pain in the same scene every night caused you to be unable to sleep?? Can we try hypnosis to get you back to that day in your sleep, and then do everything we can to get her back??"

Although there is no way to change the reality, it can be used in this way to alleviate the guilt in my heart, and use a kind of "I also tried my best to save her" to relieve the guilt in my heart.

Hua Shaoli was silent for a few seconds, then nodded in agreement.

After some preparation, the doctor made him lie flat on the bed, blocked out all the sounds around him, and began hypnosis.

The process of falling asleep was not smooth, because Hua Shaoli could not stay in bed for too long before waking up.

In desperation, the expert had to let him half-lean on the sofa.

During the hypnosis, Hua Shaoli fell into a cloud of fog, and the fog in front of him was white, and he couldn't see anything.

He began to shout Gu Pan's name loudly, and when he shouted hoarsely, the fog faded.

He came to the familiar bedroom, which could not be more familiar.

Gu Pan and Hua Shaoli in the bedroom were lying on the bed, both of them with their eyes closed, as if they were asleep.

He wondered for a moment if he was late, but Gu Pan, who was asleep, suddenly opened his eyes.

She first glanced at Hua Shaoli beside her, and there was no change in her calm eyes, but she quietly took out a thin blade from under the pillow.

"Hua Shaoli" looked at the blade she was holding, and her eyes immediately turned red.

Because he couldn't see any hesitation and reluctance in Gu Pan's eyes, the only thing was ?? It's liberation.

She wants to be free, and she wants revenge on him, so??

can cut their arteries without any nostalgia.

Hua Shaoli didn't stop and rushed over to take the blade away from her hand, wanting to stop her behavior, but?? The arm went straight through her body.

Hua Shaoli's pupils shrank suddenly, and he waved his hand again to try, but he still couldn't touch anything.

He came and witnessed all of Gu Pan's movements, but?? There's nothing he can do, she can't stop anything at all, what is he?? I can't do it.

"No, don't?? Don't!!Hope, don't!Don't!!"

Hua Shaoli was crazy and wanted to stop it, and shouted like crazy, hoping to stop her behavior.

But??

He's like a ghost, he can see everything, but he can't change anything.

When the blood gushed out, Gu Pan put his hand under the quilt and covered all the red.

Hua Shaoli knelt beside the bed, kneeling beside her, his eyes were scarlet, wanting to pick her up and take her to the hospital.

But??

He couldn't.

He couldn't do anything.

He knelt beside the bed and cried bitterly, the irrepressible great sadness and pain surged up his throat together, he kept beating his heart, shouting "Gu Pan", "Gu Pan" again and again, again and again.

Hua Shaoli, who was on the sofa of the psychological clinic, did not wake up and kept crying.

The psychiatrist had already noticed something unusual, but he didn't dare to wake people up suddenly before the time was up.

Hua Shaoli in the bedroom has been crying, like a helpless child, and the pain of this moment is no less than the morning when he knew that he was looking forward to death.

This time, he witnessed with his own eyes, just a little bit of witness, how decisive she was.

I don't know if I perceived something. Gu Pan For a moment, she glanced at the position where Hua Shaoli was kneeling beside the bed.

Because it passed in a flash, because Hua Shaoli was immersed in great grief, so?? He didn't find out.

Hua Shaoli, who was kneeling on the ground, didn't know how long he had been crying, in short, when his tears were empty, he leaned on the bed, and his head rested on Gu Pan's body.

It seemed that only in this way could he get closer to her, a little closer.

Until??

Gu Pan's breath gradually died.

Until??

Hua Shaoli woke up in bed.

Hua Shaoli, who was kneeling on the ground, closed his eyes and no longer looked at how he was broken at the beginning.

He staggered to his feet, the so-called salvation, the so-called salvation, was nothing but a beautiful fantasy.

Dead is dead, facts are facts, even in hypnosis, even in dreams, Hua Shaoli understands this, so?? There is no way for him to follow the psychiatrist's vision to complete this dream of redemption.

Gu Pan's death was imprinted in his heart, and no one could save him.

When the only remaining illusion was shattered, Hua Shaoli on the sofa opened his eyes.

The psychiatrist already knew the result, and sighed softly: "Mr. Hua, you?? The first thing you have to do to get out of this nightmare is to convince yourself that you can really save her during hypnosis, and only then can the guilt and pain in your heart be relieved. “

After waking up, Hua Shaoli didn't speak for a long time, and only after a while did he say, "No need." “

It was a pain on the tip of his heart, and he was in pain all the time, how could he tell himself to deceive himself. What can be redeemed.

It's useless, it's useless.

In this regard, the psychiatrist could only shake his head and sigh helplessly.

Hua Shaoli walked out of the psychological clinic, no different from when he came.

He drove to the cemetery and went to see Gu Pan.

Standing in front of the cold tombstone, he put down the flowers in his hand, and then?? Leaned his back against the tombstone and whispered, "Gu Pan, do you hurt?"

The moment the blade goes down, do you hurt?

It hurts, doesn't it?

But you didn't even frown.

"Why don't you just find a knife and stab me to death?" "If you hate me so much, why don't you just stab me to death?"

"Are you doing over there?"

"What if I say?? I've got retribution, won't you be happy?"

"Gu Pan?? You?? Can you put it into my dreams, even if it's just once? Tell me, are you okay now?"

He was like a mentally abnormal patient, babbling this to the tombstone, knowing that no one would respond to him, but he could still talk like this for a long time.

Hua Shaoli remembered reading in a book that sleeping on the left side was not the right way to sleep, because it pressed the heart. Easy to have nightmares, after Gu Pan died, he often slept on his side like this, he was not afraid of nightmares, but he was afraid, there was no her in his dreams.

Everyone said that after the death of someone close to you, as long as you survive the first year, the rest of the time will start to slowly get used to it.

will also begin to slowly accept the fact that the person is no longer there.

Hua Shaoli didn't know if it was because his memory was too good, even if three years had passed, he could still clearly remember the pain when he left.

He began to do public welfare all over the world, and he even went to South Africa to work as a doctor without borders, treating poor patients.

He has received a lot of thanks, and he has seen many grateful smiles after recovery.

All those who met him said that Dr. Hua was an extremely gentle person, extremely patient with everyone, and very warm.

Whenever Hua Shaoli heard such a description, he just smiled slightly and didn't say anything.

Until, many years later, Hua Shaoli met a girl reading in the snow in the evening in several poor mountainous areas in the south.

He looks like he is in his teens, his hands are covered with chilblains, his padded jacket is patched on top of each other, and his eyes are very bright.

Hua Shaoli came to her with a ghost, "How can you read here?"

The other children were having fun building snowmen in snowball fights, but she was the only one sitting alone in a deserted area, flipping through a yellowed and worn-out book in her hand.

The girl looked up and smiled at him, and she said that she wanted to get out of the mountains.

Hua Shaoli paused and whispered, "Yes." “

The girl said, "Don't you look at us here very poor, many years ago, there was a college student in our village, and she stayed in the big city to work??"

Hua Shaoli felt that her eyes were very bright and pure, so he asked casually: "How many years ago, how many years ago, and what happened to him?"

The little girl thought for a moment: "A long, long time ago is a long, long time ago?? Grandma said that it seemed to be called Pan, Zhang Pan, no, Chen Pan, no, not right? What's it called?"

Hua Shaoli, who was originally just asking casually, straightened his whole back, and said in a dumb voice: "?? Looking forward to it?"

The little girl's eyes lit up, "Yes, it's Gu Pan, Uncle Doctor, how do you know? Do you know her?"

In the little girl's surprised inquiry, Hua Shaoli raised his head and looked at the dim sky, and his voice was a little distant: "?? Know. “

He didn't expect that after going around and around, he would come to the place where Gu Pan had lived for many years.

He took a flashlight, and after asking the old people in the village for the specific location, Hua Shaoli found the home where Gu Pan used to live.

There was no one there for a long time, and the old man in the village told him: "That girl has a lot of money in the big city, and she brings back money to the family every year, and she paid for his brother's marriage, buying a house, marrying his daughter-in-law, and buying a car. The Gu family has such a girl, which is really a blessing from the previous life. “

Hua Shaoli looked at the barren grass in the courtyard that was taller than people and the old mansion that had long lost any familiar atmosphere, and there was no way to equate the woman who looked like a cash cow in the old man's mouth with Gu Pan in his memory.

In his memory, Gu Pan is inferior and timid.

He had heard the look and tone of her voice as she answered the phone from home.

It was helplessness and resignation after being destroyed.

She once said when she was drunk: Few people in this world take her seriously, except for one Li Shi'an, she has received only a handful of warmth.

Her so-called family is no different from a group of vampires.

But in the narration of the old people in the village, she is the pride of the village, the first college student from a prestigious university in this village, and a rich and noble life who earns a lot of money and enjoys great blessings.

But no one knew that she was dead.

He was not yet thirty years old when he died.

Died in a calculation, a ?? In the lies he created with his own hands.

Exhausted and devastated, he died of despair.

When Hua Shaoli left again, he met the little girl who was reading in the snow again, and she said that she was also going to be admitted to university and become a person as powerful as Gu Pan.

After Hua Shaoli listened, he had mixed feelings in his heart.

But in the end, it only encouraged her.

Charity, Hua Shaoli has been doing it for ten years, and it has not continued.

Because?? His body could no longer support him to continue like this.

He was a doctor, and for ten years he was walking in a way that was akin to overdrawing his life.

He knew he should stop, but he didn't dare to stop.

He didn't dare to let himself have a moment of rest, and he had to exhaust all his energy and strength every day before he could sleep.

In the last period of his life, he did not choose the hospital, but chose to return to the house where Gu Pan died.

In this dusty house for ten years, the moment the door opened, dust came to the face, and some places had been netted.

He didn't ask for help, and it took him a week to get the house in order.

On this day, he carefully selected a bouquet of roses from the flower shop, the fiery red roses were dazzling and enchanting, but when he was about to pay, he changed a bouquet of lilies, white lilies.

He put the lily on the bed where he used to be, and then made two bowls of noodles, and he finished his own bowl, and then looked at the bowl opposite, and asked in a low voice, "Isn't it appetizing?"

No one answered him.

His expression was a little lonely.

When he went upstairs to wash, he stayed in the bathroom for a long, long time, not in the bath, but because he couldn't get up for a long time.

He finally got up, but his throat and eyes were very itchy, he coughed heavily, and blood was splattered on the palm of the hand covering his mouth.

Hua Shaoli looked at the red palms of his hands, walked to the faucet, and quietly rinsed his hands.

He is forty years old. But the body has decayed to the point of being like an old man in his twilight years.

He sat on the edge of the bed, and after ten years, he finally had the courage to lie down in bed and sleep again.

Tonight, he won't be scared anymore.

He took two nameless pills and lay quietly on the bed, with a bouquet of blooming lilies beside him, without the intensity of roses, only a faint fragrance.

Like?? The man in my memory.

Before closing his eyes, he said, "I'm coming??" I'm looking for you. “

I will come to you and make amends to you.

Come to you. Repent to you.

Gu Pan, in fact, Hua Shaoli has long regretted it, he?? I miss you very much.

At the moment when his consciousness slowly withdrew from his body, Hua Shaoli seemed to have returned to the first year when he went to a psychiatrist for hypnosis.

With the help of a psychiatrist, he came to the night of Gu Pan's death.

The difference is that this time, the hands he blocked did not pass through Gu Pan's body.

Because the one who appeared was sucked into Hua Shaoli's body, which was lying beside Gu Pan.

That Hua Shaoli woke up with all the subsequent memories and stopped Gu Pan's hand holding the blade.

He hugged the fresh, and body temperature Gu Pan wept bitterly. Say I'm sorry over and over again, say I love you over and over again.

Even that Gu Pan didn't give him any response.

Hua Shaoli was still tight, tight, hugging her, as if he wanted to rub her into his bones and blood in this way.

Gu Pan looked at the almost crazy man in front of him, his eyes flashed slightly, even if his eyes were still dead.

"You can't stop me. She said.

If a person wants to seek death, she has thousands of ways.

Gu Pan was reminding him that even if she succeeded this time, she still had another chance, next time?? Countless times.

Hua Shaoli's body was very straight, very stiff, and his face was pale.

After a long time, he held her cheek as if he were holding a rare treasure, and he said, "Do you hate me so much?"

Gu Pan naturally wouldn't give him any answer.

Hua Shaoli hugged her and kissed her on the lips, and after a long time, when she was breathing unsteadily, he let go of her.

Gu Pan looked at him expressionlessly.

Hua Shaoli was laughing, but laughing and laughing, tears fell.

Gu Pan naturally didn't understand why he was crying, but Hua Shaoli knew that this was a kiss ten years apart, and in the future, it would be a lifetime apart.

This whole night, Hua Shaoli didn't sleep, he was immersed in the joy of losing and regaining, and looked at her for a moment.

Gu Pan couldn't stand the sleepiness at dawn. Slept.

Hua Shaoli walked two steps away, made a phone call to order food, and later hired a maid who specially cleaned up the room, cooked, washed clothes, and so on.

And he never left Gu Pan again.

He hid all the sharp objects in the house, even the corners of the table were proposed to install soft glue, and the fragile glass and porcelain disappeared from the house.

He has done the best to prevent problems before they happen.

Even in his sleep, the person next to the bed made the slightest movement, or turned over, he could wake up immediately. Then he held her in his arms with a pale face, and she couldn't breathe.

Even if Gu Pan didn't care about him, he noticed his abnormality.

Hua Shaoli was sick and had a disease called suffering from gains and losses.

And the cause is Gu Pan.

But for these, even if Gu Pan perceives it, he doesn't know what to do at all.

Because Hua Shaoli is not the only one who is sick.

I don't know how long this kind of life lasted, Hua Shaoli, who had bloodshot eyes, suddenly said that he would take her to see a psychiatrist.

As soon as the words fell, he refuted his words and said to himself: "Or?? It's better to bring a psychiatrist to your home. “

If you go out, there are too many uncertainties.

His hope is that it is safest only at home, and he has eliminated all potential safety hazards, so it is better to stay at home.

Staying at home can also be treated psychologically, and when the doctor cures her of her illness, she will never die again.

Never to die again.

Here comes the psychiatrist, the expert in psychology.

In the process of interacting with Gu Pan, Hua Shaoli's nerves have always been in a state of high tension, and he answered 80% of the questions on his behalf.

After an hour of psychological counseling, the expert called Hua Shaoli aside, but when Hua Shaoli talked to him, his eyes did not leave Gu Pan for a moment.

His nervousness was vividly displayed.

After talking about Gu Pan's psychological condition, the expert handed Hua Shaoli a business card, "Mr. Hua, Miss Gu has a tendency to be depressed, and you??" Your condition may be worse than hers, so come to my clinic tomorrow if you have time. “

Hua Shaoli was stunned at first, and then chuckled: "You must have read it wrong, I'm fine." “

Then, regardless of what the expert said, he directly asked the expert to be sent away.

He?

He's fine, how could there be any illness.

He just didn't want to lose it again.

One day half a month later, Gu Pan said that she wanted to illustrate and asked the maid to bring her a pair of scissors, because Gu Pan's behavior during this time was too normal, so that the maid looked at the words on the table and relaxed her preparations.

Hua Shaoli, who came out of the kitchen with the freshly stewed soup, inadvertently heard the servant's words, broke the bowl in his hand with a pale face, and ran upstairs.

The moment the door was kicked open, Hua Shaoli saw Gu Pan holding scissors.

Hua Shaoli snatched the scissors over, and in Gu Pan's stunned, he inserted the scissors into his heart.

Offering blood on the ground, he knelt on the ground, kneeling in front of her, and his hand was tightly tugging on her clothes: "Gu Pan, will I give you back my life?"

Gu Pan looked directly at the man kneeling in front of him, covered in blood.

He said, "?? I stewed you soup??"

He said, "I'm dead, you can live well, okay?"

"Woooooooooooo

When the ambulance arrived, Hua Shaoli, who had taken drugs to euthanize, had a smile on the corner of his mouth.

Because, he believes??

He really saved her.

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