Late at night.

Lin Xuan had insomnia.

"A person's abilities are linked to their responsibilities. ”

"Let's do something for the Chinese music scene. ”

Qin Chu and Li Bi's words were like a magic spell, popping up in his mind from time to time.

When he came to this world, Lin Xuan didn't want to stand in front of the stage, because he was disgusted with those hypocritical interpersonal interactions, and he was disgusted with speaking insincerely in front of the camera.

However, his love for music comes from the heart, otherwise how could he have drifted north to chase his dreams in his previous life.

Qin Chu, Li Bi and others wanted to do something for the Chinese music scene, and the sincere and pure thoughts, and the heart that loved music deeply infected him.

Lin Xuan's heart was a little confused.

Unable to sleep for the time being, Lin Xuan turned on the computer, went on Weibo, and looked through the private messages given to him by netizens.

Since he said that he would write songs based on the stories of netizens, he has received a lot of letters from netizens for a while, and he has been watching them one after another.

At the moment, if you are distraught, just look at other people's stories.

I read several stories in a row, and there were things that touched him, but there were none that moved him very much.

At this time, a story sent by a netizen named "V Nima" Bi" attracted his attention.

The story was very long, and he gradually read into it, his expression changing, sometimes smiling, sometimes frowning, sometimes embarrassed.

In 1996, Li Wei went to college in Hangzhou.

He was a freshman at the time, rock 'n' roll was still in its prime, and campus ballads were all the rage.

He loved music from a young age.

So he also held the guitar and sang to the girl on the playground.

Li Wei's voice is very good, and he also plays the guitar well, successfully attracting the attention of many girls and children.

However, he has never met a girl he likes.

On the college campus, love always occupies an important part of life, and the brothers around him are in pairs, but he has always been alone.

There are many girls who have expressed their affection to him, but Li Wei can never find that heart-warming feeling.

His roommates often blamed him for being a ruthless killer.

Spring, autumn, heaven, you and I grew up.

Time slipped away quietly.

Until that day—

In the summer, at dusk, Li Wei and several classmates had just finished playing basketball and walked out of the playground sweating.

A few people laughed and laughed with each other.

At this moment, a girl walked up to him.

Li Wei once thought he was a ruthless killer, but that girl made him hear his heart pounding.

She was just wearing a blue shirt, and a slight smile in the sunset pierced Li Wei's soft heart.

Li Wei was inexplicably a little flustered, but after a quick glance, he didn't dare to look at the girl.

He was like a dirty little broken child playing on the side of the road who met a gorgeously dressed and noble princess, and lowered his head gloomily.

The girl staggered past Li Wei and the others, Li Wei pretended to be calm and walked forward for more than a dozen steps, and then cautiously turned back to find the blue figure.

He looked back as he walked, his eyes glued to the girl's blue shirt, unable to leave it anymore, watching her walk away.

After Li Wei inquired, he learned that the girl's name was Wei Ling, and she was a school girl who had just entered the school.

……

It's what it's like to like someone.

During that time,

Li Wei will walk on the road inexplicably and giggle,

When he plays the piano and sings alone, he will suddenly stand up and wave his fists.

He would stand in front of the mirror, grinning at his own face,

Sometimes he's crazy, sometimes he's quiet,

Sometimes you lose your appetite, sometimes you have a great appetite.

After falling in love with a girl, I spent my life with her in my mind.

In Li Wei's fantasy, he and Wei Ling's children will be able to make soy sauce.

After Li Wei's efforts, he slowly became familiar with Wei Ling.

Li Wei belongs to the kind of person who can't eat fat, Wei Ling is a little gluttonous but easy to gain weight, and often says that he wants to lose weight.

Whenever this moment, Li Wei would plan to take Wei Ling to eat delicious food and then exercise together, and he would gain muscle and Wei Ling lose weight.

Wei Ling sometimes mentions having a crush on the boy who cooks.

Li Wei planned to practice cooking, and then imagined cooking a table of dishes, and then sat aside with his cheeks and smiles, watching Wei Ling's little gluttonous eat, like a mole, stuffing his cheeks full.

That's what he thinks, and that's what he does.

The first time he cooked a meal, he couldn't eat it because he smelled of oil smoke from cooking.

He sat on the sidelines, as expected, and gave him a thumbs up as he had seen Wei Ling eat.

Li Wei's heart soared in an instant.

However, Li Wei has never confessed.

He liked Wei Ling very much, but he was afraid of losing it.

Sometimes, when a guy likes a girl, he will be like a soft egg.

……

On a summer night at the age of nineteen, Li Wei and Wei Ling finished eating outside the school together, and the place where they ate was very close to the school, so they didn't take a taxi and walked back on the road together.

The two talked and laughed all the way, like a couple.

"Li Wei, a classmate in the next class confessed to me today. Wei Ling said coldly.

Li Wei's heart instantly rose to his throat, his voice became unnatural, and he asked, "Do you agree?"

On the surface, he pretended to be calm, but he could no longer control his expression, and his face was as stiff as a piece of iron.

Looking at Li Wei's expression, Wei Ling suddenly laughed, pulled his hair behind his ears, revealing his fair and youthful neck, and asked rhetorically, "Do you think I should agree?"

"I ...... How do I know?" said Li Wei hesitantly.

"You don't know!"

Wei Ling was a little angry, walked forward by himself, and said, "Then you don't have to care if I agree or not." ”

Seeing that Wei Ling was angry, Li Wei was a little flustered and hurriedly chased after him.

He tried every possible way to open the topic, but Wei Ling ignored him at all.

"Wei Ling, I have something to say to you. ”

Finally, Li Wei mustered up his courage and called Wei Ling.

His voice was a bit loud, and it was not at all like his usual voice, dry and rough, as if a piece of lead had been stuck in his throat, which startled Wei Ling.

Wei Ling looked at him angrily and funny, deliberately put on a small face, and said, "Say it." ”

"I ...... I ......"

Li Wei's face turned red, his palms were soaked, and his voice was distorted, making him feel like a fool.

"I like you!"

Li Wei finally said the four words that were pressed in his heart, and the whole person seemed to collapse.

After saying these four words, he seemed to be relieved, and became a lot more normal, and said in a row:

"The first time I saw you in the playground, I fell in love with you.

You're wearing a blue shirt with a few small white flowers on your shoulders.

I don't like calligraphy, because you and I joined the calligraphy club.

I don't like to eat hot pot either, I started eating spicy food after you said you like hot pot.

I think the big area of rice is shallow and boring, but I'm willing to accompany you to see it.

So far, we've watched twelve movies together, two of which we've watched together.

We ate a total of fifteen meals, six of which were hot pots, and we drank coffee five times......

I like the blue clothes you wear,

I love that you look sideways at me,

I like the serious look you look on when you read a book,

I like the way you purse your mouth when you're angry, and your nose has a few ripples,

I like the way you sweat on your forehead when you exercise, but your mouth is broken to lose weight, that persistent look,

I like the way you look when you are moved by the stories in the movie, your eyes are lowered and you cry silently.

I like the way you pick up vegetables like a little glutton, complain that you're too fat, and pout at me

……”

Wei Ling stretched out his hand with his white and tender little hand behind his back, looked at Li Wei with a smile on his face, and listened with a smile on his face.

"Can you be my girlfriend?"

Li Wei babbled and said, suddenly his voice lowered, raised his eyes to look at Wei Ling, and asked cautiously like a child begging his parents for candy.

"Okay. ”

Wei Ling stretched out a white finger against his chin, pretended to think for two seconds, and suddenly said with a bright smile.

"Really?"

Li Wei's voice instantly rose, and the joy in his eyes almost jumped out.

That day, Li Wei jumped back to the dormitory almost like a sparrow bouncing in the valley.

……

The two of them are together.

In the days of youth,

They hid under the eaves together and listened to the spring rain,

Walking through the playground at night and blowing the summer breeze,

Sitting on the lawn together looking up at the autumn starry sky,

Chase, fight, and dance with the winter snowflakes.

Happy days are called the year of flowing water,

Difficult days are called living like years.

With people you don't like, even if you eat the best food in the world and see the most beautiful scenery in the world, you will never have to live like a year.

With the person you like, even if it's just holding hands and jumping on the road together, even if it's just sitting in a row on a park bench, watching the sunset and the night swallow the dawn, it feels like a year of water.

They spent the best years of their youth together.

When I was nine years old, I thought that if I caught the cicada, I caught the summer.

When I was nineteen years old, I thought that if I kissed her face, I would be with her forever.

When I was young, I always had all kinds of unrealistic expectations for the future.

But—

Is there a kind of forever that can never change?

……

In his senior year, Li Wei went to Spring City to make music after graduation.

He has always been crazy about music and wants to be a singer.

Li Wei, like all young people who think they are talented, feels that with his own ability, signing a record company is not easy to catch.

With an excited face, he pushed open the door of the record company that shimmered with ideal brilliance, stepped on the bright floor, and walked in in high spirits, but was directly stopped by the front desk.

He left the demo he had recorded and returned to his rented house.

Await......

Await......

The producer's phone still hasn't come.

Then, he ran to one record company after another, leaving demos at the front desk, and brought back a disappointment.

The record company building, which he used to look like glowing with gold, has become a beast that eats people and does not spit out bones.

He stepped on the glossy floor of the record company, but he seemed to be walking in a sludge-riddled sewer with scraps, foaming at the mouth, and stinking in the air.

The road to the record company is not a glorious road to the ideal world, but a primeval jungle full of thorns.

At this time, the bar where he used to sing also went out of business, and after changing bars, his income became extremely unstable.

He began to think about where his next meal would be and where his bed would be at night.

He can't see the future and feels like a waste.

The gap between ideals and reality tormented him.

He wanted to mix up his appearance, but he didn't look like him, and under the dual effect of self-esteem and psychological pressure, he talked to Wei Ling less and less.

Hitting walls everywhere in real life, he began to feel that he couldn't see the future, and that he, a person with no future, was not worthy of being with Wei Ling.

Moreover, when a man is confronted with the girl he loves, that feeling of powerlessness can drive people crazy.

Wei Ling was sick and uncomfortable, and when he heard Wei Ling's hoarse voice on the other end of the phone, his pale face suddenly appeared in front of him.

If he was around, he could take care of Wei Ling anytime and anywhere, and do something for her.

However, in a foreign place, there was nothing he could do.

Wei Ling and his girlfriend quarreled very sadly, and he could understand Wei Ling's mood.

Wei Ling's best friend is also familiar to him, if he is around, he can organize a few people to have a meal together, and there is no big enmity, I believe that as long as he operates, the two can quickly reconcile.

However, in a foreign place, there was nothing he could do.

One night, he proposed to Wei Ling to break up on the pretext that the two places were separated and the long-distance relationship was too tiring.

Wei Ling scolded him for squirting blood.

When love comes, girls are sometimes braver than boys.

……

After graduating, Wei Ling, who lives in Hangzhou, came to work in the capital despite the opposition of his family.

Li Wei went to the train station to pick up Wei Ling, and the moment he saw the girl, his heart soared, and his heart was filled with emotion.

He vowed to treat Wei Ling well and use all his strength to create a better life for the two of them.

The days of reunion at the beginning were naturally very sweet.

However, Li Wei's music path has not improved, and there is no hope, which makes his heart full of anxiety.

However, Wei Ling's career has developed well, she has a strong ability to work, and her income far exceeds that of Li Wei.

Li Wei went to attend Wei Ling's best friend's dinner, he sat in the banquet, trying not to speak, praying that everyone would not see him, when he was a ball of air, but this was obviously impossible.

"The handsome guy works there, and if he can chase a big beauty like our Wei Ling, the conditions must be very good. A girlfriend asked with a smile.

"That's right, usually we ask Wei Ling, she doesn't tell me, she hides it tightly, afraid that we will snatch you away. Another girlfriend also laughed.

Li Wei's face was red, his ears were red, and he lowered his head to eat.

Making music is Li Wei's ideal, and he never thinks it's a shame to stick to his ideals.

However, he didn't mix up making music at all, and he usually relied on Wei Ling to help him, and he felt that he was very useless.

Li Wei was worried about embarrassing Wei Ling, so he chose to remain silent.

At this time, Wei Ling noticed Li Wei's expression, she reached out to hold Li Wei's hand, and said in a proud tone: "My boyfriend is making music, and in my eyes he is an artist. ”

A girlfriend's eyes lit up and she smiled: "Singer, what song has the handsome guy sang?"

Wei Lingdao: "He is still in the underground band, but he is very talented, and he will definitely stand on the stage one day." ”

"Underground band?"

A few girlfriends' eyes touched secretly, and they smiled tacitly.

The underground band, which sounds so good, isn't it just a poor one?

Ideal?

Can ideals be eaten as food?

What are you pretending to be high?!

At this time, it was already the year 2000, which was the period when idealism was gradually dying out and money worship was beginning to rise.

Li Wei naturally noticed the eyes of those girlfriends, and knew their inner thoughts, and wanted to say something, but in the end, he could only sigh in his heart, and the feeling of powerlessness swept over him like a dark night, surrounding him.

Wei Ling held Li Wei's hand with slight force.

Li Wei looked up at her, and Wei Ling smiled like the warm sun in winter.

In an instant, a light, warm, and soft feeling surged out from the bottom of his heart, enveloping him, and tears almost burst out of his eyes.

Even though people all over the world don't believe him, and even he himself sometimes doesn't believe in himself anymore, there is still one person who firmly believes that he can do it.

Li Wei stood up, made an excuse, and ran to the bathroom to secretly wipe away his tears.

……

During the Spring Festival, at Wei Ling's strong request, Li Wei went to Wei Ling's house to meet his uncle and aunt.

Some problems are difficult to escape, and when Wei Ling's parents inquired about Li Wei's work, Li Wei bowed his head and remained silent.

He felt that he had failed to fulfill the responsibilities of a man, and so many emotions were mixed together that he could barely breathe.

But Li Wei knew that he could not continue to be silent, he calmly said his work, said a lot of words, and said sincerely, saying that he would do everything to create a good life for Wei Ling.

However, there are times when words are not light, there is no power, and who can't say good words.

The old couple was silent for a long time, and for Wei Ling's sake, Wei Ling's parents finally forcibly suppressed the dissatisfaction in their hearts.

In the end, Wei Ling's father sighed and said, "Young man, people have to eat." ”

Wei Ling's parents didn't continue to ask more, but their eyes were full of suspicion when they saw Li Wei.

Li Wei wanted to give Wei Ling a lot, but he could give very little, and that feeling of powerlessness made his heart like a knife, his heart was chopped into one piece after another, and he felt that the whole person was falling apart.

yes, what does he have, he just can sing, he has a fart.

……

The expenses in ordinary life are basically Wei Ling's responsibility.

He struggled on the path of ideals, and when Wei Ling saw that he was tired, he would take him out for a big meal.

When Wei Ling's friends discussed what bags his boyfriend bought for him, Wei Ling saved his own money and was reluctant to buy even beautiful clothes.

Li Wei felt like a shameful leech, sucking Wei Ling's blood, he was an out-and-out wreck!

He thought about it!

He thought about giving up music more than once!

He regretted more than once that he had embarked on the path of music, but he didn't want to give up halfway......

He sometimes envied his classmates and longed for their conformist life.

However, who made him see the light of the ideal world......

If he hadn't seen that bright light, maybe he wouldn't have been so tormented.

He couldn't bear to let Wei Ling accompany him to live this life, he felt that he was dragging Wei Ling down, and after painful thinking, he proposed to break up again.

Ideal became a murderer and murdered love.

Wei Ling cried and asked him if he really didn't want her anymore.

When he said the words "don't want her anymore", Wei Ling burst into tears, like a discarded puppy, looking at his master pitifully.

Every tear fell on Li Wei's heart, as if with a high concentration of sulfuric acid, his heart was instantly full of holes.

In the end, he still didn't break up.

Since that day, Wei Ling has become very careful in his daily speech, so as not to hurt his self-esteem.

However, the good state of love is to owe each other, unilaterally, which makes Li Wei feel extremely painful.

Finally one day, Li Wei went to a record company under the introduction of a certain boss.

He was very excited, and felt that God had finally set his eyes on him.

He finally got lucky, and he believed that he would be able to seize this opportunity and become a real singer.

He went to the record company, in front of several producers, and sang two songs.

After singing, there was an oppressive silence.

"I want to be a singer-songwriter and release an album, but the quality of your songs is not enough. ”

Li Wei walked out of the record company like a lost dog.

Behind him, the record company hall was empty and silent, as if someone had just died.

His faith collapsed......

Many times, physical injuries can't really defeat a person.

But when the things that a person loves and what he desperately wants to get are all gone, he really falls.

After several years of waste, nothing has been achieved, and his dignity has been disgraced, but Wei Ling's career has developed better and better, and he has become the middle leader of the company.

In the past, Li Wei could still use the fact that he only lacked one opportunity to convince himself, but now he doesn't believe in himself anymore.

As a man, the feeling of powerlessness in front of the girl he loved deeply made him collapse.

When a person gives too much, it is difficult to let go.

Sometimes it takes more courage to turn back than to keep going.

Li Wei was reluctant to dream of music and decided to continue to go down.

But he can't selfishly let Wei Ling continue to suffer with him, a man who can't see the future.

……

Li Wei will never forget that day.

That rainy night.

The world was black and white that day, with no color.

Li Wei and Wei Ling stood at the mouth of a dark alley, the air frozen like ice.

The street lamp shone on the two of them, and the wet ground was dim, like a shot from a movie.

When a person is too distressed and worried, the body will appear deceptive and give a sense of unreality.

At this moment, Li Wei felt that everything around him had no temperature, no color, and no sound.

He felt as if he was in a magical realist film.

"Let's break up. After being silent for a long time, Li Wei said in a hoarse voice.

Wei Ling stared at him tightly, with tears on his face, and sobbed, "This is the third time you have broken up with me, are you sure?"

There was a knife in Li Wei's heart that was moving slowly, the blade was cold, cutting at his flesh.

Wei Ling seems to be condensed from the sorrow of the world.

Her every expression and movement touched the softest part of Li Wei's heart.

It was the most painful decision of his life.

On the way to pursue his dreams, Li Wei has lost too many smiles and lowered his head too many times.

This time was the most solemn bow in his life.

He couldn't make a sound, and his head hung slowly, millimeter by millimeter, like slow-motion action in a movie.

Wei Ling finally couldn't help it and cried out loud.

She turned and walked, but after taking two steps she stopped, pointed to the corner in front of the gray alley, and choked up:

"I'll give you a chance to regret it, one last chance, I'll walk from here to the corner of the alley in front, and if you call me, I'll forgive you this time. ”

Wei Ling looked at Li Wei and roared, "Did you hear what I said?!"

Li Wei is like a wooden stake that has lost its soul, let the wind and rain blow, silent.

Wei Ling turned around and walked towards the mouth of the alley.

Li Wei's eyes were red as he watched Wei Ling walk forward.

Go ahead.

The closer you are to the mouth of the alley, the slower Wei Ling's speed becomes.

In the end, Wei Ling stood at the entrance of the alley.

She stopped there for two minutes.

Li Wei burst into tears, his shoulders shrugged, he cried silently, his teeth clenched, his heart twitched, and he didn't speak.

Wei Ling glanced back at Li Wei, unable to use any words or words to describe the disappointment in her eyes.

She lifted her feet,

Let's go.

Li Wei squatted on the ground with his head in his hands and buried his head like an ostrich.

The rain is dripping......

……

The scenery of ten years is like a cloud outside the window.

Wei Ling completely disappeared into Li Wei's life.

Until that day.

In the afternoon, when Li Wei went to the supermarket to buy something, he met a woman in the elevator.

The woman was elaborate in makeup, fashionably dressed, wearing stockings and heels, carrying a designer bag and sunglasses.

"Wei Ling?"

Although she hadn't seen her for ten years, Wei Ling had changed a lot, but Li Wei still recognized her for the first time.

The woman turned her head, looked at Li Wei through her sunglasses, and said expressionlessly: "You recognize the wrong person." ”

Li Wei was slightly stunned, his heart twitched, and then he smiled brightly and said, "I'm sorry, I don't have a very good memory." ”

He paused, stretched out his hand, and tried to move his facial muscles, wanting to laugh, but he couldn't laugh anymore, and said in a dry voice: "So, hello, goodbye." ”

The woman looked at Li Wei's outstretched hand through her sunglasses, which covered her emotions.

At this moment, the elevator door opened.

The woman didn't shake hands, just nodded slightly and said, "Hello, goodbye." ”

She was the first to step out of the elevator.

The two stepped out of the elevator one after the other.

Li Wei stood at the entrance of the elevator, watching the woman leave, and his heart gradually sank.

Saying things like "I don't have a good memory" and "Hello, goodbye" has an open-minded feeling of being an adult.

But—

How can the past go with the wind?

In those dark years, how can the girls who walked with you forget?

In those lonely times, how can the girls who illuminate the darkness of life forget?

Love is a cloud that you can't hold in the sky.

But the light and shadow of that cloud reflected in the heart lake will never linger.

Reason told Li Wei to go home directly, but emotion pushed him to continue walking.

As if he didn't obey the call, he followed the woman into the street.

Women walk down the street, attracting the sneaky sideways glances of men.

Her sexy lip color is the most beautiful color on the street at night, and the hot style sets the whole street on fire.

Li Wei watched the woman go away step by step, lost like a soil dog.

He gritted his teeth, clenched his fists, and out of nowhere did he get the courage, his face turned red, his forehead was bruised, and he used all his strength to shout out two words: Wei Ling!

The pedestrians around him were taken aback, and they all stopped to look at him with strange eyes, pointing at him.

As if looking at a fool.

Hearing Li Wei's voice, the woman's steps paused slightly.

And then

She continued to walk forward.

she

once

There was no turning back either.

……

Watch the woman slowly walk away and disappear into the sea of people.

Li Wei turned around and walked in the opposite direction.

As he walked, those youthful images appeared in his mind in turn like a marquee.

Laughter and tears, sweetness and pain followed.

For a moment, it was as if the flood had reopened the dam.

His tears welled up.

People came and went everywhere, Li Wei wanted to hold back, but he could only control himself not to let out a sound, his facial muscles trembled, the corners of his eyes jumped, and tears fell silently.

Li Wei kept walking forward like a walking corpse,

He doesn't know where he's going.

There is also no direction.

He just lifted his leg mechanically, and then landed,

Go ahead.

There was a hole in his heart.

Sometimes, people don't grow slowly, but in an instant.

Looking at the surging crowd,

Li Wei saw,

The torrent of youth roars away,

Not chasable.

……

This is where the story comes to an abrupt end.

A person who has fought for an ideal is easily moved by an ideal, because he sees himself in it.

Lin Xuan was infected by this story, his eyes were slightly red, he stood up and lit a cigarette, opened the window, and looked at the continuous night outside the window, the cigarette butts flickered on and off, just like his fluctuating heart.

"Do you still have a desire in your heart?" Lin Xuan asked himself softly.