Everything that happened in another city, the crazy thoughts of one man, the eagerness of two men, I knew nothing, no idea, and no legendary psychological induction.

After the Internet rumor case was cracked, the speed of the Internet police was very fast, many posts were cleared, and I, an Internet celebrity, quickly disappeared from major websites.

What is this feeling? I only thought of one line of poetry: "After a long time in a cage, you can return to nature." ”

For months, I've been wrapped up in these malicious hurts. The salty smell mixed in the air, sticky and pungent, could not be avoided, clinging to my face, hair, and even penetrating directly through my pores into my internal organs. Although I secretly made all kinds of ideological adjustments, and also forced myself to practice the "King Kong Incorruptible Body", I have always been like a bat in the night, and I am still a little afraid of the sun. Because, I don't know what kind of weirdness and grotesqueness I will encounter as an ordinary person in this bizarre world. Walking on the street, I always seem to feel that there is a pair of eyes quietly staring at me, a sense of security that is lacking in both upper and lower armaments, which makes me feel like a frightened bird, tense my nerves at any time.

Now, although everything is clear, I am like a criminal who has been imprisoned for a long time, walking out into the street, looking up at the blue sky, and I still feel a certain sense of illusion. is more like a patient who has been sick for a long time, full of warm cordiality for this already scorching sun. I kept suggesting that I had to adapt, that I had to get used to being free, that I had to let go of my hedgehog-like defenses, and that I would become a cute kitten again, lounging around every corner of the open space at a leisurely pace. This mental suggestion was extremely useful, and I slowly and really relaxed.

For the next two days, like a bird in a cage that had just been released, after sending my daughter to school, I was free to shuttle through the streets, walking all over the streets and alleys of the neighborhood, looking east and west, without a specific purpose, but looking at everything full of freshness. I don't waste some time on food, clothing, use, all kinds of things.

Two days later, I pondered a serious life question: should I get a job or stay at home and write my own novel.

In the era of new media, the growth of self-media has sprung up, one after another, as long as you are willing to work hard, you can basically find something to do at home to make a living. It is no longer like the traditional media, where everything must be done in the unit step by step, and there are no longer all kinds of complicated publishing processes and processes, only a mobile phone or a computer is needed. Even such a complicated thing as typesetting has become relatively easy because of the production of various template software.

If you continue to stay at home, you can save a lot of time commuting to and from work, and you don't have to waste energy on some things such as personal relations, which is undoubtedly the best for a writer.

However, if you can't work full-time, your salary will certainly not be as high and stable as before, and you will have to rely on your own ability to start your own business in the future. Because once you are too old and want to go out again, a new force has risen. If you can't do anything, or if you are half-dead, you may never have the opportunity to come out again and look for a job again. Time is quite cruel for a woman, not only will it deprive you of your face, but the golden stage has passed, and there is no going back. So, every choice counts.

A person's thinking is a dialogue between oneself and another self, and all kinds of repeated decisions quickly disintegrate in various contradictions. I thought of the swallow again.

"Swallow, the Internet rumors have been dispelled, and now I am finally back on the track of normal life. However, I really want to talk to someone about what to do in the future. Since you left, I found that in a huge city like Shenzhen, I couldn't find a second person I wanted to communicate with. We have grown up, our minds have matured, we have done things steadily, and we have financial ability, but we have locked our hearts, and since then the door has been closed, and we only think about one thing: making money. At this moment, I looked around and searched my mind countless times, and many faces flashed in front of my eyes, only to realize that I saw many similar expressions. In the past, I wanted to create a piece of my own sky, I worked hard, kept learning and improving myself, and today when I experienced this ridiculous and ridiculous thing, suddenly, somehow I felt bored. I wanted to live a new life, a life where I was at ease and at ease with my time and didn't have to pretend to be a lot of people. "When I think of this, I already have the answer in my heart.

Again, I told myself that giving up means starting over.

This time, I don't see more prospects for what it will be like to give up my job.

To give myself a ritual, I ran to a nearby park to get ready for a baptism of nature. Since I brought a woman and my mother to a place a few years ago, a place that has almost been completely forgotten.

The riverside path at the entrance is still the same as before, with long brick paved roads and lush reeds on both sides. The water was as clear as the bottom, and occasionally a few small fish in the water were frightened when they saw my shadow, and the evaporating gas from the water was mixed with the smell of grass, with a natural fresh smell. While there was no one around, I shouted into the water, "Shen Weilan, are you going to give up your job? From now on, will you be a free person, typing the words you want to write with your own hands?" The voice seemed to alarm some small fish through the river, and after the small ripples in circles tumbled, they immediately returned to calm. I approached the shore and looked down at my own reflection. Shadow's face seemed to be smiling, and she seemed to say, "Do whatever you want, I'll support you." ”

So I was happy, running and jumping, and the thirties seemed to be back to laughing as a child. Along the river, I quickly left the reeds behind. Occasionally, a few people passed by me, presumably attracted by my behavior, and I could feel the strange gaze they shot at me without looking back, and I seemed to hear them whispering "This woman!"

Freedom makes people happy, and doing their own thing makes people feel the joy of release. I imagined their discussions, and I was even more proud.

In the middle of the creek, the former willows are still there, still swaying in the breeze, and time is only a thicker trunk and a more luxuriant foliage for them. The wide lawn, which was originally connected to the river, was separated by several rows of greenery. It's just a simple change, but it brings a fresh effect. I liked it a little, so I sat down on a stone bench under the tree, and looked at the same river in front of me, which seemed to have a new look.

As I watched it, my mind began to fly back to the place I once knew so well—the river in my hometown.

"Look, Swallow, there are so many tadpoles here. ”

In the middle of a tree surrounded on all sides, a bend of clear water is quietly bathed in the warmth of the spring sun. At the root of a large willow tree with two people hugging each other, two little girls with braided braids sat side by side, and their four eyes were staring intently at a group of lively black tadpoles nestled at the roots of the willow tree.

Calculating the time, it is the second spring that the swallows have come to the village, and we have become good friends after a year. The riverside is our favorite playground, and whenever we have time, we sneak away from the eyes of adults to find all kinds of magical "treasures". This big willow tree is our base, and the thick roots of the tree entrenched in the water are our bed. We lay on it, observing the blue sky and white clouds through the dense foliage, allowing the sunlight to pass through the gaps between the leaves and leave dappled spots of light on our faces. When you are tired of resting, you can find something new to play with by the water's edge.

The little tadpoles in spring, which look clumsy, but have an agile little tail, are cute and cute, and naturally become our new favorite.

We picked up a lot of large fallen leaves along the river, made them into small baskets, filled them with a little water, and a home for tadpoles was ready. Along the thick roots of the willow tree, we used two small hands to form a nest and put it into the place where the small tadpoles gathered, so that we could catch many at once. Then put these cute little ones in the basket and get a closer look. When the water in the basket is almost gone, we put the tadpoles back in, refill them with water, catch another wave, and so on and so forth.

Later, we simply rolled up our trousers, pulled up our sleeves, and stepped directly into the willow root water, and quietly soaked a pair of feet in the water, waiting for the tadpoles to attach them curiously.

"Xiaolan, Xiaolan, there are people coming, don't move, don't move. "Yanzi couldn't hide the excitement in her heart, but she couldn't help reminding me.

"Hahaha, look at you, where did I move. I couldn't help but laugh at her nervousness.

"It's all said, don't move, don't move. ”

"Hahaha, hahaha!"

We began to feel a little tired in the laughter, so we walked up cautiously, found a suitable place to lie down under the old willow tree, tilted our heads and threw small stones and small clods of earth into the water, and then watched them smash into a whirlpool all the time, scaring away some small insects on the water, and chatting casually.

"Xiaolan, what's your favorite food?"

"My mom made noodles, what about you?"

"Candy cubes, sweet, will make me happy. ”

"Xiaolan, who is your favorite friend?"

"You, what about you?"

"Of course it's you. ”

"We're going to come here every day from now on, it's really fun here. ”

"yes, I like it too. It's just that we can't let the adults know, or they'll worry that we'll accidentally fall into the water and drown. ”

"Well, no one will tell, it's a secret between us. ”

At this point, my eyes moistened with a happy mood. Later, I wrote this passage into a novel.