Yuan Changwen lay on the hospital bed, enduring uncomfortable and painful torture. This torture was not brought by others, but was dug up by himself.

If he didn't think about these questions and worked hard to earn a living, then even if he was constantly anxious and irritable, he wouldn't be as miserable as he is now.

Anxious and irritable, I know that the reason for all this is that I have no money, and I have 18 billion, and these troubles will be solved in an instant.

Yuan Changwen is now a kind of ethereal pain and discomfort, because nothing is real. And I have to endure all kinds of emotional pulls for these unreal things.

If you die tomorrow, how important are these things?

Yuan Changwen, who used to be asked by this sentence several times, also relied on this sentence to get rid of anxiety and troubles.

It's a pity that the former Yuan Changwen is no longer there, and now lying on the bed is a person who is struggling to kill the "former Yuan Changwen".

If he dies tomorrow, Lao Tzu must also figure out the truth!

Yuan Changwen is in this state, and he doesn't understand why he is firmly bound by these self-definitions, let alone why he has to explore the truth.

Before, it was a wave of anger that supported him, constantly slashing, and he didn't want to be pulled by emotions anymore.

But now it seems that the whole process has become spontaneous, like the law of gravity, which does not change at all with its own subjective consciousness.

Want to go back, get a new job, work hard, and start over?

There's no going back.

It feels like graduating from high school, or graduating from college, and is about to enter society. In the face of the whole society, so many professions, some people drive sports cars and some take buses.

Confused.

It's not that I don't know what to choose, but I feel a wave of absurdity in my heart, but I find that the reality seems to be very real.

What did you do at that time?

Trying to grasp a certain meaning, desperately hypnotizing himself, and running all the way with fear. Then unconsciously, I was no longer confused, and began to struggle for a better life.

Occasionally, in the dead of night, it will feel ridiculous.

But then they are wrapped up in various social problems such as mortgages, cars, tickets, etc., and fear strikes people to let go of useless thinking and strive to move forward and succeed.

Can this still be the case?

Yuan Changwen looked at the trees outside the window, fluttering in the wind, and the leaves fell softly.

How can you go back without the leaves of the branches?

Only further!

Yuan Changwen tried to adjust his breathing to make himself happy and relaxed, but found that he couldn't do it at all.

This discomfort, which seemed to be attached to the spinal cord, wrapped him tightly.

The heart is like ashes, maybe that's the state.

"It's not enough!"

Yuan Changwen roared in a low voice, these discomforts are not enough, it's better to come again, all the last sex will appear, see if you die or I die!

Emotional tugging from time to time, occasionally brief clarity and relaxation, does this alternation make sense?

Have the ability to go together!

Isn't that demon the best at all kinds of deception?

What a move!

Yuan Changwen slapped the bed and wanted to scream, but he just opened his mouth and didn't make a sound.

What else can I do?

The uncomfortable emotions were like corrosive liquids, gradually spreading, Yuan Changwen's mind was a little blank, and even his body didn't seem to know his own.

How to get rid of this discomfort?

There is no way to get rid of it, and the so-called getting rid of it is just a diversion of attention. The only truth is that "I exist", and everything else is delusional.

If you don't get rid of it, you have to bear this kind of discomfort, and you can't make up stories with your emotions, let alone imagine how awesome you will be one day in the future.

None of these things are to feel the discomfort, to surrender to it, to allow it to exist.

The head is a little dizzy, and the body is a little soft.

Yuan Changwen barely supported himself to get out of bed, while his roommate, who was afraid of women, hid in the corner.

Fear again?

Is there any essential difference between fear of having no money and fear of women?

Because most people are afraid of having no money, all the women who are afraid of it are judged to be mentally ill?

(Forget it, I can't take care of myself, and I still have the heart to care about others?)

[How can there be anyone else?] All of them are themselves, this universe is all themselves, and everything happens in their own minds. 】

(It's just my own thoughts, it's nothing.) ）

[So what does it take to be approved by the Royal Scientific Council?or is it the approval of most people in the world?What does that have to do with me?Why do I have to be approved by others, the key is that I need others to approve my life?]

(Human beings are social creatures, no one can be separated from society, and what we experience in society has made us.) ）

[So, who's going through it? There's always something to go through in society, but the point is, I've been taking these experiences as if they were me for so many years. 】

[Obviously not, right?] I'm supposed to be the one who is "going through socially" and not those experiences. That stupid background, that awareness is me, everything else is delusional. 】

(What's the use? How does it help your life? Look at yourself now, cowardly, humble, and without any passion for life, just wasting your time in a mental hospital.) ）

[I spent my whole life trying to define myself falsely, and that's what I wasted. 】

[That's right, I'm really not like before, I mean the previous chapters, it seems that there are new insights all the time, and I see through my self-definition all the time.] 】

[Now I can't find a way to move forward. I know farther ahead, but I don't know where to go next. It's as if there is no self-definition to be killed, and nothing needs to be clearer. 】

What else is there to say? The unreal does not exist, and the real never ceases to exist. "I exist", that stupid background, that awareness. That's it, what else is there to say?]

(Don't make excuses, the truth is, loser, no money, no motivation, no energy, uncomfortable...... Think about the past, those high-spirited, those bold words, don't you want to go back to that hot-blooded and impulsive life again?)

[I feel that I have lost the ability to enjoy. I was like a bystander, watching those inspirational and passionate lives, but there was no corresponding interaction. 】

[The whole world is in my head, even when I see this ward, I can feel myself in a head, and then look at these things in front of me. 】

(So, break out of that feeling of being out of place.) Let's move, let's get dry. Beautiful life, money, women, power, ambition, think of the sweat of hard work, think of the joy of success. Come on, boy!)

[Oh.] 】

Yuan Changwen became uninterested, even if he suddenly had a wealth of one or two hundred million now, it seemed that there would be no change.

(Really?)

[uh...... It should be very happy, very happy. But I don't know when, it will return to the current state. Is it possible to maintain a certain emotion by relying on false things?]

(How do you know if you don't try?)

[Doesn't the matter of the orb explain everything?]

Yuan Changwen sighed, and the uncomfortable emotion in his body, like poisonous gas, was still hovering in his body.

What's going on?

Isn't it uncomfortable for a while, and clear for a while?

Why is this discomfort still here?

Yuan Changwen wanted to find the answer, but he wanted to surrender, and any move to justify the situation at the moment was to control it.

Control yourself as soon as possible to get out of the discomfort, by convincing yourself, by looking forward to a better future. Anyway, it's a diversion of attention and allowing the "self" to find something else to cling to.

Surrender and experience the state that things are "as they should be".

Yuan Changwen took a deep breath and let himself be pulled by emotions and pulled into the abyss by uncomfortable pain.