I used to study hard, work hard, and absorb all aspects of knowledge like a sponge.

Is it really for the sake of knowledge itself?

If someone said, "Yuan Changwen, you are wrong", how would I react?

Of course, it's uncomfortable, and there is no need for more words at all, just the three words "you're wrong" can anger a lot of people.

Sometimes, I will calmly explain or quibble. Sometimes, I will be arrogant and dismissive of that person. And more often, I feel very uncomfortable.

If it were just for the sake of knowledge, this would simply not be possible. The "self" is not allowed to be provoked, because that would mean depriving the corresponding self-definition.

Even when everyone is speaking, but you have nothing to say, it is a kind of destruction of self-definition.

Further!

Yuan Changwen popped up this word again in his mind, and he was going around in circles.

These things have been explained many chapters ago, why are you still in this position now?

If you don't move forward, that's the biggest problem. On the path of awakening, the most important thing is to move forward.

I'm not writing any scientific work, I need to be logical and straightforward.

Moving forward is the most important thing, and further!

Ouch, I lost a few more breaths. I'm thinking about it just now, and I'm sorry that I forgot about death.

Once again, ignoring death is not a good habit. Touch death anytime and anywhere, because it is between your own breaths, and it is inside yourself.

Every time the heart beats, there is one less time in this life.

Hehe, death is not alone, I will accompany it well and never forget its existence. Not only will I not forget, but I will always remind myself that death is here.

With so many chapters of hard work, how long will it take to come to an end?

Awakening became the only thing I pursued. Even if death is flogged, I will not give up. Every time I breathe, I have to use this breath time to wake up.

It's all "self", it's just a role. What happens when you get rid of these falsehoods? Something will surely be revealed.

Even if light and shadow are mimicking the screen, I want to see what the simulated screen looks like.

Who else is in my head?

Parents, wives, children, careers?

I don't know, but I do know that something is still there. The desert is huge, and who knows if there will be any buildings hidden in some places, and the "self" is still lingering.

Yuan Changwen walked on the desert, step by step, slowly searching.

Is Mom still influential?

Yuan Changwen stood on the ruins of the building called Family Affection, carefully fiddling and inspecting it.

When you make your own decisions, do you still think about the existence of your mother? Do you still use your mother's mood as a weight to weigh them? Can you treat your mother like air?

Pregnant!

The base of the ruins of the building, as well as the brand new bricks, are firmly nailed to the desert. This is the residue, this is the self-definition of waiting for a counterattack.

Where is Mom at the moment? At home, not in front of me anyway.

And how many times have I fantasized in my mind, fantasizing about how to explain the whole thing to my mother. How to express your thoughts perfectly, how to answer with your mother, and finally persuade your mother.

Shit!

Isn't it crazy for a person to keep talking to the characters in his head?

Why convince mom to do anything but show that you're right?

No, the "self" wants to show off, and the "self" wants to be recognized. The fundamental motivation for one's actions is the fear of being ignored.

Persuade my mother to agree with my self-defined behavior.

Bah!

It's just vanity, it's just wanting the other party to agree, it's just wanting to prove that you're right.

It seems that he is alone in a mental hospital, but deep down he is still fantasizing about the approval of others. If someone really stands up and praises their theories and their actions, then they are absolutely very happy.

But, that's the "self" being happy, not me!

And this sense of identity, this sense of belonging, is the means by which self-definition and energy are strengthened!

I'm still taking it as real, and I want someone to recognize it. If there is no one in reality, you will fantasize about it. Imagined that some people agreed, so his theory was carried forward, and countless people came to worship him.

It was as if this was the meaning of my life, and I firmly grasped it like a lifesaver for a drowning person.

Shit!

The demon's ability to deceive was too strong, and the Grim Reaper sat in the audience watching my performance, and certainly didn't change the stage. Because I'm not dead, the Grim Reaper must be enjoying this so-called awakening performance.

Whether it is me who awakens in the end, or whether the demon continues to win, it is a good show.

I am the Grim Reaper, and the Grim Reaper is me. When I win, I see through the lies and falsehoods, and step into the truth, isn't this a performance worth cheering?

I lost, the devil won. But the devil is myself, and I deceived myself into believing in human nature and deeply believing in its authenticity. Hey, shouldn't you be happy to be able to deceive yourself to such a point?

it!

Thinking that he is awakening, he strides forward to slash self-definition. As everyone knows, he is still going around in circles in the deception of the devil.

When you identify awakening as the meaning of life, and when you are happy when you are approved, this in itself shows that you have not killed the corresponding self-definition.

In fact, no one will refuse the praise of others. Especially in some of the things that I have poured my heart and soul into, I am even happier to hear praise from others than to eat honey. In particular, others are sincerely praised, and they are like flying into the sky.

Can't put it down?

I was kidnapped and had a gun on my head, can I put it down?

Think about it, death is between breaths, sadness is not important, and even those joys don't seem to be so important.

Panic, worry, this is my life. I used to think that if I made my heart strong, I could eliminate these clear, and I didn't have to be afraid.

But the act of excluding fear is itself a kind of fear, and it has never been thought of to cut the definition of self-weaving. Without these definitions, it is natural that there will be no emotional pull.

Yuan Changwen suddenly wondered whether he was looking for "self" identity, or was he still firmly grasping the thing of money?

Kill yourself, expect someone to approve. And the end result of this kind of thing is that many people support and join, so tens of thousands of people admire and reap countless money.

Is that the root cause? Still trying to get a lot of money?

However, after getting money, buying a house and a car by yourself, sitting on countless beauties and the like, the root of this kind of behavior is to make people envious. I just want to tell the world, "I'm not wrong", "Those who look down on me, regret it!"

Aren't these clamors a means of survival for the "self"?

So what am I after? Or what is driving my behavior?