Yuan Changwen was flustered, uncomfortable, and uneasy, and sat on the stool in pain.

But this pain is not the pain of being beaten violently, nor is it the heart-rending feeling of a loved one dying.

Rather, it is a corrosive pain that can start in a small spot and slowly spread, eventually swallowing the whole person.

Yuan Changwen had a similar feeling before, that is, he was on the hospital bed just now, feeling obviously uncomfortable but didn't know what to do.

What is there to do?

Nothing is real, so what is there to do?

Life has no meaning, and even if it is, it is just a false meaning, a meaning added by oneself.

So, what do you have to do?

Is it really like this, for the rest of your life?

Yuan Changwen can reject this idea, but after thinking about it carefully, he finds that why not?

You can spend the rest of your life in a mental hospital.

The reason why I instinctively want to oppose it is that it is illogical thinking, and it is an unconscious reaction to the experience and cognition that remains in the mind.

Those ideals, preferences, money, etc., have no meaning, they are all self-woven definitions.

Although he is still pulled by money, the demon army is still fighting in formation, but it is not real after all.

The theater viewer mode that I just remembered doesn't seem to make much sense, it's a bit like a gadget that plays time when I'm bored.

Except for "I exist", everything else is unreal.

Yuan Changwen was once again confused, not knowing how to move forward or how to step out next.

Without the support of the social structure, values have long since completely collapsed.

It's like a mortgage thing, it has to be in society to make sense, and those natives don't care about the thing like a mortgage at all.

Own the land? Are you sure the land owns us?

After Yuan Changwen killed someone, he was in a state of social isolation, and the only society was the memory that remained in his brain.

How long does this memory last?

If there is only one person in the mental hospital, how long can the so-called social attributes be attached?

If you don't have contact with others, how long can the "self" last?

The demon army may seem huge, but it must exist in society, and if I am the only one on earth, the pull of emotions will quickly turn into a joke.

The interaction of friends brings the attention of the "self".

Sometimes quarrels are also strengthening the "self".

And all sorts of opinions, which don't say, "Appreciate me, praise me, and if you praise my opinion, I will praise yours too." ”

Countless values collide in society, and it is natural to want to choose one as their basic value, and then continue to add and improve the enrichment of this basic value, even if it is an opposing value, it can also be used.

Because the definition of self-weaving does not care about what is right or wrong, as long as something exists, it is the victory of the "self".

In particular, one's own identification with these self-definitions allows oneself to enjoy the pull of emotions, either fear or joy.

I used to think about everything I did, "what others would think of me". If this thing succeeds, then everyone will envy me, and if it fails, I will naturally not be able to raise my head in front of everyone.

At this point, emotions such as gains and losses, anxiety, irritability, fear, etc., take advantage of the opportunity to enter, which is simply a good fodder that cannot be better.

Later, I knew that I no longer lived for the eyes of others, and thought that I was getting rid of the eyes of others, but I was just quietly hiding, covering up with money, ideals, and struggle.

Now ask yourself, did you really work so hard just to make your life better?

No, in fact, to make yourself better in the eyes of others!

"Look, I bought a car, more than 200,000 top-of-the-line matches!"

"Look, our family, miserable, the bank loan is more than two million!"

"My baby drinks Australian milk powder, where do you dare to drink domestic milk powder!"

That's all I can do, be proud in my own circle, what are I compared to those rich people?

When others talk about rich people, they will say something like this:

"Ouch, don't think so much, live your life. ”

"Being rich is not necessarily happy, we have to live in the moment and see what we have instead of what we have. ”

"Those rich people are so focused on their work that they can't experience family love, which is not cost-effective at all. ”

Say so, but if you really want to have the opportunity to become a rich person, will you refuse?

Yuan Changwen knew that he would not refuse, even if this opportunity required a divorce or something, he would not refuse.

Of course, when faced with this hypothesis, I will definitely answer:

"I don't accept this opportunity to become a rich man, in my heart, my family will always come first. ”

Bah!

After all, I still care about the eyes of others, and it is obvious that the act of trying to make money for a better life does not make my life better.

With such an obvious answer, why couldn't I see it before?

Is it the former self that was crazy, or the current self is crazy?

(Of course, I'm crazy now!) Is there any doubt about that? Look at them, look at everyone, they are all contributing their own strength to socialism.) ）

[This sentence is a bit disgusting.] 】

(Ha, adjust the atmosphere.) To tell the truth, what is the point of living in the world if you don't work hard? Do you just stay here until you die?)

[I think the same way, but it is meaningless to not be able to change these things, and it is meaningless to not be able to change my life. It's just living for the eyes of others, and it's pointless. 】

(Then we can live without the eyes of others, right, Lao Tzu doesn't care what you think, Lao Tzu is like this!)

[If I don't care about the eyes of others, why should I do those things? Struggle and work hard, if I don't have the appreciation of others, why should I bother to feel uncomfortable with myself?]

[All things, not just look forward to success, and then tell everyone: "Look, only I can do it! Envy me, worship me!"]

(But it's hard right now, isn't it? Why make yourself uncomfortable? Wouldn't it be nice to find something to do.) ）

[Find something...... Why should I find something to do? Let the "self" once grasp some meaning, and then survive and grow, and finally submerge me again, becoming a new Yuan Changwen?]

Submit to!

Yuan Changwen suddenly thought of this word and surrendered.

I'm very uncomfortable now, and that's it, so I should feel this discomfort and surrender to this discomfort. Instead of finding something to do, enlighten yourself or divert attention.

I surrender to the moment, nothing to do, nothing to do, and whatever happens in the future, everything is fine and perfect because of my surrender.

(It sounds good, it's still a kind of living for the eyes of others, doesn't it just want to say, "Come and see, everyone, I'm surrendering, completely surrendering, you can't do it, praise me!")

(If you really don't care about other people's eyes, you should do what you want.) For example, if you want to go to the toilet now, the act of looking for the toilet is to care about the eyes of others. If you really don't care, then you should surrender to this moment and pee directly!)

(Don't you dare? So, surrender or something, it's all!)

[Yes, that's right!]

(What?)

Yuan Changwen stood up suddenly, took off his pants, and prepared to pee.

The three people on the other side were discussing, they didn't expect this kind of plot development at all, and they looked at what Yuan Changwen did.

Then, the orange-yellow urine arced across the silence of the office.