Saying that the past was good is just wishful thinking.

Yuan Changwen shook his head with a smile and sat on a chair on the side of the street.

People who came and went would look at him, as if wondering how it was possible to have time to sit in a chair and rest in broad daylight, as if they didn't understand why they couldn't be anxious and not panic. Of course, no one cares about Yuan Changwen, maybe he is a rich second generation or something.

The same is true of my former self, who is in a busy state almost all the time in order to practice, and the most important thing is that this busy state is reassuring.

I don't seem to be able to relax, or even dare not relax at all.

If you let your former self sit like you do now, you will be a little anxious in a few minutes, as if you have to do something.

Yuan Changwen just reclined on the bench, looking at the buildings full of ancient style, and there were no star tracks in the sky, and no advertisements were triggered at will.

It's a pleasure.

Anyway, I won't do it anymore, and I'll never do some effort or anything like that for that fake role. I'm just a pawn, whatever you want, I don't have a problem.

However, this kind of words are just talking, Yuan Changwen obviously feels that he is still impulsive in his heart, and he is still instigating himself to continue to work certain things.

Hehe, it seems that the character of Yuan Changwen doesn't want to die!

It's a pity that this character must die, Yuan Changwen you must die!

I don't know why you have to hold on to certain self-definitions, maybe it's the foundation of your existence, maybe it's the only way to express your existence.

But so what?

You are doomed to die!

These self-definitions are all false, how can we cling to the falsehood and not care about it? And then let these self-definitions collide with reality wantonly, and let emotions pull at it.

Go to hell!

Lao Tzu quit.

Look at the pedestrians on the street, who are not working hard for the role, emitting a self-defined stench and unable to move in a cocoon bound by fear.

Moreover, in order to ignore this fear, I made up the meaning of life and worked hard for it. In order not to let the fear appear, divert your attention anytime and anywhere, and dare not let yourself relax.

Is there really something important to do? Is there really something? Is there really an outside?

If you're just a character, what's there to fight for?

Wrong!

Maybe it's just to experience these emotions, if everyone gives up the role and stops acting, how can the whole drama be maintained?

Do I have free will?

Or, does the character of Yuan Changwen have a will at all?

I just sensed that he was thinking, but was he really thinking, maybe someone else put his mind in it?

It seems that he is full of rationality and can reason and analyze all kinds of things. And I just sensed that he was thinking analytically.

But how do I know that he can think freely? Instead of being arranged, I'm just aware?

So, who is thinking about these things at the moment?

Obviously, it is the character of Yuan Changwen who is thinking. If he doesn't have the ability to think freely, doesn't that mean someone has put that thinking into the character's brain?

Wrong!

Since I am not the character of Yuan Changwen, why should I care about the source of his thinking?

I could sense him thinking anyway, and that was enough.

But why do I have the illusion that I can control my character's thinking?

Yuan Changwen frowned, a little puzzled, there seemed to be a problem in this that had not been touched.

Or is it all wrong and that you are the character?!

If I'm the sum of all this thinking, then how do I know I'm thinking?

It's the characters who are controlling themselves, not me. I'm only aware that the character controls the character to think for themselves, or the character is controlled by something to control the thinking.

It doesn't matter how the character thinks, the important thing is that I don't think about it, and I'm not the character of Yuan Changwen.

Ha!

I realized that "I can control the character's thinking", awareness is real, and the content of awareness can be changed at will, who cares!

All thinking belongs to the role of Yuan Changwen, and all the care also belongs to the role of Yuan Changwen, I just exist. My former self identified with these thoughts and emotions, thinking that they were myself, so I would work hard for this role.

In short, it is driven away by fear, and tempted by a cool point, and involuntarily grasping self-definition. Thinking that it is intellectually driven behavior is actually bound by emotions and fear.

Forever in fear of losing this role.

Talk high, get noticed. Keeping a low profile is also about wanting to be a last-gasser and get praise. Since they all belong to the roles, they can be arranged at will.

Why can't I lose this role?

Obviously, the character is still clinging to certain self-definitions, certain self-definitions that I haven't found at all.

Is there only a way to wait for reality to collide?

Yuan Changwen suddenly felt a burst of nausea, and it was disgusting with self-definition, it was obviously false but he didn't let go, what could be more disgusting than this?

I'm really fed up with Yuan Changwen!

I have always only known fear, fear of future survival, fear of not being able to succeed in the future, fear that I am not as good as others. And then for the sake of this role, I worked hard to perfect and wanted to stand at the top.

I really don't know what the meaning of all this is, how can you control my life so much?

It's obviously false, and it's so important to pretend to be so.

What would you have done without this?

Noise, it's all noise! What are you covering, don't you want to admit that you're just a character? Don't you want to admit that everything is "selfless"?

Those self-definitions are made up out of thin air, and then I cling to them, reminding myself every moment that these self-definitions are real. It's through emotions, a lot of emotional pulling, that I don't have the heart to think about the basic question of who I am.

This is a basic issue, not a high-end issue, and it is not a question that can be put aside and enshrined. Shouldn't I find out who I am in my life?

Different troubles, different problems, different pursuits, each era has its own problems. It's good that in this way, I can't think about the most essential questions in every age.

Eat, make money, support your family?

Everything is false, Lao Tzu has no time to do these things!

Does life exist? The so-called life refers to the physical survival of the character of Yuan Changwen, so does that count as my life? It's just the life of the character, what does it have to do with me!

Where am I without a role? This thinking also belongs to the role, and without the role there is no me?

Wrong!

Miss by a mile!

I exist, who TM knows what kind of existence it is? Death is the end of the character, that's fine, but it's not the end of me.

How do I know?

The answer is, I don't know. Since I don't know, why did I believe that death is terrifying?

Over the years, I have believed in too many unfounded things, believing unreservedly, as if I would believe what others say and what the textbook says.

Shit!

If you don't know, you should have the attitude of not knowing.