No madness, no domineering, no vows, no courage, no steadfastness.

On the contrary, it is uncomfortable and relaxed, and I don't know what is going on. Sometimes, inexplicable crying, inexplicable discomfort, inexplicable sadness. Sometimes, like a child, I want to dance and laugh for some reason, and the flowers and trees are talking to me.

It's not something I can decide at all, and it's not something I choose on my own initiative. The character is a container, which is taken by these things in turn. Sometimes, the sadness is as low as an ice cellar, and children will cry when they see me, and dogs will bark inexplicably when they see me, even though I just stand there and do nothing.

Sometimes, the ease permeates the whole body, and that kind of emanation from the inside out is not comparable to joy and achievement. That relaxed state seems to be the true state of life.

Of course, it can't always be easy. If this is the case for a lifetime, then the sense of ease will not be so strong, it will just become natural. It's like I've been carrying a weight for decades, and all of a sudden I drop it, and the feeling must have been very obvious.

But how about a few years from now? How much of that ease is left?

I've never cared about the way I walk, the way I walked without weight. Only after discarding the weight on your back will you feel relaxed. And in normal times, who would be grateful that they don't have any weight on their shoulders?

There is nothing to grasp and nothing to grasp.

Since it's an illusion, then enjoy it, anyway, no matter what, the character can't touch the reality. As long as the character of Yuan Changwen is still alive, then what walks in the world is false.

Unless, you are in that position of awareness.

But if you are in that position of awareness, how can you walk in the world?

I couldn't help crying, I didn't know what was going on, I was in a trance and a little helpless. Because this matter is completely beyond the brain's cognition, how can the false know the truth? What is the use of theoretical knowledge?

Untouchable is untouchable, and this is the only criterion for the existence of a false world.

Because there is no such thing as falsehood, what can we do to touch the truth?

That awareness is everything, so everything that is not "that awareness" is unreal and does not exist.

So, how do I know who's thinking, how is thinking, why is thinking that way?

It seems that thinking is based on the cognition in memory, the knowledge and the environment in which I live, but can I really remember all the memories? all the cognitions and awareness of everything in the environment?

So, how exactly do the characters think?

How does the content of "that awareness" come about? Is there any logic? Is it reasonable? Is there any meaning, is there a deep meaning, is there any way to drive it?

I don't know!

Why did things go the way they did? Why did they not like the characters envisioned, why did I suffer so much and others laughed all the time? Why did those people be so rich and I was just running around for life? Why did others travel everywhere and I had to hide in my office?

How can the character know this, since he doesn't know, he should have the attitude of not knowing. Instead of firmly grasping the distortion in the mind, to weigh and choose to control life.

I don't know how many times I've said this, but I'm still listening to the distortion in my head. Because apart from the twist in my head, I don't know how to choose how to live.

Now I am like a child, ignorant of the world. Or rather, I'm throwing away what I know, because what I call knowing is a piece of shit. What is the use of those cognitions except cutting the world, except that I can only see the walls of thought?

Those successes, those responsibilities, those so-called pursuits, the so-called necessities of life, who gave you the right to write like this? Who gave you the qualifications such publicity? And I, who made me like a fool, I believe whatever others say.

I want to cry because I'm not myself at all, but a template that has been shaped by the empire over the years. My thoughts are not mine, what else belongs to me, what else is there to be proud of, what is there to show off, what is there to pursue?

Who am I, it's a very good question but it's rejected by everyone, at least no one around me ever thinks about it seriously. Even, when I was in school, this question turned into a joke, and it turned into an idealist trick. As if, this question is not a question at all, and it does not need to be answered at all.

So, who is fooling me, and why am I willing to be fooled?

This does not require much advanced knowledge, it is enough to ask yourself who I am and then answer the question. But why didn't I do it? Isn't that the most important question to know? I don't even know who I am, so who am I working for, who am I trying for, who am I trying to make money for? For me? Who am I?

It's a kind of drilling, and it's also an extreme. But if you think about it, what is the tip of the horns, what is extreme? These two words have no meaning at all, and they don't have any specific meaning.

How do I know that the cup is real?

Why is an ordinary question defined as extreme or normal? Is it good to ignore these questions? Is it just because people don't ask, so once I ask and go after the answer, it becomes a bull's horn?

How can there be such a thing as extreme, drilling?

Life needs to be muddled, shit!

I just want to say, don't ask these questions, think about how to make money, how to succeed. When I ask these questions, I am recognized as positive, self-motivated, and a struggling youth. However, if you ask yourself who I am, you will be judged to be full of food and have nothing to do, and if you continue to ask questions, you will be considered mentally ill.

I can't understand the word extreme now, that's the way it is, how can there be such a thing as extreme. Is it right to turn a blind eye, and is it right to ignore it?

I also wanted to find a metaphor to explain, forget it, who are these metaphors for? I just know that I understand, and I don't want to give a lecture, and I don't have to be responsible for whether others can easily understand it.

It's strange how there can be such an extreme statement. But what's even more strange is that I used to be able to understand the word extreme without any barrier, but now I can't.

Is this a kind of progress?

Yuan Changwen didn't know, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, it was entirely possible that it was an illusion.

I'm not done yet, so it's.

Then don't say it, move on. I don't know what's going to happen in front of me, will I still cry like this, will I still be uncomfortable and relaxed, will there be a day when it will be finished?

It's not because I talk too much that I don't move forward at all, because I'm thinking about how to express it instead of how to kill.

Really, there are traps everywhere.