Recently, I have been in a complicated mood, with insomnia and dreams, which I can't understand.

Perhaps, there is too much garbage in my heart and needs to be cleaned up.

And the best way to clean up mental junk is to clean and tidy up your room.

So, by accident, I spent half a day cleaning from the roof to the staircase on the first floor. Well, three and a half floors, and the first floor hasn't even started to be cleaned yet.

Oh my God, do I have so much garbage in my heart?

I thought that the feeling after cleaning would be a joy full of accomplishment. However, I only felt weak all over my body, and I wanted to take a bath, eat, and sleep......

It turned out that it only took half a day of hard work for me to become a pig......

Now that I'm half-lying down and writing, I don't feel so tired, and I can enjoy the cleanliness and comfort that I have paid for sweat. Well, cleaning is still somewhat effective for psychological treatment.

The environment in which each person is located greatly affects their own psychology, and the environment in which they are located is clean and comfortable, and the mood will be much better. And the environment is sloppy and chaotic, and the mood will become irritable inexplicably, if you happen to encounter something unhappy, then the mood is even worse.

Cleaning is like cleaning your mental environment, because you have to think about what needs to be kept and what needs to be discarded. Only by throwing away those unwanted burdens will your mood be relaxed and happy.

After cleaning, I was able to slowly clear my complex emotions.

Perhaps, I have insomnia and dreams because I feel guilty.

At the beginning of May, there were swallows nesting in the living room on the third floor of the house. From a superstitious point of view, the swallow entering the house to build a nest represents the arrival of good luck. However, from a scientific point of view, swallows come into the house to build a nest just because this is just the right place for their habits.

Well, in ancient times, there was a saying that "swallows don't enter poor homes". Because in ancient times, the houses where the poor lived did not have eaves, while the homes of the rich had eaves, according to the habit of swallows building nests, they would naturally choose the eaves of rich people. As a result, it is gradually said that swallows entering the house to build a nest can bring good luck.

Nowadays, the houses of this era are not the same as in ancient times, and the homes of the rich do not necessarily need eaves.

However, I am quite happy that the swallows can come into my house to build a nest.

Because the swallow chooses a place to build a nest must meet several conditions:

1. The air is dry but not humid (as long as the windows are opened in my house, once the air circulates, there will be natural wind blowing into the house and it is very cool)

2. Shelter from the wind and rain (conditions that most people meet)

3. Quiet and not easy to be disturbed; (The living room on the third floor of my house is empty, and it has always been quiet, except for the wind)

Fourth, it is easy to forage. (My house is surrounded by fields, and everywhere I go out is its food, which is a representative of the principle of proximity)

Therefore, if the swallows can enter my house to build a nest, it means that the air circulation in my house is very good, and I am naturally happy.

Of course, happiness also comes at a price - swallows will poop casually in the living room.

Still, I accept it. When they're gone, I'll clean them up slowly.

Everything is inherently beautiful.

And what is not beautiful is my selfishness.

Because since I was a child, I really wanted to raise a little bird, hoping that the little bird would recognize me and play with me. However, when I was a child, I raised it two or three times, but I didn't feed it.

And now, there are birds close at hand to try......

My heart began to get restless, and I waited for the baby swallow to break out of its shell......

However, I heard that swallows are difficult to feed, and most people don't know how to catch swallows to raise.

But, the selfishness of my heart drowned out my reason.

I waited until the baby swallows broke out of their shells, then waited for them to grow hair, and when they were almost there, I chose one to try to raise......

In the end, I chose the baby swallow that broke the shell the lastest. Because the eldest one can already flap its wings and run, while the second one feels very wooden, only the youngest one is more lively and cute.

Now it seems that the liveliness and cuteness have harmed it......

I took great care to prepare a nest for the baby swallow, but he was scared and kept shaking......

At that moment, I felt like a demon, cruel! Why should it be a baby who is separated from its parents?

But the selfishness in my heart still refuses to take a step back, and always perfunctory to myself saying that I will send it back in two or three days......

After that, I looked for rice and wanted to feed it.

But it didn't want to open its mouth.

Perhaps, in the face of a demon like me, it is unwilling to give in.

I'll ignore it and go about what I'm supposed to do.

An hour later, when I tried to feed it rice again, it opened its mouth!

After feeding him a grain of rice, I felt like I was when I was a child, and I miss this simple happiness. I just really want to raise a baby bird, and I don't have malice, but this malice without malice is the more terrible malice.

The more this happens, the more selfish I feel in my heart and the more reluctant I am to let it go back to its parents.

It's cute! When it poops, it lifts its ass and goes all the way back, and when it reaches a corner, it gets rid of it. If it's a swallow's nest, it should retreat to the edge of the nest to poop. No wonder the inside of the swallow's nest is so clean, and the baby swallow is very hygienic.

After that, it slowly recognized me.

When they see me, they are no longer afraid, they no longer tremble, they will flap their wings and look at me and open their mouths, signaling me to feed them.

Sometimes when it has eaten enough, it closes its eyes and continues to sleep.

The next time I pass by it, it will open its mouth and bark when it hears me. Even in the dark, it couldn't see anything at all.

It only in two cases will it open its mouth and bark. One is to hear me whistling, and the other is to see me appear in front of its eyes.

The more this happens, the more cute I think it is, the more cute it is, and the more reluctant I am to let it go......

Before it was caught, its poop was grayish-white because it ate protein-rich worms. But after I fed it rice, its poop turned golden brown and was still thin. It shows that its stomach is not suitable for eating rice, only for eating the food fed to it by its parents. Moreover, rice simply cannot meet the nutrients it needs, while insects can.

Even though I knew all this, I still refused to take a step back from the selfishness in my heart.

Finally, after a week of raising it, it suddenly became quiet and reluctant to eat. It hurts to see how uncomfortable it looks......

So, I decided to put it back in the bird's nest, hoping that its parents would feed it worms to improve its stomach and absorb nutrients.

After letting it back into the swallow's nest, I whistled twice, and although it was uncomfortable and didn't open its mouth, it responded to me with a cry.

At that moment, I felt that it was enough, at least it remembered me.

It's just that this price is for a life that has not only come to the world for the first time and has not seen the beauty of the world to leave......

Two hours later, I went to make sure it was safe. Do other babies of swallows older than it bully it, and are its parents still willing to feed it......

But what I touched was a stiff body, and its head was trampled by one of the bigger swallow babies......

I shuddered and took it down, whistling softly, and although its eyes kept open, it wouldn't respond, never again......

My heart is clogged, my eyes are wet, it's my fault, it's all my fault......

Guiltily, I gently closed its eyes and quietly took it away and put it in its nest...... Then, pray for it.

This is the first time I've ever prayed for an animal.

My selfishness has made me cruelly a demon.

I can't forgive myself, and I feel uncomfortable in my heart......

Because of its departure, I will never have this behavior and idea of separating the parents of the little bird to raise the baby bird, and at the same time, I will no longer disturb the remaining two baby swallows, and I will no longer be interested. It can be said that its departure also indirectly saved the remaining two swallow babies and the swallow babies born in my family in the future.

In the end, it was so cute, I didn't give it a name......

Perhaps, those two whistles are the best name for which my heart calls it.

I'm sorry, but may you in the other world never encounter a demon like me again......

Now, the remaining two baby swallows are ready to fly. If it's still there, you should be able to feel the beauty of flying......

Because of this "if", I got the punishment I deserved - not at ease.

I was supposed to write something, but this one belongs to it, and I don't feel like I'm going to write anything else.

Even if the most useless antidote in this world is if, I am willing to take it.

If it was still alive, I would happily call it - Little Swallow.