On the ring road, in the car, I looked at the deposit slip in a daze.

When I was in junior high school, my grandmother once went to school and begged the teacher to give me some tuition and miscellaneous fees, and the teacher talked about it during class.

At that time, I began to have low self-esteem, began to be tired of school, began to desire to be a bad boy, I didn't understand, why did my grandmother do that, why did she expose our poverty, naked in front of outsiders, at that time, I even secretly hated grandma, I hated her for not caring about my face.

Now it seems that this old man, when he could even let go of his own dignity and beg our teacher, just wanted me to live in the future.

I only care about my own vanity, but I forget that this stubborn old man who has been stubborn all his life has more self-esteem than me.

And everything she put down her dignity and did was just for today, I can hold this piece of paper in my hand that can allow me to survive.

……

A gust of wind blew, and the firecracker debris drifted towards me like a monstrous red snowflake.

I was twenty-one years old.

The twenty-ninth day of the lunar month.

Loop side.

I was sitting in a BMW.

Holding a check for 90,000 yuan in his hand.

I cried so much.

……

At the end of the year, when it was time to eat at noon, the street was empty, only I was left, sitting in the car in a daze, I was tired of crying, I felt numb from crying, I picked up my mobile phone, I wanted to find someone to vent my emotions, but I didn't know who to find, I wanted to find Shi Yigang and Yang Tao them, but we got along for too long, once I saw my injuries, and unnatural emotions, there was no need to communicate at all, they would know what happened to me, it was almost the New Year, they didn't go home in the first place, I didn't want to bring this negative emotion to them, after rummaging in the address book for a long time, I found a number and dialed it。

After the phone was connected, Ah Zhen's happy voice quickly came out: "Hey, Xiaofei!"

"Ah Zhen!" Hearing the familiar voice, I felt a warm heart: "What are you doing?"

"Hehe, I'm making dumplings. ”

"What's stuffing?"

"Fuck, even if I tell you what the stuffing is, you can still hear the saltiness. Ah Zhen smiled: "Where are you? This year's New Year, are you spending it in Dragon City, or are you going home?"

I smiled, "Go home, I'm in Anyang." ”

"Are you back?" Ah Zhen was stunned for a moment: "When did it happen?"

"Arrived yesterday, hehe. ”

"! Why don't you call me in advance when you get home? When Ah Zhen heard that I was in Anyang, his tone was a little angry: "Do you still treat me as a brother?"

"Nonsense, didn't I call you!"

"Hehe, don't pull the calves, come to my house to eat dumplings!"

"Is it appropriate?" Hearing Ah Zhen's invitation, I pretended to excuse myself.

"What's inappropriate, I'll have one more piece of noodles, and it's enough for you to eat, and you can find it at my house, come directly! I'll wait for you!" After Ah Zhen finished speaking, he shouted again: "Daughter-in-law, look at what else is in the refrigerator, my brother will go home today, I will add two more dishes!"

……

After hanging up Zhen's phone, I drove in the direction of his house.

Half an hour later, Ah Zhen was at home.

"Come, be careful!" Ah Zhen came from the kitchen with a plate of fish, placed it on the table in front of us, and gave me a look: "Taste it, see how my craftsmanship is!"

"Hehe, okay!" I reached out and picked up a piece of fish, but I always thought about my grandmother, and it felt like chewing wax, but I still pretended to have an approving expression: "It's delicious!"

"Xiaofei, you have a wound on your head, eat less fish, come, eat a piece of pig's foot, replenish collagen!" Ah Zhen's wife Wen Juan smiled and put a piece of pig's trotter in my bowl, both of them knew what I was doing, so after I entered the door, the two of them were very tacit, and they didn't ask me what the injury was.

"Okay, thank you!" I nodded in thanks, and then looked at Ah Zhen's daughter-in-law's big belly: "When will you give birth, is the due date set?"

"Hehe, it's almost there, in another month and a half, the child should come out. Speaking of children, Wen Juan's eyes were full of expectation and love.

"Yo, so fast!" I was a little surprised.

When I got married last year, Wen Juan was pregnant, it was still summer, and now it looks like it's going to be the New Year!" After Ah Zhen finished his work, he carried a few bottles of beer in front of him: "On the hour?"

"Is it appropriate?" I looked at Ah Zhen with a smile: "Daughter-in-law has a big belly, you drink?"

Ah Zhen grinned, stretched out his hand and handed me a bottle of beer: "Minao! You have been in the door for so long, don't you see who the king is? You should drink, she doesn't dare to care about me!"

"Ahem!" Wen Juan cleared her throat.

Ah Zhen scratched his head and looked at Wen Juan flatteringly: "Daughter-in-law, it's the New Year, I'll drink less ......"

Wen Juan smiled gently: "Hehe, drink, it's rare for Xiaofei to come once, when we got married, he didn't help us less." ”

"Come, let's go!" After Ah Zhen got Wen Juan's permission, he let go and hit me with the bottle.

"Congratulations on becoming a dad!" I also raised my head and took a sip, then looked at the empty room, "Why didn't you see your dad?"

"I went out to work. Ah Zhen smiled: "In a factory in the city, these days of the Chinese New Year, the factory gives three times the salary, and he will not come back for the New Year, anyway, the New Year is just a formality, and it is the same everywhere." ”

"Your dad went to work?" I was surprised to hear that Ah Zhen, a father who had been addicted to alcohol and gambled all year round, had gone to work.

"yes, don't say you don't believe it, even I don't believe it. Ah Zhen also laughed: "A few months ago, I went to a physical examination with Wen Juan, the doctor said it was a boy, after my dad learned the news, it was like a different person, saying that he wanted to save money to buy milk powder and diapers for his grandson, and went to work the next day, his job was to change the oil for the equipment, dirty and tired, but the old man didn't complain at all, every time he had overtime work, he rushed to do it, and now he doesn't necessarily come back once a month, every time he comes back, in addition to giving me money, he will also buy a lot of nutrition and fruits for Wen Juan." ”

Wen Juan nodded: "Since my father-in-law knew that he had a grandson, he was like a different person. ”

After listening to Wen Juan's words, Ah Zhen smiled at me very happily: "Xiaofei! I'm really out of it now, my dad has changed his ways and taken the right path, I also see that I'm going to be a father, and I love Wen Juan so much, really, all this is the same as in a dream now, I have always wanted to be a rich man before, and I envy that kind of life, but when my life has passed to this point, I am content, after all, no matter how good others live, it is also someone else's life, and I Wang Zhenyou, none of them can compare, really, now this kind of day, even if I die, I can close my eyes!"

"Bah, bah, bah, big New Year, what do you say, dead or alive, how unlucky!" Wen Juan scolded Ah Zhen angrily.

Ah Zhen was scolded by Wen Juan and smiled: "Yes, yes, yes, it's far away, I live a down-to-earth life now, and I don't mix with society anymore, how can I die, I have to live well, and I have to watch my son go to college in the future." ”

I squinted at Ah Zhen: "Get out, you! Don't scold Huai here, why should you be damned if you mix with society!"

"Phew, I'm saying the wrong thing, come on, the more I say it, the more wrong it gets, drink!"

"Cheers!"

At noon that day, Ah Zhen drank a lot of wine with me, and under the slow release of alcohol, my inner resentment was also alleviated, in order to prevent Ah Zhen from seeing the clues, after dinner in the evening, I said that I wanted to go home, and then left alone, and then drove aimlessly, found a hotel at random, and after driving the room, fell asleep.

The next day, I was woken up by the sound of firecrackers, and I stood at the window and looked out, and the sky was full of bursting firecrackers.

In the smoke of firecrackers, the New Year is over.

The rest of the morning was spent with the screeching sound of firecrackers, and I got up and stood on the edge of the bed, alone in a daze.

On the day of the Chinese New Year, I spent the whole day in my hotel room, watching TV programs, ignoring the continuous New Year's text messages on my phone, just smoking one cigarette after another.

Before you know it, it's getting dark.

Outside the window, there are still thousands of lights.

Twelve o'clock in the evening.

This is the busiest time of the year, I turned on the TV, watched the Spring Festival Gala, as the clock rang at twelve o'clock, the sound of firecrackers in the early morning roared into the sky, every household began to cook dumplings, I also picked up the electric kettle, boiled water, and then tore open the packaging of instant noodles.

When I ate the first bite of instant noodles in my mouth, I shed tears, and I ate instant noodles while shedding tears, which is the first time I have not spent the New Year with my grandmother since I was a child, and I don't know if the old people have eaten dumplings.

From that day on, I began to fear, I was afraid of all festivals.

I'm afraid of loneliness, and I'm even more afraid of memories.

It's someone else's New Year, it's also my New Year, whether there is a family reunion or not, we can't choose, even the next day, the sun will still rise, and we have to keep going.

'Ring, ring, ring!'

As soon as I picked up the phone, Shi Yigang's voice came out: "Brother! Happy New Year!"

"Good!" I replied with a smile.

"Hey, it's twelve o'clock, you said that after accompanying the old lady at home, you will come out to celebrate the New Year with us, why is there no movement?"

"I'll clean up and get out of the house right away, where are you?"

"Blue Sky Hotel, Presidential Suite!" Shi Yigang finished speaking very excitedly, then thought about it and added: "Hurry up! A few of us play mahjong, and we are about to give Zhao Huaiyang and them to win and cry." ”

"Okay, wait for me!"

After hanging up Shi Yigang's phone, I drove and hit the road.

On the first night of the new year, the streets are deserted, but there are quite a few people setting off firecrackers on the side of the road, and the streets are filled with smoke and the sound of firecrackers everywhere.

When I arrived at the Blue Sky Hotel, Shi Yigang and Yang Tao ordered a large table of dishes in the restaurant, as well as Zhao Huaiyang and a few of them, everyone watched TV programs, drank wine, played cards, noisy, and very warm.

"Brother Fei, Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year!"

After everyone met, they all greeted happily, I looked at the room and saw that there was no one else, raised my eyebrows and asked, "Brother Dong and Brother Hulu, didn't you come back?"