Night, one o'clock in the morning, insomnia......

Words, it's a good thing.

Because I don't smoke, I don't understand the comfort that smoking brings;

Because I don't drink, I don't know how to buy drunk to numb my inner emotions;

Because I was a clumsy and good kid when I was a kid, I would only express my feelings through simple writing.

I don't know, but I said that I was a stupid and good boy when I was a child.

I wanted to reinvent myself, but I didn't have the confidence to ......

Whenever I start to change for myself, the conflict between Xiaoshi and my aunt's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law always makes me feel disappointed. At the very least, three days, even three days are not enough, there will be a conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

I was recuperating in my hometown, but I couldn't do anything on the phone. Helpless, sorrowful.

learned through the phone, Xiaoshi actually felt that our family just used her as a tool to give birth!

This thought of hers pierced my heart deeply......

It turned out that she couldn't feel my love for her and my tolerance for her. Because she has a different concept of life from her aunt, she thinks that our whole family rejects her and uses her......

Loving her is both happy and painful.

I love her, but humbly.

I am willing to keep a low profile, willing to give up the dignity of a man, to endure her dominance, and never even scolded her. Even though I was very angry at times, I forced myself to endure it. It's like, swallowing the glass slag hard in your stomach.

She never saw my goodness, and always felt that I was aimless, not positive enough, unassertive, and unmanly.

I was already inferior, but under her influence, I had even more inferiority.

She never really understood my inner world, and took my usual arrogant jokes about her as a sign of my confidence, which was just my way of creating a happy atmosphere.

Her only compliment to me before was that I had a good memory, and she admired me. Because I wrote this book, I recorded a lot of memories of my childhood, and the memories I wrote after I met her, and she was amazed that I could remember it so clearly.

However, since I had chronic nephritis, she felt that my memory had deteriorated. Now, she dislikes my memory.

Actually, it's not that my memory has deteriorated, it's that I've become more wandering and have no soul in my heart......

There are some little things in life, she told me, but I didn't pay attention to them. When she asked me what she said, I said I forgot and she thought my memory had deteriorated.

Moreover, after I had chronic nephritis, I rarely wrote anything, and she thought that I didn't write because my memory had deteriorated. Actually, even if I wrote it, I wouldn't publish it to the buckle space for her to see. After all, these are not articles with sweet words.

She now hopes that I can learn the technique well, and when my body is well adjusted, I can find a job faster in Shenzhen.

That's good, no problem.

It's just that I want to use this time to sort out my spiritual world and reshape my new self. However, she didn't understand how important my spiritual world was to reinvent my new self and always thought I was wasting my time.

If she could understand me, if the family could be harmonious, how good would it be! Why does such a wish feel like a luxury?

Last night, Ah Shen called me and talked to me for most of the hour.

I confided all the depression in my heart to him, this world is so big, but I only dare to confide these depressions with God. Because good friends, this is the only one! Among my relatives, no matter who it is, my depression cannot be fully expressed, after all, the contradictions in the family are annoying enough, and any more disturbance is tantamount to escalating the contradictions.

After talking to Ah Shen, he also understood my feelings. He also said that every family has a scripture that is difficult to read.

Seriously, he and I really love each other.

He also joked, wouldn't it be nice if we both got married? I laughed and replied that if we were of the opposite sex, we would have been married a long time ago.

After chatting on the phone, the night was quiet again.

I don't feel sleepy, and my soul is restless......

I felt like I needed an antidote.

Now I am like a dead man who has been poisoned by despair, and I need an antidote, an antidote called "hope".

However, this poison cannot be solved by anyone other than oneself. What others explain is to alleviate toxic attacks, and treat the symptoms but not the root cause.

God helps those who help themselves! The only one who can really save himself is himself.

My heart is broken and scattered now, and without spiritual cohesion, I can't talk about any spiritual support.

The outside world can't give me motivation, I can only rebuild and improve the spiritual world that I once neglected because of life, and it can give me strength!

And in my spiritual world, the highest status is to write Dongdong.

So, memories catch up with the present.

My soul can be laid in it......

As long as I don't give up writing, I will definitely be able to reinvent myself!

If I were to build a building, then writing would be the foundation of the building.

When I was a kid, my favorite subject was Chinese.

So, words are a good thing.

At this time, it was 2:35 a.m.

Well, good night.