Chapter 203: If I Die

Everyone needs someone who can tolerate you saying "no", someone who can cry freely in front of him without saying a reason.

Most of the time, we don't.

By the time he was ready to come down from the roof balcony, Xu Tingsheng had already regained a calm face and a gentle smile. Except that his body was still a little weak, no one could see anything unusual about him.

Dad Xu put his hand on his shoulders and went downstairs.

Mother Xu is busy in the kitchen.

Stand at the kitchen door. Xu Tingsheng looked at it for a while, she seemed to be very uneasy, and it seemed that she wanted to go in to help several times, but she hesitated to move forward. This is a normal state for her, this is the first time she has met Xu Tingsheng's parents, and she naturally hopes to leave a good impression.

Today was too sudden for her, she didn't even have time to change into a decent dress, and asked Xu Tingsheng about what Xu's father and mother liked and minded, which exacerbated her panic.

Xu's mother came to Yanzhou with anger, originally she was just angry with Xu Ting, and then when she found out that several girls seemed to have treated her baby son who was sick, she was even more angry, and the scope of objects became larger.

Also, she doesn't like Xu Tingsheng's living state, she still thinks about Ye Yingjing, in her opinion, Ye Yingjing, a generous and decent girl with an orchid temperament, is what Xu Tingsheng should grasp well.

Taken together, Xu Tingsheng can imagine that when his mother snatched the cooking work from her hands, she shouldn't have paid too much attention to her attitude.

This is Xu Tingsheng's mother, so how can she not be worried and in a hurry?

Xu Tingsheng walked over, pulled the apron strap for her, untied the apron, and whispered: "My mother is angry at me, don't worry, come and sit, let's talk to my dad together." ”

looked at Xu Tingsheng, then at the kitchen, hesitated, opened her mouth and didn't know how to say yes, she seemed to be very uneasy about waiting for dinner like this.

"Go make my dad a cup of tea. Xu Tingsheng said.

So it seemed that he finally found a reason to feel at ease, made tea and brought it to Xu's father and said, "Uncle drinks tea." ”

"Thank you", Xu's father said, "It's hard work for you to take care of Tingsheng these days." ”

"I, I didn't take care of it. "I was a little ashamed.

"You have to learn a lot of things slowly, and you're a kid yourself, and you've done a good job. In fact, it is most important to have this heart, and my uncle is very grateful to you, and I have time to play at home when I go back. Dad Xu smiled and said.

"Well, good. Look at Xu Tingsheng, a little shy, and I can't hide my happiness.

I just chatted with Xu's father for a while, and his mood has eased a lot.

Dad Xu's generosity and calmness can easily make people feel down-to-earth in front of him, like a spring breeze, which may be something Xu Tingsheng can't learn in his life, it is the accumulation of ups and downs, perseverance, and suppression of life.

At dinner, Lu Zhixin opened a bottle of her treasured red wine to Xu's father, this bottle of wine Xu Tingsheng had begged many times before, and she was reluctant.

Here's how the ecology is at the dinner table.

Most people, including themselves, are eating the dishes cooked by Xu's mother, and a few words of praise from the bottom of their hearts or "hypocrisy", only Xu Tingsheng and Xu's father eat the two dishes that they cooked before from time to time, although the taste is indeed a little miserable, they still say: "I just started learning, and it's already very good." ”

Then Xu's mother asked which school she was studying in and when school would start.

Looking at Xu Tingsheng, I don't know how to answer, do I want her to say to Xu's mother: "I'm taking a leave of absence, just stay here?"

Xu Tingsheng hid haha to cover up the past for her.

Lu Zhixin and Xu's father chatted about red wine, and then talked about business, talked about her family's business, the development of mutual sincerity, and even some of her thoughts on the future development of Huangou.

Although Dad Xu had heard Xu Tingsheng talk about the importance of this girl in mutual honesty and her ability, he was still a little surprised at this time, and couldn't help but praise and recognize again and again, and the more he talked, the more speculative he became.

Fang Cheng also rarely talked about some things about her own family, and even mentioned the name of her grandfather who retired at home for the first time: Fang Guohou.

Xu Tingsheng and Xu's father glanced at each other, this was one of the big names in the former Yanhai Province.

So she began to feel more and more at a loss, and she found that she seemed to be useless, and she couldn't even interject.

Xu Tingsheng finished a whole bowl of rice for the first time in these days.

"I'll help you with the meal. ”

Seeing that Xu Tingsheng finally ate more, he couldn't help but be happy, and finally found something to do, and reached over to take the bowl in front of Xu Tingsheng.

Nervous and panicked, the bowl slipped in her hand and fell to the ground.

"Pong"

The bowl shattered on the ground.

What was broken was just a bowl, but the already suppressed emotions seemed to be about to collapse with this sound of breaking, helpless, standing there in a daze, with his head down, and there were already tears in his eyes.

The whole table looked over, and Xu's mother also looked up.

Xu Tingsheng put his right arm up and raised it high, pretending to say: "Don't blame me, blame yourself for not holding it high enough, I touched it as soon as I raised my arm." ”

Mother Xu looked at it and said angrily: "Do you want someone to hold the bowl to the sky? ”

I lifted my arm and tried to stretch. Xu Tingsheng argued.

"You can't blame anyone else. Forget it, shattered peace. Mother Xu said.

Xu Tingsheng knows his mother very well, she has such a temper, that's why he did it.

After cleaning up the broken bowls, Xu Tingsheng and went into the kitchen together, looking at the tears in his eyes and the helpless look, Xu Tingsheng reached out to hold her palm and pinched her palm.

"Peace of mind, I'm here. ”

"I'm sorry, I'm useless. Say.

"No, don't think about it, don't mess with yourself, I'm on your side, and my mother really doesn't have a bad heart, she has that temper, and my father and I are usually afraid of her. Xu Tingsheng comforted.

"However, I'm really useless, compared with Fang Cheng, compared with Zhi Xin, except for dragging you down, I'm really useless. It turns out that I thought that I would learn to take care of you and do your laundry and cook for you for the rest of my life, but ...... I can't even hold a bowl. And what you need shouldn't be such a woman, Zhixin is much more suitable than me. ”

The more I started talking, the more excited I became.

Calm down, things aren't as bad as you think. First of all, I don't really want to mix life and career, you don't have to put pressure on yourself. Secondly, Lu Zhixin's ability comes from the environment in which she grew up, these are things that we don't have, and even I can't compare to her in some aspects, you can't always compare your weaknesses with the advantages of others, so you can't be better than others? Aren't you perfect? There is no perfect person in the world. ”

"But I am not better than anyone else at all. ”

"Of course there is, for example, you can sing, so many people like you,......"

Xu Tingsheng said the wrong thing, and saying this sentence now may only make it more painful and frustrating.

As soon as he wanted to explain, he took the initiative to skip the topic and said, "Tingsheng, when you get better, I will start to learn from Zhixin and learn to do some things of mutual sincerity, okay?" ”

"Well, I believe you. ”

Xu Tingsheng actually knew that it was not suitable, but he couldn't refuse now. As long as she is willing to do something, there is something positively oriented, Xu Tingsheng will support it.

……

Xu's father and mother stayed in the riverbank house until nearly ten o'clock and went to the hotel.

Because of his emotional instability, Xu Tingsheng insisted on staying.

This night, Xu Tingsheng's body temperature inexplicably rose again, and the whole person was in a daze. Holding him, let him rest his head on his lap, carefully guarded, nervous, helpless.

But Xu Tingsheng insisted on not letting her tell Xu's mother.

Understand why.

In a state of confusion, Xu Tingsheng asked

"If I die, how will you live?"

I couldn't help crying because of this sudden heavy question, but I found that I didn't have an answer, because if there had to be an answer, that is, as long as she thought about it, she felt that her whole person was empty.

She actually has no life of her own.

"Actually, I've already died once. Actually, that time, you had your own life and lived well. Xu Tingsheng said.

He spoke in an unconscious state, and he couldn't understand him saying that he had died once, what she heard was Xu Tingsheng saying that he hoped that he could live well without him.

"If it's me, in fact, I've been thinking, if this world didn't have me, would you actually live a better life? You still have such a big career, and Xiang Ning, and a lot of ,......."

Ask Xu Tingsheng.

"I think I'll live my whole life in insecurity and guilt. Thank you for loving me, but I want you to like yourself first and have the life you love, such as sunshine and freedom, such as singing and traveling,......" Xu Tingsheng buried his head and muttered.

"I promise you, I won't make you feel guilty or upset. I'll live well. ”

When pouring water for Xu Tingsheng once, he turned back to the room, took out a few bottles of sleeping pills in the suitcase, looked at them, and then threw them into the river outside the window.

***