When I went to work on Wednesday morning, I had a feeling of being half dead.

Qin Li made too much trouble last night, and I couldn't appease him at all, so I was dressed up and dusty. In the end, it was the shopkeeper who called Huo Yi with ease, and it ended the whole farce.

What chilled my heart the most was Huo Yi's defensive look before leaving.

In order to make up for my mistake of killing Huo Yi for his short life, I had to ...... in 70 days No, within 68 days, gain his trust and reverse his fate. And now, the two times I appeared in front of him, once inexplicably stalking him, and once inexplicably intoxicating his friend, were enough to show him that I had ulterior motives for him. I really don't understand how he can trust me.

Thinking about the future, I feel so stressed that I need to eat 100 small cakes to relieve it.

What's worse is that I am worried about Zhang Lin's condition in my heart, and I need to find time to explain my condition to him, but his relationship with Qin Li and Huo Yi is complicated, and if I am not careful, I will be considered to have ulterior motives.

According to Qin Li, Huo Yi should have suffered some major blow in his life before, so that he would change from a teenager who loves to laugh and make trouble to become such a cold person now. Once he was bitten by a snake for ten years and was afraid of the well rope, his defensive heart should be even greater than ordinary people. In that case, I have to be more careful, otherwise......

"Weibei, how is the condition of Zhang Lin who consulted you yesterday?"

I looked up and saw my kind boss, Lao Zheng, looking at me with a smile. In good conscience, Lao Zheng is a good leader with 120 points. Except for one point, he's a little too verbose. I suspect that his receding hairline is due to the fact that he is constantly worrying about verbose things and is unable to hold his ground.

I struggled, "It's not good, he's not going to have surgery." ”

Lao Zheng also immediately began to struggle, "Don't you plan to have surgery? How do you know? Didn't you explain the pros and cons to him?"

After working with Lao Zheng for a long time, I often have the illusion that "it's not a family that doesn't enter the door", and my boss, is just like me in taking things on himself. I suspect that in time, I will have a hairline as proud as he is.

"He didn't tell me that he wouldn't have surgery, he just listened to the plan and left. I didn't react until later, and when I called him to explain, he had fainted and was hospitalized. Yesterday it was past the visiting time, and I didn't see him. But I happened to meet his attending doctor, and said that Zhang Lin really didn't want surgery. "I'll explain it to Lao Zheng.

Lao Zheng began to stroke his half-bald head. This generally indicates that he is upset. There are so many people who ask me to do the interpretation by name, and my working hours are always very full, and if I were asked to go to the hospital, it would delay a lot of progress. But if he doesn't let me go, he won't have a good conscience.

In the end, he opened his mouth very strugglingly, "You better go and see Zhang Lin, and hand over the few reports at hand to Xiao Li to do." He's been here for more than a month, so he's ready to give it a try. If he doesn't understand, let him ask other colleagues. ”

"Okay, I see. "I immediately got up and packed up my things and asked Xiao Li to take over the work.

When he saw Zhang Lin again, he had lost the short-term preferential treatment of his illness. Although it was only one night, he looked very haggard, with blue and black eyes and deep-set eye sockets. Maybe it's my psychological effect, I actually feel that overnight, he lost a lot of weight. His wife, Liu Qin, was in even worse condition, curled up beside his bedside, with red eyes.

They were surprised to see me, probably not expecting to see me again. But I think it was because of my upbringing, and they still received me politely.

I put the fruit I bought on the bedside table and sat down on the chair that Liu Qin had moved, "I tried to contact you last night, but I didn't expect it to be someone from the emergency department of the hospital who answered the phone. I'm not at ease, so I'm going to come and have a look today. ”

"It's not a big deal, it's a matter of time before you get this disease. Zhang Lin lay on the hospital bed, smiling weakly.

I saw Liu Qin's tears coming down, and then I saw her quickly wipe away her tears, and Zhang Lin didn't even notice the whole process.

"Actually, there's a reason why I contacted you before. I don't know if I'm right, but you don't seem to want to have surgery. I explained carefully.

When Zhang Lin heard this, he smiled as if he was very happy. "No wonder they say that you have to queue up to consult you, you are really a smart girl. ”

"However, there is no way to treat it without surgery. I know that surgery is risky...... However, if you don't take this risk, you will definitely lose...... In fact, compared to the mortal disease process, craniotomy is very risky, but it is also cost-effective. I explained to him. I knew that if I was in the office, it was just a routine situation briefing, not a big deal. But when I chase this far, and say this again, it makes me worry that I am spending unnecessary effort to change things that should not be changed. This made me hesitate and stammer throughout the paragraph.

Fortunately, Zhang Lin didn't pay much attention to my abnormality, and just replied with a smile, "What if I had surgery, I would have lost even more?"

I didn't turn around for a moment, "Lose more, is there a worse ending than death?"

At this time, Liu Qin couldn't sit still anymore, and said in a thick nasal voice, she was going to get me a glass of water, and then ran out.

Zhang Lin watched her back disappear behind the door. Although he still had a polite smile on his face, his eyes were not half happy.

I stared at him. I don't understand why we don't want to give it a try if we are so reluctant to give it a try.

I know things in the world, and what I am most afraid of is to talk deeply. I, in particular, was afraid that I would inadvertently reduce the lifespan of others, so I was even more cautious about it. I knew that in terms of expectations, it would be better to have surgery than to refuse it. Looking at Qin Li's tone yesterday, he also hoped that Zhang Lin would have surgery.

But I'm afraid, maybe Zhang Lin is the little one who is unlucky, and if I open my mouth, I will let him die on the operating table.

I sat still, feeling tangled. It's not to open your mouth, and it's not to open your mouth either.

And Zhang Lin is obviously much calmer than me. "Are you trying to ask me why I refuse to have surgery?"

"Hmm...... uh...... "I didn't expect Zhang Lin to suddenly hit a straight ball, so I nodded subconsciously, reacted and shook my head in a panic.

"If I were you, I'd find it weird, too. Zhang Lin actually smiled, "The tumor is small, the degree of malignancy is low, it is not close to the artery, and the glioma is one in a million good luck, but someone wants to waste this good luck." ”

"No, I don't think you're wasting, I'm just worried that you're blindly giving up treatment because you don't know about it, but I don't want to put pressure on you to have surgery, so I didn't think about how to express it. I don't think you're surprised that this kind of thing that everyone might make a different choice of, I understand. I hurriedly explained.

"Frontal lobes. My tumor is on the frontal lobe. Zhang Lin was still smiling, "There is no way to remove my tumor without damaging the frontal lobe." ”

Watching him say this sentence with a smile, I suddenly understood why Liu Qin loved to cry so much. Because I want to cry too.

The frontal lobe is an important area of the brain that controls human memory and personality. The damage to the frontal lobe can sometimes make people forget about the past, and even change their emotional personality drastically, becoming a completely different person. Many of these patients will become irritable and dirty. It's as if he is alive, but it is like another person is alive.

However, Zhang Lin is still a very good person. "But you seem to be ......," I muttered.

"You want to say that my personality doesn't seem to have changed much?" Zhang Lin was still smiling, "not all frontal lobe changes will be very obvious, making a gentle person become a madman." I've actually changed. My wife has been very sad during this time, and if it was before, I would have been sad and anxious because of her sadness, but I don't feel this emotion now. I knew she was crying, but I wasn't sad or anxious. ”

I couldn't control my tears anymore, so I could only turn my head to look out the window and wipe them away.

Zhang Lin was still smiling, "You cried too." From my past experience, I understand why you are crying. But if it's me now, I can't understand you. ”

"I don't want me and the people around me to continue to go through this. He picked up the bedside cup, held it in his hand, and stared at the fluctuating liquid level in the quilt, "What's more, it could have been worse if he had undergone surgery." ”

"But your husband and wife have such a good relationship, and your wife should be sad if you leave like this, right?"

"Yes. But I couldn't make her sadder. Zhang Lin was still smiling, "After I leave, she will hate me very much for making this decision, and then she will miss me very much." Then, she would slowly put her feelings for me into a small box and store them in the corner. Then she will start her new life. She'll get better. But if I undergo surgery and survive as another personality, we will consume each other's feelings and energy in the torment of things and people, which is more terrible than death. I don't want to live, but I can't. ”

I know I shouldn't be crying at this moment, but I can't help it.

His last words sounded like tongue twisters, but I understood them.

Regarding the matter of "living", there are two distinct factions in this world, one is the body faction, which believes that as long as the body is immortal, it is alive, and the other is the soul faction, which believes that only the spiritual personality is immortal, it can be regarded as living. Zhang Lin is obviously a soul faction, and a sober soul faction.

And I'm a complete carnal person. I run around every day for the numbers above the heads of the people around me, and I never think about what I'm thinking.

People always yearn for what they can't get, and admire the people they can't become. So I admired him a lot, but alas, he was about to disappear.

"It's okay, I have this disease. You see, I'm saying such sad things, but I don't feel sad at all. Zhang Lin still smiled gently.

I don't think Zhang Lin should lie to me, but I can clearly see that under the sun, there is a sparkling moistness in the corners of his eyes.